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S12E03 – The Secret of Gila Junction

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Welcome to Gila Junction Arizona Fletcherfans, where apparently nothing ever happens except that’s a total lie because there’s a Masked Bandit roaming the desert and he’s just held up a poker game.

Also that an extremely lying lie a) a car just got shot off the road and b) the Queen is in town for a visit.

*tumbleweed, low key country music etc etc*

After being brushed off by the local man-who-fell-down-a-hole-as-a-boy-and-was-never-the-same-again aka Tiny Kerns, Jess meets the Sheriff who is also the town gas station attendant and explains her friend Norma Shey was supposed to meet her but hasn’t shown up. Sheriff Spencer, who has no need for a surname, tells her Norma probably got distracted on the kiln, but let’s go give her a call. There’s no answer but soon another call comes in – someone has found Norma’s car out in the desert but there’s no one inside.  They head out into the desert to see what’s up, and JB explains she’s not worried. Norma was once a prisoner of the Vietcong for a day before escaping – she was an AP reporter and could get out of any tight spot.

Meanwhile, over at the general store, local douchebag, Whitey Deaver, returns home to berate his wife Marge for not having a clean shirt ready for him so she takes off to meet her secret boyfriend Pete Menteer. She’s mad at him because he wasn’t around last night but he was apparently winning big at a craps game. He tries to give her some of his winnings but she won’t take it and they start making out instead. Tiny spots them and runs away, and Marge is worried word will get back to Whitey. Pete tells her not to worry about it, Tiny listens to him. Marge is sick of Gila Junction and wants to bail on it all but Pete says soon. Marge threatens to go without him, but in the short term goes to see her dad Cal Harding, bartender at the Grand Hotel, to mope. He feels bad about it all, but he’s got money problems of his own.

Over at the reception, Native American George Creech is checking in, a government employee sent to survey the road north of town for some potential widening. Pete manages to work in several mostly racist jokes including “How! Long you going to be in town?”

Classic early 90s racism.

“As long as it takes,” says George., and then snarls “You got a problem with that Pilgrim?”

“Who does he think he is?” Pete mumbles to himself as George walks off. Tiny wanders in to show Pete a banknote he found while he was digging for long lost treasure (TRAYSURE!) in the desert. Pete tells him the banknote is too new to be from Tiny’s mythical thirty-year-old treasure horde he apparently found when he fell down a hole and takes the banknote for safekeeping. Douchebag. Upstairs, George Creech studies a map for a while, circles Gila Junction and then tucks a gun into his pocket. This road must be intense.

Out in the desert, Spencer and his fiance Dena Harding (Fisheries and Wildlife employee, sister of Marge, daughter of Cal, oh god I sound like my mother), investigate the car. Dena explains she drove past, saw the footprints but lost the tracks in the hills. Jessica spots a bullet hole in the car tyre but before she can say anything a car rolls up containing Norma. “Looks like you called it, Mrs Fletcher!” Spencer says.

The look on her face needs to be bottled immediately.

Norma hobbles out of the car and is super apologetic, she got distracted looking at the scenery and went straight into a ditch. Jessica tries to mention the bullet hole but Norma shushes her. Back at Norma’s, JB gets a tour of her pottery studio but is more interested in who is taking potshots at her friend. Norma is convinced that there are shady shenanigans happening at the old army base on the outskirts of town, locals being poisoned, long abandoned chemical warfare research etc but she can’t get a straight answer out of anybody. Jess tells her it sounds serious, and she’s happy to stick around a few days and help run errands and cook and things but Norma wants JB’s help on the research. JB says OH HELL NO, so Norma says fine, she’ll do it herself, and starts to limp over to her desk. UGH FINE I’LL HELP, says Jess.

Unrelated but Charlie Sheen is doing an ad for an Australian car repair chain and it is so stupid.

Out in the desert, George Creech finds a car hidden away in a shed with some red dust on it. He is pleased with this. I think the road widening thing might have been a lie, you guys.

That night the entire town adjourns to the Grand Hotel (a situation I can relate to). Dena Harding gets a letter with a promotion and a job offer up near Seattle. Norma tells Cal she’s put Jessica to work but also she’s not going to move in. Cal’s creditor wanders in to assess the place, having decided Cal’s never going to find the money to keep himself afloat. Whitey wanders past Pete flunk out of his pinball game and declares “That’s what happens when you cheat, buddy boy!”

