S12E22 – What You Don’t Know Can Kill You

And so we head back to the Cove one last time, Fletcherfans and it’s to see a dude called Johnny hanging out with a girl called Sherri (being played by Andrea from Walking Dead) and a baby called Baby probably while Anthony Michael Hall stabs a tree in rage. As Johnny leaves he and Anthony Michael Hall Les Franklin have a fight which only ends when Sherri’s father Tom Sampson comes home.

Speaking of coming home, the next morning JB returns to House Fletcher after some time away restoring world peace or some such thing when she discovers a random woman watering her houseplants. Instead of freaking out and calling the cops which I frankly would have done, JB wants to know who and why she’s in her house. As it happens, it’s Amy Hazlitt, Seth’s niece who is back in town and apparently engaged to Johnny from the first scene, who is also apparently JB’s landscape gardener and has just arrived to take Amy for a ride on his motorbike.

This is the last thing anyone wants to deal with when they’ve just gotten back from averting World War 3 which I assume is what’s happening.

Cut to one of the seventy cafes in Cabot Cove, where we find Les Franklin with his sidekicks Stu Yates and someone named Roger Yates’s Junior Son (?) and his sidepiece Mickie kicking back and harassing the waitress who it turns out is the chick from Cold Case, mind blown.

To be fair I saw precisely 0 episodes of Cold Case, but I did not recognise her at all

Les decides to pick up where he left off and wants Johnny to tell Amy about Sherri. Johnny suggests Les tell everyone in the cafe and then the fighting starts again. This fight is broken up by Mort and Deputy Andy who order the gang out and for Johnny to stay away from Les, which I’m pretty sure he’s all about.  Later Johnny tells Amy not to worry about it, Sherri is history from before Amy moved back to Cabot Cove.

This might be the flu tablets talking but all this drama is exhausting.

Seth and Jess stroll down the promenade talking about young love when Jess gets dragged into another conflict,  this time about plants. Stu Yates’s father Roger is outraged that Johnny stole his garden, and he thinks it’s only fair that Jessica is warned as it could happen to her. Rogers lawyer, Jeremy Woods, explains that Roger hired Johnny to landscape his garden but baulked at the price at the end so Johnny repossessed some plants.

My face, every time I log onto Twitter.

Later that night, Seth and Amy sample some of Jessica’s finest cuisine including her homemade horseradish.

The relationship between Seth and Jess has been one of my favourite things in the last seven years.

Johnny, Seth points out, is 47 minutes late for the finest meal Seth’s had since the last time Jessica came home from New York. Amy says it’s not like Johnny to be late. A short time later the phone rings and it’s Mort with bad news – Johnny was killed when he lost control of his motorbike.

The next day Sherri’s father Tom Sampson pulls the wreckage of Johnny’s bike up while Deputy Andy warns the new Deputy Olsen to get the paperwork done quickly, the Sheriff can be a bit of a bear about these things.

“I know.” Says Deputy Olsen. “He reminds me of my father.”

It’s like the last day of school but on TV.

It seems like a clear cut accident, the gang just aren’t sure where Johnny lost control of his bike. Tom says Sherri was up all night crying and Seth says Amy isn’t taking it at all well, she’s being irrational. I mean…her fiance just died?

Amy is in fact down at the Sheriff’s office berating Mort for not giving her the full story. She thinks Les killed Johnny but Mort explains that Les was in town playing cards at the time of Johnny’s crash. Amy doesn’t care – Les killed Johnny and she’s going to prove it.

Down at the cafe Stu and Roger Yates’s Junior Son are chilling over some tasty treats when Amy storms in demanding to know who Sherri is and if she’s the reason Johnny and Les fought the day before. Stu decides to respond by being a creep, Doreen tries to call the Sheriff but Roger Yates’s Junior Son steps in and tells her to mind her own business. It’s only when Les and Mickie arrive that Amy manages to get out of Stu’s grip and rushes out of the cafe. Mickie follows her and admits she’s not a fan of the bros either but what can you do. Amy wants to know who Sherri is and Mickie lets slip her surname before rushing off in tears.

Down by the docks, Roger and Stu Yates confront Jeremy Woods about how Roger’s plants that he didn’t pay for are now in Jessica’s garden. Jeremy tries to explain that Roger has no grounds but Roger is determined to get justice. Jeremy warns Stu that his father is unwell but Stu says he’s fine, and he’s right.

Back at home, Tom asks Sherri where she and the baby were the previous night, and Sherri tells him she took the baby for a walk after Johnny left. Meanwhile, Jess and Amy examine the crime scene. Amy is convinced it wasn’t an accident and JB can’t help but agree, but apart from some weird marks on a telegraph pole, there’s nothing to see. She borrows Amy’s cellphone to call Jeremy to get him to ask his friend at the phone company how recently the pole had been installed and how it was transported.  Jeremy’s on the case and will see JB at the cafe in an hour – except as he hangs up his phone the car craps out so presumably, he’s going to be a while.

JB shows Seth her new garden but it’s been completely destroyed, presumably by Roger Yates. Down at the cafe a while later Jeremy wanders in and orders a coffee from Doreen, who’s in the middle of making a new pot. When she comes back from the kitchen JB is just walking in – and points out that Jeremy is now dead, with a knife sticking out of his back.

Mort has no time for any of this. He has no time for Doreen’s excuse that she didn’t see Jeremy was dead because JB walked, he has no time for Amy insisting that Jeremy’s death and Johnny’s death were linked and he has no time for Deputy Olsen’s news that Roger Yates has gone off the deep end down at the waterfront.  Meanwhile, Amy goes to see Sherri and then freaks out when she decides that Johnny was the baby daddy.

Down at the waterfront, Roger is demonstrably having a mental breakdown while everyone stands around and watches because it was the 90s and we didn’t do mental illness back then. Les watches on and peels and orange while Stu tries to convince Andy not to arrest his father and tells Les he’s getting no help from Stu now on.

Such drama.

Amy reports back to JB on discovering that Johnny was previously with Sherri, but JB thinks it’s odd that Sherri was jealous Johnny was marrying Amy. Not angry, jealous. Mort calls JB to report that Johnny’s motorbike was working correctly at the time of the crash, leading him to suspect it was an accident, and that Jeremy called Tom Sampson and his friend at the phone company on the day of his death. JB gets the phone company man’s number, she’d like a word.

Down at the sheriff’s office, Stu makes a plea to bust his Dad out of jail, but Seth says he’s in the hospital for observation for another week. Andy pops in with the knife that killed Jeremy, and Stu recognises it as Les’s. He also tells the Sheriff that Les is obsessed with Sherri and is about to do something stupid.

Cut to Les breaking into Sherri’s house and demanding to see the baby.

Cut to JB getting a phone call from Jeremy’s friend at the phone company, while Amy points out the cable for her lamp is broken.

Cut back to Les begging to see the baby BECAUSE YOU GUYS HE’S THE FATHER SERIOUSLY WHAT DRAMA. Les bars the door so JB does some hostage negotiation while Amy calls the Sheriff. There’s noise and commotion and Sherri’s father arrives home in the middle of it all fbut it all comes it well in the end.

Except not really. There’s that double murder to resolve. And Amy isn’t the only one surprised to learn that Les is the baby daddy.

Well that was a grim twist

It would appear that Tom Sampson thought Johnny was the baby daddy and was furious he was marrying Amy so he killed him, and then Jeremy when he found out about it.

But let’s not dwell on that unexpected grimness. Let us instead remember that If It’s Thursday in Cabot Cove, It Must Be Beverley. And that time someone put barbitals in Mrs Fletcher’s Chowder. And Deputy Floyd. And the ladies down at the beauty parlour. And Amos Tupper. And Harry Pierce. And Mort thinking Cabot Cove would be a quiet change after the NYPD. And Seth when Jess bought him his train for Christmas.

So long, Cabot Cove. It’s been a pleasure.

Onward!

S12E21 – Race to Death

Back in the Cove for the second last time Fletcherfans, where JB has been elected Commodore of the fleet of the local sailing competition which apparently is a qualifier for the World Cup because of course it is.

It’s not smooth sailing, however. Boom tish. Captain of the Free Spirit, Ned Larkins, finds someone snooping around his boat and is injured in the exchange. Seth orders him into the hospital, and Mort and Andy investigate but don’t find many clues apart from a rivet in a dinghy the culprit used to get away. Larkins already knows who is behind it though – captain of the Buccaneer Kyle Kimball. Larkins’s first mate Steve Gantry explains that people are after the secret to the Free Spirit’s success but Ned is convinced it’s Kimball.

Jess finds Kimball kicking back in the bar watching highlights of that day’s sailing. He’s disappointed not to have the chance to beat Ned, but Gantry tells him he’ll still lose. Jess and her friend Admiral Les Spaulding ask Gantry if he’ll captain the boat and he says he’s not sure, but he’s been chief tactician for the last few years so maybe. Later, Jess apologises to the Admiral because she doesn’t know anything about sailing and the Admiral says the World Cup wanted someone with stature and cachet to be commodore of the race.

I recognised all of those words individually.

Jess spots Ned’s daughter Anne Larkin across the bar and goes to see her.

Now I’ve been thinking about this since the first time I watched this episode – WHAT THE HELL WAS THE PRETENDER ABOUT?

She and her son Tommy have been estranged from Ned since before Tommy was born, and she’s a bit anxious about going to see her father. She is however happy to see Steve Gantry, who assures her they will win the race for her father on Saturday. Jessica correctly guesses Anne doesn’t think he can do it.  JB thinks Anne should just take over instead but she’s not sure.

I swear to God the cat has fallen asleep with her head on my left hand so I’m typing this one-handed.

Steve Gentry has a covert meeting with Kyle Kimball, and it turns out he was the one taking photos of the Free Spirit. He hands the film over to Kimball, who hands him a wad of notes. Gentry wants a bonus for beaching Ned, but Kimball says he got lucky. He is interested to hear that Anne is in town, and wants to be kept posted.

Down at the dock, Anne goes looking for her father but runs into Kyle Kimball instead. Turns out a) Kyle is Tommy’s father, b)Kyle didn’t mention he was married when he started having a fling with Anne and c) Kyle has worked hard to ruin Anne’s life because Anne had the audacity to leave him, and NOONE LEAVES KYLE KIMBALL.

Spoiler alert I hate Kyle Kimball

Seriously though, what was The Pretender about? Like, Jarod was a kid who ran simulations which helped The Centre achieve…what? I mean I enjoyed the hell out of that show but…

ANYWAY.

Anne is saved by another of her father’s crew, Bill Richards who apparently played Kevin Costner’s father in Field of Dreams a movie I clearly don’t remember properly because I thought Ray Liotta played his father.

Kimball returns back to his lair, where there is more talk about sailing that I completely tuned out for. What I can gather is that a) Kyle doesn’t like his wife and won’t give her money to start a business and b) there’s a Dutch guy called Jon Vandervelt who is building his own yacht while consulting on Kimball’s tilt at the World Cup because apparently there are rules about who gets involved in building yachts oh god sailing isn’t this boring, I’ve seen Sydney to Hobart.

