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S12E04 – Big Easy Murder

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We’re in Nawlins baby! There are drums, and voodoo and fog and someone running and SURPRISE CAMEO

#SNAKESPEARELIVES

That someone running turns out to be the reporter Jim Nash, and running did not help him – he was hacked to death with a machete, the fourth victim in three months. There are signs of voodoo at the body but Detective Alex Tibideaux thinks it’s a ruse and Jim’s colleagues at the paper Tom McCray and Cynthia Broussard say Jim was investigating links between the murders and organized crime.

You know what I’d like to organize? A whole lot of beignets in my mouth. And maybe some gumbo. And a cocktail or two.

Detective Tibideaux’s next stop is the last notation on Nash’s planner, which was to pick up JB Fletcher and take her to dinner. Nash was helping JB with research for her newest book; voodoo, illegal gambling, jazz, all the good stuff. Detective Tibideaux warns her that New Orleans also has the highest murder rate in America, but I mean has he been to Cabot Cove?

Guys, forget books. It’s all about KonMarie-ing people.

Jessica is staying at the home of her friend Emily Broussard, newly married to former Senator Brent Renwyck (aka Greg’s dad from Dharma and Greg) who has swapped senate-ing for opening a jazz bar. While JB chats with their housekeeper Yvette Dauphin, Emily has a quiet word with Brent before he heads out the door. Apparently one of their bank accounts was mysteriously empty but Brett explains he had emergency repairs down the club, he’s totes sorry he forgot to tell her about it.

Uh-huh.

Jess heads off to a voodoo shop where she finds some dude called Ralph Danton roughing up sales assistant Vera Welles. Vera was friends with the dead reporter and Ralph’s just discovered she’s planning to leave town which he’s aggressively against. He backs off when JB wanders in and walks away with a smile. Jess is actually looking for the owner, Kelly, but alas she died six months ago and the shop has new owners.  Kelly was going to take JB to the Gula Ruines for St Johns Eve festivities and to educate JB on a poisonous plant JB heard about in Jamaica. Vera doesn’t like to get involved in that stuff but agrees to take JB to the ruins.

Down at Brent’s jazz bar, Priscilla Dauphin (daughter of Yvette) is rehearsing for the grand opening. Brent wants to tell her how happy it’s going to make Emily and Yvette but she gives him the brush off and calls Emily, demanding to see her. Yvette overhears the conversation and looks worried. Meanwhile, Brett has a meeting with local crime boss Frank Roussel, nightclub host Mal Carter and Ralph – Brett’s an idiot who got financing from Roussel and now he’s signing paperwork that will give the club to Mal if anything should happen to him. Ralph spots Tom McCray out the window, and Roussel orders Ralph to tail him.

Back at the Broussard house, Jessica finds an old photo of Emily with her father and Yvette. Cynthia Broussard (who is Emily’s daughter don’tcha know) arrives with an envelope addressed to JB that they found in Jim Nash’s office and a message from Tom to meet JB at  3pm so he can explain what the documents are.

When they meet, they aren’t alone – Ralph is keeping an eye on them. Jess has discovered notes in Jim’s file that suggest he had a last minute change of plans to go and meet someone before meeting Jess. Jessica spots Ralph and suggests that Tom gets going, she’ll put Ralph off – which she does by blocking his exit and demanding the waiter call the police, causing Ralph to scarper.

Back at the Broussard residence, Priscilla confronts Emily with an anonymous letter she received declaring Emily’s father is also her father and that he paid for her schooling at Julliard as a result. Emily is aghast, and when she asks Priscilla about it she confirms it. Yvette says she wants her money or she’s suing.

That night

You know Snakespeare is here for the sonnetsssss. I should also mention that Melbourne is basically a firey Hellmouth right now and we’ve all lost our minds due to the heat. And by we I mean me.

Jessica and Vera arrive at the Gula Ruins for the voodoo festival and spot Ralph in the crowd. He sees them, and they make a hasty exit leaving just enough time for Ralph to laugh creepily.

