S04E12 – Who Put the Barbituals In Mrs Fletcher’s Chowder?


You guys, Amos isn’t having a good day.

Don't mind if I do!!!

Don’t mind if I do!!!

Poor guy. His deputy up and quit, he’s got people trying to get him to come rescue their cats, Seth wants him to come and have lunch and now his sister Winnie has just turned up out of the blue announcing she’s left her husband and can she stay at his house? Amos is delighted to see her, but tells her that he’s too short-staffed to spend any time with her today.

“That’s okay.” Winnie sighs. “I’ll just go walk along the seacliffs, thinking about the bleakness of my life.”

Naturally, there’s only one person Amos can turn to in this time of crisis. And despite having a deadline to meet and being four chapters behind, Jessica is delighted to meet Winnie.


While Winnie investigates the photos in JB’s living room, Amos begs Jess to keep Winnie company for the day. JB tries to explain about her deadline (again) but Winnie comes back talking about the photo of JB with Frank, and how Elmo hadn’t looked at her that way in years…


Reasons why I love JB #7725 – She’s as uncomfortable with oversharing as I am.

JB offers to make tea, and Amos scarpers back to the Sheriff’s office for a moment’s piece that doesn’t arrive. Instead, there’s Marigold.

Quite possibly my new favourite not-JB character. You'll see...

Quite possibly my new favourite not-JB character. You’ll see… (She also played Dody in this episode)

Amos isn’t really interested – he’s looking for someone with law enforcement experience….but Marigold was a meter maid in Augusta and has her own uniform. Amos plays the danger card, but danger is no problem for Marigold. Amos understands, but what he’s really looking for is…

“A man?” Asks Marigold. “I’d be very disappointed Sheriff if you were biased.”

“Me? Biased?” The Sheriff is horrified. “Why, nothing could be further from the truth. I had a woman deputy until last year, good worker too. Broke my heart when she got in the family way. Of course, her husband was glad she was finally staying home where she belonged…”


Marigold Feeney also played Kowalski in Die Hard 3. WHAT A BOSS!

“Could you start tomorrow?” Amos asks meekly.

“I can start today.” Marigold declares. MY HERO.

Meanwhile at Castle Fletcher, Winnie is telling JB all about her problems over a pot of tea, about how Elmo changed and became crazy, alternating between shoving people around and sitting in the corner weeping. She left so quickly that she forgot her ulcer medication. Now that’s a problem Jess can fix straight away – she knows just the person who can help…

Apparently I just decided Seth is Animal from the Muppets #youknowitmakessense

Apparently I just decided Seth is Animal from the Muppets #youknowitmakessense

JB smoothly deposits Winnie in Seth’s office for the afternoon and rushes off to finish her book. Winnie tells Seth she’s much obliged for his help, and that this is her first trip to Maine and so far she hasn’t seen anything.

“Well then you have a treat in store for you,” says Seth, sorting out her prescription for Calmitol, “You may not be aware of it, but Cabot Cove leads the nation in murder per capita sales of live bait!”

Seth you old charmer you.

Seth you old charmer you.

Later, Seth takes Winnie to a local restaurant, while a shady man in a car watches on. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN.

Back at the Sheriff’s office Amos is showing Marigold the cells when he gets a phone call from Winnie saying not to worry, that she’s seeing all the sights and will have dinner out. Amos tells her to say hello to Mrs Fletcher (heh heh heh, silly Amos) and has just hung up the phone with Elmo, Winnie’s husband, comes storming into the Sheriff’s Office, brothers and sister in tow.  A scuffle breaks out, and only ends when Marigold walks out of the cells, calmly assesses the situation and pulls a gun on all of them.



Back at Amos’s house later that night. Amos’s in-laws have made themselves at home while waiting for Winnie to return and banished Amos to sleep on the sofa.  When Winnie and Amos pitch up later, giggling like schoolgirls, Amos is relieved and then horrified when he discovers that Winnie was with Seth, not JB.

“Relax!” Says Winnie. “We’ve had the best time at the hotel!”

Amos and the Terrible No Good Very Bad Day, a children's book by JB Fletcher.

Amos and the Terrible No Good Very Bad Day, a children’s book by JB Fletcher. (It was dinner, Amos!)

