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S08E22 – Murder on Madison Avenue

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It’s Season 8 finale time Fletcherfans! We find JB back in the Big Apple, off to yet another fancy business meeting because that’s just how she rolls. As she rides the elevator up, a gloved hand slips a piece of paper into her handbag. Shenanigans are afoot. (Or to be accurate, a gloved hand but whatever).

Jess arrives just in time to see a press conference wrapping up with the company’s vice-president Meredith Delaney, who is explaining to the assembled press that she has decided to pit two competing ad agencies in a Hunger Games style fight to the death to see who will get the Marathon Toys account.

Some of that might not be true.

Meredith also announces that Marathon Toys is currently in negotiations with a top crime novelist about developing a murder-solving board game called Murder Will Out (*coughs*).  Now wouldn’t you just know it, but one of the creative directors, Brian Singer (The Boss Lady’s nephew in real life), just happens to know Jessica, so when he spots  her loitering in the reception area at the end of the press conference, he delightedly puts two and two together. He introduces JB to his boss, Miles Packard, who is interrupted by the arrival of his competitor Boris Steloff who wants to wish Miles good luck. Miles informs him he is well aware Boris has taken the competition into the bedroom.

This seems to happen quite a lot to Our Heroine. (Also, murders. But whatevs)

Miles and Boris depart, soon followed by Brian who tells JB to meet him for lunch at 12:30 for a catchup. Meredith’s assistant calls JB into the office. Meredith introduces her to her husband Devery McFarlane,  who will be overseeing the games development, and then gets called to the phone. Devery tells JB  that company president Edgar Greenstreet is particularly excited about the game, and has a lot of ideas. JB is delighted, Greenstreet is a legend in the toymaking world.

Meredith gets off the phone and replaces her clip-on earring (annoying character trait or annoying plot point? We may never know), and informs JB that she is responsible for the business, Greenstreet is an eccentric and best not thought about. Righto.

Over lunch, Brian and his partner Amanda North chat about advertising with JB. JB finds a piece of paper in her handbag with Room B100 and a time, and wonders if there’s a B100 at Marathon. Amanda asks about another campaign she and Brian worked on, a makeup campaign, and Brian tells her he didn’t give the client her copy, her views about how to sell the makeup were irrelevant, honey. Amanda suddenly realises she has a meeting to get to and rushes off. Brian follows.

You sir, are not Don Draper.

JB returns to the Marathon offices, where she finds the mysterious B100 and enters the security code so helpfully given to her by the gloved hand. Inside, it’s like Wonka Land for toys, which isn’t necessarily a good thing.

 

I would rather go cage diving for great white sharks than see that.

Jessica soon meets the man behind the curtain and it’s all you would expect.

If Jessica wanted to hangout with a man-child, she would call Grady.

Oh it’s Higgins from Magnum PI no wonder he sounded familiar.

Greenstreet, mad scientist that he is, seems to be on Jessica’s wavelength about the game, but when she tells him about Meredith’s suggestion that he isn’t really involved in the company he tells her not to worry about what that female Caligula said, and to not tell anyone she has access to B100. JB gets held up by the robot again, and when she turns back to Greenstreet, he’s gone. The robot tells her to talk to Brian about a game he helped market called Waffles, it had a very similar concept to hers.

This episode is 90% about Jessica reacting to being held up by a robot

Later that night, in the offices of Boris Steloff (and associates) Boris is worrying about the contract. Greenstreet has a soft spot for Brian and Amanda, and he has the final say about who gets the contract, so he thinks he’s in with no chance. Meredith tells him the relationship between Brian and Amanda is a bit rocky at the moment, so maybe he’d like to consider taking Amanda on as a partner – but if he tries to get in Amanda’s pants, it’s all over. Decision made, they hear a noise out in the main office  and see a shadowy figure running away.

Not one to waste time, Boris starts cruising the streets of New York happens across Amanda waiting for a taxi and gives her a ride home (as witnessed by a car lurking across the street). He convinces her Brian is holding her back and arranges to meet her at his office the next night to talk turkey.

The next morning Meredith resumes her role ruining lives, and eviscerates a dump truck designed by Frank Christy for being an accurate representation of a dump truck, not caring that Greenstreet overruled her requests for cost cutting measures. Jessica meets Frank leaving the office, apparently having been called in by Meredith. Meredith tells JB she’s heard some worrying news that Jess has been hanging out with Greenstreet and reminds her that Greenstreet isn’t all there and basically she needs to stay away. Jess is not on board with this and walks out. Meredith’s assistant, Moffatt, stops JB and tells her that Meredith just has a lot on her mind these days.

Meredith tells Devery that Frank needs to be fired immediately if not sooner, and Devery wonders when it will be his turn, on account of her sleeping with Boris and everything. She looks shocked but then tells him she wants him gone by the end of his contract. Hashtag capitalism is great.

That night Amanda goes to see Boris and hear his plans for her future, which include a vice-presidency, the likelihood of being made full partner, and all the makeup campaigns she can poke a stick at. They seal the deal with champagne, and Boris chucks in a kiss for good measure (pervert). Unfortunately for him Meredith is lurking in the darkened hallway and has seen everything. Sucker.

The next morning, JB meets Brian to discuss Waffles, which isn’t called Waffles apparently, it’s called Pancake Man. He’s not really focused though, he’s just found out that Amanda is leaving to join Boris. Meanwhile, Boris has just walked into Meredith’s office crowing about his success when she slaps him. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID LAST SUMMER LAST NIGHT. Boris storms out just as Devery arrives looking rather cheerful.

That night, Greenstreet and a couple of his robot sidekicks host a soiree to celebrate 20 years of Marathon-ness. Meredith, Moffatt (whose first name is Sylvia it turns out), and two men. The men receive cufflinks, the women get earrings. Jess stands front and centre, watching the proceedings and necking champagne when Devery wanders past to tell her not to worry about him not overseeing her project any more. Frank also wanders past, looking very jolly for someone who just got fired. Brian offers a dance with JB but Greenstreet steps in first, leaving Brian looking forlorn. Even Amanda isn’t giving him anything, she barrels past him and goes straight to Boris, who quietly informs her that that great employment opportunity he had for her is looking a bit sketchy. Greenstreet smirks away and asks Jess to meet him in his lair for a continued talk about her board game.

Brian sees Greenstreet leave the party early and decides to follow him. Later, when Jess tries to find him to tell him about her meeting with Greenstreet she can’t find him anywhere. She does find Meredith, who gets a phone call (and off comes the earring) and rushes off, saying she has no idea where Brian is.

