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S09E17 – The Big Kill

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Welcome back to the Cove Fletcherfans, where a giant storm has parked itself. Despite this, local fisherman Henry Riddett is heading out anyway. Mort warns him as he helps load Henry’s boat, but Henry says the fish like to shelter in his nets, it will all be okay. Meanwhile, some dude named Phil Shannon stands in a truck with a loaded gun in his pants (not a metaphor). As Mort drives off, some other dude named Brian Bentall appears, warning against violence. Phil tells him Henry is going to get them all arrested, and Brian tells Phil that Henry isn’t the person who worries him.

Guys, I’ll be honest, the first time I watched this episode I started alphabetizing my books so I don’t entirely know what’s happening. We’ll discover it all together.

The next morning, with the storm still in residence, JB is contending with a whole lot of leaks and has Seth and local handyman Russell on the case. (The story of my childhood, minus having Seth on the roof. Nothing worse than a leaky roof!) Russell is grateful for the work, having lost his job when the factory closed down and is about to launch into some gratitude poetry but JB ain’t got time for that.

Life Lesson #71 – When delivering gratitude poetry it is important to read the room.

The person under that umbrella is Eve Simpson, who has blown in to invite Jessica and Seth to a party being hosted by Martin Fraser – Eve’s new boyfriend and He Who Laid Off The Staff At The Factory. Russell and Eve greet each other frostily, but Eve is far too excited about the party to dwell on such trivia.

Seth appears from the roof, after doing his back, but wants no part of Martin’s get together. JB notices his discomfort and offers to make him an appointment for her chiropractor over at Bar Harbour but Seth wants no part of that either. He’s going home to take two aspirin and he’ll call himself in the morning.

I mean he SAYS he was fixing the roof…

Meanwhile, over at Pantechnics HQ, Martin Fraser (aka Chad Everett) is having a crisis meeting with Carl Ward (aka Gregg Henry) and Brian Bentall (aka that guy from before). I don’t entirely know what they’re talking about but long story short the company is in trouble and Brian and Martin have been smuggling weapons out of Cabot Cove to make ends meet. Seems legit.

Down at the docks, Henry the fisherman gets a visit from his daughter Sarah, who is furious he went out in the storm. In response, Henry gives her an envelope with a thousand dollars in it, money collected from poker games and fishing (but actually from gun running). After Sarah leaves, Henry puts a call in to Mort, asking to meet. Mort offers to drive over now but Henry sees Phil watching him and arranges to meet him later that night, on his boat.

Jess and Seth are out for a casual stroll when they come across a traffic jam – a Pantechnics boat is being hauled in by a truck and no one appears to be terribly happy about it. Seth and JB run into Eve and Martin, who receives a frosty greeting from Seth.

At Eve and Martin’s house, Martin’s secretary Helen pops in to ask for a cheque for the caterers. While Martin is off writing it, Eve and Helen glower at each other for reasons I can only guess at. Presumably, Helen and Martin had a thing? I have no idea. I think they cut a bit too much back story out of this episode.

Later that night, as a shadowy figure leaves the dock, Mort goes to meet Henry on his boat but finds the boat filled with carbon monoxide and Henry dead from a whack to the head. Over breakfast at House Fletcher the next morning, Seth declares Henry must have passed out from the fumes and whacked his head, which killed him. Mort thinks its still a little weird that all the drawers were open and that the log book was missing, and that there are elephant footprints on the dock, but JB is far too busy correcting student papers and going over revisions for her next book to care. Mort and Seth leave, bickering.

Me getting home from anywhere with more than two people in it #introvertlyfe

Carl Ward, who it turns out is some sort of financial investigator either working for or investigating Pantechnics, visits Phil Shannon at his garage to find out why Pantechnics have been paying him, but Phil is giving him nothing. After Ward leaves, Phil puts a call in to someone to complain about Ward, the drums full of weapons he has stashed in his garage now that Henry’s shuffled off, and life in general.

