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S06E09 – Test of Wills

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Welcome to a MYSTERIOUS ISLAND Fletcherfans, where Jess is being ferried to by helicopter at the request of Henry Reynard, who has also requested the attendance of his family for an IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. Henry’s son Jason and his wife Valerie, Henry’s daughter Alice, her daughter Kimberly and Kimberly’s fiancee Preston, and his old pal Doctor Hubbard Dabney have already arrived at the island, leaving Jess to make a fashionable entrance.

As far as Henry’s family are concerned, they’re all there so that Henry can cast judgement on his granddaughter’s choice of husband, while Jess has been lured in with the promise of a large charitable donation. When she presses Henry for more information, he comes clean – he brought her there because someone is trying to kill him and he was JB to find out who it is.

I think we've all made that face at some time or another

I think we’ve all made that face at some time or another

Henry shows JB the evidence of various attempts on his life and begs JB to investigate, but Jess wants no part of it. Henry tells her it’s fine, he knows the guilty one is someone in his family and they’re all there for the weekend (how convenient) and anyway here’s this cheque for a million dollars made out to Jessica Fletcher what do you mean you won’t do it?

Jessica tells him she’s not a trained investigator (modest) and that he should go to the authorities. Henry is outraged that she won’t accept his money but she tells him she doesn’t care about that. He puts the cheque back in the drawer, along with document with the helpfully large heading LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT and a gun. He suspects Jessica might change her mind after meeting his family.

Upstairs, Jessica is unpacking when she gets a knock at the door – it’s Henry’s granddaughter Kimberly who was very excited to find out JB Fletcher was coming for the weekend.  She’s not much of a talker (she says), who doesn’t have a lot to say (according to her mother) but finds it a lot easier to…write how she feels.

This also happens to people when word gets out you have a degree in publishing, even when said people now work at a travel agency because it's basically impossible to get a job in publishing *coughs*

This also happens to people when word gets out you have a degree in publishing, even when said people now work at a travel agency because it’s basically impossible to get a job in publishing *coughs*

Later that night, and wouldn’t you know it, a massive storm hits the island. I mean honestly, what were the odds of that happening? Henry gathers everyone in the billiard room and announces that he’s redrafted his will.

e2 e3 e4

I mean he tried...

I mean he tried…

Side note: I am going to work a 2001: A Space Odyssey reference into this episode even if it kills me.

Just to make a will announcement even more dramatic, the lights go out. They all scatter to look for flashlights and candles,and Henry tells JB to stay with Kimberly while he sorts out the fuse. A moment later Jess notices the thunder sounding more gunshot-ty than usual and goes to the hall.

Preston is on the ground, dead, and it’s obvious what killed him.

Convenient flashlight is convenient.

Convenient flashlight is convenient.

Reactions to the death by smug of Henry Reynard stretch from devastation (Kimberly) to thirst (Jason). While the family go and drink/ cry, Jessica quickly deduces that Henry was murdered and that they need to send to the mainland for help pronto. Unfortunately, the phones are out, as the creepy butler informs them. The body is taken upstairs,  and as the lights come back on Jess asks Dr Dabney if he knew anything about the other attempts on Henry’s life but he says that the Curious Incident of The Pills That Weren’t wasn’t life-theatening.

Downstairs, the grieving family led by Jason have broken into the locked drawer and have discovered the will, with the million dollar cheque made out to Our Heroine…

Oh d-d-dear

Oh d-d-dear

…and the news that the revised will means that everything in Henry’s estate now belongs to Jessica Beatrice Fletcher to keep, donate, or bequeath to Henry’s worthless heirs as she sees fit.

Dat face though

Dat face though

Jessica informs them that she had no idea about the contents of the will, and in fact she doesn’t want the money. She’s more concerned that Henry was murdered. The Doc tells them he will go and get the police from the mainland as soon as the storm clears but that in the meantime they should all get some rest. As the family all troop out, an eagle-eyed Jess spots Kimberly’s fiance Preston slipping a note to her aunt Valerie.

