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S11E19 – School For Murder

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We’ve officially said goodbye to ‘Tonight on Murder She Wrote’ which is all very well and good but I’m still a bit sad about it.

Anyway, welcome to St Crispins School For White Kids, where a couple of kids called Mike Seresino and Sarah Tyler are stealing a bust of William Shakespeare because of course they are.

Ethan Embry is adorable, and now I need to watch Empire Records again.

While Sarah seemingly gets away, Mike gets busted by a teacher nicknamed The Creeper and dragged off to the office.

After the credits, we stumble into a meeting of the Prometheus Society, which is apparently a secret society run by more rich white kids, lead by a guy who is clearly a douche. I’ve watched this part about a dozen times because one of the extras looks like she’s going to continue chanting but closes her mouth when everyone else stops.

Stupid things that make me laugh #4709

Sarah is worried about Mike being busted by The Creeper but the Leader, Colin Forbes, tells her not to worry, the Prometheans protect their own, even those who are just pledging to join.

Cut to the only class I want to be in…

Excuse me while I just go shout “It’s not chowdurrrrr it’s CHOWDA!” at the cat.

Mike arrives at the class late and later tells Sarah and Colin that his disciplinary meeting has been pushed back to the afternoon. JB congratulates him on his essay and asks what’s wrong – he tells her it’s nothing a miracle won’t fix. The English class’s actual teacher, Harry Matthews explains that he’s pledging the Prometheus Club and it’s affecting his grades. It turns out Harry has his own situation, he’s applied for the headmaster position and will present to the board in a day.

While Mike and Sarah worry about the outcome of the meeting, Harry bumps into his ladyfriend Claire Vickers, who tells him someone else has dropped out of the race to be headmaster. Unfortunately, his main competition, Claire’s ex, James Ryerson is still in the race and has a few words to say on the topic.

Later that afternoon music teacher Irv Tripler alerts Harry to some papers he’s found in the printer – somehow James Ryerson has found Harry’s presentation to the board and made it his own, with a few choice additions. Harry thinks the culprit is obvious but Irv tells him he saw the Creeper creeping around, and Jess finds cigar ash in Harry’s drawer. Case closed, it was the Creeper.

Ryerson conducts a lecture on Sun Tzu, which Colin sleeps through. When Ryerson confronts him about it later, Colin tells him to chillax, it won’t matter if it’s Harry or him who is the new headmaster, his grandfather is best mates with school director Dr. Myles Purcell, so none of it matters. Ryerson tells Colin if he fails the next history exam Ryerson will look forward to having a chat with his grandfather all about it.

JB pays a visit on school director Purcel to plead Mike’s case, and bumps into Mort coming out of the office,

Purveyor of wildfire in Game of Thrones, which is suddenly making St Crispins way more interesting

Jess begs him not to expel Mike but his mind is made up. Mort is investigating a series of thefts on campus but Purcel has decided that Mike is the guilty one. He agrees to give Jessica a couple of days to get through to Mike.

Mike finds Sarah after his meeting with good news – he’s on lockdown, but he’s not expelled yet. Colin pops up to congratulate him and ask him to steal the history exam from Ryerson’s office. Mike tells him, no, and Sarah tells him to shove his secret society. Colin watches them walk off, looking pensive.

(That will be Nigel with the brie is one of my favourite lines from 10 Things I Hate About You)

Later, Harry confronts The Creeper about helping Ryerson steal his presentation but Avery denies everything. Mort steps in to calm it all down and is a bit pensive when they both walk away without explaining what the altercation was about.

This is also the face I just made when I discovered that next year 10 Things I Hate About You will be 20 years old Jesus Christ what is time

That night there is a staff and student social, which sounds like the most lit party ever in history. Harry confronts Ryerson about stealing his ideas, and Colin confronts Mike about not stealing the exam – if he doesn’t do it, a stolen laptop is going to appear in Mike’s things with his fingerprints on it. A group of guests convince Irv to play his classic hit from Ye Olde Times, and Jess is loving it until she spots Mike across the room – she wants a word. Sarah’s informed her that Colin is trying to get Mike to run another errand for him but Mike won’t discuss it and walks off. Later, after Colin trips him over Sarah offers to help and he tells her to leave him alone.

Later, Claire begs Ryerson to withdraw from consideration for the headmaster gig, but Ryerson will only agree to it if she starts sleeping with him again. Wouldn’t you know it, Harry walks by just in time to hear Claire agree to his demands.

Awkward.

What does this chick have beer flavoured nipples?

The next day tensions are high in the teacher’s lounge. Harry is refusing to answer his phone when Jess arrives, so she does it for him and lets him know Purcel wants to see him immediately. Ryerson asks if he needs to go to, but it’s just Harry. During class, an announcement over the PA reveals what the meeting was about – Purcel announces that Ryerson is going to be the next headmaster.

Guys, it’s been a long year, we all just need to survive as best we can.

Claire finds Harry down by his car drinking his feelings after being knocked back for his dream job (relatable). Claire assures him she never slept with Ryerson and that it will be okay, but Harry tells her Purcell voted for Ryerson and there’s not a huge demand for worn out old hasbeens at other schools. He drives away.

(Life lessons from the desk of Kat Stratford)

That night Mort drops around JB’s house to chat about all the stolen things from the school (including a laptop) and asks if JB has spoken to Mike yet, which she hasn’t. She’s been busy listening to a recording of Irv’s song ‘Love Is Like This’ which was a favourite of hers and Franks’s. (Helpful camera zoom on the album cover).

Over at St Crispin’s Sarah tries to talk Mike out of breaking in to steal the exam but he’s on a mission. The mission gets aborted, however, when they break in only to find Ryerson lying dead on the floor. They bolt, and a shadow passes over the body.

The next day Cabot Cove PD are all over it – apparently, Avery was the one who discovered the body. Irv wants to get in to retrieve something for work but that’s not happening until CSI Cove are done. Mort gets a phone call from Jessica – Harry has just turned up at her house. While he sobers up with cups of coffee, he tells Mort that he basically drank himself to sleep at about midnight and at some point grazed his knuckles. It doesn’t look great for old Harry.

Jess and Mort do a spot of investigating at the school and turn up a tiny metal object which Jessica identifies as being from a tiny bicycle, which Mort is perplexed about. Meanwhile, Colin gives the stolen laptop back to Mike, wiped clean of prints. Mike’s confused about this sudden bout of generosity, but apparently, a bunch of Ryerson’s papers went missing and so everyone’s passing history this term.

Sarah is summoned to the Sheriff’s office, where Jessica returns her broken bike charm. She admits to being in the office and says that she was there to steal the exam, but Mike steps in and says no, it was him, he broke in, all this is on him. Mort tells him one of his fingerprints was found but it’s the darndest thing the missing laptop got returned unharmed, Mort’s got bigger fish to fry now.

Back at St Crispin’s, Purcel is apologising to Harry about ever offering the job to Ryerson and hopes that Harry will accept the gig anyway. Harry is delighted to until Mort wanders in to inform them that Ryerson’s missing papers have just turned up, complete with blood smears, in Harry’s locker.