Jessica heads down to the basement, lets herself in to room B100 and turns the lights on. Greenstreet’s train-sled comes whirring out of the back room, as the man himself walks into the lab behind JB. He grabs the remote for the train and turns it off. Meredith Delaney is lying in the train-sled, significantly more dead than before.

One of the NYPD’s finest, Lieutenant Hornbeck arrives and immediately declares it a robbery gone wrong when he finds an earring on the floor and a security cabinet broken into. Moffatt pops up to tell them that Devery is upstairs and they all troop up to talk to him. He has nothing for them, his wife had made plenty of enemies who might want the contents of the security cabinet. Moffatt chimes in that Meredith, Devery, Greenstreet and the designers are the only people with the security code. (*coughs* And JB *coughs*)

In the cab going home, Devery tells JB he’d long fallen out of love with Meredith, and now that she’s dead he inherits everything. He wonders what the police will make of that.

And you thought I couldn’t drop a Cruel Sea lyric on this blog.

Devery tries to deflect suspicion by telling JB if Greenstreet looks ten years younger tomorrow to check the annual report that is being released. It might shed some light.

The next morning, JB calls Amanda to tell her the news but she’s already heard. JB asks her if she’s heard from Brian, who’d been AWOL since the previous night, but Amanda tells her she hasn’t. At the Marathon office, Hornbeck tells her they’ve almost solved it, and that all the designers had alibis.

“Even Frank Christy?” Asks JB.

Hornbeck had the same theory but he had an airtight alibi, but also a 20K cheque dropped in his bank account that had just been removed as travellers cheques. He gets a phone call from the lab that confirms the owner of the fingerprints found on the murder weapon and the door to B100 is Brian Singer. JB scoffs but Hornbeck has his man.

Brian turns himself in to JB and says that he’d followed Greenstreet downstairs but lost him so he wandered around the workshops until he found B100. H tells JB that the door was open so he figured Greenstreet was in there and went in. He saw the busted security cabinet, tripped over the crowbar that had been used to kill Meredith, and hightailed it out of there. He never saw another person.

Jess agrees to help him on the condition that he turns himself in to police. Greenstreet calls JB to ask if they could continue their discussion re: the game, and JB asks to make it later in the day, she has errands to run.

Errands, apparently, involve going around to Frank Christy’s apartment. His landlord tells her Frank decamped for far away lands earlier that morning. Jess tells him she lent Frank her coffee pot and the girls are coming around for poker night, might she…

The landlord grins and tells her the door is open – Frank’s sister just came by looking for her breadmaker.

THE NERVE

That person, it turns out, is Amanda North looking for Brian. She’s worried he’s done something stupid. Jess tells her that’s what she thought too when she’d heard Frank had been bribed 20K for the access code to B100 but that she doesn’t think Brian is responsible. She decides to go see him in jail, and takes her earring off to use the phone.

Alright stop. I was around in the 90s. WHEN WAS THIS EVER A THING WHY WERE WOMEN WEARING EARRINGS SO CHUNKY THAT THEY COULDN’T USE A TELEPHONE I MEAN COME ON.

Anyway, this triggers a memory in JB’s brain and she goes to ask Moffatt about the annual report. It turns out Meredith had been quietly acquiring stock options and was close to having enough power to oust Greenstreet as CEO.

Down in B100 JB confronts Greenstreet, which may or may not have been a gambit to lure out the real killer, to be honest I’ve been googling giant 90s earrings and telephones and somewhat missing the point.

I mean how big even are those earrings

Anyway, Moffat loved Greenstreet and hated Meredith and there was an earring swap and well there you go. Season 8 is done and dusted. You guys there’s only 4 seasons left!

I BET JB CAN ANSWER A PHONE IN THOSE EARRINGS

S08E21 – Badge of Honour

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Welcome back to the Cove, Fletcherfans, where JB is busy minding her own business and baking cupcakes when Seth barrels into her house. Seth’s just discovered that his old army buddy Ben Oliver, who Seth thought was missing/dead in World War II, is very much alive and coming to Cabot Cove.

Erhmahgherd!

It isn’t possible for Seth to be more excited about this news, as evidenced by the way he greets Ben when he arrives in off the bus.

You know Seth is overcome with emotion when he goes the double hand shake

Alas for Seth, the excitement is short-lived. Ben interrupts Seth spruiking the features of his house and guest bedroom to inform him he won’t be staying with Seth.

After three days they start to stink (presumably also dead bodies)

Seth agrees and offers to drive him to a hotel but Ben just wants to have a seat first and clear his lungs after the long bus ride. He tells Seth he’s found a lovely town and Seth agrees, saying he’s been practicing medicine there for 37 years. Seth asks Ben what happened to him that day in the war (December 16 1944) and he says he woke up in a German field hospital then spent the rest of the war in a POW camp. After the war he was still in hospital for 2 years then spent the rest of his life wandering.

Seth asks Ben why he never got in touch.

“I wasn’t quite right. For a long long time. And after that it seemed like it was too late.” Says Ben. This episode has the feels already.

Jess has Ben, Seth and Mort over for dinner, and I think we should all just take a moment to bask in the glory of Mort’s manly man-ness.

Hey girl indeed.

Ben tells Mort he’s lived everywhere and done everything, and tells Jess he was married twice to the same woman but that it didn’t work out either time. Jess thinks Cabot Cove could use a man of many talents and Seth declares he can find Ben a job in 24 hours. Ben offers a toast – here’s to a lot of good men who died, and the best one of all who didn’t.

Seth hasn’t called Jessica WOMAN yet, he is not coping with all this.

Plot twist you guys! Ben isn’t the only newcomer to Cabot Cove. A bloke called Lawrence Jarvis is checking in to Ben’s hotel but tells the hotel owner not to tell his friend Ben he has arrived, he wants it to be a surprise.

That is an ominous grin you guys.

If there was any doubt as to his shiftiness, Jarvis then proceeds to break into Ben’s hotel room, (info he conveniently got from the front desk guy) and finds a gun under Ben’s mattress.

The next day is a beautiful morning in the Cove, and Seth’s wandered down to the country club to have a chat to Mason Porter about a) having his annual medical checkup and b) maybe getting Ben a job at his boat yard. Mason tells Seth it must be his lucky day, his mechanic just quit and he needs a guy. Everything’s working out great! Well, except for the fact that Mrs Porter and Mrs Dishman are glaring at each other a lot but never mind that because Mr Dishman is where it’s at yo.

