Life Lessons

S01E01 – The Murder of Sherlock Holmes

Life Lesson #1: There will always be people who think smearing mud on your face will solve your problem.

Life Lesson #2: There will always be a spare 1980s Godmother Costume for those who dare to seek it.

Life Lesson #3:  Lemons, milk, soda and eggs “will get the spots out of a leopard.”

Life Lesson #4: “Flowers that bloom too quickly are fair game for a late frost.”

Life Lesson #5: Vigilante justice is socially acceptable if you’re a woman in your mid 60s.

Life Lesson #6 : Be careful who you kiss, because they may turn out to have done it.

S01E02 – Deadly Lady

Life Lesson #7: A hurricane is no excuse for missing a deadline.

Life Lesson #8: The best entrance is made on a bicycle.

Life Lesson #9: If you find a heelless shoe, the heel is bound to be somewhere.

Life Lesson #10: Black clothes and a beanie = culprit.

S01E03 – Birds of a Feather

Life Lesson #11: Selling life insurance is code for being a drag queen.

Life Lesson #12: Even JB Fletcher can miss the bleeding obvious

Life Lesson #13:  Always suspect anyone who thinks “If you’ll excuse me I have to fly to Vegas…hope my arms don’t get tired!” is funny.

S01E04 – Hooray for Homicide

Life Lesson #14: Just because the Almighty gave mankind a taste for lobsters, doesn’t mean he gave lobsters a taste for being boiled alive.

Life Lesson #15: Revive a swooning woman by slapping her wrists

Life Lesson #16: Always suspect the drunken skinny dipper.

S01E05 – It’s a Dog’s Life

Life Lesson #17: It is possible to swear loudly at someone without opening your mouth.

Life Lesson #18 – All Dogs Go To Heaven

S01E06 – Lovers and Other Killers

Life Lesson #19 When asked to give a university lecture, always bring humorous props.

S01E07 – Hit, Run and Homicide

Life Lesson #20: When going to stickybeak on neighbours, distract them with pie.

Life Lesson #21 – when stumped for your next move, take time out and play an early 80s arcade game.

S01E08 – We’re Off to Kill the Wizard

Life Lesson #22  – “House guests are like Halley’s Comet: enjoyed seldom, and briefly.”

S01E10 – Death Casts a Spell

Life Lesson #23 – It is possible, if not advisable, to wear a skirt while riding a motorbike.

S01E11 – Capitol Offence

Life Lesson #24 – If your stomach is growling, there’s a fox loose in the china shop.

S01E12 – Broadway Malady

Life Lesson #25 – Red and white polka dots are acceptable sartorial choices when interrogating a suspect.

S01E14 – My Johnny Lies Over The Ocean

Life Lesson #26 -There is never a bad time to hook your niece up with a hot nerd.

Life Lesson #27 – It’s important to be thorough.

Life Lesson #28 – When in doubt (act) get shitfaced.

S01E15 – Paint Me A Murder

Life Lesson #29 – ALWAYS send others into the water instead of you.

S01E17 – Sudden Death

Life Lesson #30 – To show you mean business, wear a neckerchief.

Life Lesson #31 – Open door = open invitation.

S01E18 – Footnote to Murder

Life Lesson #32 – Only meeting someone for 30 seconds doesn’t mean they haven’t bumped somebody off.

S01E19 – Murder Takes The Bus

Life Lesson #33 – “Only a fool grows ulcers over something he can’t control”

S02E01 – Widow, Weep for Me

Life Lesson #34 – Turbans. Wear them.

Life Lesson #35 – Iced tea with no lemons or chemicals is good for the blood and very invigorating.

S02E05 – Reflections of the Mind

Life Lesson #36 – No one is perfect.

S02E08 – Dead Heat

Life Lesson #37 – Greys don’t win on weekdays

S02E09 – Jessica Behind Bars

Life Lesson #38 – There is never an inappropriate way to win over a group of people

S02E10 – Sticks and Stones

Life Lesson #40 – be wary of hairy foreigners renting out your downstairs.