Anne finally finds her father at home having a grouch-off with Seth. Ned and Anne both skirt around their estrangement and instead focus on how to beat Kimball. Anne wants to skipper the yacht and wants to put the idea to the crew, so Ned tells her to go ahead. She gives a rousing speech to the crew, who want to know if she’s captained an all-male crew before (do they steer with their penises? I’m confused). Turns out she’s skippered both.  Kimball pops up to announce that a lady has never skippered a World Cup contender before.

I really hate this guy.

Determined to prove a point, Kimball announces that he’s going to go for sole custody of Tommy with his wife because Anne is always off sailing and leaving Tommy behind. I bet that’s news to Mrs Kimball. Kyle issues an ultimatum – Anne has to drop out of the race, return home and repair her lifestyle or she’ll lose Tommy.

OH MY GOD, WILL SOMEONE KILL THIS GUY ALREADY?

Cut to JB working on an outline for a new book, while Seth enquires after Adele’s health. Turns out she’s got a cold and has worked her way through all the musical comedies so now she’s on to Follow the Fleet featuring Fred Astaire and Ruby Keeler. Seth tells him he’s wrong, Fred Astaire never worked with Ruby Keeler, he’s thinking of Ginger Rogers.

At least they aren’t talking about sailing rules

Andy swings by with some evidence for Mort to look at, and Jessica spots the source of the random piece of metal Andy found – it’s a grommet out of Steve Gentry’s watch. Gentry gets locked up and Mort gives Ann the bad news that her tactician is under arrest. The good news is that Mort knows a very handy replacement – Andy used to sail with Anne back in the day and Anne is delighted to hear that Mort thinks Andy is very unwell and needs a lot of sea air to recover.

Jess pops round Kimball’s lair to inform him officially that Anne is taking over her father’s yacht for the race and Kimball swears he had no idea Gentry was crooked. Jon pops in to announce some change to the Buccaneer, just in time to see the fax Kimball receives from the US Patent office – patenting Jon’s design for his own yacht. Because Kyle Kimball is a ballbag.

Jess departs and Kimball watches footage of the Free Spirit’s sail that day. Jon doesn’t think he has anything to worry about but Kimball isn’t going to risk it so he calls someone on the phone to request the heavy artillery.

That night a cocktail party is thrown to kick off the sailing. Mort and Seth argue about whether Cyd Charisse or Debbie Reynolds was in Singin’ in the Rain (spoiler alert they both were but only Cyd Charisse was in an episode of Murder, She Wrote). A court clerk rolls in to serve Anne with papers for a custody hearing and Kimball wanders past to announce he’s heading to his office if she’d like a chat. As he leaves he runs into Steve Gentry, released due to lack of evidence, who wants fifty grand to not tell the World Cup committee about Kimballs interfering. Kimball tells him if he does, Kimball will have him arrested for assault.

At the Kimball lair, Anne tells Kyle he won’t get away with his dirty tactics. Cut to some time later, when Jon Vandervelt returns to the office for some reason, and he and a security guard find Kimball dead on the floor.

And not a tear was shed, thanks for reading!

…

Oh alright.

The sheriff and his men descend on the scene. Seth declares death by blunt force trauma and estimates Kyle’s only been dead about half an hour. The video playing on the TV cuts out. Robbery is ruled out, though Mort asks for a specialist to come open the safe, to be sure. The security guard produces the visitor log and they discover Anne was in the building at around the time of the murder. Mort goes to see Anne but she seems shocked to hear Kimball is dead – she’s not sad about it, but she didn’t kill him.

The next morning the Admiral is being ordered to postpone the race, but Jess talks him out of it. Over at the Kimball lair, the newly widowed Mrs Kimball arrives to ask Jon if he’d skipper the Buccaneer now that her husband has shuffled off involuntarily while Mort interviews Steve Gentry at the sheriff’s office but gets nowhere. Andy reveals the trophy they found in Kimball’s office wasn’t the murder weapon after all so Mort announces it’s time to get some search warrants.

PS I SOLVED THE WHERE IS ADELE METZGER MYSTERY

I’m pretty sure that’s Ron Masak’s actual wife?

I really do hit pause at some convenient times.

JB pops round Ned Larkin’s house to find Ned teaching his grandson how to put a ship in a bottle. Anne is about to head to the dock when Mort arrives to arrest her – they found Kimball’s file on Anne in Anne’s room, with Kimball’s blood on it. Ned claims he killed Kyle with the trophy, but they know he didn’t and so Anne is arrested.

Jessica follows Anne to the Sheriff’s office and has a quick chat. Anne swears the papers were left on the desk where Kyle threw them after taking them out of his safe. JB asks if Kyle closed the safe afterwards and Anne says no, it was still open when she left.

JB returns to the office, where Mort gets a phone call from Adele announcing she forgot to rewind the videotapes she borrowed from Cabot Cove video. Honestly, nothing makes me more nostalgic than the idea of a video rental store.

The concept of rewinding videos gives Jess an idea and she rushes over to the Kimball lair just in time to meet the safecracker. She gets the videotape out of the VCR and announces to Mrs Kimball that Anne will definitely be skippering Free Spirit.

While everyone tearfully reunites with each other at the sheriff’s office, Jessica returns to the Kimball lair to catch the killer.

Meh. I see his point.

Of all the douchebag things Kimball got up to, it was stealing Jon’s yacht design that got his head slammed in the safe door. But never mind that. Free Spirit won the race and now it’s San Diego, and then New Zealand.

Only three episodes to go…!

Later gang!

 

S12E19 – Evidence of Malice

Back to the Cove again Fletcher fans where JB is suffering from her yearly bout of writer’s block, Deputy Andy is buying a house and local shady businessman Fred Berrigan insists he wasn’t drink driving, he was trying to dial his carphone. NOT BETTER BRO.

Despite the obvious bad blood between Deputy Andy and Fred, Andy tells Mort he’ll just drive Fred home so he doesn’t lose his license, because Andy is a Good Bloke, and is also buying a house off Fred. As they drive away, Mort hears a banging from a shed nearby, opens the door to investigate, and steps back as the corpse of Leverett Boggs slumps out.

The next daty Mort, Seth and JB stroll and chat about just how upsetting it is that Leverett has died, given that he was due to go to JB’s for dinner and a chess game that night. Mort tells them that the motive was obvious – his wallet and keys were missing.

“A mugging? In Cabot Cove?” Says JB.

OUTRAGEOUS

JB spots a piece of cord that might be a potential clue in the murder. Andy bobs up to announce he’s officially a homeowner (the very idea). They all congratulate him but Seth privately tells JB he wouldn’t buy a used house from Fred Berrigan.

Cut to Fred at work at the Down East Footwear Company, where he has to contend with the murder of his employee Leverett Boggs as well as some dodgy leather a salesman named Craig Haber is trying to sell him. Fred’s wife Meg is keen to get Craig on board but Fred’s not having a bar of it. Meanwhile, new hire Wendy Arnold has been promoted to Leverett’s job and is learning the ropes from colleague George Parkins. She has learned quickly, already scoring a dinner date with Craig and getting longtime employee Isaac Meecham fired.

Business Wendy is All Business.

Andy’s buzz as a Legitimate Home Owner wears right off when his builder friend informs him that the house is in dire need of some repair. Andy doesn’t understand how Fred didn’t know about it when he sold it but the builder tells Andy that the last renovation was largely cosmetic. But if Fred did know about it, and failed to disclose it, Fred would be liable for the repairs, which are going to cost.

“How much?” Asks Andy.

I’m here for my own amusement.

Over at House Fletcher JB is in a tizz with her writer’s block and the recent demise of her friend Leverett. Seth is in a tizz because JB is out of cream for his coffee and when she suggests milk as a healthier option Seth gets on his high horse about how Hannah Parkins down at the cafe has started making healthier versions of all his favourite foods and what was the point of living longer if you’re just going to die of boredom?

Seth distracts himself by finding a piece of paper with Leverett’s name on it, and JB remembers he wanted the contact information of her New York lawyer and accountant. And now she wonders why.

Back at the factory, Wendy lurks in the background as Isaac is fired by Fred for some dodgy paperwork. Seeing her opportunity, she makes a move on Fred to show off her savings she just made – George was nowhere and Fred and Meg were both busy. Fred is clearly liking the financial moves Wendy is throwing down but declines her suggestion of a drink. She wanders off and Meg pops over to see what that was about. “Nothing.” Says Fred.

Mmmkay.

Down at the aforementioned cafe owned by Hannah Parkins, mother of George, breaker of chains etc etc Deputy Andy’s fiance Patty is doing the bookings for Hannah. Andy is worried about how they’ll afford the repairs on the house and Patty feels bad that she convinced him to buy it. Andy shakes it off, says not to worry, he’ll have a chat to Fred and maybe he’ll do the honourable thing….and maybe Andy is an astronaut.

We all need to find someone who looks at us like Patty looks at Andy. Or how I look at banoffee pie.

George and Wendy wander in for lunch. George is peeved because he just copped a bollocking from Meg about not being around to sign some purchase orders when he was in his office the whole time. Wendy tells Hannah she knows she hasn’t been at the company long, but that some people are very demanding.

Hannah of the House Parkins, the First of Her Name, The Unfoolable, Queen of the Potpies, the Hotcakes and the First Mousse, Queen of Mournay, Khaleesi of the Great Apple Pie, Protector of the George, Lady Regent of the Seven Coves of Cabot, Breaker of Feuds, and Mother of Men Who Aren’t Good At Talking To Women.

Over at the Sheriff’s Office Mort tries to calm down Fred who is demanding the return of his car after the drink driving situation of the previous night. Andy rolls in after retrieving Fred’s car and produces a roll of cord that matches the cord they think killed Leverett Boggs. Mort decides to lock Fred up for the time being.

Meg comes down to the sheriff’s office to defend her husband. Mort appears and informs Mort that the rope burns on Fred’s hands could be from the cord used to kill Leverett. Meg calls shenanigans and says the rope burn is from the rigging on their sailboat. Andy surfaces with some more evidence – a letter from Leverett to Fred about how Leverett has uncovered some shady dealings within the company, and how they need to meet and discuss it before Meg finds out. Sounds like blackmail to Mort.

At Down Easter HQ that night Business Wendy is going over the company accounts when she notices a file missing from Leverett’s computer. Craig arrives to pick her up for dinner, and Business Wendy suggests she might be able to help solve his current difficulties with Fred Berrigan – for the right price. Craig thinks she’s talking about proof he killed Leverett, but Wendy says no, the sheriff’s deputy is clearly setting him up for that. She’s talking strictly business.

Andy and Patty take a walk by the water, and Andy tells Patty that Fred isn’t interested in paying for the damages in the house. Andy is worried Patty believes the things people are saying about him but Patty does not believe. Not for one second. I know a few people who could learn a lesson from Patty.