Outside, George finds some familiar red dust on Pete’s motorbike, while over the general store Tiny explains the Entire History of his Traysure hunt to JB. Whitey orders him back to work and then chats to JB about his army days until she starts asking him about being stationed at Fort Rosalyn, the old army base outside of town. He very swiftly hands over her change and tells her to have a nice day.

She sees you when you’re sleeping, she knows when you’re awake…

Back at the hotel, Cal warns Pete to stay away from his daughter, to which Pete asks which one. George Creech wanders in and Pete says “We’ve got a thirsty Native American! Or maybe we can’t sell firewater to redskins?” WAY TO BE A DICK PETE. George gives him a look and asks Cal for change for the jukebox and a glass of merlot, which presumably was also meant to be funny?

Out in the hallway, Spencer is begging Dena to let him come with her to Seattle but he just needs to sell the gas station. Pete wanders past and congratulates her on her new job and Spencer death stares him into oblivion. Later, George gets on the phone and tells his boss that things are progressing and he should be able to terminate matters in the next couple of days. Yeah, I really don’t think he’s terminating the road.

Later that evening Pete meets Marge out in the desert and tells her he can’t see her that night, he’s got things to take care of. She thinks he’s taking up with Dena again but he swears he isn’t and drives off into the sunset. Cue another crane shot.

Norma is very pleased with JB’s sleuth work that Whitey was connected to the old base. Jess thinks there’s something about Tiny’s story worth investigating but Norma has no time for that and has drawn up a plan of attack for tomorrow. Jess begs off and heads to bed. Norma receives a fax, and takes off into the night, just as Jess comes back to ask to borrow a thing.

The next day Tiny continues the Great Treasure Hunt when at last, success!

SO MUCH TRAYSURE

Tiny finds a suitcase full of cash dollars and receives a whack on the head from Whitey for his trouble. But things don’t end up too great for Whitey either because THE FIRST RULE OF THERMODYNAMICS IS DON’T BRING A KNIFE TO A GUNFIGHT*

Make a noise and make it clear = gunshot. Look I made myself laugh and I’m not going to lie I needed it.

 

*This might not be true, I’m not a doctor.

Gas Station Spencer swaps hats and starts investigating, but Tiny can’t tell him much – he found the treasure, got whacked and woke up with George Creech standing over him. George explains to JB that he was heading up to his survey site when he saw the pickup trucks and wondered if they needed help. The doctor informs them that it was most likely Whitey was killed by his own knife after struggling with his attacker. Spencer asks him if he’ll do tests, DNA that sort of thing and the doctor witheringly says, of course, Spencer, it’s standard procedure.

Spencer is not dealing with the pressure of murder in town but JB tells him he’s doing fine and she should know. It turns out Tiny hasn’t found his traysure, the banknotes are too new, but Jess thinks they’re onto the loot of the Truckstop bandit. They find a balaclava underneath the suitcase – it has a name tag stitched into it, it’s Whiteys. Whitey is the Truckstop Bandit. As they realise this, Marge drives up wanting to know if Whitey’s okay.

Back at the hotel, George calls his boss – one of the victims of the Truckstop Bandit at the poker game, who was relieved of his pinkie ring. George tells him about the murder, and they argue. Downstairs Pete eavesdrops on the whole thing. Over at Norma’s JB decides to review the incoming fax log, while Norma visits Cal at the bar and wants to know where he was the previous night. He tells her he drove out into the desert, sad that his daughter would be moving away – he didn’t know Norma would be coming over. She tells him she was coming over to tell him what JB has just discovered via the wonders of fax – there’s no such employee as George Creech at the roads department.  DUN DUN. Jess noticed that pesky red dust on George’s pickup truck matches the colour of the clay Norma uses and Spencer tells her that can only come from one place, near the army base. He’s on it.

Over at the general store, Marge and Pete talk it out – Marge thinks Pete killed Whitey and wants her cut of the money, but Pete tells her she’s a great girl but no. They argue, Pete storms out, Marge is furious.