Back at the club, Mal Carter overhears Tom interviewing Brett. Tom’s picking up Jim’s story and tells the senator all about how Jim found out that Brett had blown Emily’s money and ended up with a magical last-minute partner with just enough money to get the club going. Tom knows Mal Carter is fronting for Frank Roussel but Brett is giving nothing away. Also, it’s totally awkward because Tom went after Brett while he was a senator, and he’s also dating his step-daughter. Like I said, awks.

Mal watches Tom leave and calls Frank to report trouble.

The next day Jessica has coffee with Emily and explains that she called her friend at Julliard (because Our Heroine has friends EVERYWHERE) and he confirmed that Emily’s father paid for Priscilla’s schooling. Jessica suggests a DNA test but Emily’s father was cremated. Emily is a hot mess but Jess says not to worry – the letter is odd but there’s more to it than they know just yet.

Emily fills Brett in on the letter situation and he hits the roof, doubly so when he finds out that she’s going to audit the businesses in case she has to give money to Priscilla but she’s adamant. Brett runs into Priscilla and tells her she won’t get away with her scheme.

The club opens that night and everything appears to go swimmingly. Mal tells Brett to cheer up. Cynthia arrives and is not thrilled about Aunt Priscilla.

Back at home, Yvette is embracing some KonMarie voodoo and a Senator shaped voodoo doll.

I’ll be honest, I don’t actually know what this means either, but let’s pretend it does okay?

Brett calls Roussel, who is getting a status update on things from Ralph. Brett explains Emily’s audit plans and Roussel tells him to shut that down. Brett tells him there’s no way to stop the DA from finding out about their little arrangement if Emily knows about what’s going on. Roussel calls Mal Carter and tells him to follow Brett, as he asks Emily to go home with him. Priscilla finishes her set and says she’s going to get some air.

At nine o’clock that night, Brett is having a cheeky whisky when someone wanders over to him and kills him. Jess and Cynthia arrive home a short time later just in time to find Emily screaming over the body, a voodoo doll on the floor next to it.

Ah yes. That old chestnut.

Detective Tibideaux arrives on the scene in double quick time, and tells them that it appears to be a heart attack – the only physical thing they can see wrong with Brett is a cut on his hand, which Emily says was from a splinter he caught a couple of days earlier. Yvette is missing, and Cynthia sends Emily off to bed. Jess asks Detective Tibideaux if all the homicide squad are in attendance because of the voodoo doll and he says yes – there’s a habit for voodoo to take the fall for the bad guy. Tom arrives just as Jessica spots a familiar looking petal on the ground that looks a lot like those Priscilla was wearing on her head.

On the scent of a clue, Jessica pops down the club and finds Charlie the piano player, who has just heard about what happened. Priscilla is shaken and admits she followed Emily and Brent home, but by the time she got there he was already dead so she hightailed it out of there. She swears that the voodoo doll wasn’t there when she left, which means someone else was there in between Emily leaving the room and coming back in and Jess has a good idea of who and where she might be now.

Sure enough, Yvette is down at the Guila Ruins doing a bit more voodoo. Jess tells her Priscilla has gone to the police and Yvette says she only left the doll there to throw suspicion away from Priscilla, she didn’t want her daughter getting caught up in it all. Over at the voodoo shop, Vera is packing up for the night when she sees Ralph coming. She hides, he breaks in and she only gets away after conking him on the head.

The next morning Detective Tibideaux arrives to take Yvette in for questioning. Vera returns home from grocery shopping to find Ralph loitering outside her apartment so she gets on the pay phone (naw!) and calls the only person who can help.

I saw a tweet a while ago that said Jessica Fletcher was the only white person that people could trust and it made me laugh so hard. She’s such a Slytherin.

Tom arrives a short time later with the news that the call that lured Jim to his death came from a rando dentist office, that had other calls to Frank Roussel’s cell phone. Vera tells them that Ralph is skilled in the art of cloning phone numbers onto illegal mobile phones (LOL WHAT). Tom has also learned that Brett owed money to Emily and to Frank Roussel and a comment about left and right hands sends Jessica off on a reverie and she asks Vera about the poison from Jamaica. A call to the detective reveals that Brett had puncture marks on both hands but neither showed up anything poisonous.