FOR REAL THOUGH WHY DID NILES AND CC END UP TOGETHER I JUST DON’T KNOW

Time passes. And probably some more time, we’ll never know. Seth, Mort and JB are sitting down to presumably lunch and JB asks how Ben is going down at the boatyard. Seth says it’s all working out swimmingly and then tells them the story of how Ben saved his life during the war. Deputy Andy pops in to tell the Sheriff that the guy with the Detroit plates they’d seen lurking around is now down at the docks and he doesn’t know what it is but something seems off.

Mort heads down the docks and finds Jarvis sitting in his car watching someone. At first Jarvis tells Mort he’s just trying to work out the best road north but Mort doesn’t buy it and orders him out of the car. Jarvis tells Mort he has ID in his pocket and slowly pulls it out – turns out Jarvis is a private investigator tailing a criminal from Detroit.

“What criminal?” Mort asks.

“That one.” Says Jarvis and points – at Ben Oliver.

Mort’s day just got a whole lot more complicated

Later that evening…

(Not pictured – the bottle of wine and the roaring fire)

JB’s reading is interrupted by a knock at the door – it’s a devastated Seth with the news that Jarvis tailed Ben to Cabot Cove because Ben was a suspect in a jewellery story robbery. Ben worked for Jarvis’s company and was working security the day of the robbery, and despite being cleared by Detroit police, Jarvis is convinced Ben is guilty. Seth is shattered, he doesn’t know what to do – tell Ben and he might leave town forever, don’t tell Ben and betray the man who saved his life.

The next day Ben is hard at work on a boat when Niles Neal Dishman pops round the boatyard to buy a boat from Mason Porter. Neal has one condition though – it must be a cash transaction. Mason isn’t wild on the idea but he wants the sale more and so agrees to magic up some paperwork and have the boat ready by Saturday. They both see Ben on the boat listening and quickly end the conversation. Neal leaves, and Mason asks Ben to meet him in the office for a chat.

In the office, Mason has nothing but praise for Ben but think’s he’s overqualified for the job. Ben thinks this is the nicest firing he’s ever had, but Mason says Ben isn’t fired, he’s promoted to sales rep. Ben is delighted and can’t thank Mason enough. Mason calls his nephew Dave in to the office to tell him to find a new mechanic and once they have to start training Ben on sales. Dave would like a word with Mason on that topic so Ben excuses himself and goes back to work.

Dave tells Mason there’s no way he’s training Ben, unless Mason fumigates him and teaches him how to count to ten. UGH SHUT UP DAVE. Mason tells Dave that Ben has more brains in his kneecaps than Dave has in his whole body (accurate) and that if Dave ever questions his authority again, Mason will forget that Dave is his sister’s son (the word is nephew buddy) and will hack Dave’s little umbilical with a meat-axe.

I mean points for threatening but minus points for making sense.

Jess, troubled by Seth’s news, decides to to some preemptive sleuthing and heads down to the microfiche machine in the Cabot Cove library to read up on the jewellery store robbery. (MICROFICHE! Honestly, you young kids with your Wikipedias and your broadband internets, you have no idea how we struggled through the 90s). Jarvis pops out of a dark corner, and tells JB he’s concerned that Seth is too close to a wanted felon. Jess says she’s been reading up on the case and a) Ben is neither wanted or a felon and b) she’s just read about how Jarvis’s clients all dropped off after the robbery and that he had to file for bankruptcy. “Knowing human nature as I do,” says JB, “I wonder whether you’re blaming the wrong person for your failures”.

Jarvis suggests she add Ben’s medical records to her reading list, Jarvis will steal anything that isn’t nailed down and can’t hold a job. Jess suggests he doesn’t poison the waters in Cabot Cove, Cabot Covians ain’t got time for that.

Seth decides to tell Ben about Jarvis’s presence in Cabot Cove and Ben is furious – Jarvis hasn’t left him alone for a minute since the robbery. Seth tells him that the Detroit police have only said that the case is still open and that they haven’t got evidence either way of Ben’s involvement, but Ben is too steamed to do much.

That night, Mason is kicking back in his office with Mrs Dishman when he sees a shadowy figure lurking outside the window. When he rushes out to investigate he sees Ben walking down to the boat and demands to know what Ben’s doing there. Ben says he thought he left his jacket but it wasn’t there. Mason asks why he was looking in the window and Ben says he wasn’t – someone else was lurking around but took off when Ben showed up.

The next day, Dave Sanders rolls into the boatyard office and finds his uncle lying dead on the floor. Mort, Seth and JB are soon on the case. The cash Neale Dishman paid for the boat is missing from the safe, as is Mason’s wallet. JB finds it odd that someone bought a boat in cash but Dave says his uncle didn’t care about ethics, only about selling boats. And anyway it was obvious that Ben was the guilty party, he was in the office when Mason was counting the money – Mason was about to fire him so it stands to reason he’d take the money. JB spots an empty champagne glass and files it away for later.

Seth says BALONEY, Mason had just promoted Ben, but Dave tells Seth he’s dreaming and for the record Ben was nearly two hours late to work that morning. Dave swipes his security pass to let them into the boatyard, and goes back to work, as does Seth who doesn’t want to be any part of what’s about to happen.  Ben tells Mort and JB that he was at his hotel all night, except when he came to look for his jacket, he saw both Mason and the mysterious figure, and he didn’t kill anyone but it’s clear to him that they think he did.

Mason’s funeral comes and goes, the highlight of which is Mrs Dishman and Mrs Porter having a hissed conversation in the bushes – Mrs Porter can’t believe the nerve of Mrs Dishman that she’s even at the funeral but Mrs Dishman points out that they have one thing in common. Mrs Porter wonders just how soon she should tell Neil Dishman about what they have in common and Mrs Dishman storms off.

Neil asks his wife what the conversation was about and she tells him Mrs Porter asked her how soon she could date again.

“You don’t look good babe, how about a ride home?” Asks Neil. I AM SO NOT OKAY WITH NILES USING THE WORD BABE DEAR GOD I AM COPING WITH THIS EPISODE AS WELL AS SETH IS IE NOT REALLY.

Robin Dishman reminds her husband they took separate cars to the funeral and she would not be leaving her car there. She peels out of the car park past Mort, Seth and JB who are discussing Ben’s state of mind. Mort is looking forward to taking Robin’s license off her one day, but before they can go any further Deputy Andy pops up to report that they found Mason’s wallet and that nothing was missing but there were no helpful fingerprints either.