JB decides to investigate George’s room but is forced into the closet when he returns unexpectedly.

Cunning plan is cunning.

Except he spots her.

Missed it by that much.

Spencer arrives to save the day but there’s no need – George is a private detective on the hunt for the Truckstop Bandit so he can retrieve his client’s ring, among other things presumably. It turns out he’s already spotted the ring – on Marge’s ring finger.

Over at the general store Marge tells them she found the ring among Whitey’s things with a big wad of cash but she still can’t believe he’s the bandit. Cal thinks it’s ironic that after all the risks Whitey took he didn’t get away with it. Marge agrees, saying all he managed to get was a pinky ring. Jess spots a gun on the wall and thinks it might be the gun that fired the warning shot before Whitey was murdered. Spencer later catches Pete about to leave town with a saddlebag full of money, which he confiscates.

Norma wants to get back to the coverup at the army base, but Jess has bad news on that front too – the only scandal to occur at the base was a payroll robbery that remains unsolved. Jess thinks Tiny found the money, then the thieves moved it and he’s been looking for it ever since. Norma gives up, but her clay covered hands give Jess an idea and she gives George a ring. She thinks she knows who the real Truckstop Bandit is.

Sure enough, she heads down to the general store and gets a confession.

GODDAMNIT MARGE

I must admit my estimation of Marge has gone up with this news. Jess tells her that only the bandit could have known that the stolen ring was a pinkie ring, not a regular ring (long bow, but I’ll allow it).  Marge admits to everything but swears she didn’t kill Whitey. Jessica agrees when she opens the blind. She knows exactly who it was and it’s all thanks to a twisted cord and a twisted seatbelt.

Part time sheriff, full-time killer. Coming soon to a theatre near you, if you’re unlucky.

Spencer, hot on Whitey’s tail, followed him to the desert, killed Whitey when he attacked him, and then took the money in the hope he could leave town with Dena.

And with that, Jessica gets back on the bus but not before the driver asks her if he was right about nothing ever happening in Gila Junction.

Later gang!

S05E20 – Three Strikes, You’re Out

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Down in Arizona this week Fletcherfans, where JB is in Scotsdale but has made plans to meet up with her baseball-playing nephew Johnny Eaton in Tucson. When she calls over to his hotel he’s already checked out, so Jessica decides to head back to Boston until she spots the front page of the local paper. Excited, she asks the concierge if he’d seen it – her nephew is in the front page!

“Your nephew is Mike Warlop?” The concierge says excitedly.

“No, my nephew is Johnny Eaton.” Jessica explains.

The concierge  cares not. “Mike Warlop is the best hitter the Comets have had in 20 years and they trade him for these two nobodys.”

You wanna start again pal?

You wanna start again pal?

Across town, Johnny has just arrived at his new club with Charlie Holcomb, the other player in this trade deal, and their manager Al Sidell (who is being played by Paul Sorvino who was Lord Capulet back when Leo DiC was Romeo, man that is a good movie). Johnny is in a bit of a tizz, as he’s lost the glove he did a something something pitch in (sorry baseball fans, everything I know about baseball comes from watching Moneyball that one time and I didn’t really understand it then either.) Al gives them a big pep talk and tells them to play ball.

Inside, Charlie and Johnny meet the rest of the team with varying levels of warmth, and the team manager Harry Dial who is considerably more frosty. The hooting and catcalling erupts when sports journalist Loretta Lee enters the changeroom to announce she’s the new network anchor. Ugh. Dial is quick to throw her out of the change room saying “around here ERA means Earned Run Average not Equal Rights Amendment.” UGH. I’d like to say at least times have changed, but let’s face it they haven’t changed that much.

Outside, JB arrives just in time for the warmup. Johnny comes over for a quick hello but is blasted bu Dial and he jogs on. Al Sidell arives to sit with Jess and introduces her to two of the player wives, Roz Briggs (wife of Pete) and Nancy Murray, wife of Kel. They came down for spring training to make sure none of the groupies got too attached. The pratice game begins, and Johnny’s up to pitch. The first ball results in WP being flashed on the scoreboad which Al helpfuly explains means Wild Pitch. Or Wide Pitch. I started applying cricket rules to make sense of it but I’m not sure it worked. The second ball gets hit for six  out of the stadium, which judging by everyone’s faces is a Very Bad Thing.