A horseshoe ring and a memory later, Jess is back at the club to talk to Charlie the piano player – who is Priscilla’s real father and the former chauffeur for the Broussard’s. He and Yvette admit to cooking up the scheme together, without Priscilla’s knowledge. Neither of them was involved in the murder but Jessica already knows that.

Because of course.

Vera got the poisonous plant for them, and they whacked Brett to get ownership of the club. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme beauty and the beasttttttt.

Later gang

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S08E06 – Judge Not

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Welcome to New Orleans (one of my most favourite places in all the world), where JB has jetted in for the funeral of Jazz musician John Coop, the husband of JB’s old friend Melinda Coop. After the service and and the second line (New Orleans funerals and Irish wakes are how people should be remembered – with dancing and drinking), the mourners adjourn to the wake portion of the festivities for MOAR MUSIC and MOAR DRINKING at the home of John and Melinda Coop. Melinda tries to introduce JB to her son, John Jr, but he is not in the mood, saying that his father wasn’t a saint. Instead, Melinda introduces her to her mother-in-law, Emma Coop who hurls sass at Our Heroine before issuing an omen – there’s a storm coming.

(With all the celebrity deaths in 2016, I'm not even kidding I'm holding my breath until December 31)

I’m looking forward to having a funeral for 2016 to be honest.

Another mourner, Andy Henley aka Walter Peck from Ghostbusters, offers his condolences to Coop Jr, saying that Coop Sr was proud to know his son was a respected police officer, but Coop Jr says he doesn’t think his father had any respect for police officers – or attorneys for that matter. Melinda explains to JB that Senior and Junior clashed all their lives, and that when Coop Jr was 19 he ran off to the marines before joining the police force.

JB and Melinda catch up with Coop’s bass player Jack Lee Johnson, who tells JB he has a club now, full of old John Coop memorabillia. Melinda says she’s got a whole heap of stuff she’d like to give him to create a bit of a memorial, and Andy Henley wanders past to offer his help, while telling JB he’s a great admirer of her work. As he departs, Melinda explains that he was always called the Judges boy, but now he’s a prosecutor and practically a judge himself.

And then the non-metaphorical storm hits. Because Emma knows, you guys. Emma knows.

Cut to an old white dude drinking a cocktail and watching the television.

It's 7:45am and now I want a mojito I AM TOO SUGGESTIBLE GODDAMN IT TV

It’s 7:45am and now I want a mojito I AM TOO SUGGESTIBLE GODDAMN IT TV

Later that night, Emma, Melinda, JB, and someone else drive over to Jack Lee’s club to see his memorabilia stash but find the place trashed and Jack Lee dead on the floor. The NOPD are called, and conveniently it’s Coop Junior who takes the case. JB thinks Jack hasn’t been dead for very long, and most most likely strangled. Coop shows her a mark on Jack’s neck, which his partner thinks is from a rope with a knot in it being used to strangle him but both JB and Junior think the shape is too perfect for a knot.

“This family has been living on borrowed time for twenty years, and now the Devil will have his due.” Announces Emma.

DOOOOOOOOOM and so forth.

DOOOOOOOOOM and so forth.

Later that week, Melinda and JB are at the soon-to-be-opened Museum of Rhythm and Blues when Melinda gets a phone call from a shady character saying she has something that belongs to him, and he wants it back. He hangs up before Jessica can scold him, and Melinda tells her that she’s been getting lots of calls at home as well. Someone wants something but she has no idea what they are talking about.

JB asks Melinda what Emma’s warning was about, and Melinda guesses she was talking about Luna Santee – a jazz singer who recorded once with Coop Senior and was murdered, twenty years earlier. Before she can go on they hear a noise – the lights go out and one of those automatic pianos kicks in. A shadowy figure quietly departs.

DUN DUN.

The next day JB is down at the precinct giving her statement and wanders past Junior’s desk to ask why he hasn’t been returning her calls. Junior tells her he’s busy and that she should just go home and leave them in peace. She’s no longer needed here.