Down at the sheriff’s office, Mort is defending his theory to JB, who has suddenly become interested in police folder colours because apparently, Ryerson was hiding one the other day.  Jessica has another theory, that the killer was still in the room when Mike and Sarah broke in. Mort suddenly remembers that Mike and Sarah told him that Colin claimed to have seen them looking like scared rabbits on the night of the murder, and so orders a search warrant of Colin’s room, which reveals the exam paper and a blue police folder. Colin tells him he went in after seeing Mike and Sarah run away, grabbed the papers but dropped then when he saw the dead body. He took them again when he realised his prints were on them, but stashed most of them in Harry’s locker except the exam paper and a blue police folder…

…which turns out to be on Dr Myles Purcel, who got drunk and ran over a kid many years ago. Ryerson somehow found out about it and blackmailed Purcel into giving him the headmaster job. Mort assures him that the folder will go back into storage where it belongs, and sees him out. Mort is about to head back to the sheriff’s office to continue questioning Colin when JB suddenly has a thought.

(Also she’s worked out who the killer is)

Speaking of…

(Now, I know Shakespeare’s a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.)

The real Irv Tripler, it turns out, died sixteen years earlier and this guy has been getting around as him ever since. Ryerson found out (having seen the real one in concert) and blackmailed him into stealing Harry’s presentation. Once he was named headmaster he was going to cut the music department completely so Irv/Joey Mallo killed him with a platinum record.

And so it goes, Fletcherfans.

Later gang!

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S11E18 – The Dream Team

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Once upon a time, there was a magical kingdom called Cabot Cove, where life was simple and the fishing was good. The townsfolk were proud of their town and deeply suspicious of outsiders and were ruled over by a Kind and Magnanimous Queen who let the mayor think he was in charge and let the sheriff think he was in charge of law and order but she did it all like the Slytherin queen she is.

One day, rumours began to spread that some outsiders were coming to town to build an automobile plant. Others heard rumours of a cultural centre. The townsfolk were uppity and the queen didn’t know what to do.

Queens cannot simply stroll into town and purchase carrots without dispersing crowds

The town thinks JB is holding out on them. Why? Because it turns out she has a connection to one of the employees of the consortium who will be presenting their plans for Cabot Cove that evening.

A strong connection.

A family connection, if you will.

NO GRADY. NO WE DIDN’T

That’s right Fletcherfans, the worlds most incompetent nephew/accountant/human being is back to wreak havoc and eat sandwiches. Despite pleading from everyone, he won’t reveal what his new job is or what he’s in town for. His boss calls him at JB’s house to signal his arrival at Hill House, and Grady assures him that there have been no leaks, a fact backed up by Hill House Front Desk Guy Noah Farmer who is excited to hear what Everett Buffum, J. Peter Carmody and Toni Shaw have in store. Everett is having a minor crisis, his wife happens to be staying at Hill House and is not conceding her marriage is over. Also, Charles Napier is lurking in the background but I blew all my good Blues Brothers references on these episodes so take the Good Old Boys as implied okay?

Meanwhile, Seth has a bee in his bonnet about the imminent destruction of the Cabot Cove lighthouse which has fallen into disrepair. His attempts to get the council involved did not go well, so he’s trying a new approach.

100% with Seth on this, if I could live in a lighthouse I would.

Over at Hill House Grady is running around like a nervous puppy, while J Edgar Carmody or whatever the hell his name is orders Everett Buffum to get rid of his wife.

As the presentation kicks off downstairs and Seth gets tucked into a pint, Charles Napier breaks into Carmody’s room and nabs some papers, all the while avoiding the Sharp Gaze of Housekeeping. The presentation goes off without a hitch, and most of the town seems quite willing to accept a massive resortmarinacondotheatreplex. Grady asks Jess what she thought of the presentation and she calls it overwhelming. Everett’s wife Lorna drags Grady off for a word about getting back in Everett’s good books/complaining about gin quality, while Everett reestablishes his friendship with Jessica. Carmody tries to sweet talk the lot of them and says that Seth looks like a man who has some questions.

Carmody may regret this.

Carmody quickly eases himself away just as Grady resurfaces. Grady asks Seth if Carmody told him of the plans to save the lighthouse and Jessica tells him he never really got the chance. Later, a drunk Lorna Buffum pulls a gun out but Charles Napier quickly takes it off her saying he has his own reasons for needing Everett alive just now. Jessica watches it all go down and remains silent.

The next day, Charles Napier, whose character name it turns out is Denver Martin, rolls down to the Sheriff’s office to deliver Lorna’s gun to Mort. He apologises for not doing it sooner, he only got the message from the day clerk at the hotel, no one else knew his name. Mort asks what he’s doing in the Cove and Denver says just business. He leaves just as Deputy Andy escorts Lorna Buffum inside. She’s not being charged with anything at the behest of Everett, and Mort recommends she leave town immediately.

The next day Jess solves another mystery, this time without even having to stand up.

If this photo had a dead body in the background it would basically sum up this show.

Seth has considered the development from all angles and thinks that it will be a boon for the community. Jess is surprised to hear it and produces a petition against the development that Seth has apparently cosigned. Seth is outraged that his name has been used in this way and wonders where the petitioner got the idea – Jess thinks possibly from the previous night when Seth declared he’d fundraise for a naval bombardment of the new marina.

Jess gets a phone call from Donna, aka Mrs Grady, who tells her that she and Grady have just been turned down for a bank loan because the bank can’t find any evidence that the company Grady works for even exists.

The eternal question

Over at Hill House, Lorna thinks that the lack of charges being pressed against her is a sign she and Everett are getting back together but he tells her to get out of town, and she’s not seeing any of the money. Later, Everett and Carmody view some office space that Grady’s found for them. They like it, but the realtor isn’t terribly keen to do a deal with them until Carmody offers to make her their exclusive agent for the development. Noah Farmer comes in to try and purchase another of her listings but he can’t make her price. Grady is surprised to hear that the businesses they will be opening up won’t be the chain stores and high-end boutiques that were on the original plan, and Carmody tells him they’ve had a change of direction, they just haven’t filled him in yet.

Back at Hill House Lorna prepares to check out and confronts her husband’s mistress Toni Shaw. Toni tells her that Everett hasn’t been Lorna’s for years and Lorna declares she won’t rest until they are all in prison where they belong.

Yup. They’re scammers. Grady’s nailed it again.

Jessica, the voice of reason as usual, enlists Mort’s help investigating the company Columbus Ventures, but so far all they’ve dug up is that they have two other developments on the cards, one in Florida and one in Oregon – one is waiting for hurricane season to end so construction can begin, and the other is just waiting on a court case brought about by an environmental group. Everyone thinks it’s going to be fine, especially Grady.

Back at Hill House Denver Martin confronts Carmody – apparently, Denver’s mother was at the Florida presentation and died shortly after but not before giving Carmody 70K. Carmody admits to meeting Mrs Martin, but everything else is circumstantial and good luck going to the police with evidence stolen from his room. Denver stalks off just as Everett arrives, and gets into it with Carmody about Lorna’s threats to expose them.

That night a storm hits Cabot Cove, and while Grady stares out pensively at the rain, Lorna Buffum knocks back a martini before getting into her car.  (Cut to Lorna’s car going into the water).