That night Eve’s party takes place, and in between people waffling about undersea exploration (which apparently is what Pantechnics is into now? Literally no idea what they are talking about), and Mort inviting Brian Bentall to his weekly poker game the next night, and Eve and Helen throwing side-eye at each other (still unexplained), Martin has a clandestine meeting with someone called Walter Kurtz who may or may not be the shadowy person on Henry’s boat. Kurtz and Martin have a whispered fight about Henry’s death and the need to stick to their arrangement when Eve drags Martin away to meet some people. Carl Ward, watches the whole thing.

I honestly have no idea who anyone is or what anyone is doing.

The next day, probably, Ward confronts Martin with the news that he knows what Martin has been up to. The good news is that Ward won’t dob Martin in – if Martin gives Ward 1% of all the money he gets from the sale of the weapons. If Martin says no, the long awaited loan will not come through, and the feds will be called.

That night, Ward goes snooping around the Pantechnics boat and gets a whack on the head for his efforts. Meanwhile, the poker night at Mort’s house is well underway and Mort is cleaning up, much to the disgust of Seth and Deputy Andy. Brian, on the other hand, is more concerned with checking his messages than worrying about Mort’s antics. Over at Martin’s house Martin is throwing himself a massive pity party while Eve tries to find out what’s wrong.

Down at the docks the next morning Brian is wandering around, trying to see if anyone has seen Ward, when he finds him for himself, dead in the bottom of the Pantechnics boat which is full of carbon monoxide. JB pops by a short time later to discuss how similar it is to Henry’s death with Seth and Mort, who are surprised she remembers anything they said.

It’s always good to be reminded.

Brian overhears them talking and asks Mort if Ward was murdered, and Mort says maybe. Jessica thinks it’s an odd way to kill someone, there are much easier ways to do it. Seth thinks it’s one for the record books, which gives Jess an idea and she scurries off.

Back at the sheriff’s office Martin and Helen tell Mort their alibis for the previous evening – Helen was at her mother’s and Martin was working til one in the morning which will probably surprise Eve when she finds out. They waffle on about the loan and Ward’s report back to his office that they should reject it which comes as a surprise to Martin, but I’m so confused I don’t even care.

Seth drops around the coroner’s reports for Jess to read while he sneakily grabs the business card for the chiropractor. Henry’s daughter Sarah pops round with the news that her father had apparently sent her his log books in the post. A quick scan of the log books and a call to the coastguard reveals that a big ship sat waiting for three hours the night of the storm, but that Henry’s boat couldn’t get out due to the storm. Jess asks Mort what he saw the night of the storm, and he tells her they were loading drums, he assumed of oil.

They track the truck number to Phil Shannon’s garage, who tells them he was often asked to pick up oil drums from Pantechnics to take them to Henry’s boat, but that he hasn’t seen them since the night of the storm. Mort gets him to open his truck but it’s empty. Jess notices some rope which matches some rope she saw on the Pantechnics boat, which makes no sense because she never went on the boat, but whatevs, of course she’s right. Martin appears on the dock and tries to deny it but Mort arrests him for All The Murders anyway.

At the Sheriff’s office, Martin tells Mort that it wasn’t him it was an international gun runner and all around bad guy. “What’s his name, Goldfinger?” Asks Mort.

Martin tells him about Kurtz, and Jessica rattles off a description, from when she saw him at Martin’s party. Mort says he’s got no alibi for the murders, but then Eve pops in to tell them that Martin was with her both nights. Apparently, he was lying to protect Eve’s reputation? I don’t think he understands who this works.

Over lunch, Mort, Seth and JB discuss the case. Jess can’t work out why the killer whacked Ward but then waited two hours to turn on the carbon monoxide. Seth loudly exclaims (for the benefit of some nearby gossipers) that Eve and Martin have a secret lovechild in Paris and moans that gossip gets around Cabot Cove faster than a phone call.

This gives Jess an idea and she drags Mort away from his lunch to prove it.

Seth’s back is all better FYI

A quick stop at Pantechnics for a word with Brian and Helen et voila:

Brian of death. Whatever.

Jessica has apparently worked out that Brian called a circuit board that he’d placed in the boat engine so he could remotely turn on the boat engine. Except since JB wasn’t at the poker game I have no bloody idea how she worked this out.