JB takes no crap from no body, especially not cops with daddy issues.

JB takes no crap from no body, especially not cops with daddy issues.

JB informs Junior that Melinda can tell her when she is no longer needed and she will make her own travel arrangements. Outside the precinct she bumps into Andy Henley, who tells her it’s much too dangerous to walk at a New York pace in a Southern town, they’re all much more languid. He requests to escort her on a tour of his New Orleans.

JB looks like she's going to be sick...

JB looks like she’s going to be sick…

Despite that reaction, JB agrees to meet Andrew Henley for a twilight trip around the city, and so departs in a horse and carriage because that is how Our Heroine rolls.

Meanwhile, Junior gets a phone call from the same mysterious voice as his mother. Instead of hanging up, he agrees to leave what the caller wants at the cemetery the next night. The caller warns Junior not to look back when he walks away.

Over coffee and beignets, JB asks Andrew Henley about Luna Santee. He tells her he didn’t know her that well, just saw her sing with Coop Senior’s band a couple of times but then she was strangled to death (he also calls her a beautiful woman of colour, and don’t even start me on how awkward that was). He changes the subject to his recent weight loss, and then offers to show JB his family home/plantation, which features, as it happens, a secret room.

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NO ANDY. JUST NO.

NO ANDY. JUST NO.

Andy shows JB a secret room with a bed and a large self portrait of Andy’s father, aka Old White Man Drinking Cocktail. JB notices Andy is wearing his father’s ring, Andy tells her he gave it to him when Andy passed the bar. He offers to show Jess more paintings but Jess insists on getting back to Melinda, because too much of Andy is too much.

On the way hone, JB asks the Coop’s driver Gene what he remembers about Luna Santee, but all he will say is that she was a witch. Meanwhile, Coop Junior goes to meet the mysterious phone caller. He leaves an envelope in the door of one of the tombs as instructed and lies in wait. When a man comes to the tomb and finds the envelope empty, Coop yells freeze. Shots are exchanged, and the shadowy figure runs away.

Meanwhile, JB gets back to her hotel to discover she’s been burgled. The next day a lieutenant arrives to take her statement and to tell JB about Coop Junior’s shooting adventure the night before. They are soon joined by the Henley’s, who are horrified about JB’s treatment in New Orleans. JB takes the opportunity to ask Henley Senior about the case, and he says all he can remember is that Coop Senior was the only suspect, since Luna was Coop Senior’s mistress, but he wondered whether Coop Junior might have had something to do with it. In the end, Coop Senior had an unshakeable alibi, Coop Junior turned out to be an exemplary police officer. Henley Senior suggests coffee and beignets. “Come!” Says Henley Junior. “The Henley’s will calm all your fears and slay all your dragons.”

WAT.

Coop Junior is conducting his own investigation. He asks Gene where he was the night of Jack’s death and Gene tells him he was driving Jessica back to her hotel. Coop Junior tells him he knows  Gene’s mother’s maiden name was Santee, but then Emma appears wanting to know why Junior is asking about the witch. It becomes clear that Coop is convinced that his father killed Luna, but Emma says Senior’s heart got broke, Junior walked out, people died, and it was all because of the witch. Junior goes in to ask questions, but his mother said he should have asked his father when he was alive. Long (and I do mean long) story short, Junior walked in on Senior with Luna the day before Luna died, but Melinda swears that Senior was with her the night that Luna died.

Down at the precinct Junior’s lieutenant wants to know what went on at the cemetery but Junior simply says he will reveal all in a couple of days. The lieutenant tells him he is suspended pending an investigation and Coop Junior departs in a storm of flung paperwork.

Coop decides to go to the club to look for clues, and after hearing weird noises, finds JB doing the same thing.

Dammit I should have something for this

Dammit I should have something for this

Junior finally reveals that he inherited a recording and a letter from his father, that seemed to indicate that his father knew what happened to Luna but it’s in code. Junior and Jessica listen to the song, and discover a reference to Easy Street, where Senior had an apartment, which was also where Luna was killed. Inside, they find a painting of Luna. Jess recognises the room Luna’s in as the secret room at the Henley plantation. They realise that the painting was hidden away as an insurance policy all these years just as the killer arrives.