The next day Lorna’s body and car are fished out of the water. Seth thinks it’s a safe bet she died by drowning, but judging from the bump on her head she might not have been conscious when she went into the water. Mort finds a bottle of gin in her handbag and says that it might have contributed, though the bottle is mostly full.  Oh damn, I could go a gin right about now. Apparently, Lorna had been in touch with Mort about a meeting but Mort wasn’t sure why. Deputy Andy shows them the other things they found in the car, gum, coins, a pen lid, a matchbook from a roadhouse out on the highway. Everett appears and says no he wasn’t with his wife the previous night.

Mort gets into the case and confirms with Noah at Hill House that Lorna checked out and knocked back a few martinis at Hill House before leaving at around 8:30.  Deputy Andy confirms there was nothing wrong with the car, so the bump on her head can’t have been from whiplash caused by a dodgy seatbelt. Mort gets a call from Adele who tells him that they’re saying on the radio that Columbus Ventures are backing out of the marina development, apparently Everett has lost the stomach for the deal after the death of his wife.

Over at HQ Grady is packing up his desk and bemoaning the fate of the project. Jess thinks it’s odd that Everett backed out due to community outrage, given that so many people were all for it. Noah comes in yammering to the real estate agent about Lorna’s death and wanting his deposit back from a sale but she’s not having it. Grady has an idea about the project and scurries off, and Jess notices that the site model labelled Cabot Cove is stuck over a site model label with Darwin Key Florida written on it.

Grady pitches his idea to Carmody and Shaw – they should sell shares in the development. They love it and tell him to get to work immediately. Shaw tells Carmody later that if they’d had Grady in Oregon they could have retired by now.

Denver Martin tells his story to Mort, who tells him not to leave town. Andy confirms the bump on Lorna’s head would have been enough to render her unconscious. They are stumped until Seth has a genius idea.

LOOK AT HIM DETECTING

Spoiler alert, it isn’t a clue.

Poor Seth #helping

The good news is that everyone loves Grady’s idea to sell the development as a timeshare (is that what’s happening? I’ve just found the Australian women’s cricket team on TV, my attention has wandered, also MEG LANNING FOR PM).

Jess is still worried about the whole situation, and has a quiet word to Denver Martin who tells her about the documents he found in Carmody’s room, including some stationery from an environmental group called Save The Oregon Forests.  This gives Jess an idea and she gets on the payphone.

Mort orders APBs on Everett, Toni Shaw and Carmody, and it is revealed they are all scammers with a long history. Grady feels terrible, he sensed something was wrong (no he didn’t) but didn’t investigate it (well that’s true). Seth wonders which one of them killed Lorna, and JB stares long and hard into a gin bottle until the answer comes to her (relatable content right there).

Jess recruits Grady to set the trap and he nails it completely. Not being sarcastic. Grady has been suspiciously together and likeable this episode, I don’t like it.

Long story short…

I would have actually died if it had been Grady I mean can you imagine

Noah the hotel guy was in debt trying to be a real estate tycoon and panicked when Lorna was going to expose them all. Another case closed!

And now, as the scammers are being arrested trying to flee the country, and Grady is collecting on a reward offered for aiding in their capture, it is time to say goodbye to Grady Fletcher: The Man, The Myth, The Legend. And while I could go back through Grady’s Greatest Fails, I feel that this video pretty much sums it all up.

Later gang!

S11E09 – Murder by Twos

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Back in the Cove this week Fletcherfans, where the Regional Something Something bowling tournament is getting down to the wire. (Side note, Richmond finished top of the table and are playing Friday night for a spot in the Grand Final, what a time to be alive). Not only does Al Wallace let the side down, but the whole thing takes place the same night Seth takes JB and her visiting friend Imogene Shaughnessy to try what is apparently the best corned beef in town. Of course, it’s in a bowling alley, not a restaurant. Makes total sense. Seth apologises profusely, but Jess and Imogene aren’t bothered. Turns out Imogene is a former Cabot Cover, moving back from New York.

 

Resident arsehole and fellow team member Sam Bryce informs Al that he bowls like a girl (nice one, dipshit) and proceeds to pick a fight with everyone. Al tells Seth, JB and Imogene that he was the reason why the team lost, he lost concentration. Seth later explains that Al’s pharmacy burnt down two weeks prior, he’s got a bit on his mind.

Harvey Hoffman wanders in with his date Terry Deauville and is tripped by Sam because I can’t stress this enough, Sam is an arsehole.

I mean how could you say no to that?

The next day JB and Seth are out for a stroll discussing the upcoming Fine Arts Dinner Club and their decision to bump Seth from opening the evening. Jess points out he’s done it for the last five years and perhaps it’s someone else’s turn but Seth won’t have a bar of it. He’s written an ODE TO LITERATURE and to demonstrate how good it is, he’s going to let JB read it. They wander past Sam Bryce’s barber shop and Seth quickly makes excuses to Sam about why he can’t have a haircut just now.

Later on that day, Jess accompanies Imogene to see a potential home, which turns out to be Terry Deauville’s mother’s home. Terry is teaching maths and science at Cabot Cove High and has just taken over domestic science, which is apparently the class dedicated to running your own home, a curriculum Terry is basing on her experiences renovating her mother’s house.

A GOOD DETECTIVE IS ALWAYS ON THE DETECT FOR DETECTIONS.

Terry has had about enough and is thinking of moving to New York to look for some eligible men. Jess tells her if she gets serious about the idea to let her know, she might be able to help. The phone rings and Terry has an argument on the phone with Sam. Ugh, no wonder she’s moving. Imogene is delighted with the place but seems to cool on it when the neighbour invites herself in for a hello. Imogene seems to hate Medora Finney on sight and spoiler alert, this is never resolved in the episode.

Later that night Terry is working on the house when a knock at the door signals the arrival of Sam Bryce, who muscles in and declares nothing is over until he says it’s over. Apparently, Sam got jealous when he saw Terry with Harvey. They fight and Terry throws him out. Medora spies from outside and takes notes in her notebook. Sam skulks off home and has a run in with his daughter Gloria, who is dating Sam’s bowling teammate Ollie Rudman. Sam won’t let her marry him, and after Ollie leaves, reminds his daughter that he didn’t send her to no fancy computer school just so she could marry a deadbeat. She tells him that he stinks of booze and has lipstick all over him, what prince charming would want to marry into that family? She storms into the house, past her weeping mother.

The next day…

THESE TWO.

…Jess tells Seth she loves his poem and he celebrates by ordering extra lobster. They spot Sam ordering some dude named Ron to return his saw, which he does. Ron tells Sam he’ll see him at the game that night, but Sam says no you won’t. Seth tells JB that Ron’s workshop got broken into the previous night but that nothing was taken. I have no idea what I’m supposed to think about any of this.

That night there’s a poker game with Al, Ron, Ollie, Harvey and Mort Metzger and without Sam there it turns into a bitchfest. Mort wisely stays out of it. Ron gets a call from the man himself, who can’t the saw to work but Ron tells him it works fine and to try another plug, and hangs up. Sam plugs it in, turns it on and is electrocuted.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

To be fair it even looks like it wants to kill you.