Not suspicious at all.

That night, while Val and Jason bicker about Preston, and Jason reveals that Preston isn’t the blue-blooded aristocrat he claims to be, JB is restless. She gets a knock on her bedroom door – it’s Alice, sniffing around JB’s plans now that she’s a squillionaire (or the 80s equivalent of). Jessica informs her she will be consulting her own attorney on the matter and points out that Alice, Jason and Valerie seemed to have much more of a motive than she. Alice tries cover her tracks by saying that she was with Kimberly at the time of the murder, but Jess points out that she was with Kimberly, not Alice.

Alice storms off. As Jess goes to close the door, she notices a light on in Henry’s room, where the body was left. She tries the door but it’s locked and the light goes off after she jiggles the handle.

The next morning…

**Original lyrics to Sexyback by Justin Timberlake.

**Original lyrics to Sexyback by Justin Timberlake.

…Jess notices a bullet hole in the ceiling. She bumps into the Doc out in the grounds who has bad news about getting a boat to the mainland (it has been disabled) and tells him about the light. He says it was him, paying his last respects to his friend. The conversation is interrupted by a blood-curdling scream from the pool house – the maid has just found Preston Howard dead, the gun from Henry’s drawer next to him.

Word gets out that Preston has shuffled off his mortal coil, and while Alice rushes to tell her daughter the news, Valerie bullies Jason into telling people they were together all night to avoid suspicion. Jess comes back inside and goes to check on Kimberly but is fobbed off by Alice who tells her she has given her daughter a sedative. Jess is about to leave when she hears raised voices coming from the next room. She knocks on the door and…well…

Zombie episodes are up 700% this season.

Zombie episodes are up 700% this season.

The reanimated corpse decidedly undead Henry Reynard invites Jessica in, as the Doc excuses himself to go and get the phones working again. It turns out this was all part of Henry’s cunning scheme to find out how his family would react to his death, to the point where he had a security system set up so he could watch the drama unfold. He tells Jess he’s disappointed she’s not more greedy.

The police chopper on in and are not terribly impressed with Henry’s little charade, but are interested in the news that Preston wasn’t all he claimed to be and that Henry knew it, and even more that an earring belonging to Valerie was just found in Preston’s pocket. JB tells the police about the little shady note passing situation and they decide to take it up with her.

They find Val and Jason having a liquid brunch in the billiard room. Val tells them she lost the earring in the dark after the lights went out and that Preston offered to go look for it when she realised it was gone. Val, naturally, was in her room with her husband the entire evening and the fact that I haven’t worked in an OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS VAL bit into this episode is deeply annoying. In any case, Alice appears to confirm she knew about the Preston situation from Jason the previous evening, and had told Kimberly to protect her. When Kimberly appears, however, she’s leaning more on the never forgiving anyone side. Especially her grandfather, who she declares killed Preston.

Sheriff Brademus is inclined to agree with Kimberly and is all set to do some gunpowder tests but JB points out that Henry did fire a gun – into the ceiling to stage his death. Same for the Doc, who had gloves in his room smelling of gunpowder – he was off shooting clay pigeons. It all seems like a dilly of a pickle until Jess helpfully reminds everyone of the video tapes Henry recorded to see everyone’s reactions to his “death”.

A close examination of the video tapes sees everyone in the family coming and going – special note is made of Preston going downstairs  followed a short time later by Valerie, who helpfully checks her reflection in the mirror to show both earrings – and only one when she returns alone later, as helpfully pointed out by Kimberly who wanders in to watch the footage with them. Brademus thinks that seals the deal and doesn’t pay much attention to the next clip of the butler rifling through Henry’s desk looking for – something? Not the gun presumably since it’s there.

They confront Valerie about the note from Preston and the case of the mysterious earring and she comes clean – Preston was blackmailing her to keep quiet. This closes the case for Jessica.