The next day Seth asks after JB’s writer’s block, but JB is too busy trying to work out a world in which Leverett Boggs is a blackmailer. Seth says if Everett isn’t blackmailer and the letter is fake, then Fred had no reason to kill him and plant self-incriminating evidence, and so someone must be setting Fred up.

“IT WASN’T ANDY.” Says Jessica.

“DID I SAY IT WAS?” Says Seth.

Mort appears to inform Seth that his professional opinion has been refuted by doctors in Boston and New York who say the rope burns on Fred’s hands are not from the cord used to kill Leverett.

Actual response though: “Really? Tscheeee.”

Back at the factory Business Wendy decides to kick things up a notch and tries to ingratiate herself with Meg Berrigan before asking George if he knows anything about a NORCOM file. George knows nothing. Wendy gets a phone call from Craig who wants an update on the NORCOM file. Wendy tells him through gritted teeth that she’s working on it.  Andy and Patty stop by Hannah’s cafe and run into Isaac who essentially congratulates Andy for doing something about it. Andy takes offence at the implication, and Isaac says cool it, he’s one of the few people in town who is on Andy’s side.

Over at the Sheriff’s office, Mort takes call number 100 demanding he does something about Andy. Andy returns from lunch and doesn’t want to hear about it. JB conducts an investigation of Leverett’s possessions and finds a post-it with the word NORCOM written on it. Andy delivers lunch to Fred in jail and they bicker again. Apparently, Andy’s had a grudge since grade school because Fred is richer, better looking and a better athlete.

Just no.

Mort later tells Andy that a)Freds’ been bailed, b) the prosecutor is probably going to drop the case and c) he needs to suspend Andy until this is all straightened out.

I mean he’s not Lucas from Haven, but he’s this show’s Lucas from Haven and that’s enough.

At Hannah’s cafe that night, Jess tells Seth she’s delighted with the new look low-fat menu.

My thoughts on Game of Thrones are <<redacted>>

Seth finds out the apple pie is low fat and so orders a second round (a man after my own heart) and Jess notices Craig talking to Business Wendy at the next table while George sits there looking sour. Craig is after that file, but Business Wendy says she’s still looking into it. Later as they leave, JB mentions that her cousin Teddy is from the same home town as Business Wendy but Business Wendy says she’s only met him once at a function.

After they leave Seth asks Jess what’s wrong – Jess says her cousin is a woman.

Business Wendy is in trou-ble…

That night Fred wanders back to the factory for unknown reasons. He gets clocked on the head and goes down dead. Next, Andy appears, checks his pulse, and calls it in.

Mort, JB and the cavalry arrive. Andy tells them that he followed Fred in the hopes of gaining more intel on his involvement in Leverett’s murder. He was maybe twenty feet behind him outside the office when he heard the noises and rushed inside to find Fred dead. Meg arrives to identify the body and Andy tells her how horrible he feels. Meg looks furious and bites back her words. Mort asks where she was at the time of the murder, and she says she was on the phone for about 45 minutes, right up until the deputy showed up at her house. JB snags her sleeve on a hinge.

George sees Business Wendy talking with Craig and clearly doesn’t listen to the part of the conversation where she was snooping on Craig’s behalf. He does, however, step in when Craig gets a bit handsy and warns him to stay away. Craig suggests he find out where his new lady love Business Wendy was at the time of the murder.

The next day George consults his mother for her advice and she freely tells him she thinks Business Wendy is dodgy as and George needs to return JB’s call. Patty drops off Hannah’s tax returns and a few of the locals start talking about how sad it is about Andy. Hannah suggests it would be nice if they all knew when to shut up. WORD.

George calls JB who tells him that Business Wendy is a lie, and she needs his help finding out what her background is as well as where the NORCOM file is. Later, Andy drops by JB’s for some counselling and tells her Fred not paying for the house repairs seemed very out of character for him as a Berrigan Always Pays His Debts. JB wonders why Wendy was so interested, and Seth suggests she ask her but JB doesn’t think she’ll get a straight answer.

Down at the Sheriff’s office, Mort tells JB and Seth that Meg Berrigan was on the phone at the time of the murder. JB reveals her research has discovered that Business Wendy Arnold is actually Wendy Arnette, someone who flunked out of Harvard Business School for cheating. A deputy pops in to show Mort some evidence they found – receipts for the purchase of rope and gloves that were used to kill Leverett. They were found in the dumpster behind Andy’s apartment.

A short time later Mort finds Andy down the street trying to get information out of Business Wendy. He informs Andy they found the murder weapon – in the boot of his car. Andy is under arrest for murder.

JUSTICE FOR ANDY

Down at the sheriff’s office Patty, Andy, Mort and JB debate the situation and it’s only when Patty mentions the case hinges on lousy evidence that JB gets an idea. She and Mort pay a visit on Business Wendy who crumbles under the suggestion she snagged her scarf on the hinge in Fred’s office. She was there the night of the murder, trying the only computer she hadn’t checked for the NORCOM file. She only got as far as turning the computer on when she heard the door and bolted. She didn’t see Fred or Andy or anyone. She begs them not to tell Meg Berrigan about her lies and JB says that’s for Business Wendy to decide.

Back at House Fletcher Seth bangs on about how much he hates modern technology and that gives JB an idea about how the killer thought they’d get away with it.

Goddamn answer phones.

AHAHAHAHA this makes me laugh for reasons I cannot articulate at this time.

Meg was the mastermind all along – she set up an embezzling scheme and made it look like her husband was the one doing it, and then killed off all threats to it.

But most importantly, Andy has been vindicated and has received enough money to do up his house with Patty. And most importantly JB has solved her writer’s block so we can all rest easy.

Stay tuned for a very special episode next week. I haven’t watched it yet, but I already have Opinions.

Later gang!

S12E14 – Murder in Tempo

Welcome back to Cabot Cove Fletcherfans, where Seth is putting on a Benefit Concert Extravaganza to save Maine Woods. Not Cabot Cove woods. He’s going statewide and has enlisted the help of band In Tempo led by Tommy Vaughan – a band so beige Richie Benaud once tried to wear them as a jacket. (You’re welcome, people who are laughing at that).

Of course, there’s trouble in paradise. Seth is struggling to get everything done, Tommy Vaughan is losing his voice, band manager Wylie Trey is creeping and local businessman Jim Maddox is hoping the whole thing will flop so he can build a global hyper mega mart or whatever. Coincidentally his son is in Tommy Vaughan’s band. Life is a circle.

Anyway, Jim rolls in to ask Seth for payment for something.

Seth has no time for anyone.

Seth storms off and Jim tries to defend himself, saying some people prefer jobs to trees. Jess tells him he can build a factory anywhere, these trees have been here since the last ice age and will hopefully be here till the next one.

2019 IN ONE FACIAL EXPRESSION

Seth goes to deliver some paperwork to band manager Wylie Trey by getting his attention via the old jacket tug.

I mean really though, why?

The band gets shut down by an electrical short circuit, that Dan the local electrician apologises for. On top of all of this, some bozo with a shotgun decides to take potshots at Tommy Vaughan but misses. Chaos breaks out and Seth gets knocked off the stage.

Jess escorts Seth to the hospital and then back to her house where she gets a call from Rachel Weldon at Palmer’s Music Store, sponsors of the Extravaganza. JB gets caught in the middle of Seth rumbling about unpaid bills and Rachel fangirling over Tommy Vaughan.

In other news, there is a Bryan Cranston/Cher mutual appreciation thing going on on Twitter that is making me VERY HAPPY.

Jessica suggests Seth postpone the concert until he’s recovered from his injuries but Seth will not surrender. He thinks he should definitely not worry about the rain insurance for the concert though, Mrs Carter’s lumbago hasn’t played up yet and Mrs Carter’s lumbago is as dependable as the Rock of  Gibraltar. Mort pops in to check on Seth before heading out to investigate if the shooting was a hunting accident. Jess suggests he check with Tommy Vaughan, as she seems to remember he had trouble with a stalker the previous year.

Over at Hill House, Tommy and Udella are both threatening to leave In Tempo and Wylie has to do some slick talking to get them both to calm down. It turns out In Tempo have made the transition from being a good heavy rock band to be a great modern pop band (agree to disagree there sunshine) but their label is sick of the fighting and if they don’t get assurances that In Tempo is a band about a married couple being in love then they will revoke the contract. Tommy tells Wylie to leave the music to him and gazes at a bottle of gin. Wylie warns him not to or he’ll end up in rehab again.

I choose to believe this is an alternate ending to A Star is Born.

Tommy is summoned to the Sheriff’s office to spill the beans on his stalker in Denver but Tommy just says it was some weirdo with a badge of his guitar. Mort thinks differently, and Tommy cracks it. Mort tells him that his number one job is to keep him alive until after the concert.

After skulking out of the Sheriff’s office Tommy wanders down to Palmer’s music store to see his local fling Rachel. Jim Maddox’s son (and fellow In Tempo member) Blue Maddox is there too. Blue Maddox sounds like the name of a celebrity child. Maybe one of Brangelina’s army or a Gwenyth/Chris Martin production.  In any case, Blue went to school with Rachel and is clearly still in love with her and wants Tommy to stay away from her but she’s mad because he nicked off after school finished because old mate Jim wanted Blue to study engineering and not be in a band. You know. The classic tale.

Downstairs, Wylie runs into Jim Maddox who offers a thought – what if Tommy got an offer that would send the band out of town before the concert. Meanwhile, Seth wanders out of the bank after taking out a mortgage on his house to pay for the concert bless him.

That night, JB kicks off the festivities with a little speechifying as Cabot Coves Celebrity Resident who only lives there like ten per cent of the time, while Seth takes his medicine.

Seth’s self-care is amazing and I’m here for it. (But seriously, probably don’t do this. I am a cautionary tale you guys. Take tequila responsibly).

And because I can…

I mean…

While the crowd rise to their feet and the revolution begins, the shooter from the woods sets up outside but can’t get a clear shot and is forced to run when Deputy Andy does a security check. Jean the librarian (and possibly genuinely my favourite resident of Cabot Cove just because of the backstory) invites Tommy to come to check out her exhibition about the woods at the library.

Later, Tommy and Rachel go for a romantic stroll around the carpark, and Wylie and Jim Maddox go for a romantic sit in the car to talk business. Wylie tells Jim Tommy could be persuaded to go and have the surgery he needs on his vocal cords – all for the low low price of a million bucks for Tommy and a hundred grand for Wylie. In cash. That would leave Seth unable to pay, and Jim free to take the woods for himself.

Back at House Fletcher Seth is flabberghasted when he learns JB is staying until after the concert, and JB tells him she’s flabberghasted he remortgaged his house. Seth says he’s got a plan, and Jess says that’s fine, she’s here to help him get it done.

The next day, while I rejoice

Everything about this makes me so happy.

…In Tempo get back to rehearsing.

Told you.

Also side note, the drummer is my favourite person in this episode.

THIS GUY MAKES ME VERY HAPPY FOR REASONS I CANNOT EXPLAIN.