Mort thinks it’s all a bit suss – Sam was an arsehole but he knew not to stand in water when using electrical equipment, or to use it with both hands. Jess thinks Mort should follow his instincts, as she goes through Sam’s cupboards and finds a burnt old beaker. Seth tells Jess to hurry up, he has patients to see.

Time passes. The day of Sam’s funeral rolls around and Medora goes to the Sheriff’s office to report a burglary – someone has taken her diary, where she keeps her notes of all the Doings That Happen around Cabot Cove, including Sam Bryce’s murder. Mort doesn’t understand what she’s talking about, so she starts ranting about the Bible and suggesting Terry had something to do with it, I mean she wasn’t even at the funeral. Mort warns her off being so slanderous and Medora departs, sulking about how the Sheriff treats honest, God-fearing citizens. Deputy Andy tells Mort that Terry’s prints were found in Sam’s garage, and the tech team concluded the whole thing happened as a result of deliberate interference.

Seth and JB go for a post-funeral stroll and comment on Medora and her cronies gossiping about  Terry’s affair with Sam. They run into Al, who is clearing out his burned-out pharmacy. Over at Sam’s, Ollie is tending to the newly bereaved mother and daughter and is a little surprised to find them grinning with delight as they burn photos of Sam.

I mean that’s fair.

Demonic daughter is demonic.

Mort drags Terry down to the office for an interview – she let them search her apartment and they found Medora’s notebook.

“Sheriff why would Terry risk jail over stealing a notebook?” Says JB.

“Don’t you have an appointment or something?” Says Mort.

Mort seems to be confused as to who is in charge here.

Apparently, Mort’s men also found a diagram about how not to wire a power point. Terry says no duh, it’s for her domestic science class. Mort tells Andy to drive Terry back to her car.

That night the bowling team send a drunken farewell to Sam, the guy they never liked or wanted to be around. Ollie has the decency to look uncomfortable about the whole thing but the rest of them are basically good riddance. Ron asks Al about a 25K payment and a condo deal Al and Sam were cooking up and Al wants to know how Ron knows about it. Ron says Sam’s family are going to notice the money Sam took is missing sooner or later.

Back at House Fletcher Imogene is getting increasingly worried – she was supposed to hear from Terry to confirm the sale of the house, but she can’t get through on the phone. Jess suggests they head on over there, but when they do they find the phone off the hook and Terry hanging from the landing.

Mort and Seth roll up, and it seems to be a cut and dried case, but Imogene finds the contract confirming the sale of the house to her and Jess hands it to Mort as clear evidence of Terry’s state of mind before she died.

The next morning there’s a terribly written scene with Ollie and the Bryces that frankly no one needs to dwell on, while JB tries to explain to Mort that it seems highly unlikely that someone would get dressed and made up right before killing themselves.

Jess asks if Mort checked Terry’s answering machine and you guys…

LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO PROUD

…there was a message but they couldn’t really understand it.

Mort asks Seth to take Sam’s chair at the poker night which he agrees to but tells Jess they have to get going for a fine arts dinner club meeting. Jess says fine, but she needs help with something first.

All Seth wants to do is recite his poem. Literally, all he wants.

Mort goes on his own investigating and asks Harvey about a delivery he made to Terry’s place that included some sail rope. Harvey doesn’t remember much, he got the order and dropped it off at the house. Mort says the signature doesn’t match the one on the house contract and Harvey says no shit, that says Delivered, not Terry Deauville. Terry wasn’t there.

Over at Terry’s house, Jess proves to Seth that Terry couldn’t have hung herself. Seth calls the coroner and confirms that the tell-tale signs weren’t there for a hanging. Mort accepts he was wrong and shows Jess Medora’s notebook, filled with bible quotes and reports of all the Goings On around town, including the night of the fire of the pharmacy. Medora arrives and is furious that her private ramblings have been shared around. Oh, shut up Medora. Andy pops up to tell Mort the phone company identified the calls that came into Terry’s house the night she died – one was from a phone box outside the library. The other came from a local bar and more than that the bartender remembers Ron Friendly being on the phone about that time. Mort and Andy confront him about it and he admits to going around to Terry’s to bust some moves on her but no one was home when he got there.

Down by the water, Seth shows off some purchases and Jess has an idea. This episode really ain’t great you guys.

A trap is set at the poker game, and a short time later…

Literally everyone in this episode was sketchy, I feel nothing about this.

Apparently, Sam found out Al set fire to the pharmacy and blackmailed him about it. Also something about the 25K condo that I’m a little hazy on. Terry had to die because Al loved her but she picked Sam. Hashtag not all men.

I still don’t understand why Imogene hated Medora on sight (not that she was wrong). Also, Seth resigns from the Fine Arts Dinner but takes it back when Mort threatens to read his poem. The usual.

Anyway, no blog next week, but I’ll be back the week after, hopefully full of news of how Richmond are back-to-back premiers and how I intend to ruin lives with this fact.

Later gang!

S11E03 – To Kill A Legend

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Some dude is being bumped off in a burning antiques shop/factory in London, but never mind that because it’s Joshua Peabody Day in Cabot Cove.

The Fletchmobile is out, you know it’s serious.

For reasons known only to themselves, a documentary film crew have decided to make a film about Joshua Peabody, and they’ve brought out the big guns

It’s a crack cast of filmmakers to be sure

As Cabot Cove’s most famous and always correct resident, JB is narrating the documentary and delivering it flawlessly. The director, Richard Hawkes (aka Jeffrey Nordling) wants to include a music box as part of a transition sequence, but it’s not working. Jessica suggests the Godfreys antique shop in town as a place that could get it fixed.

Thomas Godfrey gets to work on repairing the music box while his wife Nancy (aka April O’Neil from the original Ninja Turtles) tells Seth that his costume 100% absolutely was shrunk after a flood and that’s why it doesn’t fit properly. She also tells JB that her drawers have arrived – JB is delighted but notices with her keen powers of observation that the handles don’t match. Nancy apologises profusely and swears she will get that fixed post haste.

Thomas declares he’s found the reason for the faulty music box – it’s a piece of paper jammed in the mechanism. Jess unfolds the page and discovers it’s a letter to Joshua Peabody (who died in Cabot Cove possibly) from George Washington accusing him of treason and ordering him to stand trial.

Seth is unsurprised and says the way the world is going these days it doesn’t surprise him that another hero has been shot down in flames.

Never dedicate a day to your heroes. Except for Tom Hanks. There should be a Tom Hanks Day.

Armed with this Startling Revelation, Jessica goes to see the last descendants of Joshua Peabody, Edith Peabody and her daughter Louise. Louise doesn’t seem too shaken either, but Edith is having none of it.

Edith is not going to stand for this outrage.

Edith insists the letter is a hoax and must be destroyed, but Jessica insists that either way it needs to be examined at the university lab.

Edith is becoming my favourite person in this episode

Over at the Godfrey’s antique store, it’s clear that there’s trouble in paradise – Thomas is pissed at Nancy for stuffing up their best client’s order when they are so close to losing everything, and Nancy is pissed that Thomas blew what money they had on advertising for Joshua Peabody Day. Nancy storms off, just as a creepy British dude (who watched the burning building in London, spoilers) wanders in to ask about Dutch colonial pieces of which the Godfrey’s have none.

Dutch colonial pieces is almost definitely code for meth.