DAMNIT WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN JASON I NEED A 2001 REFERENCE IN HERE THIS BLOG IS FALLING APART

DAMNIT WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN JASON I NEED A 2001 REFERENCE IN HERE THIS BLOG IS FALLING APART

In her defence, it was one of those gun wrestling accidental situations. Her grandfather tries to impose himself on the situation, but Kimberly wanted none of it. She’s going with the police and Jessica, and she didn’t want a bar of him.

Henry gives JB her cheque, which she desperately wants to throw back in his face but instead keeps to give to the children’s hospital. OUR HEROINE IS A BENEVOLENT GODDESS.

And there we leave Kimberly and JB jetting off into the sunset, leaving Henry with his piles of money. And your intrepid writer still trying to fit a 2001 reference in here.

Thus spake Fletcher.

Dun....dun....dun.....DA-DUNNNNN.....)

Dun….dun….dun…..DA-DUNNNNN…..

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S06E08 – When The Fat Lady Sings

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We’re in San Francisco this week Fletcherfans, where there’s a dead guy on the pavement, another guy looking close to death on the pavement, a gaggle of theatre people looking very sad/hungry

 

Hodor? Hodor.

Hodor? Hodor.

Also at the scene is Jerry Stiller being a cop, Our Heroine being Our Heroine and a ghost from Christmas past who I will get to in a minute.

The gang all adjourn to the nearest hospital to wait for updates on the condition of the not dead guy, while hurling accusations around about who’s fault it is.

HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR

HODOR HODOR HODOR HODOR

Meanwhile, JB is chatting to Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum who wants answers, and since everyone else is hysterical, it’s up to JB to fill in the blanks.

Turns out, the story only begins that morning, when JB is at her hotel having breakfast when she gets a phone call from a mysterious stranger who turns out to be sitting not far from her.

DENNIS STANTON WHAT EVEN ARE YOU AND WHAT IS THAT MOUSTACHE

DENNIS STANTON WHAT EVEN ARE YOU AND WHAT IS THAT MOUSTACHE

You may remember Dennis the Catburglaring Menace from such times as this one. He’s back, much reformed, and he has PLANS for JB. No, not those plans, operatic plans.  Renowned opera singer Rosanno Bertolucci is in town and Dennis wants to take JB not only to the performance, but to meet the singer himself.

Rosanno Bertolucci is delighted to meet JB and even more delighted to tell her about how Dennis has helped to raise over $200,000 for orphans from the takings of that night’s performance. I only mention this because it never comes up again and I don’t know whether Dennis Stanton is a reformed cat-burglar or a hallucination. It’s too hard to tell.

Rosanno’s wife and aunt appear from a morning’s shopping with a new jacket for Rosanno and the news that the production’s tenor has been badmouthing Rosanno and his protege Maria in the newspaper. Rosanno, it would seem, can take insults directed at him but is outraged that anyone is having a go at Teresa. JB and Dennis, on the other hand, are more interested in the gun they’ve just spotted tucked into Rosanno’s pants (not code).

He really does have a gun in his pants! #OrDoesHe #NoHeReallyDoes

He really does have a gun in his pants! #OrDoesHe #NoHeReallyDoes

Rosanno explains that while they were on tour in  Japan and Hong Kong an unsavoury  gentleman by the name of Faraday was hanging around with some shifty looking associates, and so he got the gun for protection. Rosanno Bertolucci has no time for American gun laws, despite JB’s friendly advice.

Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is rather interested to hear about the gun and the shifty associates but Jessica’s not done yet. That night, she explains, she got to the theatre an hour before curtain and was backstage with Dennis The Menace. The place was a madhouse, with people and sets and props everywhere. Maria the protege was having her hands full trying to keep fellow singer Giorgio’s hands off her while her actual boyfriend, a journalist named Barry, sneaks out before Rosanno can catch him with Maria in her dressing room. While Jessica and Dennis deal with Hodor launching a tirade against critics, a shady character slinks backstage before being caught in Maria’s dressing room – it’s Lou Faraday. Rosanno hurls him down the stairs and tells him if he’s caught near Maria again, Rosanno will kill him.

