Once upon a time in Boston, a nurse runs away from a doctor in a car park.

Once upon a slightly later time in Cabot Cove, an old man lies in a coma while his grandson Justin Haynes cracks jokes (read the room buddy) while his mother Serena worries that the nurse will be late because she’s having her hair done (OK never mind). Fortunately, the nurse arrives on time and it’s a completely different nurse from the start of the show- jk it’s the same one.

JB is back in town to check on her friend Maggie, home from the hospital but depressed following her illness. Mort thinks Jess is just the person to cheer her up, being as Jess is Maggie’s oldest friend – a title JB wishes Mort had phrased better. Meanwhile, Seth finds Lila the aforementioned nurse is sitting at a bus stop about to leave town after the old man Horace Gibbs passes away. Seth hopes the tears aren’t for Horace – he was Seth’s patient too and he’s not crying. He knew the old coot since he was a middle-aged coot (direct quote).

“I know it’s not politically correct to say so,” says Seth…

(The universe collectively holds its breath).

“…but Horace died of old age.”

It is inconceivable that I try and write that out again it took me bloody ages guys sometimes this blog is really hard.

Seth gets a page (nawww) and has to duck over to see his next patient.  JB’s friend Maggie is in bed and has just received a packet of golf balls as a get well soon present from her friend Henry. Her niece Dorie has also been in to offer her help and move back in but Maggie won’t have a bar of it apparently because Dorie is living in sin with her boyfriend.

Downstairs Dorie finds her cousin Eddie going through their aunt’s things.

The man has now officially been in everything.

Eddie is rummaging around looking for his aunt’s will, which Dorie is not pleased about. Eddie thinks that’s a bit rich when he hears Dorie was trying to move back in. Dorie summons her sin boyfriend Jason Giles to witness Eddie’s rummaging.

Jessica arrives into this whole situation and is met at the door by Maggie’s housekeeper Sarah McCoy just as her husband Lucas is taking off for the pub.  Maggie is delighted to see her as is Seth, who hopes that this will put an end to her complaining about not being allowed outside. She’s home to get well.

Jason takes Dorie to see a potential site for her boutique but it’s way more than she can afford. No sweat, says Jason, just ask Maggie for more money. Dorie’s not keen on this idea either and is frustrated by Jason’s promise they are about to get super rich so he doesn’t need to take the job at the newspaper.  Jason convinces her to go sign a lease and goes on his merry way. Dorie runs into Justin Haynes who seems pretty keen to pick up where they left off back in the day but Dorie is quite happy with Jason thank you very much. Jason and Justin have been chatting though, which is apparently odd. Across town, Mort runs into Justin’s mother Serena who is adamant her father was murdered, and that Mort needs to exhume his body immediately.

That night Jess reads to Maggie and freaks out when Maggie appears to be dead but Seth tells her it’s just the medication and not to worry. Jess bloody well will worry though, Maggie needs constant care and she’s not sure she’s getting it. Seth’s taken care of that though – and in walks Lila with some ominous music.

Before she can start bumping anyone else off though Mort wants a chat down at the Sheriff’s office. Mort’s not taking Serena’s claims super seriously he’s just putting in the appearance. Some items went missing from the house on top of the murder that wasn’t (or was it?) but Lila denies being involved in anything ever and Mort sends her on her way.

Down by the water, Justin and Jason meet to talk business – Jason’s big plan involves old people and timeshare (I think) and while Justin is interested he says the bank won’t go for it, Jason is too big a risk. Jason is furious and thinks this has to do with Dorie but Justin swears it doesn’t. Later Justin runs into Mort who tells him about his mother’s exhumation plans and he tells Mort not to worry about it, he will take care of his mother. Jason decides to pitch his scheme to Henry.

Over at Maggie’s Lila does her best to cheer Maggie up with a fresh new do, but Maggie won’t have a bar of it and smashes the handmirror Lila gives her to check it out. If you’re imagining that scene in Batman with the Joker then you’re absolutely correct and also you’re me how did that happen? Sarah McCoy lurks in the hallway as Lila storms out. Maggie gets an angry phone call from a mystery person and she yells at them and hangs up. Jessica arrives for the tail end of it but Maggie doesn’t want to talk about it and instead tells Jessica about how she’s going to buy a piano for Dorie.

“What a grand present!” Says JB.

She doesn’t get paid, it’s tribute from her loyal subjects.