Over at the House of Fletcher, Hal Palmer has fixed JB’s stereo for her and orders Seth not to experiment with it which of course he promptly does as soon as Hal leaves, and a blast of metal crashes out of the stereo.

“Sounds like Ted Nugent.” Says Mort.

“Nah, more Metallica,” Says JB.

“Whatever happened to Guy Lombardo?” Asks Seth.

JB loves Metallica, this is canon.

That night, Wylie lays out the offer for Tommy – six hundred grand from Jim Maddox will pay for his surgery and get him back on his feet with his creditors. Tommy calls Palmer’s – Hal answers, but puts Rachel on. Tommy wants to talk, and they agree to meet at the concert site. As a tasty storm moves in to provide an appropriate atmosphere, Tommy explains to Rachel why he needs to pull out, and she’s devastated. JB and Seth work the books – Jess asks after Mrs Carter’s lumbago and Seth says she felt not a twinge…and he might get that rain insurance for Saturday. Tommy goes back to Hill House and tells Wylie he’s not quitting.

A new day dawns and the rain passes. Deputy Andy tells Mort they found a badge in the shape of Tommy’s guitar up in the woods. They rush down to the concert site to tell Tommy…but get there just as he is electrocuted and drops dead. Grim.

While Mort assists Jessica with her investigation and gets Dan the Electrician to open up the back of the amp Tommy was connected to, one of the band members tells Tommy’s wife Udella that she’ll be better off without him.

That is cold dude.

Dan the Electrical guy confirms that the amp was tampered with and Mort orders it off for testing. Seth bemoans the murder and violence – he never thought anything like this would happen when he started arranging the concert. Nothing like this ever happens in Cabot Cove except for the fifty other times its happened. Meanwhile Dan the Electrical Guy goes off for a quiet word at Hill House with Jim Maddox – he wants his payment now that the concert isn’t going ahead.

Jess goes looking for Rachel at Palmer’s. Hal tells her he hasn’t seen Rachel but he’s worried about her and has been since she met with Tommy at the square the previous night. JB ends up finding Rachel at the Sheriff’s office, where she tells them about her meeting with Tommy the night before, and how Tommy had been going to take Wylie’s offer but changed his mind. Jess tells Rachel they’re going ahead with the concert, but Mort says this is going to be difficult now the band are packing up and leaving.

While Jim confronts Wylie and demands his money for bribing Tommy out of the show back, JB goes to see the rest of In Tempo to talk them out of leaving. She manages to do so just as Mort arrives to arrest Blue, after finding solder in his room that looks like the solder that was used to tamper with the amp. Fortunately, Udella cutting the thread on a friendship bracelet she was making has given JB an idea and she takes off.

While Mort has Blue and Wylie in the cells for safe keeping, JB pops around Palmer’s music store and has a quiet word to Hal Palmer.

Because –

This is a depressing development. (Also, Ern Lively!)

Hal fell in love with Rachel after his wife died (which is SUPREMELY AWKWARD because I thought they were father and daughter for most of the episode) and killed Tommy because he was going to take Rachel away from him.

Grim.

Speaking of which, I have one last Murder She Wrote movie to live-tweet. So I’m going to do that, this Friday at 10am. Follow the hashtag #thelastfreeman on Twitter for that – so far all I know about the movie is that it’s heavily to do with slavery and the guy who plays one of the main characters is now in jail for life for murdering his wife.

I promise if it all gets a bit grim I’ll start some Game of Thrones theories. Like imagine if Angela Lansbury had played Lady Olenna.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

(And on Friday!)

 

S12E05 – Home Care

Once upon a time in Boston, a nurse runs away from a doctor in a car park.

Once upon a slightly later time in Cabot Cove, an old man lies in a coma while his grandson Justin Haynes cracks jokes (read the room buddy) while his mother Serena worries that the nurse will be late because she’s having her hair done (OK never mind). Fortunately, the nurse arrives on time and it’s a completely different nurse from the start of the show- jk it’s the same one.

JB is back in town to check on her friend Maggie, home from the hospital but depressed following her illness. Mort thinks Jess is just the person to cheer her up, being as Jess is Maggie’s oldest friend – a title JB wishes Mort had phrased better. Meanwhile, Seth finds Lila the aforementioned nurse is sitting at a bus stop about to leave town after the old man Horace Gibbs passes away. Seth hopes the tears aren’t for Horace – he was Seth’s patient too and he’s not crying. He knew the old coot since he was a middle-aged coot (direct quote).

“I know it’s not politically correct to say so,” says Seth…

(The universe collectively holds its breath).

“…but Horace died of old age.”

It is inconceivable that I try and write that out again it took me bloody ages guys sometimes this blog is really hard.

Seth gets a page (nawww) and has to duck over to see his next patient.  JB’s friend Maggie is in bed and has just received a packet of golf balls as a get well soon present from her friend Henry. Her niece Dorie has also been in to offer her help and move back in but Maggie won’t have a bar of it apparently because Dorie is living in sin with her boyfriend.

Downstairs Dorie finds her cousin Eddie going through their aunt’s things.

The man has now officially been in everything.

Eddie is rummaging around looking for his aunt’s will, which Dorie is not pleased about. Eddie thinks that’s a bit rich when he hears Dorie was trying to move back in. Dorie summons her sin boyfriend Jason Giles to witness Eddie’s rummaging.

Jessica arrives into this whole situation and is met at the door by Maggie’s housekeeper Sarah McCoy just as her husband Lucas is taking off for the pub.  Maggie is delighted to see her as is Seth, who hopes that this will put an end to her complaining about not being allowed outside. She’s home to get well.

Jason takes Dorie to see a potential site for her boutique but it’s way more than she can afford. No sweat, says Jason, just ask Maggie for more money. Dorie’s not keen on this idea either and is frustrated by Jason’s promise they are about to get super rich so he doesn’t need to take the job at the newspaper.  Jason convinces her to go sign a lease and goes on his merry way. Dorie runs into Justin Haynes who seems pretty keen to pick up where they left off back in the day but Dorie is quite happy with Jason thank you very much. Jason and Justin have been chatting though, which is apparently odd. Across town, Mort runs into Justin’s mother Serena who is adamant her father was murdered, and that Mort needs to exhume his body immediately.

That night Jess reads to Maggie and freaks out when Maggie appears to be dead but Seth tells her it’s just the medication and not to worry. Jess bloody well will worry though, Maggie needs constant care and she’s not sure she’s getting it. Seth’s taken care of that though – and in walks Lila with some ominous music.

Before she can start bumping anyone else off though Mort wants a chat down at the Sheriff’s office. Mort’s not taking Serena’s claims super seriously he’s just putting in the appearance. Some items went missing from the house on top of the murder that wasn’t (or was it?) but Lila denies being involved in anything ever and Mort sends her on her way.

Down by the water, Justin and Jason meet to talk business – Jason’s big plan involves old people and timeshare (I think) and while Justin is interested he says the bank won’t go for it, Jason is too big a risk. Jason is furious and thinks this has to do with Dorie but Justin swears it doesn’t. Later Justin runs into Mort who tells him about his mother’s exhumation plans and he tells Mort not to worry about it, he will take care of his mother. Jason decides to pitch his scheme to Henry.

Over at Maggie’s Lila does her best to cheer Maggie up with a fresh new do, but Maggie won’t have a bar of it and smashes the handmirror Lila gives her to check it out. If you’re imagining that scene in Batman with the Joker then you’re absolutely correct and also you’re me how did that happen? Sarah McCoy lurks in the hallway as Lila storms out. Maggie gets an angry phone call from a mystery person and she yells at them and hangs up. Jessica arrives for the tail end of it but Maggie doesn’t want to talk about it and instead tells Jessica about how she’s going to buy a piano for Dorie.

“What a grand present!” Says JB.

She doesn’t get paid, it’s tribute from her loyal subjects.

Lila knocks her medical bag flying and pills go everywhere. Maggie asks Jessica if she remembers where she keeps the recipe for her grandmother’s applesauce cake – JB does, she hasn’t made one in years but if that’s what Maggie wants then absolutely. Downstairs the Real McCoys chat about the rumours swirling around Cabot Cove about Lila – well Sarah does, Luke’s heading to the pub again.

Jess’s getting in on the rumour action too, much to Seth’s amusement. He tells her that of course, Lila’s bag was full of pills, she’s a nurse and they were probably also vitamins and what not. He’s positively tickled when Jess says Mort said the same thing.

There is no more bone-chilling sight than Seth lording it over Our Heroine

That night Seth is furious when he learns that Mort’s sent off some enquiries down to Boston, where Lila was nursing before she came back to the Cove, but Mort tells him it’s more so he can calm down Serena Haynes. The results come back and they aren’t good – four of Lila’s patients in Boston died of poison but there was never enough evidence to charge Lila. Jessica is worried about Maggie so Mort Seth and JB choof over to Maggie’s – but it’s too late. They find Lila standing catatonic in Maggie’s room while Maggie lay dead in her bed, a finger pointing to the chapter title of the book she was reading.

What. A. Mystery.

The next morning an angry mob forms in front of the Sheriff’s office baying for blood. The sheriff tries to answer their questions and Jean the librarian backs him up.

But enough about that, because you guys here’s the thing about Jean the librarian that I only just learned.

This is Madlyn Rhue

Madlyn Rhue was in a bunch of things but was diagnosed with MS. Angela Lansbury heard that Madlyn was in danger of losing her Screen Actor’s Guild medical coverage due to not getting any roles, and so created the role of Jean O’Neill so that Madlyn would meet the minimum requirement in order to keep her medical benefits. Madlyn Rhue passed away in 2003.

You guys, Angela Lansbury really is better than all of us. RIP Madlyn.

Anyway, Serena rolls into the press conference/angry mob in full Helen Lovejoy mode baying for Mort’s head.

Seth and Mort visit Lila in the cells. Mort asks what happened, and Seth chimes in but Mort warns him off. Lila doesn’t really know, she heard voices and she found Maggie but it’s all a blur. She doesn’t admit to anything about the old people in Boston.

Time presumably passes. Jess and Seth roll into Maggie’s wake discussing the situation and find Jean located right near the snacks (Jean knows what’s up). Apparently, Maggie had a phone call from someone but she didn’t want to talk to whoever was on the line. Seth suddenly remembers a boy Lila was kicking around with at the end of school who wanted to be a doctor and actually interned at the same hospital where Lila studied nursing. Seth goes off to make some calls while Jessica asks Sarah McCoy what her plans are now (moving to Vermont if the new house owners don’t want a housekeeper who doesn’t like receiving cheques that bounce). Jess tells her how when she arrived the night Maggie died the door was wide open. Sarah thinks that should not be – she’d gone off looking for her no-good husband but the door should have been locked. Eddie confronts Seth about hiring a murderer to look after his grandmother. Serena tries to put her two cents in and Seth asks Jess if she minds leaving right now.