DISAPPROVING FACE.

DISAPPROVING FACE.

Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is even more interested to hear this, but JB still ain’t done. The show went ahead with everyone performing brilliantly, except Maria. After the performance, JB and Dennis went backstage to congratulate everyone, but are cut short by screaming coming from Maria’s dressing room. Rosanno breaks down the door and finds Maria freaking out that Lou Faraday had been in her room, and had just left via the fire escape. Dennis the Menace orders someone to call the police and goes down the fire escape after them. JB and Rosanno’s wife Sylvana rush to the alley, they hear two gunshots and find  Rosanno on the ground, having a heart attack. He tells them Lou Faraday shot at him so he fired back in self defence.

That’s all well and good, says Birnbaum, except that Faraday was almost certainly shot while he was lying face down, there was no gun found on Faraday, but there were two spent cartridges in Rosanno’s gun. A kerfuffle outside erupts when the doctor informs them that Rosanno wants to speak to his aunt Teresa and that’s it – not his wife and certainly not the cops.

The next morning JB pays a visit to Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum to ask him what happened to Lou Faraday’s windbreaker – he was wearing it when he first went to the theatre, but wasn’t when his body was found. Fun fact – some outrageously awful overdubbing happens in this scene, I had to skip back about 5 times to see whether I was going nuts or not. But that’s neither here nor there. JB also asks about the angle of the gunshot – a 45 degree angle. Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is unconcerned about all of that though – he’s got the case pretty much locked down, he just needs proof. He’s keen to find out what Rosanno told her in the hospital the night before but Teresa ain’t talking.

A call comes in for JB – it’s Dennis the Menace, offering to chauffeur her around for the day. He makes plans to meet her at the opera house, hangs up and grunts (trust me, watch the episode). As he leaves, he notices a car tailing him and tries to evade them in a car chase through San Francisco but never mind that because I’VE WORKED IT OUT DENNIS STANTON IS A SHAPESHIFTER.

g2a

I mean what other possible explanation could there be????

I mean what other possible explanation could there be????

Dennis Stanton. Dennis Stand-in. Something something funny.

Over at the theatre JB is filling in Maria and her boyfriend Barry on Rosanno’s condition – he’s much better, but won’t be performing for awhile. JB wonders how Lou Faraday got into Maria’s dressing room again, but Barry tells her the stage guard always watches the performance, so it wouldn’t have been difficult. JB also asks Maria about the windbreaker, but Maria knows nothing, just that he must have changed his clothes – he wasn’t wearing it when he was in her dressing room that night. Jess thinks that’s odd considering Rosanno’s threat. Rosanno made no effort to hid his jealousy. Hint hint.

Maria informs JB that Rosanno is only a friend, nothing more.

 

DISBELIEVING JESS IS DISBELIEVING

DISBELIEVING JESS IS DISBELIEVING

Dennis arrives with the news he’s being tailed and offers to take Jess over to the hospital to chat to Rossano, who has just woken up and is expected to make a full recovery. She runs into Birnbaum and tells him her new theory – that someone dressed as Faraday, shot the real Faraday and made Rossano think he was shooting at Faraday. Birnbaum thanks her kindly for passing her theories along, and that she has an enjoyable flight back home to Vermont.

The sass is strong in this one.

The sass is strong in this one.

Back at his apartment, Dennis has just discovered his home trashed and a customs agent with a gun pointed at him. It turns out that there are some missing emeralds that he believes were smuggled into the country via the opera company, and since Dennis’s record was – noteworthy – he became the target of the investigation, although they are keeping tabs on everyone hoping that the emeralds will be recovered.