Seriously, I don’t know if it was the writing or the editing but I’m still confused. I need a nap.

Later gang

 

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S09E16 – Threshold of Fear

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In the Big Apple again Fletcherfans, where the good residents have issued the Fletcher-signal.

I mean they might possibly get murdered less, but the world would be far less interesting.

This time it’s the doorman Richie who is in need. He’s worried about one of the other residents, Alice Morgan, who hasn’t left her apartment in five years and now refuses to open her door.

Never one to let a Fletchsignal go unanswered, Jess accompanies Richie upstairs, where she eventually gets Alice to let her into her apartment.

I’ll think of something for this, leave it with me.

Alice is having a bit of a time – she’s started having dreams about the night her mother was murdered, and it’s all gone a bit wrong now that the person she dreamt killed her mother has turned up on TV spruiking his architectural amazingness.

Turns out he was in the Death on the Nile episode of Poirot I watched the other week too. Adjust your social medias accordingly.

Alice flips out, saying that in her dream Jordan Barnett (see above) kills her mother and then someone turns into an owl or something. Fortunately for everyone Alice’s doctor, Ellen Holden (aka Margot Kidder, aka Lois Lane) arrives and quickly boots JB out of the apartment.

Over at Jordan Barnett’s Emporium of Wonderment, Jordan is congratulating himself on another job well done when his assistant Laura shows him the list of enquiries the TV station got after his appearance on their show. He sees Alice’s name and rushes out. While he waits for his valet to collect his car, a dude named Ben harasses him about how Jordan stole his ideas for something but Jordan just puts his foot down and leaves in a cloud of dust. Meanwhile, at Dr Holden’s clinic, Ellen is stopped at the door by Alice’s brother Peter (aka the boss lady’s nephew), who demands she convince Alice to agree to sell the family brownstone.

Jessica, who can’t let a situation go unsnooped for the better of mankind, goes to see her friend Lieutenant Artie Gelber (aka Stan Szbornak from the Golden Girls). Artie is happy to let her go through his files, but she doesn’t find much – Alice’s mother was murdered five years ago, three months after her husband left her, and Jordan Barnett hadn’t been in New York for five years.

That night, Alice gets a knock at the door.

Well, that’s not half terrifying.

Alice calls down to Richie who summons the Avengers Jessica and Alice’s neighbour Henry. As the elevator doors open Jordan legs it. Richie chases him while Jessica tells Alice it’s all alright now, she can open the door. Dr Holden is summoned, and she pumps a whole lot of drugs into Alice before throwing Henry and JB out, insisting that Alice needs to be left alone, she’s just too fragile.

Jess and Artie pop round Jordan’s office the next day to see what’s up. Jordan insists he went there because the name matched someone he used to date, but it wasn’t the person he thought it was and so he legged it when she freaked out and a horde of angry neighbours descended upon him. Fair enough, says Artie, and leaves him to a pissed off Laura, who has been fielding messages from Dr Holden.

Jess invites Alice’s brother Peter (actually her stepbrother, but whatever) around to find out why his father bailed, but more specifically whether Jordan Barnett had anything to do with Alice or Peter or Alice’s mother. Peter isn’t giving out info for free though – he wants JB to convince Alice to sell the house, and Dr Holden hasn’t come through. Jessica says she’ll see what she can do, and Peter tells her that he thinks his father was going to hire Jordan to renovate the house.

Speaking of, Jordan is busy working late with Dr Holden, who is insisting that Laura gets her marching orders, or Alice might start to believe that her dreams are real. Later, when he’s waiting for a cab, someone helpfully comes up and stabs in the chest, leading to one of the most energetic death scenes of this whole show. Trust me, it’s pretty great.

Artie Gelber rolls down to investigate and spots a necklace on the ground. He orders his sidekick Detective Grady (if ever there was an oxymoron) to pick it up and take it to forensics, Gelber’s back is killing him. Later, they interview Ben the guy who yelled at Jordan, who swears he didn’t kill him he was just pissed that Jordan screwed him when he left town suddenly five years ago.