Later that night, while Charlie, Al and Jess commiserate with Johnny, Dial is having a  grand old time with Kel and Nancy Murray and Loretta is having a quiet word with Comets owner Irving Randolph. Randolph has taken exception to the story Loretta did suggesting that the Comets were the losers in the Mike Warlop trade. In the powder room, JB runs into Loretta who asks her about Charlie’s background in preparation for an interview she’s going to do in the morning, but JB has nothing for her. Out in the bar, former Comet Mike Warlop is throwing back the scotches and propositioning Loretta who tells him in no uncertain terms to back off. Randolph tells him to get lost, Dial throws a glass of water and then a brawl breaks out. Charlie Holcomb comes to Loretta’s rescue and escorts her away.

UGH THIS IS ALL TOO FACTUAL.

Back in Loretta’s hotel room, Charlie is putting the moves on but Loretta has other things on her mind – like why the media guide says Charlie is 23 when she thinks he’s 25 or 26, and whether or not he’d ever played for a manager named Flip Phillips.

WHY MUST YOU TURN THIS INTO A HOTEL ROOM OF LIES CHARLIE?

WHY MUST YOU TURN THIS INTO A HOTEL ROOM OF LIES CHARLIE?

Charlie demolishes his soda and legs it out of there. Well that’s not suspicious at all.

The next morning JB is woken by the sounds of knocking. Outside, team travel secretary Avery Burns is trying to wake Loretta so she won’t miss the bus. A passing maid helpfully unlocks the door for him (not weird), and they find Loretta lying dead on the floor. Scottsdale PD arrive in the form of Lieutenant Caceras who asks JB if she heard or saw anything the previous night – JB says no, but she does know that Loretta was alive at 9pm the night before, as that was when she left the restaurant with Charlie Holcomb.

“Holcomb – one of those two rookie nobodies in the trade?”

This reminds me of that time Richmond traded Brad Ottens to Geelong except I'm using a lot less swear words.

This reminds me of that time Richmond traded Brad Ottens to Geelong except I’m using a lot less swear words.

JB notices that Loretta’s fancy necklace is missing, and Caceras lets her in on his working theory – since her money and credit cards are also missing, he thinks that Loretta surprised a burglar and died in the struggle. JB can’t fault that logic, but notices a small piece of glass on the floor. Caceras thinks it’s nothing but bags it anyway. He also orders his minion to shut off the TV that had been going all night. JB wonders about that little fact but says nothing.

Down at the ground, Carceras is trying to get the players onside by telling them how he used to be just like them until a knee injury forced his retirement from playing ball and started his career as a cop, blah blah blah that trade was terrible. He asks to see Charlie privately and grills him about what happened with Loretta after they left the restaurant. He denies even going into Loretta’s hotel room, but when Caceras throws down his matchbook, found in the hotel room, he relents and says he was in her room trying on the moves but didn’t get anywhere. He tells Carceras that he thinks Loretta was Randolph’s “private reserve”. Caceras tells him he should have stayed a Titan.

Johnny calls JB with an update on the case, and begs her to stay to help his friend Charlie out. Jess agrees, and he tells her that with her at the game he’s sure to play well.

Cut to the scores.

I recognise those things as words.

I recognise those things as words.

Let me just translate this into Briony-speak.

Ahh that’s better (Source)

Jess is joined in the stands by Al Sidell, who heard about the death of Loretta on the radio. He asks JB what the story is but she tells him they don’t know much yet. He says you never know when your time is up, and tells her how he had a car accident on the way back to his hotel the previous night – he wasn’t hurt but his wallet will be.

Johnny takes the field to bat – his first ball ends up being a PB, or a passed ball as Al explains to Jess, while cleaning his glasses. The second ball he smacks straight to a fielder, breaking the bat into pieces in the process. He marches glumly off the field, and is met by a furious Pete Briggs, who was the owner of the bat. After the game Al and Jess try to console Johnny but he’s not having a bar of it – he loses his glove, he pitches a home run ball to Mike Warlop, he shook Loretta’s hand and now she’s dead, he something something-ed, oh his arm is sore! Al asks him if he’s seen the trainer but he says no. JB tells him to get over himself shake it off – he’s worked too hard to fall victim to superstitions and curses.