Elmo hears Winnie’s voice and starts a-hollerin, leaving Amos to slam the door in Seth’s face although a door isn’t enough to block the sound of Elmo and Winnie hurling abuse at each other. Winnie announces she’s getting a divorce and takes off, leaving Amos to try and stop Elmo and his brethren following after her. With nowhere else to go, she goes back to  Seth’s house and asks if she could stay there, and that she thinks Elmo was following her in the car. Seth checks it out but doesn’t see anything. Including, apparently, the shady dude in the car who has now migrated to the porch and is listening in on Seth and Winnie until he trips over a potplant and legs it before anyone can see him. While Winnie goes to make coffee, Seth runs to the phone in a panic to call Jessica, who pretends to be an answering machine with no success. Seth is in a flap about the gossip but JB has a deadline and not sleet nor snow nor a woman wanting to sleep at Seth’s house is going to keep her from it.

The next morning, while Marigold goes off on her motorcycle to nab some traffic violators LIKE A BOSS, Amos calls JB to check up on Winnie and is surprised to learn that he and Winnie are invited for breakfast.

As you can see, Amos takes the news well.


I might have editorialised a tad.

I might have editorialised a tad.

JB decides that as an apology for neglecting Winnie so shamefully (SHE’S ALL CLASS) she would like to put on a dinner party for everyone. Winnie tells her not to go to too much trouble, and Amos starts listing off all the dishes he’d like to see at said dinner party. JB thinks its the best way to relax everyone so that Winnie and Elmo can talk it all out.

As you can imagine, the dinner party is a raging success in that Elmo goes outside to fight with the shady bloke, Elmo’s sister Flo turns up her nose at everything while her husband Kenny orders his brother-in-law Harold to fix him a bourbone without letting Flo see.  By the time the chowder is served, Elmo is harassing Flo for another bourbon, Flo is harassing Kenny (who is drinking ginger ale according to Kenny) while Harold is examining the chowder with suspicion. By the time JB comes out of the kitchen with the lobsters they’re all passed out in their bowls except Flo, who is just screaming. Seth snaps to attention and orders Jess and Flo to help him get the others awake and outside, but when he gets to Elmo he tells JB to call an ambulance.

At the hospital Seth regretfully announces that there was nothing they could do. Flo is quick to point the finger at Winnie, and is backed up by Harold. Amos tells them all to shut up and about the mysterious shady character he saw Elmo fighting with right before he died. He’s gotten Marigold to put out an APB on the mystery person.

I don’t think Amos knows who he’s dealing with:

Yeah. I was talking about Breaking Bad yesterday and it all came flooding back, Also I've been playing the Breaking Bad quiz on Quizup and it's really not helping me move on with my life

Yeah. I was talking about Breaking Bad yesterday and it all came flooding back. Also I’ve been playing the Breaking Bad quiz on Quizup and it’s really not helping me move on with my life.

With the shady man behind bars (thanks to Marigold’s boss-like judo moves) Amos can finally get some answers, like who are you and what are you doing here?  It turns out that the shady dude is actually Ed Bellamy private eye, hired by Elmo to tail his wife who he was convinced was cheating on him. He hasn’t got any ID though, as he lost his wallet in his scuffle with Elmo in JB’s backyard, which is where Marigold found him. Amos tells him he’s staying put until Amos can verify his story.

The next morning, Seth is around at Jess’s to break the bad news – there were barbituates in the chowder. (Side note, if you’ve seen the episode of The Simpsons where Mayor Quimby’s nephew has a fight with the French cook about the proper pronunciation of chowder, please take note that the spell check in WordPress thinks I’m spelling chowder wrong…)

Seth asks JB how the barbituates might have gotten into the chowderrrrrr and as it so happens JB has an idea about that. She goes up to ask Winnie if she knows how it might have gotten into the chowder and Winnie tells her that it’s the same type of barbituate that Elmo took when he couldn’t sleep.  JB tells Amos about this when he pops round a short time later but Amos didn’t find any pills when he packed up Elmo’s things. While they all dry dishes and watch Marigold look for Bellamy’s wallet in JB’s flowerbeds, JB gets a phone call from the coroner for Amos – Elmo’s death was indeed death by barbituates. Seth thinks it doesn’t make sense,  as the killer chowder only killed Elmo, and put everyone else to sleep. Seth suddenly remembers the main ingredient in Winnie’s ulcer medication is the same barbituate that was used to kill Elmo, which sets Amos off in a rage until Winnie wanders in and asks for a new ulcer med prescription, as she dropped the old one on the floor and smashed it to pieces.

Marigold bobs up to inform them all that she’s found Bellamy’s wallet, and so confirms his story. Amos regretfully releases him, but not before they question him about Elmo. He tells them that Elmo was out of his gourd on pills most of the time, and that if he knew, Elmo’s family knew.

On that note, JB goes to see Elmo’s family and finds Harold packing up the car. He tells her that they knew that Elmo was addicted, but that they figured he’d kill himself on his own before too long. He’d always been addicted to something. He makes JB a cocktail which triggers a thought in JB’s brain. Must be a hell of a cocktail. Oh it’s not the cocktail, it’s the glass. Harold has no idea what she’s talking about, but Kenny does.