Over at the hospital, Sylvana and Rossano are arguing about Maria when the phone rings – and it’s Maria. Sylvana listens in but only hears Rossano say he will take care of it. He tells her he is tired and bids her goodnight. As soon as she leaves, he sneaks out of the hospital (after clocking his police guard on the head and stealing his uniform) and heads to Maria’s boyfriend Barry Sanderson’s apartment. Inside, he finds the apartment trashed, Maria unconcious and Barry lying dead in the courtyard below the fire escape. He goes to Maria just as the police arrive.

My GOD the melodrama.

Down at the police station Birnbaum won’t let JB near him or Rossano, but Dennis has been able to ferret out some information, the most interesting of which is that the missing emeralds were found in Barry’s pockets. The new theory is that Rossano found out Barry was double crossing him and so killed him, which seems plausible until Rossano’s aunt butts in – Rossano, she says, is only guilty of being a devoted father.

UGH SO DRAMA.

Long story short, Rossano had an affair, found out later that a baby resulted, and when that baby turned up on his doorstep with letter from her now dead mother asking for Rossano to put the girl in the company how could Rossano say no? So he didn’t.  Teresa swears Sylvana knows nothing about it.

Birnbaum still doesn’t buy it, but he has time to tell JB and Dennis that they found the missing windbreaker before kicking them out of his office. That seals it for JB as to who the killer is, but hasn’t got a clue how to prove it.

Cue suitably melodramatic trap.

Naturally

Naturally

Through a cunning use of Sylvana being jealous of her husband’s daughter, they get her to reveal she’s not really Rossano’s daughter, she and her boyfriend Lou Faraday had to get the emeralds into the country, blah blah double cross etc.

What I want to know is, when are we going to talk about Dennis Stanton’s shapeshifting ways?

Such drama, very sleepy.

Such drama, very sleepy.

 

 

S06E07 – Night of the Tarantula

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First of all, I’m just going to put this out there:

Wouldn't have thought it was that great to be honest.

Wouldn’t have thought it was that great to be honest.

There’s mysterious things happening in this land of Grand Bushes. Specifically, the Kali scene from Temple of Doom but replacing worshipping Kali with voodoo and setting spiders loose on voodoo dolls.

Wherever could we be Fletcherfans? Helpfully the team at Murder She Wrote are here to set us straight.

Just in case the preceeding 3 minute voodoo sequence wasn't clear enough.

Mystery solved, case closed, goodnight everybody!

JB is in town to visit her old friend Olivia Waverly, whose son Adam is about to turn 30. Everyone’s favourite cousin, Emma Macgill, was supposed to attend but alas she’s busy with other things. It’s a bit of a touchy subject though, the 30th. Adam turning 30 means he is to take over the family plantation currently being run by his uncle Harry. Harry doesn’t think he is ready for the responsibility of the family business, especially since Adam has been away in Kingston for 3 weeks ‘on business’ and has been uncontactable.

They are interupted by a loud bellowing and Harry appears, informing Olivia she has a phone call from someone named Reggie.

“Oh, you mean Reggae!” Olivia says. “The music!”

“Reggae, Reggie. You would have thought after all these years of being ruled by the British that they would have learned to speak the Queens English.” Says Harry.

“Well to tell you the truth I’ve heard the same complaint about us Americans.” Says Jess.

Hooray!

Today’s casual racist will be played by everyone’s favourite dwarf, Jonathan Rhys Davies.

While Olivia gets on with her mysterious reggae plans, Harry escorts JB out into the garden, where something is a little off.

Still not quite my favourite though.

Still not quite my favourite though.

They are soon joined by Harry’s other nephew Mark, who has Very Definite views about how things should go in the family business, like how to poison rats and how to stop people stealing their horses, much to the irritation of Harry.

Alright time out. This is basically an episode of Supernatural. And I’m not just saying that because I spent today at a wine festival and the only thing better about wandering around and eating things on toothpicks is waving a wineglass at people and saying MOAR PLEASE.

But I digress.