Surprise! Not Old White Man of Death!

Surprise! Not Old White Man of Death!

JB knew it all along – there was no way Andy could have seen Luna smile unless he’d met her personally, she never sang live with Coop and the band, only recorded. Andy, who knew his father was devastated when Luna dumped him for Coop Senior, took matters into his own hands, and then killed Jack Lee when he was trying to find the painting.

And there it is Fletcherfans. Let us leave JB partying on in Bourbon Street, with the rest of the gang. And if anyone wants to pay for me to visit New Orleans I wouldn’t object. I suspect it looks a lot different to when I was there in 2006.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

S02E21 – The Perfect Foil

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After last week’s shenanigans  and mayhem you’d think Our Heroine had earned a nice little vacation. Alas, it’s not to be, as Great Aunt Mildred is concerned about Cal Fletcher, JB’s husbands second cousin twice removed on his left side (or something) and would Jess please go down to New Orleans and check on him?

Never one to turn down family (otherwise we’d never see Grady) JB jumps on a plane and heads down to Nawlins.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) someone forgot to mention a little old party called Mardi Gras. And after a cock-up with her hotel reservation sees JB homeless for the night, she decides to pay an earlier than planned visit to Cal.

After knocking at the front door, Cal’s house looks promising.

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Inside, the house is a-rockin, but with everyone in costume it’s going to make it awfully difficult to spot Cal Fletcher, on account of noone knowing what he looks like. Is he Napoleon? No.  Is he a pirate? Very much no, says the pirate, escorts the Genie of the Lamp into another room and closes the door. Is he Cardinal Richelieu? Apparently not, since the cardinal just smiles and wanders off,

A man without a costume called Gilbert informs Jess that her cousin is dressed as Cyrano de Bergerac but is hastened away by the Genie of the Lamp (I should point out that she’s more I Dream of Jeannie than Aladdin’s Genie, unfortunately). JB smacks into Lady Macbeth coming out of the room the pirate went into but she doesn’t know anything either. A little later she spots Cardinal Richelieu doing the same thing. She finally spots Cyrano in the crowd and rushes up to introduce herself but he completely blanks her, goes to the Pirate’s office and declares he’s going to kill him. The door closes and a swordfight breaks out.

I’m not gonna lie, the doorman has been the highlight of this episode so far. Anyway, a crowd gathers outside the office trying to get in to see the entertainment, but after hearing a thud JB is concerned. Gilbert appears, breaks down the door and finds the pirate (aka Johnny Blaze) dead on the floor, the world CAL written on the floor in blood. IS THIS JB’S MOST AWESOME RELATIVE EVER???

The police arrive and it’s obvious from the beginning that Lieutenant Cavette would loves JB to help him with his case, if you know what I mean. He asks her what she was doing at the party and she tells him that her cousin Cal Fletcher is the owner of the house. Except apparently it’s not a house, it’s a gambling den. While she watches the lieutenant search for clues, Gilbert sidles up to her and says that she needs to tell her cousin to get the hell out of town. Apparently his house is just across the alley. CONVENIENT.

JB goes to pay this mysterious cousin of hers a visit and finds him curled up asleep in bed. When she informs him of what’s happened he seems completely surprised.

Cal went on to direct many episodes of Home Improvement. His real name is Peter Bonerz. Why are you laughing?

Cal went on to direct many episodes of Home Improvement. His real name is Peter Bonerz. Why are you laughing?

He swears on his word as a gentleman that he didn’t know about the gamblinh and he didn’t kill Johnny Blaze.

The many faces of Calhoun Fletcher.

The many faces of Calhoun Fletcher.

The police show up and quickly find a Cyrano de Bergerac costume in Cal’s wardrobe, complete with key in pocket. Cavette orders Cal be arrested immediately. Clearly he is immune to Honest Face.

Down at the police station Cavette tells JB that Johnny Blaze was running an illegal gambling operation out of Cal’s house, and that his death was no great loss.  JB thinks that this must surely mean that there are more people than just Cal who would want Johnny Blaze dead. Cavette agrees, but points out that all the evidence implicates Cal. Plus there was that time Cal stood up in a card game and threatened to kill Johnny Blaze.