Mort takes Dorie to open Maggie’s safe deposit box at Justin’s bank. Later, she explains to JB that she was looking for Maggie’s will but it wasn’t there. She doesn’t know what to do about it, and JB wonders if the killer took it. Dorie’s off to have her birthday dinner with Jason, and is confused when Jess asks her about the piano Maggie was supposedly giving her for her birthday – whatever it was, Dorie didn’t get it.

Back at the Sheriff’s station Seth’s had a lovely afternoon ringing up Mort’s phone bill but has managed to discover the first name of the doctor that Lila was mad for back in Boston – Kyle. Jessica remembers a Kyle in her English class and with the help of Mort and a piece of paper remembers his name was Kyle Adderly. Mort goes to track him down, and Seth decides they should celebrate with some cake – until Jessica remembers Maggie’s grandmother’s applesauce cake and what Maggie meant.

Mort gets some solid police work done that afternoon – the Boston PD pick up Kyle Adderly, who clears Lila of any involvement in the euthanasia killings that happened at the hospital. She, in turn, manages to identify Henry Post as the voice she heard the night of the murder. He tells Mort that yes he went there, to convince Maggie to buy in on Jason’s retirement timeshare palaver but bolted when he realised she was already dead. Meanwhile, Jess and Seth lay a trap for the real killer via Serena Haynes and her gossip.

WHAT. A. SHOCK.

It’s the old got caught with his hand in the til so bumped her off so she couldn’t out him type deal. The proof, as they say, was in the applesauce pudding recipe file.

The phrase got shortened over time.

Later gang!

S11E19 – School For Murder

We’ve officially said goodbye to ‘Tonight on Murder She Wrote’ which is all very well and good but I’m still a bit sad about it.

Anyway, welcome to St Crispins School For White Kids, where a couple of kids called Mike Seresino and Sarah Tyler are stealing a bust of William Shakespeare because of course they are.

Ethan Embry is adorable, and now I need to watch Empire Records again.

While Sarah seemingly gets away, Mike gets busted by a teacher nicknamed The Creeper and dragged off to the office.

After the credits, we stumble into a meeting of the Prometheus Society, which is apparently a secret society run by more rich white kids, lead by a guy who is clearly a douche. I’ve watched this part about a dozen times because one of the extras looks like she’s going to continue chanting but closes her mouth when everyone else stops.

Stupid things that make me laugh #4709

Sarah is worried about Mike being busted by The Creeper but the Leader, Colin Forbes, tells her not to worry, the Prometheans protect their own, even those who are just pledging to join.

Cut to the only class I want to be in…

Excuse me while I just go shout “It’s not chowdurrrrr it’s CHOWDA!” at the cat.

Mike arrives at the class late and later tells Sarah and Colin that his disciplinary meeting has been pushed back to the afternoon. JB congratulates him on his essay and asks what’s wrong – he tells her it’s nothing a miracle won’t fix. The English class’s actual teacher, Harry Matthews explains that he’s pledging the Prometheus Club and it’s affecting his grades. It turns out Harry has his own situation, he’s applied for the headmaster position and will present to the board in a day.

While Mike and Sarah worry about the outcome of the meeting, Harry bumps into his ladyfriend Claire Vickers, who tells him someone else has dropped out of the race to be headmaster. Unfortunately, his main competition, Claire’s ex, James Ryerson is still in the race and has a few words to say on the topic.

Later that afternoon music teacher Irv Tripler alerts Harry to some papers he’s found in the printer – somehow James Ryerson has found Harry’s presentation to the board and made it his own, with a few choice additions. Harry thinks the culprit is obvious but Irv tells him he saw the Creeper creeping around, and Jess finds cigar ash in Harry’s drawer. Case closed, it was the Creeper.

Ryerson conducts a lecture on Sun Tzu, which Colin sleeps through. When Ryerson confronts him about it later, Colin tells him to chillax, it won’t matter if it’s Harry or him who is the new headmaster, his grandfather is best mates with school director Dr. Myles Purcell, so none of it matters. Ryerson tells Colin if he fails the next history exam Ryerson will look forward to having a chat with his grandfather all about it.

JB pays a visit on school director Purcel to plead Mike’s case, and bumps into Mort coming out of the office,

Purveyor of wildfire in Game of Thrones, which is suddenly making St Crispins way more interesting

Jess begs him not to expel Mike but his mind is made up. Mort is investigating a series of thefts on campus but Purcel has decided that Mike is the guilty one. He agrees to give Jessica a couple of days to get through to Mike.

Mike finds Sarah after his meeting with good news – he’s on lockdown, but he’s not expelled yet. Colin pops up to congratulate him and ask him to steal the history exam from Ryerson’s office. Mike tells him, no, and Sarah tells him to shove his secret society. Colin watches them walk off, looking pensive.

(That will be Nigel with the brie is one of my favourite lines from 10 Things I Hate About You)

Later, Harry confronts The Creeper about helping Ryerson steal his presentation but Avery denies everything. Mort steps in to calm it all down and is a bit pensive when they both walk away without explaining what the altercation was about.

This is also the face I just made when I discovered that next year 10 Things I Hate About You will be 20 years old Jesus Christ what is time

That night there is a staff and student social, which sounds like the most lit party ever in history. Harry confronts Ryerson about stealing his ideas, and Colin confronts Mike about not stealing the exam – if he doesn’t do it, a stolen laptop is going to appear in Mike’s things with his fingerprints on it. A group of guests convince Irv to play his classic hit from Ye Olde Times, and Jess is loving it until she spots Mike across the room – she wants a word. Sarah’s informed her that Colin is trying to get Mike to run another errand for him but Mike won’t discuss it and walks off. Later, after Colin trips him over Sarah offers to help and he tells her to leave him alone.

Later, Claire begs Ryerson to withdraw from consideration for the headmaster gig, but Ryerson will only agree to it if she starts sleeping with him again. Wouldn’t you know it, Harry walks by just in time to hear Claire agree to his demands.

Awkward.

What does this chick have beer flavoured nipples?

The next day tensions are high in the teacher’s lounge. Harry is refusing to answer his phone when Jess arrives, so she does it for him and lets him know Purcel wants to see him immediately. Ryerson asks if he needs to go to, but it’s just Harry. During class, an announcement over the PA reveals what the meeting was about – Purcel announces that Ryerson is going to be the next headmaster.

Guys, it’s been a long year, we all just need to survive as best we can.

Claire finds Harry down by his car drinking his feelings after being knocked back for his dream job (relatable). Claire assures him she never slept with Ryerson and that it will be okay, but Harry tells her Purcell voted for Ryerson and there’s not a huge demand for worn out old hasbeens at other schools. He drives away.

(Life lessons from the desk of Kat Stratford)

That night Mort drops around JB’s house to chat about all the stolen things from the school (including a laptop) and asks if JB has spoken to Mike yet, which she hasn’t. She’s been busy listening to a recording of Irv’s song ‘Love Is Like This’ which was a favourite of hers and Franks’s. (Helpful camera zoom on the album cover).

Over at St Crispin’s Sarah tries to talk Mike out of breaking in to steal the exam but he’s on a mission. The mission gets aborted, however, when they break in only to find Ryerson lying dead on the floor. They bolt, and a shadow passes over the body.

The next day Cabot Cove PD are all over it – apparently, Avery was the one who discovered the body. Irv wants to get in to retrieve something for work but that’s not happening until CSI Cove are done. Mort gets a phone call from Jessica – Harry has just turned up at her house. While he sobers up with cups of coffee, he tells Mort that he basically drank himself to sleep at about midnight and at some point grazed his knuckles. It doesn’t look great for old Harry.

Jess and Mort do a spot of investigating at the school and turn up a tiny metal object which Jessica identifies as being from a tiny bicycle, which Mort is perplexed about. Meanwhile, Colin gives the stolen laptop back to Mike, wiped clean of prints. Mike’s confused about this sudden bout of generosity, but apparently, a bunch of Ryerson’s papers went missing and so everyone’s passing history this term.

Sarah is summoned to the Sheriff’s office, where Jessica returns her broken bike charm. She admits to being in the office and says that she was there to steal the exam, but Mike steps in and says no, it was him, he broke in, all this is on him. Mort tells him one of his fingerprints was found but it’s the darndest thing the missing laptop got returned unharmed, Mort’s got bigger fish to fry now.

Back at St Crispin’s, Purcel is apologising to Harry about ever offering the job to Ryerson and hopes that Harry will accept the gig anyway. Harry is delighted to until Mort wanders in to inform them that Ryerson’s missing papers have just turned up, complete with blood smears, in Harry’s locker.

Down at the sheriff’s office, Mort is defending his theory to JB, who has suddenly become interested in police folder colours because apparently, Ryerson was hiding one the other day.  Jessica has another theory, that the killer was still in the room when Mike and Sarah broke in. Mort suddenly remembers that Mike and Sarah told him that Colin claimed to have seen them looking like scared rabbits on the night of the murder, and so orders a search warrant of Colin’s room, which reveals the exam paper and a blue police folder. Colin tells him he went in after seeing Mike and Sarah run away, grabbed the papers but dropped then when he saw the dead body. He took them again when he realised his prints were on them, but stashed most of them in Harry’s locker except the exam paper and a blue police folder…

…which turns out to be on Dr Myles Purcel, who got drunk and ran over a kid many years ago. Ryerson somehow found out about it and blackmailed Purcel into giving him the headmaster job. Mort assures him that the folder will go back into storage where it belongs, and sees him out. Mort is about to head back to the sheriff’s office to continue questioning Colin when JB suddenly has a thought.

(Also she’s worked out who the killer is)

Speaking of…

(Now, I know Shakespeare’s a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that.)

The real Irv Tripler, it turns out, died sixteen years earlier and this guy has been getting around as him ever since. Ryerson found out (having seen the real one in concert) and blackmailed him into stealing Harry’s presentation. Once he was named headmaster he was going to cut the music department completely so Irv/Joey Mallo killed him with a platinum record.

And so it goes, Fletcherfans.

Later gang!

S11E18 – The Dream Team

Once upon a time, there was a magical kingdom called Cabot Cove, where life was simple and the fishing was good. The townsfolk were proud of their town and deeply suspicious of outsiders and were ruled over by a Kind and Magnanimous Queen who let the mayor think he was in charge and let the sheriff think he was in charge of law and order but she did it all like the Slytherin queen she is.

One day, rumours began to spread that some outsiders were coming to town to build an automobile plant. Others heard rumours of a cultural centre. The townsfolk were uppity and the queen didn’t know what to do.

Queens cannot simply stroll into town and purchase carrots without dispersing crowds

The town thinks JB is holding out on them. Why? Because it turns out she has a connection to one of the employees of the consortium who will be presenting their plans for Cabot Cove that evening.

A strong connection.

A family connection, if you will.