Seth finds Ben down at the docks saying goodbye to the water – Dave came back from Mason’s funeral and fired him. Seth says they’ll find him a new job but Ben says there’s no point, the town has made up it’s mind, and that he hadn’t heard Seth shouting his innocence in the town square. He asks Seth if Jarvis told him about his medical history and Seth says yes, but he’s only asking Ben about this now as a friend.

Says Ben:

OK then, I’ll give it to you in one quick swallow. You see, Corporal, when a mortar round hits close enough it not only explodes, it implodes at the very same time. This causes a vacuum, a force that sucks part of your being out through the top of your skull. For lack of a better word, let’s call it your soul. But what most people don’t know is souls are a hell of a lot more fragile than human flesh. Sometimes they just never seem to heal.

Meanwhile, in Jarvis’s hotel room:

#JerryOrbachForever

To be fair, this is not that dissimilar to how I binged The OA on my week off last week. But I was totes more elegant.

This is the scene when Ben barges in to accuse Jarvis of a) ruining Ben’s life and b) killing Mason and framing Ben. Jarvis says he might have done it for the money but he wouldn’t do it to frame Ben, Ben’s a ticking time bomb.

No kidding.

You can always tell when I’m starting to get hungry writing these, can’t you?

Mort arrives in the nick of time to break it up. A deputy walks in a short time later with some news – they’ve found a gun and wad of cash in Ben’s room.

JB is hanging out with Deputy Andy at the sheriff’s office examining Mason’s wallet when Robin Dishman storms in. She’s got a speeding ticket for doing 70 in a 25 zone and she’s pissed. She demands the officer who booked her be suspended immediately, she was leaving a funeral she was too upset to know how fast she was going. Andy shrugs and she furiously coughs up the 80 dollar fine, informing him that her husband will be furious about this. She barges out of the office just as Mort arrives with Ben.

Mort tells Andy to test the gun and counts the money found – it’s ten thousand dollars. Ben swears the money was planted, and the gun is his old army gun that hasn’t been fired in years. Jess asks Mort what they were even doing at the hotel and Mort tells them that they got a hot tip, Andy adding it was a man’s voice not a woman’s. Jess then asks Ben whether Jarvis followed him to the boat yard but Ben can’t be sure. Jess asks him if there’s anything else about that night he hasn’t told them, and he tells them about seeing Mason drinking champagne with his wife, the woman who just went barging out of the station. Jess thinks this is now much clearer.

Mort and JB head down to the boatyard. Jess has worked out why the wallet was missing – someone needed the security card to escape through the boatyard. They find a fisherman, Mr Wiggins, and Jess asks him if he saw anyone come by the night of the murder. He says he certainly did, but he couldn’t say who. He did hear glass breaking right after, and he’s convinced it was a man.

JB thinks this seals the deal and thanks him for his help leaving Mort more confused than ever.

10/10 beard work.

Ben arrives back at the hotel to discover Jarvis’s room is on fire. He breaks in and find Jarvis unconscious on the bed, so he hoists him down and drags him out of the room. Later, when Jarvis is recovering in hospital he tries to claim that he must have dropped a match in the bin but Jessica says no. He was knocked unconscious by the same man who killed Mason Cox.

And whaddya know here he comes now.

I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS

Apparently Niles objected to Mason banging his wife, and concocted this whole scheme to exact his revenge. And wouldn’t you know it, Jarvis saw the whole thing go down and decided to blackmail Niles about it, and frame Ben for it.

But luckily for Ben, JB was on the case. And lucky for Seth, as they watch Ben take the bus back to Detroit, he has some top-notch Fletcher cooking in his future.

OK I need to eat. Season 8 finale next week – only four seasons left!

Later Fletcherfans!

 

S08E20 – Angel of Death

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It’s Ghost time!

My singing brings all the boys to the yard

The good news is, there is an actual ghost loose in this episode and it’s haunting an old friend of JB’s by the name of Martin Tremaine, and is also a ghostly beekeeper probably.

BEES?

Faced with the ghostly beekeeper, Martin calls JB in New York and asks her to come down to California to save him from the bees read his newest play. JB is neck deep in proofs for her next novel but Martin tells her to come anyway.

Martin is not short on opinions about his newest play. His friend and long-time director Barney Gunderson thinks it’s just a teeny bit too depressing to succeed, and actress Carol Kendall really thinks her character shouldn’t die in the second act.

Completely unbiased opinion, naturally.

Martin tells them this is the last play he will ever write, and so he doesn’t want it fixed just to sell more tickets. Barney tells him audiences need happy or they need hope. He goes over to a painting of Martin’s dead wife Vivian and says if she were here she’d say the same thing.

GHOST BEES!

Martin rushes out of the room and bumps into his step-daughter Courtney, who demands to know why he hadn’t told her Jessica Fletcher was coming to stay, her uncle Alex is also coming and it’s a bit hard managing a house without all the facts (also bees). Martin tells her not to change her plans with Alex, he’s feeling tired and he’s just going to go to bed.

In his room, he discovers his late wife’s music box playing away in the darkness. He slams it shut and heads to the bathroom.

WHEN BEES WORK TOGETHER THEY ARE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE

Jessica arrives at Carmel the next day, just in time for lunch and Martin’s favourite story about the time Richard Burton went to a dive bar dressed as a centurion because he’d run out of booze in his dressing room.

To be fair, I don’t think there’s a story about Richard Burton that isn’t true.

Lunch over, everyone adjourns into the next room for port. JB has a chat to Alex (that guy in that screencap), and tells him she’s sorry she couldn’t make it to Vivian’s funeral. He thanks her and says they were close, the only children. Jess says it’s nice he can be around for Courtney, and asks if he’s staying long but he tells her he has to get back to San Francisco the next day. Martin shuffles over and hands her his play to read.

Later that afternoon, JB has finished the script and has some very definite opinions about it. She is soon joined by Lisa Ryder (the chick who was ghosting way back at the start of this episode) and her friend (and local cop, sure this won’t come up at all) Joe Connors. He quickly excuses himself to get back to work, but Lisa sits down for a chat with JB, who is frankly impressed at how well Lisa copes with being blind. Lisa says she struggled for a long time after the car accident that cost her her sight, but Martin was kind enough to let her stay on the property and she spends most of her time sculpting now and tells Jess to stop by the cottage any time to see her work.

Jess sits down with Martin to discuss the play – Jess is worried about Martin, even more so since she can quite clearly tell that the character of Mallory in the play is clearly based on him. Martin tells her he has struggled to cope since Vivian died, but that he knows that that it’s the last play he will ever write – he is going insane. Jess tells him people who are insane are usually the last to know about it, but he says it’s true. Vivian has come back to haunt him, because he killed her. Jess tells him Vivian committed suicide but Martin won’t be moved. He is responsible for her death and now he’s paying the price.