Not gonna lie, didn't see this one coming.

Not gonna lie, didn’t see this one coming.

Remember that time Kenny had a bourbon but then it was ginger ale? THAT’S BECAUSE THE BOURBON HAD BARBITUATES IN IT AND HE GAVE IT TO ELMO. So when they all ate the chowder, Elmo ate a double dose and snuffed it. Apparently he really wanted to get his hands on the family pharmacy business.

Kenny doesn’t take too kindly to being discovered, and is about to do away with JB and his brother when a knight in shining Marigold bursts in, gun drawn to save the day. With the case closed, Amos puts his sister on the bus back to Kentucky, fortuitously the same bus that PI Ed Bellamy happens to be travelling on. Amos is rather confused as to why she’s looking forward to the trip.

But never mind all that because I regret to announce that this episode was Marigold’s only episode of Murder, She Wrote. So, let us never forget that time Hurricane Marigold blew through Cabot Cove and made everything even more awesome, if only for a short while.



S04E06 – It Runs in the Family


I have exciting news Fletcherfans. This episode not only doesn’t have Grady in it, it has everyone’s favourite English cousin in it.

I can't tell you how happy this screen cap makes me

I can’t tell you how happy this screen cap makes me

Emma is just kicking back and having a beer with her friends when a mysterious stranger arrives by the name of Humphrey Defoe who wants a private word. He represents the 18th Viscount Blackadder Blackraven, who Emma knew back in the day as Lieutenant Geoffrey Constable. He would like Emma to come and visit him after all these years. Humphrey gives her an envelope with a thousand pounds but Emma is scandalised. She doesn’t need a bribe to visit her old friend.

I dunno. A thousand quid is like twenty bajillion Australian dollars. But I’ve never been good with currency conversion.

Anyway, the next morning Emma heads off into the countryside with Humphrey to pay a visit on her old friend. Emma freaks out seeing the size of the house, and wonders what she was thinking, going to see a man she hadn’t seen for forty years – she’s not exactly the same nineteen year old Geoffrey remembers. Humphrey kindly points out that Geoffrey won’t be the same either, but that if he might be permitted an observation, the years have been very kind to both of them.

Oh Humphrey, you old charmer.

Inside the reception is mild bordering on warm. Geoffrey’s sister Sybil greets Emma, telling Humphrey she was sure her brother was sending him on a fool’s errand.  Jeffrey’s niece-in-law Pauline is far more frosty, and is more concerned with trying to get her son Derek to stay home and not go out raging/playing tennis. For someone who started out life as a baker’s daughter, she seems a complete cow. Humphrey takes Emma upstairs and reintroduces her to Geoffrey, who tells her that one of the reasons he invited her down was to tell her he was leaving her one of his houses, but mainly to see her one more time before he dropped off the perch.

That night at dinner the whole family frocks up at Geoffrey’s request, including Geoffrey’s other nephew Johnny who has inexplicably arrived with Daphne from Frasier.

I was going to make a bad Jane Enters/Jane Leeves pun but I didn't so consider yourselves lucky.

I was going to make a bad Jane Enters/Jane Leeves pun but I didn’t so consider yourselves lucky.

At dinner, while the rest of the family struggle to contain their horror at Daphne Gwen’s tales about her three quid a class dance lessons, Emma has to inform Geoffrey that while she appreciates him going to the effort of ordering pickled herring in remembrance of  the restaurant they used to gorge themselves at after Emma’s performances back in the day, she can’t actually eat it on account of getting food poisoning from the herring at said restaurant before it closed down.

After dinner they are entertained by Pauline doing a wonderful piano rendition of Hashtag Selfie.

For real though. I heard that song for the first time the other night and tried to throw myself out of a moving car.

For real though. I heard that song for the first time the other night and tried to throw myself out of a moving car.

After Pauline massacres the piano for a bit, Geoffrey begs Emma to take over. She starts to play a song but he has a very specific request – the old classic “How’d You Like To Spoon With Me.”

This song choice is a bit more divisive.

For the record, I'm firmly in the LOL camp.

For the record, I’m firmly in the LOL camp.

Actually, the only people in the WTF camp are Cybil and Pauline, who after the performance is in a glass cage of emotion.

See? Told you. EMOTION.

See? Told you. EMOTION.