JB heads down to police headquarters and tells Caceras that her nephew is feeling guilty.

“Yeah?” Says Careras. “I can understand how lousy he must feel killing the Comet’s pennant chances this season.”

I'm not going to lie, if it was football I would have the same reaction.

I’m not going to lie, if it was football I would have the same reaction.

JB requests to put baseball aside for the moment, and asks Caceras if he’s made any progress. He tells her that they lifted 2 sets of prints from glasses found in the room – Loretta’s and a second set as yet unidentified. He also tells her that the missing necklace hasn’t turned up, and that none of the credit cards were used between the time of death and his men reporting them missing. JB has a theory – she thinks that because the pay-per-view channel was on the TV, Loretta was home and received a knock on the door from someone she knew, let them in and they killed her. Caceras decides to find out what time the pay-per-view channel was used in Loretta’s room. JB tells him she noticed him take a piece of paper out of the hotel room, and he tells her it was a phone number for a bail bondsman. They checked it out and he’d received a call from Loretta but had no idea what it was in regards to.

Down in the hotel lobby bar Caceras asks Dial if any players missed curfew the night of the murder but Dial says he was in bed at 11pm. Pete Briggs says the same thing, backed up by his wife. A minion delivers a piece of paper to Caceras who promptly excuses himself and goes over to JB, sitting with Johnny, Charlie and Al. He tells her the second set of prints they found belong to a man called Freddie Masters, who skipped bail on an assault charge, lied about his age and changed his name to Charlie Holcomb.

Oh dear.

Charlie is arrested on suspicion of murder and taken to the cells, where JB visits him to try and get the story straight. He admits to being in Loretta’s room but left her when she started pumping him for information and drove off to a bar. He reluctantly tells JB he saw Pete Briggs there, which JB wonders about but has more pressing questions like just why Mike Wharlop was traded to begin with, as she was starting to think there was more going on with this trade than she first thought.

Down at the clubrooms JB interrogates the club masseuse who is being played by the guy who played Felix Leiter in Never Say Never Again *cue five minutes of me humming the Bond theme to myself*. He reassures her that all is in had and demonstrates the team’s state of the art medical facilities by showing her x-rays of Johnny and Mike Wharlop. They are interrupted by Dial, decked out in a towel, who tells JB that her being in the changerooms is bad for business. She notices the bruise on Dial’s arm and he tells her it’s from the brawl with Mike. She comments that he hits well for someone who had a dislocated shoulder the previous season.

“Look lady, if you’re so interested in male anatomy, I can give you a good look at mine. All of it.” Says Dial.

Sidenote: I once got a prank call from some guy asking if I wanted to play with his "12 inch cock". Without even pausing I said "Well surely if it's 12 inches then you can go f--k yourself", hung up the phone and did a victory lap of my house. It remains one of the greatest things I've ever done.

Sidenote: I once got a prank call from some guy asking if I wanted to play with his “12 inch cock”. Without even pausing I said “Well surely if it’s 12 inches then you can go f–k yourself”, hung up the phone and did a victory lap of my house. It remains one of the greatest things I’ve ever done.

At the stadium, Jess finds Al to bring him up to speed on what’s happening. Caceras confronted Pete who denied breaking curfew, making Charlie look guiltier than ever. She tells Al about the xrays and how she noticed that the only x-ray with a different colour lab code was the one with Mike Wharlop’s shoulder, so she called the lab and they told her they didn’t know anything about it. Her theory – Loretta found out that the team faked Mike’s x-rays to get him traded and Randolph had her killed.

Later that night Jess, Al and Caceras are going through the x-rays but can’t find Mike’s anywhere. Randolph himself storms in to see who left the lights on. They confront him but the truth is not what they think it is – Randolph had the x-rays destroyed, but the Titans, Wharlop’s new team, knew that they were fake. It turned out Mike’s month off with a dislocated shoulder was actually a month in rehab for alcoholism, and he covered it up publicly to protect Mike’s wife and kids. Well that’s kind of nice.