S02E11 – Murder Digs Deep

Life Lesson #41 – People aren’t conned, they’re flim-flammed

S02E12 – Murder By Appointment Only

Life Lesson #42 – Never stop writing.

S02E16 – Murder in the Electric Cathedral

Life Lesson #43 – Writing murder mysteries almost qualifies you to be a doctor.

S02E28 – If A Body Meet A Body

Life Lesson #44 – Women who come storming into funerals throwing wild accusations about aren’t always wrong.

S02E20 – Anyone For Menace?


S02E21 – The Perfect Foil

Life Lesson #46 – Naturalist and nudist are two completely different things.

S03E04 – White Rose for Death

LIfe Lesson #47 – The trick to being a spy is to not look like a spy.

S03E09 – Obituary for a Dead Anchor

Life Lesson #48 – Yar means easy to handle.

S03E10 – Stage Struck

Life Lesson #49  – Nine months is close to a year.

S03E11 – Night of the Headless Horseman

Life Lesson #50 – ‘Polluted’ is code for drunk.


S03E17 – Simon Says Colour Me Dead

Life Lesson #52 – Just because there’s snow on the roof, don’t mean there’s no fire in the hearth.

S04E06 – It Runs in the Family

Life Lesson #53 – Always ask yourself, WWJBD?

S04E07 – If It’s Thursday, It Must Be Beverly


S04E17 – A Very Good Year for Murder

Life Lesson #55 – In order to become a successful writer, read, read and read some more.

S04E21 – Deadpan

Life Lesson #56 – They have the internet on computers now

S05E16 – Truck Stop

Life Lesson #57 – You can reason with writers.

S05E19 – Trevor Hudson’s Legacy

Life Lesson #58 – When it comes to selling newspapers the truth is not always an issue.

S06E20 – The Szechuan Dragon

Life Lesson #59 – When in doubt, phone a friend.

S07E08 – The Great Twain Robbery

Life Lesson #60 – Just keep repeating yourself until it makes sense.

S07E11 – The Family Doctor.

Life Lesson #61 – Nothing good ever happens in a parking garage.

S07E21 – Tainted Lady

Life Lesson #62 – Coffee will answer your questions.

S08E02 – Night Fears

Life Lesson #63 – People who think they have something to prove never succeed in doing so.

S08E11 – Danse Diabolique

Life Lesson #64 – Age and experience are advantages not disabilities.

Life Lesson #65 – There are three things you can never get enough of …chocolate, friends, and the theatre.

S08E16 – Ever After

Life Lesson #66 – Success comes from within, not from out there in the world.

S09E06 – Night of the Coyote.

Life Lesson #67 – Love’s sneaky like that. It blindsides you, just when you don’t want it. and you think you don’t need it

S09E09 – A Christmas Secret

Life Lesson #68 – Christmas should remind us about what could be – not what is.

S09E10 – The Sound of Murder

Life Lesson #69 – The most difficult part of writing is actually getting started.

S09E11 – Final Curtain

Life Lesson #70 – We repay the good things in our own lives by investing in someone elses.

S09E17 – The Big Kill

Life Lesson #71 – When delivering gratitude poetry it is important to read the room.

S09E20 – Ship of Thieves.

Life Lesson #72 – Relationships don’t just happen.

S10E12 – Proof in the Pudding

Life Lesson #73 – Turmeric is cheaper than saffron and will work just as well

S11E13 – Death ‘N Denial

Life Lesson #74 – Never turn down an eating challenge

S11E16 – Film Flam

Life Lesson #75 – People who don’t take risks protect themselves from the lows but they don’t get to experience the highs.

S11E17 – Murder a la Mode

Life Lesson #76 – Work is the best medicine for grief.

S12E07 – Nan’s Ghost (Part 2)

Life Lesson #77 – Always carry caramels in your handbag for when a ghost has trapped you in an Irish dungeon.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Penelope.
    Sep 24, 2012 @ 09:07:23

    your amazing.


    • Briony
      Sep 24, 2012 @ 14:04:52

      Oh thank you!!


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