Uncle Alex bids Courtney and JB farewell, he’s heading back up to San Francisco. As he drives away, Jess tells Courtney she’s worried about Martin but Courtney says he’s been normal – older, since her mother died but it’s understandable. JB says Vivian’s death must have been hard on her too and Courtney says more than you could imagine. Jess nods then excuses herself – she has proofs to read.

JB’s quest to find the perfect proof-reading spot is interrupted by the arrival of a Big Dog.

(This is also my reaction when I see someone on my Facebook posting support for Pauline Hanson)

The dog’s owner, General Shark, appears to inform JB that she is trespassing on his property, Martin’s property ends at the tree and to tell Martin not to bother sending infiltrating troops, his property is well defended.

Hashtag crackpot.

That night, Courtney is in her room with her husband Philip, who is telling her to be nicer to her step-father, he’s leaving them everything in his will. Courtney tells him she’s seen the will and his name isn’t in it. Undeterred, Philip offers to help her relax (ew) and Courtney tells him she has things to do downstairs, and leaves. Meanwhile, JB and Martin are kicking back with a cup of tea and a brandy, and JB tells Martin she really thinks he should see a doctor. Martin tells her he’ll think about it and she bids him good night.

Martin finishes his brandy and adjourns to his room, only to discover the music box playing again. He smashes it against the wall, but then notices the bathroom door handle turning. The door opens and a figure emerges.

THE WORST KIND OF BEES

The figure crosses the room, points at Martin and then departs, closing the door behind her. That’s one polite beekeeping ghost.

Jess hears Martin yelling and rushes to his aid. Martin starts babbling about seeing Vivian again but Jess tells him she saw noone on the stairs. Courtney comes in and asks if he’s having another bad dream and he tells her yes, it must have been. Jess asks her if she saw anyone on the stairs but she says no. Courtney gives Martin a sleeping pill and says they all just need a good nights sleep.

Of course that was never going to happen. JB hasn’t even gotten her pjs on when there’s more screaming, this time outside. She races downstairs and bumps into Barney before opening the front door to find Lisa standing there, beside herself. She’s too traumatised to give them much so Barney and JB go to investigate her cottage and find Philip, Courtney’s husband, dead on the floor with a knife wound in his back.

Carmel’s finest roll in to start investigating, but Lisa doesn’t have much to tell them. She woke to hear a noise in her cottage, then heard a thud and a gasp, before she managed to get out of the cottage (not before tripping over something on the way). She also thinks her clay cutting knife is missing, but JB didn’t see it when she came in later and Joe Connor was unable to find it either. Joe’s boss, Sheriff McAlister wants to know why Philip was in the cottage to begin with but Lisa has no idea – he had come a couple of times during the day to say hi but that was it. Courtney also has no idea what her husband was doing there – she only realised when she woke up when the screaming started that he hadn’t come to bed. Martin staggers into the room bellowing that Vivian is trying to kill Lisa and collapses into a chair.

Later, JB pops in to the Sheriff’s office to get the latest and to find out more about Vivian’s suicide. The Sheriff tells her they don’t really know why she did it, but they did know Martin had a wandering eye, and the suicide itself was nasty – Vivian slit her own throat with a razor blade in Martin’s bathroom. JB mentions that Martin had been taking sleeping pills and asks the Sheriff if he could analyse them and he says sure thing. Joe Connors drives her back to the house and tells her he thinks Courtney did it – from what he’d seen Philip had his eyes on Lisa, but Lisa told Joe she wasn’t interested in dating anyone. Joe thinks she’s still getting over losing her sight.

As Joe drops Jess back at the house Uncle Alex rolls up. He asks if it’s true and Jess says she’s afraid so. Alex asks her if they know who killed Martin and she asks him just what he’s been told. He tells her that he had a message that there was a murder, but that’s it. Jess tells him Philip was murdered, not Martin and Alex rushes into the house. JB follows him in to ask some more questions. It turns out Alex isn’t Martin’s biggest fan on account of Vivian caught him in bed with Lisa on the day she committed suicide. Oh d-d-d-dear.

That night was both dark and stormy…

What happens if a bee gets struck by lightening? OMG TURBO ELECTRIC BEES

…so Jess goes to check on Lisa at the cottage to check out her sculpture/interrogate her. Jess’s theory is confirmed when Lisa tells her that Martin was driving the car in the crash that cost her her sight. They had been having an affair but it ended when Vivian committed suicide. In a suspicious move, JB moves the kettle to a different burner to see if Lisa notices and she does – she tells JB it’s because she could feel the heat. Awkward.  The rain starts bucketing down and JB decides to close the window, noticing a footprint and traces of terracotta on the window sill. She asks Lisa if her sculpture was damaged and she says it was cracked but is easily repaired. She keeps it wet to stop it from drying out.

The lights go out and then Jessica notices someone trying to get in the front door. They smash the panes of glass and JB activates her battle plan.

Guys I don’t think this is bees.

Jess and Lisa are saved by the arrival of Joe Connors, who came to check on Lisa when the power went out and saw someone running away as he pulled up. Good old Joe.

The next day Jess pops in for a chat with Sheriff McAlister and learns that a) Joe was on night shift the night of Philips murder, b) the pills that Courtney said were to help Martin sleep were in fact a powerful anti-depressant and c) Courtney is in line to score it all if Martin dies. JB thinks they should search Martin’s property to see what’s up. JB has a theory that Philip wasn’t the intended victim, and that the killer came back to the cottage the previous night to retrieve something he had left behind. At the cottage they find nothing until JB asks Lisa if her sculpture is hollow – it is, Lisa says, to allow the terracotta to dry evenly.

Back at the main house they’ve made a discovery in Courtney’s wardrobe – a ghostly beekeeping outfit. Courtney says it’s just a keepsake, but when they also mention they found her sedatives in Martin’s medicine container she comes clean. She wanted Martin to suffer for what he did to her mother, but when they accuse her of killing Philip by mistake she just shakes her head and says she won’t speak without legal advice from Uncle Alex.

Unfortunately for Courtney, Uncle Alex is just a little busy at the moment.

Busy going to jail, that is.

They bust him trying to extract the knife from the sculpture, but they’d beaten him to it.

The important thing is, the bees were innocent. And I for one welcome our bee overlords, may they be eternally benevolent and not the kind that shoot electricity at people after being hit by lightening which is totally a thing.

Happy Easter Fletcherfans!