JB confronts Cal about this, and he kind of agrees that he threatened to kill Johnny Blaze, since he was cheating at  cards, but that’s it. He tells JB that he’s a naturalist…

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…he collects butterflies for museums.

Life Lesson #46 - Naturalist and nudist are two completely different things.

Life Lesson #46 – Naturalist and nudist are two completely different things.

Cal’s attorney Mitch Payne arrives to calm everyone down, and tells them that self defence is a perfectly legitimate plea. JB is outraged! But Cal wasn’t even there!

Later that night JB goes out to dinner with Lieutenant Cavette, He tries to bust some patented Cavette moves on Our Heroine but JB wants nothing to do with it. She wants more information on this shady lawyer dude. Cavette tells her that he was once in the employ of Johnny Blaze, and helped him beat a murder rap – supposedly he killed a young man over a card game but some witnesses were found to swear that Johnny Blaze wasn’t even there, 

The next morning JB pays Mr Payne a visit, and finds him consulting with Lady Macbeth from the party, also known as Rosaline Gardner, the wife of local congressman Brad Gardner. When asked, she tells JB that she must have her mistaken for somebody else. Down at the club, JB asks Gilbert and Jeannie (aka Kitty Manette) about Cal’s presence at the club the night of the murder. Kitty says he had been pretty drunk, so they got him out before Johnny Blaze could see him, but that he must have sneaked back in, JB asks about the congressman, and Kitty swears he wasn’t at the party but Gilbert thinks he saw his limo parked down the street. JB asks him if he mentioned this to Lieutenant Cavette and Gilbert tells her that he wouldn’t give him the right time of day. Turns out the guy  Johnny Blaze was accused of murdering was Cavette’s son. 

Awkward.

JB confronts Cal about his presence at the club on the night of the murder and he comes clean, but says that he left after Kitty came running up sobbing and saying “He knows!” JB asks him who else was playing cards the night Cal threatened to kill Blaze – Mitch the shady lawyer, Gilbert, Kitty and the Congressman were all there too, according to Cal. On a roll, JB confronts Cavette about the murder of his son. He tells her the story, but swears he wasn’t at the party that night. 

“Bullshit!” Says Jess (I’m paraphrasing slightly). “I saw you…Cardinal Richelieu”

(I’m starting to think everyone in the world wanted Johnny Blaze dead, including me. (For the record, I was a month off my third birthday when he was murdered, cop that for an alibi!)

Never mind all that though. Cavette tells JB to accept the fact that her cousin is guilty and JB mutters “I don’t know why you all keep saying that, he’s not my cousin, he’s Frank’s!” and then solves the case. BAM.

Remember that time Jeannie/Kitty said “HE KNOWS.” Turns out that wasn’t about Cal Fletcher at all, her boyfriend Johnny Blaze had discovered who she was cheating on him with.

Excuse me while I die of unsurprised.

Excuse me while I die of unsurprised.

And they all lived happily ever after. Well Gilbert went to jail, presumably, and Kitty was probably left broken hearted. But JB went home to Cabot Cove and Cal found a new tenant to take over the big house and turn it into a brothel. So mainly Cal wins, really.

Season 2 finale next week Fletcherfans, can you believe it? Only 10 more seasons to go! *whimpers*

Later, Fletcherfans!

Later, Fletcherfans!

 

 

S01E13 – Murder to a Jazz Beat

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Apologies for the mid-season break Fletcher-fans. I got a bit caught up hurling abuse at Channel 9’s coverage of the Olympics before my Asia holiday, but I did leave you a present to tide you over. It’s underneath this post, so if you missed it check it out – it’s pretty amazing.

The good news is, JB is on another roadtrip! This week she’s heading on down to New Orleans to do some promotion for her book/get wasted in Bourbon St. Due to some plane trouble she’s running late, and despite her taxi driver’s best attempts to get her to wag and go drinking/sightseeing, Jess insists on getting to the studio to see her friend Jonathan Hawley.