Caceras and JB are pondering their next move when Pete and Roz Briggs appear with their own confession – Pete did break curfew, but it’s not what they think it is – he went to see his specialist hypnotist to help him with his batting.

Mmmkay.

On the way back to the hotel, they pass the spot where Al had his car accident. Caceras’s minion makes a comment about glasses and JB has a thought.

I think this is going to get depressing

I think this is going to get depressing

After some quick science, the next morning JB and Caceras go to the ground to give Johnny back his missing baseball glove, and to confront the killer.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

It is what they think it is. Loretta found out about Charlie’s past as Freddy, confronted Al who fought her and she fell.

So on that depressing note…

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

S05E08 – Prediction Murder

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Fletcherfans, remember that time last week Lee Goddard took Jess back to his ranch to hear the sales pitch of a life time? Well, it’s happening, and as you can see it’s going well.

Yep. Nope.

Yep. Nope.

Although,his house is working in his favour as far as I’m concerned.

*starts shouting the theme from Game of Thrones*

*starts shouting the theme from Game of Thrones*

Inside House Goddard JB meets ranch worker Greta Olsen, who is about to return to Sweden to renew her work visa, Lee’s son Dell, who is delighted to see JB, and Dell’s wife Jill, who floats across the room, impressed with Jess’s aura that says Jess must be at peace with the universe.

 

Heh heh heh

Heh heh heh

“I don’t know about the universe, but Cabot Cove has been very quiet lately.” Says JB. (read: noone’s been murdered).

Lee introduces JB but Jill already knows, saying Jess is just as Lee described her – strong, but delicate, intelligent and emotional.

Nawwwwwww

Nawwwwwww

Seeing Lee’s face Jill says “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”

Damn hippie

Damn hippie

The clock chimes and Jillian decides that if she doesn’t rush to meditate on her ectoplasmic spirit, she’ll be out of sorts for the rest of the day.

And by ectoplasmic spirit I can only assume she means

The only ectoplasmic spirit worth meditating on (source)

That night, a party is held at the ranch to celebrate Slimer transit of Venus things, and Jess meets Del’s friend Katherine Aaron who explains star signs to her.

This might be my new favourite thing.

This might be my new favourite thing.

Katherine’s husband Ben has no time for such business either (apparently he he lost some major clients and is a tad stressed) so he adjourns to the bar. JB is then accosted by Jill, who wants to tell her more about her alpha level of consciousness, but luckily for all concerned they are interrupted by the arrival of a helicopter, delivering the night’s special guest – Francesco the Psychic.

Enter standard creepy dude.

Enter standard creepy dude.

Francesco moves about the room, throwing down predictions like it ain’t no thang, until he gets to Jill. Then, a change. Jill will be happy, then her throat will constrict, but she will be saved by a friend. There’s a carousel, but it will be okay.

We are unamused.

We are unamused.

Then, Francesco gets all worked up. FLAMES! FLAMES AND FIRE!

Don't milk it love.

Don’t milk it love.

Francesco runs outside, closely followed by Del who demands to know what the hell that was about. Francesco tells him he felt fire and death.  Oh whatever.

The next morning, while Jill defends Francesco to Jessica, there is a Dramatic Incident.

You call that over-acting? THIS is over-acting.

You call that over-acting? THIS is over-acting.

Fortunately JB is there to save Jill from the Great Toast Choking Incident (incidentally, pfft, I once choked on a dumpling and had to save myself #badass) which unexpectedly freaks Jill out more – if Francesco was right about this what else was he right about?

After breakfast Jill demands the ranch foreman saddle her horse for a ride, and tells Dell she wants to be alone. Meanwhile, Lee takes Jess on a tour of the ranch, which happens to include a bid for Jess’s affections. Jess is thankfully interrupted by Jill’s horse galloping along the ravine floor – without Jill. Lee and Jess go to investigate and find Jill unconscious on the ground.

When she wakes up, back at the ranch, she immediately says Francesco predicted this too – he saw carousels but he clearly meant horses. Naturally. She demands that Del find Francesco and bring him back to the ranch so she can find out more about the fire but Francesco can’t be found. While Del hunts for him Jill decides to visit  Katherine, and tells Lee she will be back later that evening. Lee  tries to bring up his ‘sales pitch’ with Jess but she gently shoots him down.