 

S08E19 – Day of the Dead

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Hola Fletcherfans! Bienvenidos a Ciudad de México, where a mysterious masked figure is breaking into a museum and pinching a gold mask, and JB is in town to “do research” for her next book.

Me, after arriving in Mexico City.

JB’s next book is about an archaeologist, so lucky for her she is good friends with one – Cyrus Ramsey, who also happens to be the curator of the museum that got broken into just the night before, I mean what were the odds. Cyrus is happy to have JB follow him around to see how an archaeologist goes about his business, but his assistant Scott Bakter pops up to announce that the police have questions and paperwork for Cyrus to sign, so Cyrus pledges to meet Jess later.

Cyrus is being played by James Coburn. I mention this only because as soon as he appeared I said “That’s James Coburn” but I couldn’t tell you a single James Coburn movie. (I can now, I googled).

Before JB heads out looking for tequila to explore the zoccalo, Cyrus introduces Jess to Police Chief Quezada, who explains that all they know is that the thief abseiled in through the roof, which leads them to think that it was professionals. Cyrus warns Quezada that Jessica will have it solved before she leaves the building.

Back at her hotel, Jess is thanking Juan the hotel manager, who always looks after her when she’s in Mexico. He tells her he has already reserved her favourite table and she thanks him again before heading out tequila hunting. Juan has no time to rest though, a colleague wanders past to tell him that Enrico Montejano would like a word.

Enrico Montejano, it turns out, has a mutual interest with Juan – Juan’s daughter Rosa. Apart from being the owner of the hotel, Montejano is on the board of the ballet where Rosa dances, and has taken quite a shine to her. Juan says that anyone who disrespects his daughter will have their heart cut out, which doesn’t please Montejano who asks if Juan is threatening him but Juan says it’s fine. Montejano is only interested as a a patron of the arts, obviously he’s not going to threaten him. Montejano tells him to get out, just in time for Rosa to walk in from the next room.

Downstairs Jess and Cyrus discuss her plans for the next book, and Cyrus promises to take her to all his favourite places when Montejano pops up to invite Cyrus and Jess to his hacienda that evening for a small shindig. Jess can see Cyrus isn’t keen so promises Montejano that she will get back to him.

Persuasive Jess is Persuasive.

Cyrus later concedes he is not Montejano’s biggest fan, but the man does have an excellent art collection – including a hidden stolen art collection – and more to the point it will be excellent research for JB’s book.

Cyrus takes Jess to the town of San Ignacio, where the dig site is located. Preparations for Day of the Dead are well underway, and Cyrus explains the festival to JB – people write songs or poems, called calaveras, that mock the dead. In San Ignacion the townspeople put on a play mocking the rich and powerful (because everyone is same-same when it comes to Death), and Cyrus introduces JB to the person behind the calaveras, Ramon – former circus clown and current heartthrob.

Mexican Ryan Gosling there I said it.

Despite his own troubles – his wife is in hospital and as a result they are behind on the rent, a fact that that has not escaped Montejano’s notice – Ramon tells Jess that Cyrus is playing the lead in the production, a fact Cyrus neglected to mention. Ramon asks if JB will come and she says she’d be delighted.

No one likes a hold-out, Cyrus.

That night, Montejano’s party is in full swing, but Montejano can’t help but notice his beloved wife Consuela is yet to make an appearance. He goes up to check on her and she says they’ll just have to wait, maybe his new mistress can entertain the guests instead. Montejano tells her they can just get divorced, but Consuela says no, she made a promise – til death. She also tells him that she will celebrate Day of the Dead like never before, once he has shuffled off into the afterlife.

To sum up: everyone wants Montejano dead.

Jess and Cyrus roll in to the party and Jess tells Montejano how admiring she is of his art collection. Montejano commiserates about the lapse in security that caused the loss of the Montezuma death mask that was stolen from the museum. Cyrus excuses himself, leaving Jess with his assistant Scott, and Montejano. Consuela appears and tells JB how much she enjoys her books and mumbles something about broken vows before moving on to work the room.

(Me at most parties)

The next day, Juan confronts Rosa about her relationship with Montejano, but she says they didn’t do anything. Juan is furious, and asks her what Jason would think. Rosa orders him to never talk to her about Jason again. Juan forbids her from seeing Montejano but she just apologises and leaves. Drama-rama. Meanwhile Cyrus and Scott have taken JB to the dig site, giving Cyrus a chance to show off his local knowledge and his muscles, stepping in to help some people lift a stone tablet out of the pit. Scott tells JB he has trouble keeping up with Cyrus sometimes.

Back at the hotel, Juan has the bright idea to go into Montejano’s office with a gun, but he can’t go through with shooting him and Rosa begs him to leave. Montejano says for Rosa’s sake Juan will leave with his life, but he is fired from the hotel. Jess bumps into him in the hotel lobby, and asks if there is something wrong. He tells her he is leaving, he won’t be managing the hotel any more, and walks away. Jess follows him into his office to demand an explanation, and he tells her he tried to kill Montejano but that he couldn’t go through with it. Jess asks if it is to do with Rosa and he says yes – she was engaged to an American named Jason, but that he had died, and now she’s taken up with Montejano and he is evil but Rosa won’t listen. Jess asks him if there’s anything she can do and he says no, he knows what he must do. He packs up his suitcase, and leaves. Upstairs, Montejano gets a phone call from a mysterious voice telling him that if he wants his merchandise, meet him in the stables during the calaveras and to come alone. Montejano hangs up, as does Rosa in the next room.

That night, the Day of the Dead festival begins in San Ignacio and JB’s outfit is amazing, as usual.

There is no occasion JB can’t nail, wardrobe-wise. (And if you’re not already, you should definitely follow Murder, She Wore on Instagram for more Fletcher Fashion Domination.

Cyrus gets all suited up to play Death, and the calavesas is ready to begin. JB notices Montejano in the audience and Ramon tells her he comes every year, and every year doesn’t realise that the play is about him.

The play kicks off and JB is loving it.

I accidentally found myself in Mexico City during Easter, and there is a place you can go where they reenact the crucifiction. I went, it was crazy, I had no idea what was going on but I enjoyed myself immensely. No beer though.

As the show continues, JB sees Montejano leave his sidekick at the table and go outside. She returns her attention to the stage, where Death has just appeared to take down the fake Montejano.

Guys, for real, if that’s James Coburn in that suit I am the reincarnation of Mae West.