Over brunch, Artie and JB discuss the situation. Jess has a theory – Jordan found Alice’s mothers body back in the day, and that he was killed because he worked out who the actual killer was. Meanwhile, Peter bashes on Alice’s door, demanding she sign the papers to sell the house so they can get back to being the brother and sister they always were. Alice tells them they were never really brother and sister and begs him to go away. Henry pops his head out as Peter leaves and goes to check on Alice. They have a lovely awkward cup of tea and listen to Chopin before Henry shuffles out backwards. (Watch this episode, there’s some awesome weird stuff going on and I like it).

Down at the precinct, Artie gets a call that his daughter is going into labour and tells Grady the case is his, and not to screw it up.

 

 

I think we’ve all heard that before.

Jess stops by Alice and Peter’s old house to summon a ghost or do a seance or some such business. She finds a paperweight with an owl on it, thereby solving the mysterious case of the owl. (#TheOwlsAreNotWhatTheySeem #TwinPeaks #TeachMeHowToDougie). Peter appears and asks her what she’s doing there, she tells him she just wanted to see the place, Alice gave her a key. She says Alice told her Peter was away at school the night her mother died and he says he was. He also says he has no idea where his father is or why he left, but thanks JB for going in to bat for him with Alice.

#LadyOlennaForever

Jessica arrives home at her apartment building to discover that Detective Grady has taken it upon himself to arrest Alice for the murder of Jordan Barnett, because agoraphobia shmagoraphobia.

Grady by name, Grady by nature.

Grady apologises for bollocksing up the investigation but does point out that the locket they found at the murder scene belonged to Alice. Both Jessica and Artie wonder who had access to Alice’s apartment who might have taken the locket. Henry excuses himself and goes back to his apartment.

Later that night, Alice knocks on JB’s door. Ironically, getting arrested has shown her she has nothing to fear in the big bad world, and she’d like Jessica to accompany her to the old brownstone to confront her memories. When they arrive, Alice talks JB through her mother’s murder but freaks out at the thought of the hawk that I thought was owl, whatever I’m not a doctor.

Jessica thinks she knows who killed Alice’s mother, and it wasn’t Jordan Barnett, but a squeaky floorboard upstairs tells JB they need to get back to Alice’s apartment.

Because, you guys…

It was only a matter of time…

He killed them! He killed them all! Because Barnett had an affair with Alice’s mother, and there was no one left to defend his father’s honour except Peter. Oh, it wasn’t a paperweight, it was a bike helmet and that’s what Alice saw. Ohhhhhh I’m really not good at this.

But it’s okay you guys. Peter got arrested, Dr Holden got suspended for being a crap psychiatrist and Henry and Alice are taking JB to the philharmonic or a Metallica gig I forget which. Whatever, the sun’s out.

Later gang!

S09E15 – The Petrified Florist

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Guys, this episode sucked. And for the main reason why just scroll down to the end. Otherwise, you could just watch this video of a puffin going about its puffin business. Puffins are my favourite animal. Seriously, go google puffins doing things, it will be much more entertaining and probably relevant to this episode, to be honest.

Welcome back to La La Land Fletcherfans, where JB is visiting her old pal Frances Hunt, editor in chief of A-List, a gossip magazine that seems to think Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone once had a thing lets not dwell on that. All is not well on the A-List on account of a rival magazine keeps out-scooping them and Frances’s business partner Junie Cobb is livid.

As Frances and JB head out into the smoggy LA afternoon, JB bumps into Lieutenant Gabriel Caceras, who JB apparently helped out on a case a while ago (strictly speaking that is true). He tells JB to call him but she’s far too busy this trip, she promises she’ll see him next time.

The next day, one of Frances’s writers, George Erwin, drops off some pages for Frances to look at, and the maid confuses him with the wine delivery guy. Frances invites him to the dinner she’s hosting for Jessica that night. That is literally what happens. So, y’know, there’s that.

That night the party kicks off. Junie is keen to meet celebrity plastic surgeon Dr Johnny Windhurst, not that her husband minds. They sit down to dinner and complain about the competition. Florist Billy Kyle delivers a table bouquet late. JB falls asleep at the table and wakes when Betty the maid drops a glass. She takes herself off to bed, because jetlag.