Early results are in on the incriminating letter, and Dr Roy Blakely informs Jess, Mort and Seth that at the moment the document looks real but tests will confirm it. Mort worries about what this will do to local tourism, but Jess finds it odd that the letter was even kept, considering the home team won the Battle of Cabot Cove, where Joshua Peabody died.  Word of the letter has reached the film crew office too, and while the producer Frederick Chiltern Bob Kendall and the director of photography Amelia Farnum are adamant the documentary needs to be about the discovery, Richard Hawkes is not interested until the letter is proven real or fake and ends the discussion by taking Louise Peabody out to dinner.

Back at the Sheriff’s office, Edith has turned up demanding to know why no one has been arrested for planting the letter. Mort tells her there’s no evidence of a break-in at Peabody House.

Edith is going rogue in 3…2…1…

 

The news doesn’t get any better for Edith, as JB and Seth wander in to inform them that according to the lab the paper and ink are a match for two hundred years old. They can’t prove it’s a fake, even if it’s a good one. Edith blames Jessica entirely for everything ever.

The next morning Edith yells at everyone while removing a noose and a traitor sign from the statue of Joshua Peabody. Tourism might be down in the Cove but every journalist within radius has turned up to talk about the letter. Louise wants to talk to Nancy Godfrey about the uniforms but Nancy declares she will speak to Richard Hawke herself and would prefer Nancy didn’t get in the way.

Apparently, he was in an episode of Press Gang, which is a sign from the universe I need to rewatch Press Gang for the eleven billionth time.

The reenactment begins and goes off without a hitch, except for a rearing horse nearly trampling Scott the sound guy, and Richard having a tantrum and calling a wrap on the day when the soldiers start lecturing him on musket assembly. That night, a smug Bob Kendall tells Richard he’s out and Amelia will direct the documentary.

The next day Jessica receives a Massive Plot Point from Scott the sound guy to do with how they record sound for the documentary.

(Me being mansplained).

Later, Edith pops around House Fletcher to apologise for blaming Jess for everything, but immediately takes it all back when Mort shows up to announce that the paper used in the letter was also 200 years old. That night, CBG watches Edith come out of the production office and disappear into the shadows.

Back at house Fletcher Mort and Seth have dropped in for a cup of coffee and to complain about the new director, when Seth suddenly gives JB an idea about the letter and Mort gets a phone call from Deputy Andy. The production office is on fire and Amelia Farnum is dead. Scott the sound guy is the only member of the production crew on the scene, and he hasn’t seen Louise, Bob or Richard for a while. He mentions to Mort that there’s a missing prop gun, which might well be the thing used to clock Amelia over the head.

The next day CBG bumps into Richard Hawkes and tells him he’s worked out the whole deal – how a small-time director is about to make it big with a historical detective story when he’s bumped from the project, only to be reinstated when the new director turns up dead. Meanwhile, the Godfreys deliver JB’s drawers to her and she gets a phone call from the Prof down at the lab.

Over at the production office, Richard is announcing that the focus of the documentary is going to change to the Washington Letter when JB rolls in to announce the letter is a very clever forgery. Everyone is stunned, Bob is quick to blame the whole thing on Richard but Mort says they just don’t know enough yet. Mort gets a call from Andy who has tracked down CBG and is bringing him to the sheriff’s office. The CBG turns out to be an infamous forger according to Interpol, and Mort would like to hear what he’s doing in town.  CBG turns out to be the actual author of the fake letter, hired by a guy in London called Alexander Sandsby (the aforementioned dude who got bumped off at the beginning). When he saw Alexander had been murdered, CBG thought there might be some money in it for him so did some digging and ended up in Cabot Cove. He still doesn’t know who hired Sandsby, but does know who he saw the night of the murder – Edith Peabody. Edith later confirms she went to see Amelia to beg her not to use the letter but didn’t get anywhere and left in a huff. Deputy Andy finds the missing gun in her car and Mort has no choice but to hold her on suspicion.

Mort and Seth seem to be content that Edith is guilty, but the end of a roll of paper towel gives Jess an idea, and they go back to the production office for a look. Scott confirms there’s some missing audio that he can’t find anywhere.

A short sting operation later and all is revealed…

That is not cowabunga.

It’s the same old story. Nancy fell in love with Richard somewhere, they started having a Thing, they hatched the plot together, their conversation about it got recorded, Amelia found out and so it goes.

Later Fletcherfans

S10E21 – Wheel of Death

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Disclaimer: normally I watch the episode once before I do this, but not this time! Will it make more or less sense than usual? Who knows!

 

We’re back in the Cove Fletcherfans and the carnival is in town! Nothing says Scooby Doo murder like a carnival! Especially a carnival in financial difficulty, which apparently this one is. The show manager Joanna Simms begs help from the co-owner Carl Dormer but he’s too busy being a magician to go get the permits.

Meanwhile, Seth is grumping Jessica into hurrying up so they can get to the carnival but Jess has just discovered she’s been burgled. While she’s sad about the loss of her jewellery, she thinks it’s ironic that she comes home from the crime capital of the universe to discover she’s been broken into.

It turns out Cabot Cove is having its own crime wave (again) as Jean O’Neill is down at the Sheriff’s office reporting the theft of her good crystal and her mother’s silver tea set while she was out walking the dog. Mort is taking it all down when Joanna walks into the office to get the permits for the carnival and he nearly passes out. It would appear that they had a Thing twenty years ago. Jean is somewhat miffed the focus has been taken off her good crystal but Deputy Andy is there to save the day and goes to investigate the case of the missing crystal.

Mort offers Joanna a cup of coffee and it is revealed that they were at college together before Joanna ran off with star footballer Don Sims, who was picked up by the LA Rams, blew a knee and was never heard from again. Until right now when he bursts into the office, demands Joanna hurry up, laughs at Mort and suggests he lead them all in the college song.

“Don’t hate me.” Says Joanna as she follows Don out of the office. Fun fact, people who say that almost always deserve hatred.

EVERY EMOTION SIMULTANEOUSLY ON MORT’S FACE. All that’s missing is the dramatic finger bite. You know what I mean.

Over at the carnival, a shady character is keeping an eye on Carl as he gets the receipts from the previous day’s takings at the ticket booth. He goes to follow Carl as he leaves but then makes himself scarce when JB and Seth turn up wanting to discuss the previous day’s takings. Carl shows them but warns it’s not good news. Jess and Seth are surprised, the crowds the previous night indicated that they were rolling in the money but Carl just shrugs and says the crowd might have been there but they weren’t spending. He departs to get ready for his show, and Jess goes to look around while Seth ensconces himself in one of the sideshows and starts drumming up business. The shady character sidles up to a juggler and says he lost Carl. The juggler tells him Carl will be in his trailer. The shady guy tells him to get the books if the juggler is still in.

Back at the ticket office one of the girls goes on break, leaving the other, Lisa, to flirt with Toby the carnival roustabout who departs just as JB sidles up.

Yeah she does

Some dude called Richard cuts JB off to announce that the carnival called him to order more hotdogs, they’d underestimated the supply, and to show his gratitude he wants to buy a hundred bucks worth of tickets. He’ll come back and pick them up when he picks Lisa up to see the magic show (which appears to be news to Lisa). JB is astounded and asks Lisa if she has a copy of the previous day’s takings for her. Lisa tells her Carl said it wasn’t necessary to make a copy but she spilt soda on the first copy and she still has it. Jess reads it over and is not happy with what she sees.