Unfortunately for Jess, she’s two days early. Her bud Jonathan is delighted and takes her out for lunch in the French Quarter, where he coincidentally has a meeting.

Never stand between a mystery writer and her whisky. Fact.

Jonathan is there to meet Ben Coleman, a big-time jazz musician about to hit it big in Vegas, along with his minion Eddie and his manager Aaron Kramer. Amidst all the introductions and the mutual backslapping, Ben’s backup band appear – they’ve just heard that they aren’t invited to Vegas, and they’re a little bit pissed off. Ben gives them the cold shoulder and leaves, followed soon after by his manager who CLEARLY is in love with Jess after five minutes. Which is fair enough.

Later that night, Jonathan and JB hit up the Bourbon Street Barn to see Ben Coleman and his band perform before they leave for Vegas. Backstage, Eddie is hanging out with Ben’s wife Callie commiserating about the Evil Bastard that is Ben Coleman, and the man himself is having a scream-off with his manager. Does anyone else get the feeling that some shit’s about to go down?

The show begins, and Our Heroine is having a toe-tapping good time (literally. I wish I knew how to make gifs, but take my word for it okay?). A jazz montage ensues, but it all goes terribly wrong when Ben drops dead mid-blow. Awkward. A doctor appears out of the audience and pronounces him dead, but JB isn’t so sure – she’s convinced it’s poison. Apparently so is Ben’s wife Callie, who sneaks Bens cup of water into her handbag. SUSPICIOUS.

The NOPD arrive and the lead detective immediately declares JB’s theory a publicity stunt.

When will these detectives learn? FOOLS.

The detective orders them to be at his office first thing the next morning, before flouncing out. He’s soon replaced by Jonathan’s news director, who is delighted to hear that his network has a celebrity death on tape. (Insert topical joke here). Jonathan is outraged and follows him back to the station to have it out with him, leaving Aaron to escort Jessica back to her hotel, via a bar. Smooth move right there.

The next morning sees the footage of Ben Coleman’s death splashed across the news. Detective Douchebag has Views regarding this, but it turns out he’s wrong. A very hungover Jonathan arrives at the police station to tell them that he was overruled, so he quit. The Detective apologises, and reveals that Jess was right – it was iocane powder poison.

Jessica accepts her victory with good grace

 

That out of the way, the conversation turns to HOW. Naturally they all suspect the missing cup of coffee, so they decided to check out the rest of the footage from the bar to see if they can spot the culprit. Instead, they see Callie drinking from Ben’s cup. Theory blown. To make matters worse, the news director comes in and demands to know what the hell they think they’re doing. Jess informs him that she is taking her theory to his competitor and he freaks out. Later, she tells the detective and Jonathan that she doesn’t actually have a theory, he was just annoying her. DON’T MESS WITH THE JESS.

Naturally, a lady must always keep her word, so Jess hits the streets of New Orleans to find the poisoner. First stop is Ben’s former bandmates, but they know nothing. Outside JB runs into the band manager Aaron – who as it turns out is crap at band managing but great at smuggling things back from South America. He swears that he didn’t kill Ben. JB seems to believe him, but the Detective is less inclined and turns up to arrest Aaron at the viewing of Ben’s body. Man, this episode is getting me down. Where’s Amos Tupper when you need him? The detective is convinced that Kramer poisoned Ben’s clarinet reed, but tests later revealed that the reed was completely clean.

At the television studio, Jess and Jonathan are preparing to tape their segment when the news director wanders in. While he and Jonathan argue (again), Jess stares intently at the commercial being recorded on the stage, for denture cleaner. Then inspiration hits, and she legs it to St Charles Cemetery. She’s worked out who the killer is – and I’ll be honest, I didn’t see this coming.

Well this is just depressing…

It turns out that Ben’s loyal minion Eddie found out that Ben was going to kill his wife and took action. And that’s it. Man, I am so bummed out now. I think we should all scroll down for a video life lesson from Angela Lansbury to make ourselves feel better.

See you next week, hopefully with a much happier murder.

Til then, dear reader.