NO GRADY. NO WE DIDN’T

That’s right Fletcherfans, the worlds most incompetent nephew/accountant/human being is back to wreak havoc and eat sandwiches. Despite pleading from everyone, he won’t reveal what his new job is or what he’s in town for. His boss calls him at JB’s house to signal his arrival at Hill House, and Grady assures him that there have been no leaks, a fact backed up by Hill House Front Desk Guy Noah Farmer who is excited to hear what Everett Buffum, J. Peter Carmody and Toni Shaw have in store. Everett is having a minor crisis, his wife happens to be staying at Hill House and is not conceding her marriage is over. Also, Charles Napier is lurking in the background but I blew all my good Blues Brothers references on these episodes so take the Good Old Boys as implied okay?

Meanwhile, Seth has a bee in his bonnet about the imminent destruction of the Cabot Cove lighthouse which has fallen into disrepair. His attempts to get the council involved did not go well, so he’s trying a new approach.

100% with Seth on this, if I could live in a lighthouse I would.

Over at Hill House Grady is running around like a nervous puppy, while J Edgar Carmody or whatever the hell his name is orders Everett Buffum to get rid of his wife.

As the presentation kicks off downstairs and Seth gets tucked into a pint, Charles Napier breaks into Carmody’s room and nabs some papers, all the while avoiding the Sharp Gaze of Housekeeping. The presentation goes off without a hitch, and most of the town seems quite willing to accept a massive resortmarinacondotheatreplex. Grady asks Jess what she thought of the presentation and she calls it overwhelming. Everett’s wife Lorna drags Grady off for a word about getting back in Everett’s good books/complaining about gin quality, while Everett reestablishes his friendship with Jessica. Carmody tries to sweet talk the lot of them and says that Seth looks like a man who has some questions.

Carmody may regret this.

Carmody quickly eases himself away just as Grady resurfaces. Grady asks Seth if Carmody told him of the plans to save the lighthouse and Jessica tells him he never really got the chance. Later, a drunk Lorna Buffum pulls a gun out but Charles Napier quickly takes it off her saying he has his own reasons for needing Everett alive just now. Jessica watches it all go down and remains silent.

The next day, Charles Napier, whose character name it turns out is Denver Martin, rolls down to the Sheriff’s office to deliver Lorna’s gun to Mort. He apologises for not doing it sooner, he only got the message from the day clerk at the hotel, no one else knew his name. Mort asks what he’s doing in the Cove and Denver says just business. He leaves just as Deputy Andy escorts Lorna Buffum inside. She’s not being charged with anything at the behest of Everett, and Mort recommends she leave town immediately.

The next day Jess solves another mystery, this time without even having to stand up.

If this photo had a dead body in the background it would basically sum up this show.

Seth has considered the development from all angles and thinks that it will be a boon for the community. Jess is surprised to hear it and produces a petition against the development that Seth has apparently cosigned. Seth is outraged that his name has been used in this way and wonders where the petitioner got the idea – Jess thinks possibly from the previous night when Seth declared he’d fundraise for a naval bombardment of the new marina.

Jess gets a phone call from Donna, aka Mrs Grady, who tells her that she and Grady have just been turned down for a bank loan because the bank can’t find any evidence that the company Grady works for even exists.

The eternal question

Over at Hill House, Lorna thinks that the lack of charges being pressed against her is a sign she and Everett are getting back together but he tells her to get out of town, and she’s not seeing any of the money. Later, Everett and Carmody view some office space that Grady’s found for them. They like it, but the realtor isn’t terribly keen to do a deal with them until Carmody offers to make her their exclusive agent for the development. Noah Farmer comes in to try and purchase another of her listings but he can’t make her price. Grady is surprised to hear that the businesses they will be opening up won’t be the chain stores and high-end boutiques that were on the original plan, and Carmody tells him they’ve had a change of direction, they just haven’t filled him in yet.

Back at Hill House Lorna prepares to check out and confronts her husband’s mistress Toni Shaw. Toni tells her that Everett hasn’t been Lorna’s for years and Lorna declares she won’t rest until they are all in prison where they belong.

Yup. They’re scammers. Grady’s nailed it again.

Jessica, the voice of reason as usual, enlists Mort’s help investigating the company Columbus Ventures, but so far all they’ve dug up is that they have two other developments on the cards, one in Florida and one in Oregon – one is waiting for hurricane season to end so construction can begin, and the other is just waiting on a court case brought about by an environmental group. Everyone thinks it’s going to be fine, especially Grady.

Back at Hill House Denver Martin confronts Carmody – apparently, Denver’s mother was at the Florida presentation and died shortly after but not before giving Carmody 70K. Carmody admits to meeting Mrs Martin, but everything else is circumstantial and good luck going to the police with evidence stolen from his room. Denver stalks off just as Everett arrives, and gets into it with Carmody about Lorna’s threats to expose them.

That night a storm hits Cabot Cove, and while Grady stares out pensively at the rain, Lorna Buffum knocks back a martini before getting into her car.  (Cut to Lorna’s car going into the water).

The next day Lorna’s body and car are fished out of the water. Seth thinks it’s a safe bet she died by drowning, but judging from the bump on her head she might not have been conscious when she went into the water. Mort finds a bottle of gin in her handbag and says that it might have contributed, though the bottle is mostly full.  Oh damn, I could go a gin right about now. Apparently, Lorna had been in touch with Mort about a meeting but Mort wasn’t sure why. Deputy Andy shows them the other things they found in the car, gum, coins, a pen lid, a matchbook from a roadhouse out on the highway. Everett appears and says no he wasn’t with his wife the previous night.

Mort gets into the case and confirms with Noah at Hill House that Lorna checked out and knocked back a few martinis at Hill House before leaving at around 8:30.  Deputy Andy confirms there was nothing wrong with the car, so the bump on her head can’t have been from whiplash caused by a dodgy seatbelt. Mort gets a call from Adele who tells him that they’re saying on the radio that Columbus Ventures are backing out of the marina development, apparently Everett has lost the stomach for the deal after the death of his wife.

Over at HQ Grady is packing up his desk and bemoaning the fate of the project. Jess thinks it’s odd that Everett backed out due to community outrage, given that so many people were all for it. Noah comes in yammering to the real estate agent about Lorna’s death and wanting his deposit back from a sale but she’s not having it. Grady has an idea about the project and scurries off, and Jess notices that the site model labelled Cabot Cove is stuck over a site model label with Darwin Key Florida written on it.

Grady pitches his idea to Carmody and Shaw – they should sell shares in the development. They love it and tell him to get to work immediately. Shaw tells Carmody later that if they’d had Grady in Oregon they could have retired by now.

Denver Martin tells his story to Mort, who tells him not to leave town. Andy confirms the bump on Lorna’s head would have been enough to render her unconscious. They are stumped until Seth has a genius idea.

LOOK AT HIM DETECTING

Spoiler alert, it isn’t a clue.

Poor Seth #helping

The good news is that everyone loves Grady’s idea to sell the development as a timeshare (is that what’s happening? I’ve just found the Australian women’s cricket team on TV, my attention has wandered, also MEG LANNING FOR PM).

Jess is still worried about the whole situation, and has a quiet word to Denver Martin who tells her about the documents he found in Carmody’s room, including some stationery from an environmental group called Save The Oregon Forests.  This gives Jess an idea and she gets on the payphone.

Mort orders APBs on Everett, Toni Shaw and Carmody, and it is revealed they are all scammers with a long history. Grady feels terrible, he sensed something was wrong (no he didn’t) but didn’t investigate it (well that’s true). Seth wonders which one of them killed Lorna, and JB stares long and hard into a gin bottle until the answer comes to her (relatable content right there).

Jess recruits Grady to set the trap and he nails it completely. Not being sarcastic. Grady has been suspiciously together and likeable this episode, I don’t like it.

Long story short…

I would have actually died if it had been Grady I mean can you imagine

Noah the hotel guy was in debt trying to be a real estate tycoon and panicked when Lorna was going to expose them all. Another case closed!

And now, as the scammers are being arrested trying to flee the country, and Grady is collecting on a reward offered for aiding in their capture, it is time to say goodbye to Grady Fletcher: The Man, The Myth, The Legend. And while I could go back through Grady’s Greatest Fails, I feel that this video pretty much sums it all up.

Later gang!

S11E09 – Murder by Twos

Back in the Cove this week Fletcherfans, where the Regional Something Something bowling tournament is getting down to the wire. (Side note, Richmond finished top of the table and are playing Friday night for a spot in the Grand Final, what a time to be alive). Not only does Al Wallace let the side down, but the whole thing takes place the same night Seth takes JB and her visiting friend Imogene Shaughnessy to try what is apparently the best corned beef in town. Of course, it’s in a bowling alley, not a restaurant. Makes total sense. Seth apologises profusely, but Jess and Imogene aren’t bothered. Turns out Imogene is a former Cabot Cover, moving back from New York.

 

Resident arsehole and fellow team member Sam Bryce informs Al that he bowls like a girl (nice one, dipshit) and proceeds to pick a fight with everyone. Al tells Seth, JB and Imogene that he was the reason why the team lost, he lost concentration. Seth later explains that Al’s pharmacy burnt down two weeks prior, he’s got a bit on his mind.

Harvey Hoffman wanders in with his date Terry Deauville and is tripped by Sam because I can’t stress this enough, Sam is an arsehole.

I mean how could you say no to that?

The next day JB and Seth are out for a stroll discussing the upcoming Fine Arts Dinner Club and their decision to bump Seth from opening the evening. Jess points out he’s done it for the last five years and perhaps it’s someone else’s turn but Seth won’t have a bar of it. He’s written an ODE TO LITERATURE and to demonstrate how good it is, he’s going to let JB read it. They wander past Sam Bryce’s barber shop and Seth quickly makes excuses to Sam about why he can’t have a haircut just now.

Later on that day, Jess accompanies Imogene to see a potential home, which turns out to be Terry Deauville’s mother’s home. Terry is teaching maths and science at Cabot Cove High and has just taken over domestic science, which is apparently the class dedicated to running your own home, a curriculum Terry is basing on her experiences renovating her mother’s house.

A GOOD DETECTIVE IS ALWAYS ON THE DETECT FOR DETECTIONS.

Terry has had about enough and is thinking of moving to New York to look for some eligible men. Jess tells her if she gets serious about the idea to let her know, she might be able to help. The phone rings and Terry has an argument on the phone with Sam. Ugh, no wonder she’s moving. Imogene is delighted with the place but seems to cool on it when the neighbour invites herself in for a hello. Imogene seems to hate Medora Finney on sight and spoiler alert, this is never resolved in the episode.

Later that night Terry is working on the house when a knock at the door signals the arrival of Sam Bryce, who muscles in and declares nothing is over until he says it’s over. Apparently, Sam got jealous when he saw Terry with Harvey. They fight and Terry throws him out. Medora spies from outside and takes notes in her notebook. Sam skulks off home and has a run in with his daughter Gloria, who is dating Sam’s bowling teammate Ollie Rudman. Sam won’t let her marry him, and after Ollie leaves, reminds his daughter that he didn’t send her to no fancy computer school just so she could marry a deadbeat. She tells him that he stinks of booze and has lipstick all over him, what prince charming would want to marry into that family? She storms into the house, past her weeping mother.