If this was the Mystery Gang obviously JB would be Velma but I think it gets harder after that. Except Grady is Scrappy Doo, obviously.

Mort runs into Joanna again, who asks him if he ever thinks about college, and he tells her not really. She does, and she thinks she really screwed up. Mort thinks everyone makes choices but is then called to a kerfuffle at one of the sideshows where Don Simms is trying to confiscate the prizes from a group of kids because they didn’t knock the bottles off the table, they only knocked them over. Seth wants him arrested for being shady but Mort just tells the kids to take their prizes and play somewhere else. Joanna tells him to close the stand down, his shenanigans aren’t going to play in Cabot Cove. Don thinks she clearly should have married Mort.

Dramarama

Lisa goes on break and finds Toby flexing his muscles on the strength tester. Apparently, he hates his job but is taking a year off between high school and college to save money for school.

He must be from Beverly Hills, everyone who lives there ages really quickly according to television

Unfortunately for Hot Toby, he has set the strength tester up outside Carl’s trailer and the noise drives him to come out and start abusing him. Toby swears he set it up as per his instructions but Carl drags him away, leaving the juggler to sneak into his trailer while Joanna looks on.

Back at House Fletcher Mort is investigating the break-in. There’s been a few of them and they’ve all been well timed. Townsfolk are blaming the carnival but it’s only been in town for two days.

Mort asks JB if she has a torch and a magnifying glass.

(Everyone knows this is a Holmes/Lestrade situation. Seth is Watson with a hangover)

Mort spots some scratches on the kitchen door that weren’t made with a key. He promises to put the word out about the stolen items, to go with the other antiques that have been pinched, and offers JB a lift back to the carnival.

Speaking of which, Joanna confronts the juggler (whose name is apparently Nicky) when she finds him going through the desk drawers. He swears it’s not what it looks like, and is backed up his fiancee/assistant Carmen who bursts in to see if he’s found her engagement ring that very specifically fell off in one of the drawers when she was meeting with Carl. She spots it under the desk and the pair of them leave. Joanna isn’t buying Carmen’s stunt for a minute but Carmen swears she knows nothing.

JB drags Seth to the magic show under great protest – he’d rather just get Mort to arrest Carl for skimming the take but JB doesn’t want to disappoint the people who want to see his show. As Joanna is about to enter the tent Don grabs her and tells her to convince Carl to retire so they can take over. She thinks he should quit drinking, he thinks she should be more supportive. You know, that old chestnut.

As the show starts Carl requires two volunteers from the audience. Joanna drags Richard the supermarket guy up on stage and eventually gets Seth up when Jess convinces the audience to buy another ticket to see Seth do it. The show begins and Carl cheerfully nicks things out of their pockets while the crowd laughs. “Are you giving your girlfriend a sausage necklace?” Carl asks Richard as I spray tea out my nose.

Seth’s audition for the Full Monty did not go according to plan.

After the show, Richard storms out fuming. Lisa bumps into Toby and arranges to meet him after the carnival closes that night. When she arrives, she sees Carl fighting with a shadowy figure who stabs him. Lisa runs away, then Carmen appears and starts screaming as the rides start to come on and Carl’s body takes a cruise in the Whirlwind.

Say it with me. ALL CARNIVALS ARE HAUNTED. Also abandoned theme parks.

Mort gets called to the scene early the next morning and quickly works to stop the carnival from leaving town. Seth tells him Carl was stabbed and then placed in the ride. Joanna pops up to say that Carls’ trailer has been broken into. She didn’t know anything, she just heard the Whirlwind music. Apparently, Don slept through the whole thing, classic Don. Mort thinks it’s suspicious but Joanna swears Don didn’t have a motive (except he did, now Carl’s dead they can take over the carnival. She tells Mort about Nicky breaking into the trailer – Mort asks her why she didn’t mention it sooner but she says Nicky’s a good kid she didn’t want him to get in trouble.

Only if it was between her and him, Mort says. BURN. Nicky gets brought down to the Sheriff’s office but he says he swore on a Gideon bible, he can’t talk about it but he didn’t kill Carl. Oh alright then.

Down at the carnival, Carmen tells JB that she saw Nicky talking to a man in a grey suit but she doesn’t know who or why. She couldn’t tell who the woman was she saw running away but she doesn’t think it was Joanna Simms.

Back at the Sheriff’s office Deputy Andy proudly marches The Man In Grey in to see Mort. They found him down at the Lighthouse Motel, Jessica’s theory about the Gideon bible paid off. The man frowns when Nicky appears and swears he didn’t say a word but is alarmed when he hears of the murder. Mort is about to arrest him for pissing him off when the man suggests they swap identification.

Port Mort’s having a bit of a time.

Over at the carnival Jess runs into Toby who tells her he’s been trying to speak to Lisa all day but she said she’d call the police if he didn’t leave her alone. They were supposed to meet at 11:30 the night before but she didn’t show. JB asks where they were meant to meet and Toby’s face drops as he says the Whirlwind. Jess needs to get into town but Toby doesn’t have a car. They spot Don Simms with his car (and suitcase on the roof) but he just hightails it out of there. Later Mort arrives and arrests Joanna for conspiracy to commit murder. Joanna thinks it’s because she walked out on him all those years earlier.

Mort goes to consult Jessica, who thinks Don pinched the books and fled but didn’t necessarily kill Carl or break into the trailer. Seth brings Lisa around for reasons I didn’t understand until Jessica directs her to the kitchen where Toby’s waiting with cookies and an apology. Naww. You go Hot Toby.

Back at work, Mort confronts Joanna in the cells but she says she didn’t kill Carl and neither did Don. She knew that Carl was embezzling money but she didn’t know who else was involved. She thinks Don ran because he thought Mort would throw him in jail as payback for what happened at college. Geniuses. Mort tells her none of this is to do with that and that if she hadn’t left him he would never have met Adele, the love of his life. Deputy Andy pops up to announce they found Don. They bring him in but all he says is that he stole the books to stop them from arresting Joanna. As they tearfully reunite Mort helpfully reminds them they are still under arrest.

Back at home Jess still doesn’t think the Simms were involved. Seth bellyaching about a hangnail gives her an idea and they depart for the wake of Carl Dormer.

Thanks to a bit of dramatic flair by the carnie crew, the killer is outed.

I called it. In my head.

Richard. Richard, Richard Richard. You shouldn’t have kept your cat burglar tools on you at a magic show where anyone might grab them and work out you’re the local cat burglar and blackmail you.

Holy crap you guys. That’s the end of season 10. There are now officially only 45 episodes left.

Don’t panic.

Later gang.

S10E18 -The Trouble With Seth

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A long time ago in a galaxy called Boston in the 1970s, Julian Crane a man witnesses a murder. This will become relevant later.

Meanwhile, in 90s Cabot Cove, Jessica is updating her computer much to Seth’s chagrin – he has no time for cd wotsits and mega whatevers. (Now imagine Seth finding out what a Kardashian is. You’re welcome.) In the cafe, Ivy Crane a woman sits taking notes and drinking coffee while Fake Tommy Lee Jones wanders over for a chat.