Later that night Francesco arrives back at the ranch, having been ‘summoned’ by the voice of Jill insisting she was in danger. They are soon joined by Katherine, who arrives wanting to see how Jill is doing. She’s surprised and alarmed to learn that Jill was supposed to have been at her house all afternoon.

Del, Lee and Roy the foreman go hunting for Jill but there’s no sign of her. Meanwhile, Francesco tells Jess she gives off bad vibrations.

Jess is giving 0 bothers this episode and I love it

Jess is giving zero bothers this episode and I love it

Francesco ducks JB questions, and Del’s punches when he returns demanding answers. Suddenly the phone rings, and Lee puts it on speaker. It’s a disembodied voice with a ransom demand and a clear lack of experience in ransom calls since it says “I repeat, I will say this once and only once.”

It conveniently turns out that the amount the Voice demands – one million dollars – is precisely the amount Lee keeps in his safe in his office. WHO THE HELL DOES THAT? He arranges to collect the money so that Del can take it to the ransom site the next morning. Jess suggests they call the police but they all refuse.

The next morning, the ransom drop appears to go off without a hitch, Jill calls home and says the kidnappers left a car for her and she’ll drive back. Cut to the car driving over a cliff and the local constabulary investigating a smouldering wreck. Lee and Del go to identify the body and return with the news the only things that weren’t burned were the ring and the bracelet Del had given her.

Inside, JB finds Francesco going through Jill’s drawers. The hell? Francesco tells her he was hoping to find something that contained Jill’s aura so that he might communicate with her. Ugh, whatever bro. He tell’s JB he can’t stay for much longer anyway, his wife has them booked on a flight to Hong Kong in a few days. After he leaves Jess looks at the book he was examining (for aura traces) and finds that it’s Jill’s day planner, containing entries like ‘PSYCHIC SEMINAR” and ‘GO TO DENTIST”.

A short time later, Lieutenant Turner has arrived with an update on the situation. Dental records have confirmed the body was Jill’s but he also tells them that it would appear someone tampered with the brakes. He’s heard about the business with the death predictions and and asks to speak to Francesco, but is informed Francesco has already left, and when he asks to speak to Del is told he’s down at the funeral parlour making arrangements.

Jess and Lee take a walk and Jess outlines her suspicions – she thinks the ransom call was actually a recording, which means Francesco could have been involved – or Dell. Meanwhile Turner has caught up with Francesco – or Leonard Steigler as he’s also known – and tells him he’s going down. Francesco tells him he was hired by Del to make those predictions about Jill’s imminent demise

Turner confronts Del who admits that he hired Francesco to convince Jill that her marriage was evil and then she would leave, because Del didn’t have the balls to do it himself. Ugh Del you are such a Grady. Jess asks him about the night of the party, when Del confronted Francesco after his little performance to demand an explanation it was actually because Francesco went off-script and Del confirms it. He runs off, followed by his father, leaving JB to puzzle it out. Turner asks her what’ s up and she says it’s still bothering her that the kidnapper knew about the money in Lee’s safe, or that the ransom site was somewhere well known to Del. She takes him upstairs and shows him Jill’s dayplanner, with the  GO TO DENTIST entry. She tells him she thinks it actually says G.O to dentist, as in Greta Olsen, the maid who allegedly went back to Sweden the day after the party. She tells Turner to release Francesco, she thinks it will clear everything up.

Once released, Francesco is at the airport with his wife when they accost him again. He tells his wife to go on without him but JB asks her to come too. Since it isn’t actually his wife…

Damn hippie!

Damn hippie!

Jess nailed them early on – Jill choking on a piece of toast just after Francesco predicted it was either a coincidence of gargantuan proportions, or they were in on it together. BITCH YOU JUST GOT FLETCHERED.

And on that bombshell…

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

PS – Thank you to everyone who’s been commenting on things while I was away. I haven’t had a chance to reply to them yet but I’m always happy to hear you guys are enjoying my regular descents to my alpha level of consciousness, as it will be known henceforth.