The crew are also joined by Jean-Pierre Dusant, a neighbouring plantation owner, and his daughter Michelle. While Michelle delivers a punch bowl to Olivia, followed by a panting Mark, Jean-Pierre reminisces about the parties his family used to throw at the plantation. Jessica is surprised by this, until Harry explains that his father won the plantation in a card game against Jean-Pierre’s father back in 1946.

I don't think JB approves of Texas Hold'em as a sound business practice. (Neither do I, because I'm rubbish at poker)

I don’t think JB approves of Texas Hold’em as a sound business practice. (Neither do I, because I’m rubbish at poker)

Luckily for Jean-Pierre, the two hundred acres his father was left were the richest in all of Jamaica, meaning that they didn’t do too badly out of the deal. He’s had plenty of offers since but he still hopes to reunite his fathers lands – through marriage.

JB thinks it’s surprise Mark hasn’t already proposed, but Jean-Pierre says no. His daughter Michelle is to marry Adam. That’s an even bigger surprise to JB, since she had no idea that the two were engaged.

Well, nothing is official yet, says Harry, but Jean Pierre and he have always had an understanding.

Ugh. Gimili you are being a dick.

Ugh. Gimili you are being a dick.

Later that night, Adam’s party is in full swing awaiting the guest of honour to arrive. JB meets the local reporter George Gordon (who is the ACTUAL Grand Bush, and turns out was one of the Johnsons in Die Hard). He’s not Harry’s biggest fan and the feeling is mutual – Harry seems to think Jamaicans should be grateful that England stepped in and took control of the rabble and skulks off before George can reply. While Jean-Pierre refills JB’s glass, George and JB chat about George’s visit to America, where he worked in Hollywood as a props man and makeup artist on horror movies among other things.

The conversation is shut down by the announcement that Adam is on his way in the cab, and the party guests all scurry to hide. Harry gives it a shot.

He gives it a shot and that's good.

He gives it a shot and that’s good.

As you can see, it was a genius hideout.

Good job bro.

Good job bro.

Topped only by Jean-Pierre:

Worst game of hide and seek EVER.

Worst game of hide and seek EVER.

Captain Oblivious, by which I mean Adam, remains so until the lights come back on and the guests all sing For She’s A Jolly Good Fellow. Captain Oblivious is delighted, and even more so to see Jessica (much to the irritation of Michelle, who wasn’t getting the attention she felt she deserved) but it turns out that Adam has a surprise of his own. He goes back outside and returns with a woman whom he introduces as Selena – his wife.

j2 k2 l2

The next day, Jean-Pierre, Michelle and Harry are having a war meeting in Harry’s study. Jean-Pierre and Michelle are devastated, but Harry is all “meh, I have another nephew, he gets two-thirds when he turns 30, you win some you lose some, oh by the way Adam might die.”

Jesus Harry!

Outside, Olivia and Jess are getting to know Selena, who as it turns out married Captain Oblivious after knowing him three weeks. Seems legit. They are interrupted by Mark, who has caught a tramp in the woods but as it turns out it’s Selena’s father who is not best pleased his daughter has thrown her lot in with a white dude, which is hilarious to Harry because he’s not pleased about it either which he demonstrates by shouting about how he’s not wasting Waverly money on Selena and waving his axe around.

Let's face it, you knew that was coming,

Let’s face it, you knew that was coming.

Side note:

YOU SUCK MICHELLE

YOU SUCK MICHELLE

It’s not til Harry orders Calder Williams to let Selena go or he’ll “put a bullet in your black heart,” (JESUS HARRY) that Calder retreats, but not before cursing the house and leaving a wedding gift.

I mean yes the curse sucks but a snake performing Hamlet is a pretty sweet present.

I mean yes the curse sucks but a snake performing Hamlet is a pretty sweet present.

Harry is all set to shoot it but Mark volunteers to take it outside.

Later that night, the entire house is woken by the sound of drums – except for Harry. They try his door but it’s locked, with the key in the keyhole on the inside. Adam and Mark are set to smash it down but Jess stops them, sticks a doily under the door, and carefully pokes a hairpin through the keyhole until it drops down on to the doily, where she gently pulls it back under the door.