The next day…

THESE TWO.

…Jess tells Seth she loves his poem and he celebrates by ordering extra lobster. They spot Sam ordering some dude named Ron to return his saw, which he does. Ron tells Sam he’ll see him at the game that night, but Sam says no you won’t. Seth tells JB that Ron’s workshop got broken into the previous night but that nothing was taken. I have no idea what I’m supposed to think about any of this.

That night there’s a poker game with Al, Ron, Ollie, Harvey and Mort Metzger and without Sam there it turns into a bitchfest. Mort wisely stays out of it. Ron gets a call from the man himself, who can’t the saw to work but Ron tells him it works fine and to try another plug, and hangs up. Sam plugs it in, turns it on and is electrocuted.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

To be fair it even looks like it wants to kill you.

Mort thinks it’s all a bit suss – Sam was an arsehole but he knew not to stand in water when using electrical equipment, or to use it with both hands. Jess thinks Mort should follow his instincts, as she goes through Sam’s cupboards and finds a burnt old beaker. Seth tells Jess to hurry up, he has patients to see.

Time passes. The day of Sam’s funeral rolls around and Medora goes to the Sheriff’s office to report a burglary – someone has taken her diary, where she keeps her notes of all the Doings That Happen around Cabot Cove, including Sam Bryce’s murder. Mort doesn’t understand what she’s talking about, so she starts ranting about the Bible and suggesting Terry had something to do with it, I mean she wasn’t even at the funeral. Mort warns her off being so slanderous and Medora departs, sulking about how the Sheriff treats honest, God-fearing citizens. Deputy Andy tells Mort that Terry’s prints were found in Sam’s garage, and the tech team concluded the whole thing happened as a result of deliberate interference.

Seth and JB go for a post-funeral stroll and comment on Medora and her cronies gossiping about  Terry’s affair with Sam. They run into Al, who is clearing out his burned-out pharmacy. Over at Sam’s, Ollie is tending to the newly bereaved mother and daughter and is a little surprised to find them grinning with delight as they burn photos of Sam.

I mean that’s fair.

Demonic daughter is demonic.

Mort drags Terry down to the office for an interview – she let them search her apartment and they found Medora’s notebook.

“Sheriff why would Terry risk jail over stealing a notebook?” Says JB.

“Don’t you have an appointment or something?” Says Mort.

Mort seems to be confused as to who is in charge here.

Apparently, Mort’s men also found a diagram about how not to wire a power point. Terry says no duh, it’s for her domestic science class. Mort tells Andy to drive Terry back to her car.

That night the bowling team send a drunken farewell to Sam, the guy they never liked or wanted to be around. Ollie has the decency to look uncomfortable about the whole thing but the rest of them are basically good riddance. Ron asks Al about a 25K payment and a condo deal Al and Sam were cooking up and Al wants to know how Ron knows about it. Ron says Sam’s family are going to notice the money Sam took is missing sooner or later.

Back at House Fletcher Imogene is getting increasingly worried – she was supposed to hear from Terry to confirm the sale of the house, but she can’t get through on the phone. Jess suggests they head on over there, but when they do they find the phone off the hook and Terry hanging from the landing.

Mort and Seth roll up, and it seems to be a cut and dried case, but Imogene finds the contract confirming the sale of the house to her and Jess hands it to Mort as clear evidence of Terry’s state of mind before she died.

The next morning there’s a terribly written scene with Ollie and the Bryces that frankly no one needs to dwell on, while JB tries to explain to Mort that it seems highly unlikely that someone would get dressed and made up right before killing themselves.

Jess asks if Mort checked Terry’s answering machine and you guys…

LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO PROUD

…there was a message but they couldn’t really understand it.

Mort asks Seth to take Sam’s chair at the poker night which he agrees to but tells Jess they have to get going for a fine arts dinner club meeting. Jess says fine, but she needs help with something first.

All Seth wants to do is recite his poem. Literally, all he wants.

Mort goes on his own investigating and asks Harvey about a delivery he made to Terry’s place that included some sail rope. Harvey doesn’t remember much, he got the order and dropped it off at the house. Mort says the signature doesn’t match the one on the house contract and Harvey says no shit, that says Delivered, not Terry Deauville. Terry wasn’t there.

Over at Terry’s house, Jess proves to Seth that Terry couldn’t have hung herself. Seth calls the coroner and confirms that the tell-tale signs weren’t there for a hanging. Mort accepts he was wrong and shows Jess Medora’s notebook, filled with bible quotes and reports of all the Goings On around town, including the night of the fire of the pharmacy. Medora arrives and is furious that her private ramblings have been shared around. Oh, shut up Medora. Andy pops up to tell Mort the phone company identified the calls that came into Terry’s house the night she died – one was from a phone box outside the library. The other came from a local bar and more than that the bartender remembers Ron Friendly being on the phone about that time. Mort and Andy confront him about it and he admits to going around to Terry’s to bust some moves on her but no one was home when he got there.

Down by the water, Seth shows off some purchases and Jess has an idea. This episode really ain’t great you guys.

A trap is set at the poker game, and a short time later…

Literally everyone in this episode was sketchy, I feel nothing about this.

Apparently, Sam found out Al set fire to the pharmacy and blackmailed him about it. Also something about the 25K condo that I’m a little hazy on. Terry had to die because Al loved her but she picked Sam. Hashtag not all men.

I still don’t understand why Imogene hated Medora on sight (not that she was wrong). Also, Seth resigns from the Fine Arts Dinner but takes it back when Mort threatens to read his poem. The usual.

Anyway, no blog next week, but I’ll be back the week after, hopefully full of news of how Richmond are back-to-back premiers and how I intend to ruin lives with this fact.

Later gang!

S11E03 – To Kill A Legend

Some dude is being bumped off in a burning antiques shop/factory in London, but never mind that because it’s Joshua Peabody Day in Cabot Cove.

The Fletchmobile is out, you know it’s serious.

For reasons known only to themselves, a documentary film crew have decided to make a film about Joshua Peabody, and they’ve brought out the big guns

It’s a crack cast of filmmakers to be sure

As Cabot Cove’s most famous and always correct resident, JB is narrating the documentary and delivering it flawlessly. The director, Richard Hawkes (aka Jeffrey Nordling) wants to include a music box as part of a transition sequence, but it’s not working. Jessica suggests the Godfreys antique shop in town as a place that could get it fixed.

Thomas Godfrey gets to work on repairing the music box while his wife Nancy (aka April O’Neil from the original Ninja Turtles) tells Seth that his costume 100% absolutely was shrunk after a flood and that’s why it doesn’t fit properly. She also tells JB that her drawers have arrived – JB is delighted but notices with her keen powers of observation that the handles don’t match. Nancy apologises profusely and swears she will get that fixed post haste.

Thomas declares he’s found the reason for the faulty music box – it’s a piece of paper jammed in the mechanism. Jess unfolds the page and discovers it’s a letter to Joshua Peabody (who died in Cabot Cove possibly) from George Washington accusing him of treason and ordering him to stand trial.

Seth is unsurprised and says the way the world is going these days it doesn’t surprise him that another hero has been shot down in flames.

Never dedicate a day to your heroes. Except for Tom Hanks. There should be a Tom Hanks Day.

Armed with this Startling Revelation, Jessica goes to see the last descendants of Joshua Peabody, Edith Peabody and her daughter Louise. Louise doesn’t seem too shaken either, but Edith is having none of it.

Edith is not going to stand for this outrage.

Edith insists the letter is a hoax and must be destroyed, but Jessica insists that either way it needs to be examined at the university lab.

Edith is becoming my favourite person in this episode

Over at the Godfrey’s antique store, it’s clear that there’s trouble in paradise – Thomas is pissed at Nancy for stuffing up their best client’s order when they are so close to losing everything, and Nancy is pissed that Thomas blew what money they had on advertising for Joshua Peabody Day. Nancy storms off, just as a creepy British dude (who watched the burning building in London, spoilers) wanders in to ask about Dutch colonial pieces of which the Godfrey’s have none.

Dutch colonial pieces is almost definitely code for meth.

Early results are in on the incriminating letter, and Dr Roy Blakely informs Jess, Mort and Seth that at the moment the document looks real but tests will confirm it. Mort worries about what this will do to local tourism, but Jess finds it odd that the letter was even kept, considering the home team won the Battle of Cabot Cove, where Joshua Peabody died.  Word of the letter has reached the film crew office too, and while the producer Frederick Chiltern Bob Kendall and the director of photography Amelia Farnum are adamant the documentary needs to be about the discovery, Richard Hawkes is not interested until the letter is proven real or fake and ends the discussion by taking Louise Peabody out to dinner.

Back at the Sheriff’s office, Edith has turned up demanding to know why no one has been arrested for planting the letter. Mort tells her there’s no evidence of a break-in at Peabody House.

Edith is going rogue in 3…2…1…

 

The news doesn’t get any better for Edith, as JB and Seth wander in to inform them that according to the lab the paper and ink are a match for two hundred years old. They can’t prove it’s a fake, even if it’s a good one. Edith blames Jessica entirely for everything ever.

The next morning Edith yells at everyone while removing a noose and a traitor sign from the statue of Joshua Peabody. Tourism might be down in the Cove but every journalist within radius has turned up to talk about the letter. Louise wants to talk to Nancy Godfrey about the uniforms but Nancy declares she will speak to Richard Hawke herself and would prefer Nancy didn’t get in the way.

Apparently, he was in an episode of Press Gang, which is a sign from the universe I need to rewatch Press Gang for the eleven billionth time.

The reenactment begins and goes off without a hitch, except for a rearing horse nearly trampling Scott the sound guy, and Richard having a tantrum and calling a wrap on the day when the soldiers start lecturing him on musket assembly. That night, a smug Bob Kendall tells Richard he’s out and Amelia will direct the documentary.

The next day Jessica receives a Massive Plot Point from Scott the sound guy to do with how they record sound for the documentary.

(Me being mansplained).

Later, Edith pops around House Fletcher to apologise for blaming Jess for everything, but immediately takes it all back when Mort shows up to announce that the paper used in the letter was also 200 years old. That night, CBG watches Edith come out of the production office and disappear into the shadows.

Back at house Fletcher Mort and Seth have dropped in for a cup of coffee and to complain about the new director, when Seth suddenly gives JB an idea about the letter and Mort gets a phone call from Deputy Andy. The production office is on fire and Amelia Farnum is dead. Scott the sound guy is the only member of the production crew on the scene, and he hasn’t seen Louise, Bob or Richard for a while. He mentions to Mort that there’s a missing prop gun, which might well be the thing used to clock Amelia over the head.

The next day CBG bumps into Richard Hawkes and tells him he’s worked out the whole deal – how a small-time director is about to make it big with a historical detective story when he’s bumped from the project, only to be reinstated when the new director turns up dead. Meanwhile, the Godfreys deliver JB’s drawers to her and she gets a phone call from the Prof down at the lab.