The next morning, JB is out and about when she wanders past Billy Kyle’s store and bumps into the lieutenant.

This episode sucks you guys.

Billy Kyle, who was stabbed to death not petrified, has been dead for some time. The Lieutenant finds some thousand dollar bills in the till which rules out robbery. What even is this?

JB and the lieutenant wander down to A List to interview the other party guests who all alibi up because why not. Over dinner that night, Frances grills JB for more information, but JB says the Lieutenant is still looking for the killer – the clerk who quit on Billy the day he died was on a flight to Seattle at the time of the murder. Frances excuses herself to take a phone call and Jess finds Billy’s organizer on the floor. Frances gets off the phone and Jessica tells her she needs to stop dealing in gossip and start writing her novels again.

THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME NOTHING. NOTHING. I JUST…NO.

Here’s JB walking down a street hunting clues.

I like that jacket. The jacket is so far the only thing I’ve cared about in this whole episode.

A clue comes in via flip-phone – George the writer’s prints were on the envelope with the definitely fake thousand dollar bills in it. George confesses that he delivers payments on behalf of Frances. And then I continued not really caring because this episode is just pointless.

Caceras heads over to Frances’s house to interrupt her canoodling with Doctor Windhurst to ask that she explain herself down at the precinct. Frances admits to visiting Billy at the store the night he died. At this point I started calculating Richmond’s chances in the finals and then thought about cheese.

WHY? WHY IS THINGS?

This is a picture of JB talking to Mrs Dubcek from 3rd Rock From The Sun because she is apparently a nurse at a clinic where some sort of famous footballer is hiding out from the media for reasons I genuinely don’t care about. Apparently, JB suspects him of murdering Billy Kyle because Billy found out the footballer was faking an injury to get his contract paid out. Fortunately for the football player, he was nailing a nurse at the time of the murder.

And then I googled puffins again. Seriously, guys, puffins are the best.

This is pretty much me watching this episode, to be honest.

Although I quite like flamboyant cuttlefish because they are appropriately named. And I like cassowaries because they are basically dinosaurs and could kill you if they felt like it and I think that’s appropriate for Australia because basically everything in this country is out to get you.

Oy. I just googled the actress that plays Junie in this episode – she was the original Hot Lips in the MASH movie and has had a considerable amount of work done.

Anyway, some more stuff happens and JB has an epiphany and long story short

Yeah. Alright.

So Junie killed the florist guy because she was having an affair with Dr Whatsisface and he found out about it and was blackmailing her so she killed him but you guys.

IT.

WAS.

A.

DREAM.

This whole episode was JB dreaming at the dinner table. And I’m mad. I HATE EPISODES WHEN IT WAS A DREAM THE WHOLE TIME. This is exactly like the time Macgyver got knocked out and woke up in King Arthur’s court and I’m not even making that up, that actually happened. Dream episodes are nonsense and I hate them with a fiery passion.

So yeah, this episode put me in a bad mood. This episode, and the Nazis wandering about Virginia, and the Australian government refusing to do its job about legalizing same sex marriage, and the bajillion other things going wrong at the moment.

So I’m going to google more puffins doing things because frankly, puffins have their shit together way more than humans do right now.

Later gang.

S09E14 – Killer Radio

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Welcome to Easton, a part of that mysterious part of America that seems to be generically called The Midwest, where JB has inexplicably decided to pop in on her book tour. It’s a long drive with Ronna Samuels, the PR lady who clearly has a Thing for the head of the radio station KGAB, Colin Crowe, judging by her face when she explains that Colin’s wife Louise actually runs the station.

JB has bigger issues.

**Me the first time I heard Despacito, which to be fair was only yesterday. What can I say, I’m not cool.

One of Colin’s (who it turns out is Ferris Bueller’s Dad) biggest triumphs turns out to be importing a shock jock radio announcer down from Minnesota. Marcus Rule spends his radio show abusing the locals, focussing particularly on local councillor David Ostermann, which Ronna claims is great for Killer Radio, and will only get better once their new transmitter goes live the next day. Colin’s soon to be ex-wife Louise, however, thinks the whole thing stinks and confronts Colin about his constant character assassination of David Osterman. Colin tells Louise that she can deliver a message to David from him – get out of the race, or he’ll never be able to show his face in town again.