“Where on Earth did you learn that?” Asks Olivia.

FACT.

FACT. 

Inside, it’s bad news Fletcherfans. Harry is dead, and has a snake in the bed to prove it.

SHAKESPEARE SNAKE CARRIES ON REGARDLESS.

SHAKESPEARE SNAKE CARRIES ON REGARDLESS.

The police arrive to escort Harry’s body away (and presumably take Shakespeare Snake to London to audition for the Royal Shakespeare Company) and to inform everyone that until the police arrive to take charge of the investigation, Harry’s room is to be sealed off. Olivia thinks it’s obvious that the snake killed Harry to eat, but Jessica wonders why the snake would kill something it clearly couldn’t eat. She thinks perhaps Harry was murdered.

The next morning Jessica is staring at the front of the house wondering how someone could get in and out of Harry’s room without being seen when George Gordon arrives to see if she’s lifted the curse yet. She tells him her theory of a secret passage way and he says it’s possible – many of the old houses had secret passage ways built in to escape during slave revolts. He asks her if she’s checked the room and she explains that they are all barred until the police arrive from Kingston. George wonders if a nudge from the press might help things move along and Jessica says “By all means, press on!”

I’m not making that up, she actually said that. MY HERO.

Inside, Jess finds Captain Oblivious, aka Adam, getting a massage from his new wife to try and relieve a migraine. While she goes to brew up more of her special tea, Jess asks him if there’s a chance there’s a secret passageway stashed in the walls. He doesn’t know, but conveniently Mark had the house blueprints the previous day and left them in this here cupboard. Before a closer examination can take place, Mark himself come storming in, furious that Adam has given the workers a day off during harvest season. It’s not til Olivia comes in to tell them to shut up and that Jean-Pierre and Michelle have arrived to pay their respects and have lunch.

As they sit down to lunch, Jean-Pierre whips out a bottle of something fancy that he’d been saving to drink with Harry. Olivia gets teary and he hands her his handkerchief, looking a little worse for wear, covered in something that may or may not be paint. Adam feels a little uncomfortable sitting in Harry’s place at the head of the table but has a drink anyway.

A servant appears with a box found on the verandah, addressed to Adam. It’s a voodoo doll, which Michelle is quick to blame on Selena’s father. Adam tells her to shut up before collapsing in agony, probably from the over-dubbed chanting.

Adam is rushed to hospital, where it’s quickly established that he had been poisoned with rat poison. The only reason he’s still alive, the doctor says, is because he somehow already had some of the antidote in his system. Selena says that’s her, it was one of the herbs she was putting in the tea. CONVENIENT. Adam offers to drive Jess back to the plantation but runs into George Gordon outside, who takes her instead.

Back at the plantation, Jess and George find the clue to the missing secret passage in the old house blueprints, and George inadvertently discovers who the killer might be when he picks up the voodoo doll and gets red and black paint on his handkerchief.

Oh yes. Jess knows who the killer is. But why just get him in a room and make him confess when she can get Adam (now fine thanks to the antidote) to dress up like a zombie and chase the killer through the house.

You guys, there's a possibility I may have time-travelled back to 1989 and wrote an episode of Murder She Wrote.

You guys, there’s a possibility I may have time-travelled back to 1989 and wrote an episode of Murder She Wrote.

The arrival of Zombie Captain Oblivious causes the killer to shoot some blanks and reveal his knowledge of the secret passageway, where he flees – only to run into Jess, George, some policemen and Selena.

Just so’s we’re clear.

 

BRING BACK SHAKESPEARE SNAKE

BRING BACK SHAKESPEARE SNAKE

You guys, it really pays to know someone who has worked in make-up in Hollywood. I suggest we all get to that immediately.

So until next time Fletcherfans,

SHAKESPEARE SNAKE FOREVERRRRRRR

SHAKESPEARE SNAKE FOREVERRRRRRR