As the play comes to a close, a woman comes in yelling. The audience follow her out to the stables where they find Montejano dead on the floor, wearing the missing Montezuma death mask. Quezada and his men arrive on the scene and quickly take charge. JB tells him Montejano leave the show alone, despite his bodyguards protests, and Quezada thinks that the whole thing has gone down as a business deal gone wrong. Jess excuses herself, saying she doesn’t want to interfere with his investigation (LOL) but Quezada says on the contrary and gives her his business card in case she has any more insights.

Jess pays a visit on Consuela, who tells her she can only assume her husband was killed by a business rival. She tells Jessica that she didn’t know much about Montejano’s business dealings, her husband preferred it that way. She hadn’t gone with him to the fiesta as she’d made other plans – her husband often went without her for business, and for other things.

Consuela is next-level intense.

As JB leaves, she has a quiet word with Montejano’s bodyguard, Oso. He tells her he owes everything to Montejano and that he should have been there. He also tells her that Consuela was horrible to her husband and that Ramon was trying to take advantage of Montejano’s good nature. JB does not pass comment on this, but gets into the car. Montejano’s chauffeur drives her away, under the watchful eye of a guy wearing binoculars and a Hawaiian shirt.

Back at the hotel, JB is delighted to see Juan back at work, thanks to Consuela. Rosa is also delighted but suspicious – her father did not come home until late, but he tells her if she won’t tell him what she’s up to, he won’t tell her. Over at the museum, Scott is setting the alarm on the newly returned Mask of Montezuma. JB still can’t believe how the thief got out, but Scott tells her all it would have taken is some specialised climbing equipment. He started climbing at the recommendation of his friend Jason, the one who died the year before. Jess asks if it was a climbing accident and he says no, it was a car crash. He couldn’t believe it, Jason wasn’t into drugs…Cyrus appears and tells Jason to go meet his friends, he’s taking Jessica to Teotihuacan to see the pyramids.

That night, Jessica returns to her hotel room to find Hawaiian shirt guy in her hotel room. It turns out he’s DEA Agent Ramirez, and has come to politely request order JB to stay out of his investigation. He still has an informant inside Montejano’s operation and that despite Montejano’s death, the investigation can go ahead. Jess asks him about Jason Powell, the dead boyfriend of Rosa, and he tells her that Jason got mixed up with Montejano and ended up doing a drug run into the states. The DEA caught on, Jason panicked and crashed his car. Fun fact, he went to the same university as Scott the assistant, and Cyrus’s grandson, seen only in a photograph up until now.

Jess finds Rosa at the hotel and casually mentions she knows how Jason died. Rosa admits to being the informant, but says that she didn’t kill Montejano. When she’d heard Montejano’s phone call about the meeting she called Ramirez to set up a sting because she thought it was a drug bust and that they finally had him.

Jess and  Quezada go to visit Ramon’s shop, where they meet Ramon’s wife, newly out of hospital and relieved to announce they have come up with a solution to the rent problem. Jess wants to look at the costumes, and she explains that she always used to make them for Ramon when he was in the circus and does them now for the day of the dead. Jess pulls out two identical Death costumes and Ramon’s wife tells her she only made one. Quezada notices stains on the second costume that look like blood. At that moment Ramon appears and realises what’s happened. “Ah, so you know.” He says.

Know indeed.

Confused? I was.

I was ADAM-ANT that Scott was the killer, but I was in fact, wrong. This is a story all about how a grandfather wanted revenge for the death of his grandson, and so asked his good friend Ramon to stand in for him as Death while he went round the back and busted a cap in Montejano’s head.

Seriously though, go and look at that screen cap of Death. It’s not James Coburn abut it’s not Ramon either. TRUST ME IT LOOKS LIKE SCOTT, WHAT IS HAPPENING I NEED A LIE DOWN AND ALSO PROBABLY A TEQUILA.

Later Fletcherfans!

 

S08E18 – Programmed For Murder

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We are back in the murder-iest Cove that ever Coved Fletcher fans, and the culprit is right up front this week.

The struggle is real.

Unrelated, but I rewatched Copycat last night (the one with Sigorney Weaver and Holly Hunter) and if you want some quality mid-90s technology you should definitely watch it. But I forgot how damn creepy it is, so also maybe don’t.

Anyway, JB is having a crisis, her computer ate 40 pages of her manuscript. Fortunately, Cabot Cove is the Silicon Valley of Maine (it turns out) and local programming tycoon Harriet Wooster is here to save the day. She’s feeling a little under the weather, and a little preoccupied with the fact that her marriage is in trouble and she’s in the process of selling her programming empire, but she’ll do her best to rescue JB’s missing pages.

SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER

Meanwhile at the head offices of Computanic in Boston, company President John Halsey is trying to boost confidence in his chief investor Rudy Ortega, who is having none of it. He tells Halsey to get it done or the people he represents will not be happy. He hands over a suitcase filled with presumably counterfeit Pokemon games or cash, we’ll never know, and departs. Halsey whips out a gun and ponders. (Fun fact, Halsey is being played by the guy who played Angie Lans’s son in the stage show of Driving Miss Daisy, remember that time I was in the same room as Angie Lans holy crap that was a time).

Back in the Cove and the state of the Boss’s manuscript isn’t the only crisis hitting the cove. A new doctor has moved in to the hospital and is solving cases all over the place, including The Case of Eve Simpsons Mysterious Allergy which turns out to be a reaction to the newspaper ink. Seth is unimpressed.

For those playing at home, the role of the new Doctor Beckwith will be played by everyone’s favourite double verb, Hunt Block.

Seth tries to bluff his way out of his mood when he runs into JB by going on a rant about her computer, but Jess tells him her computer has increased her output by 40% (clearly because Tumblr wasn’t a thing yet), and in any case is it possible that Seth’s bad mood isn’t about her computer?

Seth grudglingly admits he doesn’t like losing patients to this new upstart with his lab tests and fancy medicines which Seth thinks are nothing to his intuition and his ability to treat the whole patient.

“Happy now?” Seth asks JB.

Good grief if I’m chucking Limp Bizkit lyrics in this blog has gone terribly terribly wrong

Seth and Jess cruise on over to Harriet’s house – Jess to deliver a thankyou basket, Seth to do a housecall. Harriet’s husband Alan snags Seth as they arrive to talk about his wife’s health. Seth thinks she will be fine once the business has been sold and things calm down a bit, but after getting inside and checking her pulse, Seth asks Harriet to come in the following day for some tests. Harriet tells him she’s fine, she’s just stressed out about the business deal, she’ll come in next week. She starts to get worked up about being late for the meeting but Alan points out that her brother Doug hasn’t arrived – which he conveniently chooses that moment to, bringing his girlfriend Gretchen along with him. Harriet begs Alan to keep Gretchen occupied at the house while the business deal happens and he promises he will. Jess and Seth, sensing it’s all about to kick off, sneak out quietly.