Sidenote: BEHOLD THE RULE MAN.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

The Rule-Man, it turns out, will be interviewing JB the next day. He can’t wait and tells station engineer Danny Cochran that writers are easier to intimidate than almost anybody. I sense a Fletcher-Smash coming.

Ronna drops JB off at the Easton Arms and offers to pick her up later for dinner, but JB already has plans in the form of Jonathan Baker, who just so happens to be the son of JB’s publisher’s lawyer. And so the mystery of why JB is in the middle of nowhere is resolved. As JB goes upstairs to get changed she notices Ronna and Jonathan arguing. Over dinner, it becomes obvious that JB’s presence in Easton is not a coincidence – Jonathan hasn’t spoken to his father in over a year, after bailing on his law degree and going full Kerouac around America (ugh, Kerouac).

The next day, the Ruleman announces to Colin that he’s being headhunted by a Chicago radio station to take his shock jock shtick nation-wide. Colin reminds him he has a contract but the Ruleman seems to think it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on, on account of Colin being the source of all the rumours the Ruleman has been putting about on the air.

Classic Ruleman.

Colin tells the Ruleman that once word gets out he’s a two-bit sportscaster with a penchant for 14-year-old girls, no one will let him within five miles of a microphone.

Jesus this got dark.

JB arrives at the station for her interview and meets Danny, who tells her that he won five hundred bucks on a horse thanks to a tip he got from one of JB’s books – unfortunately, he blew his winnings on the next race, and the horse is still running.

Everyone knows you pick a horse based on whether its name could be a euphemism for a fart. And by everyone I mean people I’m related to.

Jessica meets Colin briefly, but he excuses himself almost immediately, he has to go and check on the transmitter tower (much to Ronna’s sadness, she clearly had plans for a little nudge nudge wink wink). Louise just shakes her head and tells JB later that she has long stopped caring what or who her husband did. She invites JB out to lunch at her farm the next day, before Ronna reappears to take JB into the studio.  Afterwards, she follows Colin outside where she sees him aggressively making out with a woman next to a convertible.

The Ruleman kicks off the interview with JB. “So, JB Fletcher, tell me, why don’t you tell me why women like yourself, when your husbands all die and you suddenly haven’t got anybody you can make crazy, what turns you to writing about the act of murder?”

#SheIsTheDanger

“The vicarious thrill, as you call it Mr Rule, isn’t mine. Ideally, it’s the readers, and it’s hopefully derived from a well-told murder mystery that challenges one to figure out whodunit before the fictional detective can find the answer.”

“Yeah right,” Says the Ruleman. “Alright, well maybe you can tell me why mayhem mongers like yourself get such a thrill by killing off men in your books?”

“Oh, Mr Rule that’s a bit of an overstatement to put it kindly.” Says JB.

“Yeah, well I’m sure it is. Come on Jessica! What are we talking, we’re talking failed relationships here, you know, some deep seated problems with our fathers?”

“Mr Rule that is such a -”

“You can’t deny that women, lacking the right stuff to pull that trigger themselves, live out their murderous fantasies through men!”

“Mr Rule, if that is your understanding of mayhem mongers and women in general, I must say, and please excuse the obvious metaphor, you are dead wrong.”

“What really astonishes me, however, is the many guests who must have put up with the same tacky pretentious intellectually impoverished pop psycho-babble that I have endured over the past hour, is that that none of them have had the ‘right stuff’ to do you in long ago.”

“Well, you’ve got spirit Jessica,” The Ruleman says. “I like that in a woman.”

“Well thank you, Mr Rule, I do my best.” Says JB. “And to show there are no hard feelings, although you did mention you don’t find it necessary to read books, there’s one I’m going to send you anyway.”

“Yeah well thanks, but I educate myself through electronic media osmosis.” Says the Ruleman.