Oh Passions. What a batshit crazy show you were.

Fake TLJ asks the coffee guy for a light.

LOOK AT HIM

Timmy Jimmy, as he is known for the purposes of this episode, notices an old newspaper article with Julian Crane’s face on it but he’s referred to as Stanley Barton. Not TLJ (or for fact based purposes, Leo) tells Ivy Crane Julia that she’s not doing anything without him, she needs him to ID Stanley. He orders her to keep in touch and tells her where he’s staying.

Down at the computer store JB is getting her gaming rig set up probably while the proprietor Julian Crane Evan Rafferty/Stanley Barton is a bit stressed out. Someone is doing a credit check on him looking for information, and Evan/Stanley recognises the name. It’s enough to get him all cross and yelly at his employees Neil Kraus and Connie Anderson. Seth asks Evan/Stanley if they are still on for their fishing trip in the morning and he tells Seth he’s not sure and storms into his office. Connie tells JB her new computer will be ready at the end of the day and JB hopes that Evan’s mood improves. As JB and Seth leave, Julia arrives for her meeting with Evan.

Over at the coffee shop, Jimmy pours coffee for his mother, who it turns out is marrying Evan/Stanley in less than a month. She is worried about his mood. Jimmy doesn’t mention the newspaper article and just tells her he doesn’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do for his sake. She laughs and tells him not to flatter himself.

Later that day Seth gives Mort a check-up and pronounces him fitter than a 1955 dollar. That’s pretty fit you guys. Mort asks Seth if he’s seen the prowler everyone’s been talking about and Seth thinks he has and gives a description that 100% does not match any of the other descriptions Mort’s had. Mort shrugs, tells Seth to give him a call if he sees the prowler again and goes on his merry way. Seth’s next patient wanders in – it’s Leo who apparently has a sore throat.

Back at Cabot Cove Digital, Julia’s meeting with Evan/Stanley has been delayed while he has a fight with his son Will who wants to buy a fishing boat and not go into the high stakes world of computer sales. Julia sees an opportunity and makes eyes at Will as he storms out. Her meeting with Evan/Stanley doesn’t go well either – he sees through her disguises as a property developer wanting to buy his house and tells her it’s not for sale.

Lunchtime rolls around and Neal and Connie spot Leo loitering around the computer shop, while JB sings to her typewriter.

The love is strong

Mort finishes his coffee and departs to chase the prowler, last seen hanging out outside Cabot Cove Digital, while at another of Cabot Cove’s eleven million cafes Will and Julia have coffee. Apparently, Julia has offered to bankroll Will’s foray into the world of high stakes fishing, all Will has to do is give her more info on his Dad’s life before they moved to Cabot Cove. Will doesn’t know much, he was 4 at the time and his Dad worked on a pipeline somewhere for 12 months.

Over at house Fletcher that night Mort is back to help JB set up her new computer when Jess gets a weird message on her answering machine from Seth. She’s worried, Mort’s worried and then they discover that Seth’s phone is off the hook. They jet on over to Seth’s office and find evidence of a struggle, some blood and drag marks but no Seth and no Seth’s car.

The next morning Mort updates JB on the case, and it’s all bad news. There’s no trace of Seth or his car, and the blood they found matches his blood type. Jess doesn’t understand why there’s not been a ransom demand. Meanwhile, Julia’s still on a quest to find out more info on Evan/Stanley, this time from the soon to be Mrs Evan/Stanley, but gets shot down when her questions tend to focus on his past and not Will’s loan application. Later, Julia finds Will and tells him her company are happy to do business with him, she just has a few more questions. Will offers homemade linguini at his place for dinner, he’ll answer everything then.

Down at the Sheriff’s office, Deputy Andy is doing a composite sketch on the computer for JB to look at because that’s how that works now. Jessica makes some alterations because she’s always right in everything, and voila – the prowler is Leo aka Fake TLJ. They head over to the Lighthouse Inn where he’s been staying but there’s no sign of him. They do however run into Jimmy, who has heard about Seth’s mysterious disappearance. Jess asks him if he’s seen Leo, but he tells her no and rides off. Jess knows he’s lying but has no idea why. (Jimmy goes to find Evan/Stanley, now sporting a black eye and demands an explanation. Evan tells him he might be going away for a long time, and to stay out of it.)

Julia tries her luck calling JB to get information about Evan/Stanley, but JB has no time for that. Mort pops around to tell her what he’s learned about Leo (just got out of jail for second-degree murder, shady character) when Andy calls Mort with some bad news – some hikers just found a body in the woods. They go to investigate and find a body on the ground, and a rustling in the trees…

Classic Seth

The dead body, for those playing along at home, is Leo the professional, whom Seth recognises as the man who came to see him with a sore throat. “Must have been worse than I thought.” Says Seth.

Nothing like everyone thinking you’re dead to bring out the humour

Over at Cabot Cove Digital, Evan/Stanley is making plans for his imminent departure and tells Connie the business is hers. His fiance pops in wanting to know what’s going on, and he tells her his past has caught up with him. Jess helps Seth clean up his office and notices someone has been going through the patient files.  That night, Will makes some linguini for Julia, who finds the proof she needs that Evan and Stanley are the same person. She promises Will they’ll sort the loan out and disappears into the night.

Just as JB and Mort finally catch up to what’s going on, and Will finds a notebook left by Julia, Julia is at Evan/Stanley’s office with a gun to his head. Evan/Stanley was the guy in the car the night of that murder back in 1974, and Julia’s father was one of the two guys involved in the shooting. Evan/Stanley was indicted for the murder when the other two claimed it was all his idea, and so he bailed before he could go to trial. Julia’s on the hunt for revenge, but Mort and Andy arrive to save the day.

Basically this is the origin story of Julian and Ivy Crane and you can’t prove it isn’t.

Anyway, Evan/Stanley explains his life story, but swears he didn’t kill Leo, he only followed him to find out what it would take for him to back off. Mort tells Jess they found evidence linking Jimmy to the woods, but he tells them he was out there with a lady.

Honestly, her face this whole bit is just glorious

Anyway, long story short…

Because sure, why not.

She did it for love guys. And at long, LONG last, GC the cat has fallen asleep and has stopped yowling at me to let her out. Honestly, it’s like having a toddler in the house. It’s taken me five hours to write this. I’m delirious! I need sleep!

Nap time!

S10E14 – Deadly Assets

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Happy Eurovision Fletcherfans. I was going to do my usual post-Eurovision analysis but Twitter has left such a bad taste in my mouth that honestly I’m just not going to bother.

In the non-EU country of Cabot Cove, someone is breaking into a safe down at the Lomax sheet metal factory oh God I’m already bored. The thief nicks off with a suitcase full of sweet cash dollar before Deputy Andy arrives.

Yeah, he is.