Doug and Harriet meet Halsey at the Hill House and Doug lays it out – they aren’t selling for less than ten million. Halsey is horrified, the computer market just isn’t up to it, and software is struggling (lol) but Doug isn’t buying it. Harriet on the other hand looks like she’s about to pass out and collapses in agony. Doug calls an ambulance and they race over to the hospital but Doctor Beckwith emerges with some terrible news – Harriet has shuffled off her mortal coil and not only that, it would appear Seth was treating her for the wrong illness. Harriet had a bleeding ulcer.

While Gretchen brings everyone cups of water, Seth and Jonas Beckwith bicker about the cause of death until JB tells them all to shush. Seth is devastated and leaves, JB following. Doug Simmons is convinced Seth is a public menace and shouldn’t be practicing medicine.

Later that night, Allan is sitting in his darkened florists shop when Rudy pops by to tell him that he shared certain interests with Allan’s late wife, and that now he shared them with Allan. Long story short, take the deal or Rudy’s friends are going to be pissed.

The next day, Mort pops round to Doctor Beckwith’s office to get more information for his report, and ends up leaving with a prescription for his cough. Meanwhile, over at the Woosters residence Allan, Doug and Gretchen are talking about Harriet when Doug announces he has issued Halsey an ultimatum – 10 million or the deal is off. Allan is horrified Doug is thinking about money at a time like this but Doug is just trying to get things done. Allan just wants the deal done now, and they start to argue but Gretchen steps in and tells Allan Doug is just looking out for his best interests.

Over at the hospital, Doctor Beckwith finds Seth and says how very sorry he is, he knows Seth was a close friend of the deceased. Seth is disgusted – her name wasn’t The Deceased it was Harriet Wooster, she had a mole on her shoulder, she had an appendectomy when she was 14 and every year she drove to Boston to see the Celtics play the Lakers. Beckwith apologises, but wishes Seth would cut him some slack – they have different approaches to medicine but there’s no reason why the two can’t work together. Seth shouts OH HELL NO and storms out. (Paraphrasing).

Meanwhile, JB’s cardigan game is strong this episode.

Seriously though I want that cardigan.

JB has suspicions and is hoping to get the autopsy results from Mort, but he hasn’t got them yet and besides they know what happened. He knows how Jess feels about Seth, and he doesn’t think Seth did anything wrong either.

Deputy Andy Broom pops up to deliver Mort’s prescription from Doctor Beckwith.

DEPUTY ANDY IS ALWAYS ON DUTY.

Later, JB runs into Jonas Beckwith who tells her he’s very sorry about the deceased her friend. Jess thanks him and says she’s glad he’s decided to practice medicine in Cabot Cove, and not to mind Seth.

Speaking of, Seth pops by JB’s house later that afternoon with his brand new fishing reel. JB can’t help but notice it’s the one he showed her in the catalog that cost $375.

Seth is doing what I do in times of great emotional stress (except I buy books and not fishing equipment).

Seth’s decided to take a step back and be kind to himself, and maybe even retire. Jess calls him out and tells him there’s no evidence that he had anything to do with Harriet’s death. Seth says his new fishing reel has nothing to do with Harriet’s death but Jess says it does, she knows how his mind works.

The coroner calls, looking for Seth and delivers his verdict – Harriet died from a transfusion of the wrong blood type. Jess tells Seth that proves he wasn’t to blame but Seth begs to differ – if he’d been treating Harriet for stomach ulcers in the first place she wouldn’t have needed a transfusion and she’d still be alive.

Poor Seth.

Jess heads over to the hospital to speak to the nurse responsible for the transfusion, Laura Garrison, but she’s reticent to talk to JB – she knows how tight she is with Seth. Jess just tells her she wants the truth and Laura tells her all she knows is that she took Harriet’s blood a few weeks before, and got the blood ready for transfusion when she came in sick.

(The coffee, not the blood. Just so we’re clear). 

Over in downtown Cabot Cove, Halsey runs into Rudy who tells him without Harriet the company is less juicy (his words not mine), so he won’t offer a cent over 4 million dollars. Halsey is furious but Rudy tells him that’s all there is, and if there’s a problem he needs to deal with it efficiently.

The next day, Jess is formulating a theory and gets on the phone to Laura Garrison to ask if she ever saw Harriet’s face the day she came in sick. Harriet says no, she wasn’t in the emergency room that day and when she dropped the blood off Harriet’s face was obscured. JB asks Laura to describe Harriet from when she came in to donate, but Laura says she was so busy she can’t remember. She’d remember if she saw the face again somewhere but not otherwise.

Over at the Hill House Doug Simmons has been doing his own formulating, and asks Gretchen to seduce Halsey for information. Gretchen is horrified but Doug tells her to think of the money.

Jess heads down to the Sheriff’s office and faxes a photo of Harriet Wooster over to Laura, who calls back a short time later. JB has a quick word, gets off the phone and announces that Harriet’s death had nothing to do with negligence, she was murdered.

The best kind of jam.

Jess has correctly deduced that someone pretending to be Harriet Wooster donated blood that would prove to be fatal if she ever needed a transfusion. All she needs now is a doctor to think of a way that someone could bring on an illness that would require a transfusion – and two doctors could do it even faster.

SETH YOU ARE SUCH A CURMUDGEON.

Cabot Cove’s greatest medical gurus stop butting heads and put their minds together, and decide that certain poisons could induce the symptoms Harriet displayed. That’s all Jess needs to hear and she gets back on the phone to Laura Garrison.

Over at the Hill House, Gretchen is launching Operation Halsey, but it doesn’t go well. JB arrives just as the operation sinks without a trace, to ask Gretchen to give Doug a message – JB thinks Halsey murdered Harriet, they are just waiting on more tests.

Gretchen rushes straight out to deliver the message – but not to Doug.

Well alright then?

Allan, inexplicably, has been having an affair with Gretchen this whole time. JB noticed that Gretchen knew where to find the blood bank coffee cups when she handed out drinks when Harriet died, therefore proving she’d been the one to donate blood pretending to be Harriet.

WHAT? I mean this seems like a long-ass bow guys. I would never doubt the genius that is Our Heroine, but MSW writers, I’m giving you some hard side-eye right now.

Let us leave this episode with the knowledge that Jess has brokered peace between the warring doctors and remains the Queen of Cabot Cove.

Later Fletcherfans!