“Ah, extraordinary. But surely you’ve heard of Dostoyevsky?”

“Hey, who hasn’t?”

“Well, he wrote about a man who reminds me a great deal of yourself, a man who sees clearly through the hypocrisy of his society.”

“Really? Well, maybe we’ll all have to touch base with his publisher and tell him to swing by on his next book tour.”

“Ooh that would be quite a coup Mr Rule, you see he happens to have been dead for over 100 years.”

“So we won’t do it live! Anyway, what’s the name of the book?”

I swear to god I’m getting this entire episode tattooed on my face.

JB takes a victory lap of the studio, and Danny asks her to put her patented Fletcher betting system to the test on that day’s races.

I’ve already stopped caring what happens in this episode tbh

Danny offers to drive JB back to her hotel, and on the way congratulates her for her takedown. He’s sad about how the station is falling apart, thanks to Colin and the Ruleman. He tells her that when she dropped the boom on the Ruleman it was a double whammy because she went right through Colin too.

THERE GOES MY HERO, WATCH HER AS SHE GOES.

Back at her hotel, JB gets a message that Jonathan called for her, but when she calls back she’s told he’s gone and didn’t leave a forwarding number. Meanwhile back at the radio station, the Ruleman gets a phone call from Chicago – they’re concerned about contract problems getting him out of Easton but the Ruleman assures them Colin can’t do a thing.

Later that afternoon JB is waiting for Ronna to give her a lift to the transmitter switching on ceremony, but she doesn’t show. Jonathan does instead, although he’s looking for Ronna, not JB – that’s what the phone message was about. JB knows nothing, so they head on down to the transmitter.

Jonathan abandons JB to try and find Ronna, but JB soon bumps into Louise, who is accosted by David Osterman who wants her to tell Colin that once Osterman is elected senator he will be demanding an FCC investigation into the station. As he leaves he runs into the Ruleman and threatens him too for good measure. Both Colin and Ronna are MIA, so Louise goes on the hunt for them. The Ruleman tells JB he’s leaving for Chicago in two weeks, and that the next time she wants to hustle one of her books, not to call him.

She is quite simply the best.

The transmitting ceremony gets underway and with a flourish, Louise drops the banner on the top of the transmitter – revealing Colin’s dead body.

Oh right, yeah. Murder.

Sheriff Waterman arrives on the scene and announces to his tape recorder that Colin had been shot twice (and missed being shot five times), and must have died between the inspectors leaving and the caterers arriving, leaving a thirty-minute window. Ronna is still missing. The Sheriff is delighted to meet JB and wonders if she’s got any ideas about who the killer is but she’s got none. The Sheriff has a county full of motives, so he’s not too worried, and by the end of the day he realises he only needs to find one motive – they found the murder weapon in a ditch, and it just so happens to be Jonathan’s gun.

Jessica assures Jonathan that his father’s lawyer is on the way, and she knows he didn’t do it, but she wants to know more about the phone call from Ronna but Jonathan tells her there’s nothing more to know. He’s content to let the whole thing play out, but JB isn’t having a bar of it. The Sheriff tells her outside his office that he’d want her on his side too, and lets her know that Louise Crowe called to confirm their lunch date was still on. JB finds it odd but goes anyway.

Up at the farm, Louise shows off photos and her marksmanship trophies and admits that since Colin hadn’t updated his will, the radio station is still hers. Having said that, she tells JB to ask Ronna how she felt when she discovered that she wasn’t the only woman in Colin’s life. She also tells Jessica that the private investigators who Colin hired to dig up dirt on David Osterman prove that he didn’t kill Colin – David was in bed with a ‘wealthy widow’ at the time of the murder. JB correctly guesses that the wealthy widow is Louise, and Louise admits it was but swears she or David didn’t kill Colin.

For real. Who even cares at this point.

When it’s revealed that the only other prints on the murder weapon belong to Ronna, the Sheriff manages to track her down to a highway hotel and bring her in for questioning. And then some more things happened and I tuned waaaaaaay out and then Jessica found a pen.

Case closed, or whatever.

But really who cares because that’s not what this episode is about.

Later Fletcherfans.