Lila knocks her medical bag flying and pills go everywhere. Maggie asks Jessica if she remembers where she keeps the recipe for her grandmother’s applesauce cake – JB does, she hasn’t made one in years but if that’s what Maggie wants then absolutely. Downstairs the Real McCoys chat about the rumours swirling around Cabot Cove about Lila – well Sarah does, Luke’s heading to the pub again.

Jess’s getting in on the rumour action too, much to Seth’s amusement. He tells her that of course, Lila’s bag was full of pills, she’s a nurse and they were probably also vitamins and what not. He’s positively tickled when Jess says Mort said the same thing.

There is no more bone-chilling sight than Seth lording it over Our Heroine

That night Seth is furious when he learns that Mort’s sent off some enquiries down to Boston, where Lila was nursing before she came back to the Cove, but Mort tells him it’s more so he can calm down Serena Haynes. The results come back and they aren’t good – four of Lila’s patients in Boston died of poison but there was never enough evidence to charge Lila. Jessica is worried about Maggie so Mort Seth and JB choof over to Maggie’s – but it’s too late. They find Lila standing catatonic in Maggie’s room while Maggie lay dead in her bed, a finger pointing to the chapter title of the book she was reading.

What. A. Mystery.

The next morning an angry mob forms in front of the Sheriff’s office baying for blood. The sheriff tries to answer their questions and Jean the librarian backs him up.

But enough about that, because you guys here’s the thing about Jean the librarian that I only just learned.

This is Madlyn Rhue

Madlyn Rhue was in a bunch of things but was diagnosed with MS. Angela Lansbury heard that Madlyn was in danger of losing her Screen Actor’s Guild medical coverage due to not getting any roles, and so created the role of Jean O’Neill so that Madlyn would meet the minimum requirement in order to keep her medical benefits. Madlyn Rhue passed away in 2003.

You guys, Angela Lansbury really is better than all of us. RIP Madlyn.

Anyway, Serena rolls into the press conference/angry mob in full Helen Lovejoy mode baying for Mort’s head.

Seth and Mort visit Lila in the cells. Mort asks what happened, and Seth chimes in but Mort warns him off. Lila doesn’t really know, she heard voices and she found Maggie but it’s all a blur. She doesn’t admit to anything about the old people in Boston.

Time presumably passes. Jess and Seth roll into Maggie’s wake discussing the situation and find Jean located right near the snacks (Jean knows what’s up). Apparently, Maggie had a phone call from someone but she didn’t want to talk to whoever was on the line. Seth suddenly remembers a boy Lila was kicking around with at the end of school who wanted to be a doctor and actually interned at the same hospital where Lila studied nursing. Seth goes off to make some calls while Jessica asks Sarah McCoy what her plans are now (moving to Vermont if the new house owners don’t want a housekeeper who doesn’t like receiving cheques that bounce). Jess tells her how when she arrived the night Maggie died the door was wide open. Sarah thinks that should not be – she’d gone off looking for her no-good husband but the door should have been locked. Eddie confronts Seth about hiring a murderer to look after his grandmother. Serena tries to put her two cents in and Seth asks Jess if she minds leaving right now.

Mort takes Dorie to open Maggie’s safe deposit box at Justin’s bank. Later, she explains to JB that she was looking for Maggie’s will but it wasn’t there. She doesn’t know what to do about it, and JB wonders if the killer took it. Dorie’s off to have her birthday dinner with Jason, and is confused when Jess asks her about the piano Maggie was supposedly giving her for her birthday – whatever it was, Dorie didn’t get it.

Back at the Sheriff’s station Seth’s had a lovely afternoon ringing up Mort’s phone bill but has managed to discover the first name of the doctor that Lila was mad for back in Boston – Kyle. Jessica remembers a Kyle in her English class and with the help of Mort and a piece of paper remembers his name was Kyle Adderly. Mort goes to track him down, and Seth decides they should celebrate with some cake – until Jessica remembers Maggie’s grandmother’s applesauce cake and what Maggie meant.

Mort gets some solid police work done that afternoon – the Boston PD pick up Kyle Adderly, who clears Lila of any involvement in the euthanasia killings that happened at the hospital. She, in turn, manages to identify Henry Post as the voice she heard the night of the murder. He tells Mort that yes he went there, to convince Maggie to buy in on Jason’s retirement timeshare palaver but bolted when he realised she was already dead. Meanwhile, Jess and Seth lay a trap for the real killer via Serena Haynes and her gossip.

WHAT. A. SHOCK.

It’s the old got caught with his hand in the til so bumped her off so she couldn’t out him type deal. The proof, as they say, was in the applesauce pudding recipe file.

The phrase got shortened over time.

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Later gang!

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