Over at the production office, Richard is announcing that the focus of the documentary is going to change to the Washington Letter when JB rolls in to announce the letter is a very clever forgery. Everyone is stunned, Bob is quick to blame the whole thing on Richard but Mort says they just don’t know enough yet. Mort gets a call from Andy who has tracked down CBG and is bringing him to the sheriff’s office. The CBG turns out to be an infamous forger according to Interpol, and Mort would like to hear what he’s doing in town.  CBG turns out to be the actual author of the fake letter, hired by a guy in London called Alexander Sandsby (the aforementioned dude who got bumped off at the beginning). When he saw Alexander had been murdered, CBG thought there might be some money in it for him so did some digging and ended up in Cabot Cove. He still doesn’t know who hired Sandsby, but does know who he saw the night of the murder – Edith Peabody. Edith later confirms she went to see Amelia to beg her not to use the letter but didn’t get anywhere and left in a huff. Deputy Andy finds the missing gun in her car and Mort has no choice but to hold her on suspicion.

Mort and Seth seem to be content that Edith is guilty, but the end of a roll of paper towel gives Jess an idea, and they go back to the production office for a look. Scott confirms there’s some missing audio that he can’t find anywhere.

A short sting operation later and all is revealed…

That is not cowabunga.

It’s the same old story. Nancy fell in love with Richard somewhere, they started having a Thing, they hatched the plot together, their conversation about it got recorded, Amelia found out and so it goes.

Later Fletcherfans

S10E21 – Wheel of Death

Disclaimer: normally I watch the episode once before I do this, but not this time! Will it make more or less sense than usual? Who knows!

 

We’re back in the Cove Fletcherfans and the carnival is in town! Nothing says Scooby Doo murder like a carnival! Especially a carnival in financial difficulty, which apparently this one is. The show manager Joanna Simms begs help from the co-owner Carl Dormer but he’s too busy being a magician to go get the permits.

Meanwhile, Seth is grumping Jessica into hurrying up so they can get to the carnival but Jess has just discovered she’s been burgled. While she’s sad about the loss of her jewellery, she thinks it’s ironic that she comes home from the crime capital of the universe to discover she’s been broken into.

It turns out Cabot Cove is having its own crime wave (again) as Jean O’Neill is down at the Sheriff’s office reporting the theft of her good crystal and her mother’s silver tea set while she was out walking the dog. Mort is taking it all down when Joanna walks into the office to get the permits for the carnival and he nearly passes out. It would appear that they had a Thing twenty years ago. Jean is somewhat miffed the focus has been taken off her good crystal but Deputy Andy is there to save the day and goes to investigate the case of the missing crystal.

Mort offers Joanna a cup of coffee and it is revealed that they were at college together before Joanna ran off with star footballer Don Sims, who was picked up by the LA Rams, blew a knee and was never heard from again. Until right now when he bursts into the office, demands Joanna hurry up, laughs at Mort and suggests he lead them all in the college song.

“Don’t hate me.” Says Joanna as she follows Don out of the office. Fun fact, people who say that almost always deserve hatred.

EVERY EMOTION SIMULTANEOUSLY ON MORT’S FACE. All that’s missing is the dramatic finger bite. You know what I mean.

Over at the carnival, a shady character is keeping an eye on Carl as he gets the receipts from the previous day’s takings at the ticket booth. He goes to follow Carl as he leaves but then makes himself scarce when JB and Seth turn up wanting to discuss the previous day’s takings. Carl shows them but warns it’s not good news. Jess and Seth are surprised, the crowds the previous night indicated that they were rolling in the money but Carl just shrugs and says the crowd might have been there but they weren’t spending. He departs to get ready for his show, and Jess goes to look around while Seth ensconces himself in one of the sideshows and starts drumming up business. The shady character sidles up to a juggler and says he lost Carl. The juggler tells him Carl will be in his trailer. The shady guy tells him to get the books if the juggler is still in.

Back at the ticket office one of the girls goes on break, leaving the other, Lisa, to flirt with Toby the carnival roustabout who departs just as JB sidles up.

Yeah she does

Some dude called Richard cuts JB off to announce that the carnival called him to order more hotdogs, they’d underestimated the supply, and to show his gratitude he wants to buy a hundred bucks worth of tickets. He’ll come back and pick them up when he picks Lisa up to see the magic show (which appears to be news to Lisa). JB is astounded and asks Lisa if she has a copy of the previous day’s takings for her. Lisa tells her Carl said it wasn’t necessary to make a copy but she spilt soda on the first copy and she still has it. Jess reads it over and is not happy with what she sees.

If this was the Mystery Gang obviously JB would be Velma but I think it gets harder after that. Except Grady is Scrappy Doo, obviously.

Mort runs into Joanna again, who asks him if he ever thinks about college, and he tells her not really. She does, and she thinks she really screwed up. Mort thinks everyone makes choices but is then called to a kerfuffle at one of the sideshows where Don Simms is trying to confiscate the prizes from a group of kids because they didn’t knock the bottles off the table, they only knocked them over. Seth wants him arrested for being shady but Mort just tells the kids to take their prizes and play somewhere else. Joanna tells him to close the stand down, his shenanigans aren’t going to play in Cabot Cove. Don thinks she clearly should have married Mort.

Dramarama

Lisa goes on break and finds Toby flexing his muscles on the strength tester. Apparently, he hates his job but is taking a year off between high school and college to save money for school.

He must be from Beverly Hills, everyone who lives there ages really quickly according to television

Unfortunately for Hot Toby, he has set the strength tester up outside Carl’s trailer and the noise drives him to come out and start abusing him. Toby swears he set it up as per his instructions but Carl drags him away, leaving the juggler to sneak into his trailer while Joanna looks on.

Back at House Fletcher Mort is investigating the break-in. There’s been a few of them and they’ve all been well timed. Townsfolk are blaming the carnival but it’s only been in town for two days.

Mort asks JB if she has a torch and a magnifying glass.

(Everyone knows this is a Holmes/Lestrade situation. Seth is Watson with a hangover)

Mort spots some scratches on the kitchen door that weren’t made with a key. He promises to put the word out about the stolen items, to go with the other antiques that have been pinched, and offers JB a lift back to the carnival.

Speaking of which, Joanna confronts the juggler (whose name is apparently Nicky) when she finds him going through the desk drawers. He swears it’s not what it looks like, and is backed up his fiancee/assistant Carmen who bursts in to see if he’s found her engagement ring that very specifically fell off in one of the drawers when she was meeting with Carl. She spots it under the desk and the pair of them leave. Joanna isn’t buying Carmen’s stunt for a minute but Carmen swears she knows nothing.

JB drags Seth to the magic show under great protest – he’d rather just get Mort to arrest Carl for skimming the take but JB doesn’t want to disappoint the people who want to see his show. As Joanna is about to enter the tent Don grabs her and tells her to convince Carl to retire so they can take over. She thinks he should quit drinking, he thinks she should be more supportive. You know, that old chestnut.

As the show starts Carl requires two volunteers from the audience. Joanna drags Richard the supermarket guy up on stage and eventually gets Seth up when Jess convinces the audience to buy another ticket to see Seth do it. The show begins and Carl cheerfully nicks things out of their pockets while the crowd laughs. “Are you giving your girlfriend a sausage necklace?” Carl asks Richard as I spray tea out my nose.

Seth’s audition for the Full Monty did not go according to plan.

After the show, Richard storms out fuming. Lisa bumps into Toby and arranges to meet him after the carnival closes that night. When she arrives, she sees Carl fighting with a shadowy figure who stabs him. Lisa runs away, then Carmen appears and starts screaming as the rides start to come on and Carl’s body takes a cruise in the Whirlwind.

Say it with me. ALL CARNIVALS ARE HAUNTED. Also abandoned theme parks.

Mort gets called to the scene early the next morning and quickly works to stop the carnival from leaving town. Seth tells him Carl was stabbed and then placed in the ride. Joanna pops up to say that Carls’ trailer has been broken into. She didn’t know anything, she just heard the Whirlwind music. Apparently, Don slept through the whole thing, classic Don. Mort thinks it’s suspicious but Joanna swears Don didn’t have a motive (except he did, now Carl’s dead they can take over the carnival. She tells Mort about Nicky breaking into the trailer – Mort asks her why she didn’t mention it sooner but she says Nicky’s a good kid she didn’t want him to get in trouble.

Only if it was between her and him, Mort says. BURN. Nicky gets brought down to the Sheriff’s office but he says he swore on a Gideon bible, he can’t talk about it but he didn’t kill Carl. Oh alright then.

Down at the carnival, Carmen tells JB that she saw Nicky talking to a man in a grey suit but she doesn’t know who or why. She couldn’t tell who the woman was she saw running away but she doesn’t think it was Joanna Simms.

Back at the Sheriff’s office Deputy Andy proudly marches The Man In Grey in to see Mort. They found him down at the Lighthouse Motel, Jessica’s theory about the Gideon bible paid off. The man frowns when Nicky appears and swears he didn’t say a word but is alarmed when he hears of the murder. Mort is about to arrest him for pissing him off when the man suggests they swap identification.

Port Mort’s having a bit of a time.

Over at the carnival Jess runs into Toby who tells her he’s been trying to speak to Lisa all day but she said she’d call the police if he didn’t leave her alone. They were supposed to meet at 11:30 the night before but she didn’t show. JB asks where they were meant to meet and Toby’s face drops as he says the Whirlwind. Jess needs to get into town but Toby doesn’t have a car. They spot Don Simms with his car (and suitcase on the roof) but he just hightails it out of there. Later Mort arrives and arrests Joanna for conspiracy to commit murder. Joanna thinks it’s because she walked out on him all those years earlier.

Mort goes to consult Jessica, who thinks Don pinched the books and fled but didn’t necessarily kill Carl or break into the trailer. Seth brings Lisa around for reasons I didn’t understand until Jessica directs her to the kitchen where Toby’s waiting with cookies and an apology. Naww. You go Hot Toby.

Back at work, Mort confronts Joanna in the cells but she says she didn’t kill Carl and neither did Don. She knew that Carl was embezzling money but she didn’t know who else was involved. She thinks Don ran because he thought Mort would throw him in jail as payback for what happened at college. Geniuses. Mort tells her none of this is to do with that and that if she hadn’t left him he would never have met Adele, the love of his life. Deputy Andy pops up to announce they found Don. They bring him in but all he says is that he stole the books to stop them from arresting Joanna. As they tearfully reunite Mort helpfully reminds them they are still under arrest.

Back at home Jess still doesn’t think the Simms were involved. Seth bellyaching about a hangnail gives her an idea and they depart for the wake of Carl Dormer.

Thanks to a bit of dramatic flair by the carnie crew, the killer is outed.

I called it. In my head.

Richard. Richard, Richard Richard. You shouldn’t have kept your cat burglar tools on you at a magic show where anyone might grab them and work out you’re the local cat burglar and blackmail you.

Holy crap you guys. That’s the end of season 10. There are now officially only 45 episodes left.

Don’t panic.

Later gang.