Meanwhile, JB and Mort are plotting a surprise birthday dinner party for Seth and are trying to coordinate gift-buying plans so that they don’t double up, bless them. It would appear that Seth has a similar attitude towards his birthday that I do to mine (except I completely forgot mine was even happening). The birthday boy himself wanders in to see what’s going on, but Jess informs him she’s chatting to Mort about storm windows and finalising dinner party plans. Mort gets a call from Andy and heads down to the crime scene, while Seth tells Jess he thinks it’s ridiculous for Jess to be throwing a dinner party with all that she has on – there’s no reason for it, it’s not like there’s an anniversary coming up. Or a birthday.

Jess is not buying into Seth’s nonsense.

Down at the crime scene the owner of Lomax Sheet Metal, Sanford Lomax, is telling Mort that only about $300 dollars were taken which is about $50,000 short of being true. He also says the knife that was used was his. Mort gives the knife to Andy to dust for prints and tells Sanford he’s sorry this happened. Andy feels terrible, if he’d been able to get there sooner he could have caught the guy.

“Maybe next time.” Says Sanford in a ringing endorsement for Cabot Cove crime levels.

As Mort and Andy depart, Sanford gets a call from the mafia wanting to know where their money is. He tells them there’s been a tiny hiccup, but not to worry the kid who took the money will be terrified and he’ll sort it out. The mafia will have their money in the morning. Mafia guy gets off the phone and tells his goon they have a problem.

He’s no Harry McGraw but he’s okay.

That is, of course, Charlie Garratt, last seen here and currently just chillin’ between cases. His phone rings and it’s Sanford wanting him to come up and investigate a case of industrial espionage. Charlie’s not interested until he gets promised his usual fee plus 50%.

Back in the Cove Jess is shopping for Seth’s birthday present down at Celia’s Antique Store where Celia’s daughter Libby sells paintings as well as works for the Cabot Cove Hall of Records, and her brother Harvey works for Sanford Lomax. Celia meanwhile is PISSED AS HELL with Jessica for sending a late thank you note four years ago.

My face during this whole scene.

Down at the docks Sanford goes to confront the thief, Walter Perry, who it turns out just so happens to be engaged to Libby Terhune I mean what were the odds. Sanford demands his money back but Walter tells him he knows nothing about it and besides there was only $300 missing, what’s the big deal?

Down at the soon to be relocated Hall of Records office, Libby is packing things into boxes when Walter drops in to tell her what he did. She tells him to go to the cops but he says he can’t – clearly whatever Sanford is into is illegal and Walter is now a witness of sorts to that so basically, they’re in big trouble. Before Libby can continue Jess pops up to ask for her trust deed. Libby walks with her to the front desk where she’s stashed it for her. Harvey turns up to grab more office supplies to take back to Celia and offers to give Libby a lift. Walter stashes the backpack (with 900K in it) in one of the filing cabinets and leaves the office.

Charlie Garrett watches Walter get into his car and drive away, and also watches the mafia goon Oscar Gandile follow him. He goes to follow too, but crashes into Seth who needless to say has some strong opinions.

Seth’s about to go nuclear.

It’s only when Jessica recognises Charlie that he’s off the hook. He pops round to House Fletcher for a cup of tea and to get the goss from JB about Walter. Jess tells him he had a rough start (orphaned, raised by his grandmother who died recently). Charlie thinks JB isn’t telling him everything and Jess isn’t saying anything until Charlie tells her who he is working for.

Should have put a few more As in there, but Eurovision has really soured my mood.

Starting to smell a rat, Charlie pays Sanford a visit who swears it’s 100% not about mafia work, he nabbed classified documents from some friends at the defence department and that’s what Walter stole and he needs them back. Charlie stashes a bug under Sanford’s desk and tells him he saw the Mafia guy also following Walter.

Down at the Sheriff’s office, Jess is begging Mort to have a chat with Walter, she’s concerned for him. Seth is starting to get suspicious about Mort and JB’s scheming and plotting and suspects birthday involvement.

I have a love/hate relationship with social media at the best of times but today is firmly on the negative side

Andy tells Mort that Walter’s place has been broken into and trashed as has his boat (it turns out). Mort visits him on the boat but Walter swears he has no idea why and he swears he had nothing to do with the break-in at Sanford’s. Mort tells him to think hard about it and leaves him on the boat, casually being surveilled by Oscar and Charlie.

Mort’s next visit is to Libby Trehune but she gives him nothing. Celia wants to know what’s going on and reminds Libby about some other dude she could marry but she storms out, leaving Harvey to calm Celia down.

Sidebar: this outfit.

I mean a tie matching a waistcoat…you do you, Celia.

Meanwhile, Mort fills JB in on what he’s discovered. Jess says she’ll swear in court that Walter’s fish knife was missing and that she’s sure it’s the one that was used in the break-in. Mort wonders why Sanford said it was his, and Jessica tells him she’s starting to wonder about this Sanford Lomax, and that possibly Mort’s mate in the Chicago PD that told him all about Charlie and his misdemeanours could fill him in.

Later that night Charlie observes Walter breaking into the Cabot Cove Hall of Records before being clocked on the head by Oscar Gandile. Inside, Walter has just discovered his backpack full of money is missing when he hears someone come into the outer office. There are noises and Oscar Gandile falls to the floor, quite dead.

The next morning Seth is grumping around at JB’s while she’s trying to get hold of Charlie Garrett when the man himself wanders in with jelly doughnuts. Before he can explain himself Mort calls looking for Seth – they’ve just found a dead body down at the hall of records but they can’t identify him. Charlie takes that as his cue to leave.

After examining the body Seth tells Mort the mystery man died between 1 and 5pm. Mort is rather keen to speak to Charlie Garrett and gets Andy to put out an APB on him. Libby tells JB that she knows nothing about anything and flees before Jessica can question her further.

Jess decides to pop round to see Sanford Lomax who tells her he knows nothing about nothing, and if Walter knows something he’d better come forward or else some people that Sanford knows nothing about will do something drastic

All JB wants to do is have some quiet time in the Cove and throw a goddamn dinner party, is that so much to ask?

Sanford tells Jess if she tells the Sheriff anything he’ll deny the conversation ever happened. Jess has already spotted Charlie’s bug under the desk and so couldn’t really care less about that. Charlie is, of course, listening to the whole conversation and thinks JB is a gutsy lady.

Jess goes to see Celia but Libby’s not there either. Mort also drops by looking for her – it turns out Walter’s prints are the only ones on the murder weapon.

Walter and Celia are going to make a break for it, but Walter doesn’t want to leave without the money and he figures the only person who could have it is Sanford Lomax. He busts in on Sanford and the mafia guys duking it out about the money but before it can kick off Mort and Andy burst in and arrest everyone just to be on the safe side. Charlie, still listening, wonders where the hell the money is.

Down at the Sheriff’s office Mort is pissed he has to let Sanford and the mobsters go, but Walter is giving him nothing. Jess gently suggests the Witness Protection Program, and Walter finally explains everything – he didn’t kill Oscar, he was in the next room. And the money is still missing.

Jess returns home to discover Charlie chilling in her lounge room. He swears he doesn’t know who the killer is or where the money is. It’s only when Charlie starts slicing an apple that Jess works it out.

Apple cutting is a lot like paper cutting, it turns out.

Because of course

These are the things that happen when you steal mob money. I’m still trying to get my head around Celia being pissed about a late thank you note. WHY WAS THAT EVEN IN THE SHOW I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

Later gang!

 

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