The next morning Emma, Gwen, Johnny, Sybil and Humphrey are out having breakfast on the terrace when Derek enters via the bushes, asking whether his great-uncle has kicked the bucket yet. Cue the entrance of Geoffrey’s doctor who is delighted to announce that Geoffrey’s health has miraculously turned around, and that he could live for another twenty years.  This news isn’t greeted with the greatest excitement from anyone, except Emma and Humphrey. The man himself appears a short time later and tells Emma to pack a basket, they’re going on a picnic.

While Emma and Geoffrey drive off to amuse themselves *nudge nudge wink wink*, and Geoffrey tells stories of his late father who died just a couple of weeks previously, Sybil and Pauline rage against Humphrey for bringing Emma into their lives.  Humphrey refuses, saying that he talked Geoffrey out of returning to Emma after the war and he’d always regretted it. Sybil tells him that she knew he was smuggling whiskey in to her father against doctor’s orders before he died, and informs him that once her brother has passed away they will decide whether to retain Humphrey’s services.

Meanwhile, out in the paddock, Geoffrey is snacking on pickled herring and trying to propose to Emma when he collapses. He sends Emma for help but dies in the mean time. The good doctor suspects a heart attack but Inspector Frost suspects murder by death poison. Fun fact about the Inspector – he wrote the lyrics to Goldfinger and all the songs in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.


Hands up who's going to be singing the Oompa Loompa song all afternoon? *raises hand*

Another fun fact mainly for my brother: he once played a character called Heironymus Merkin.  

The Inspector goes to the Blackraven estate to inform the family that Geoffrey didn’t make it, and not a single tear was shed. He asks to speak to Emma and Pauline informs him that as wife of the new Viscount Blackraven, he can address all questions to her. He informs her that he’ll go and ask Emma himself, much to Pauline’s disgust.

Out on the terrace Emma is heartbroken to hear of Geoffrey’s death. He asks her whose idea the picnic was and who prepared the food, and she tells him Geoffrey planned it and she got all the food together. Humphrey asks why the Inspector wants to know and he tells them of his suspicions that Geoffrey was poisoned.

Pauline doesn’t take long to stamp her authority on her surroundings as the new Vicountess. She informs one of the ladies from the Garden Society that she will come for lunch with the society at her house  at 1pm, and to make sure it’s something light as it’s important they all watch their waistlines. UGH, THIS WOMAN. Unfortunately for her, her influence doesn’t extend to her husband, as when Derek comes in looking for money to go skiing in Grenoble his father tells him to get a job, much to her horror. BOOM. I like this new Viscount, he’s alright.

Down at the police station the Inspector tells Emma that the family were quick to tell him about her inheritance, but that he doesn’t suspect her. He suspects the poison was confined to the herring, and as Emma had told him the story of the night before about how she doesn’t eat pickled herring, he thinks someone else put the poison in the fish to cast suspicion on Emma. Emma, remembering something Geoffrey had told her, wonders out loud whether the same thing might have happened to Geoffrey’s father. The inspector is impressed by this theory but Emma is modest, saying it’s the sort of thing her cousin would have thought of.

Life Lesson #53 – Always ask yourself, WWJBD?

The Inspector informs the family that he will be exhuming the body of Geoffrey and Sybil’s father Rupert much to everyone’s horror. They all manage to swallow their indignation and get on with their lives, however. Pauline goes off to show off her new Viscountessness to the ladies who once snobbed her for being a baker’s daughter and Johnny decides to go shooting with Derek for reasons I will never understand.  As the body is being exhumed, Humphrey appears with a bit of gossip for Emma – Johnny Constable is in a bit of financial strife with some shady characters from the Middle East. Oh look! Nothing changes! He wasn’t able to find out more information than that, but Emma tells him he was asking the wrong person.

Emma takes Gwen out for a pint, and finds out that Johnny was all set to try to borrow money from his great-uncle but that he died before he had the chance. The same thing happened not a few months earlier, when Johnny tried to borrow from Geoffrey’s father – even tried buttering him up by sneaking him chocolate bonbons – but the old dude said no.

Before Emma can ask another question, Humphrey turns up with some grim news – Derek’s just been shot. After a quick stop to alert his mother Pauline  – thankfully before she’d sat down to lunch with the ladies –  they rush back to the manor to find Derek mostly fine, but whining. While the killer carefully throws blame at Johnny Emma alerts the Inspector to a clue outside. The inspector returns, announces that he is taking Johnny in for questioning and escorts him out to the car. As they watch the car drive away Emma announces she’s also leaving, getting a lift to the station with Humphrey.

Or are they? The cunning theft of a distributor cap means that Humphrey’s car won’t start. They’ll have to borrow Pauline’s car. But Pauline would prefer that they didn’t, what with the shotgun in the boot that was used to shoot Derek and frame Johnny so that he could take the fall for the murders of Geoffrey and his father.

What a cow.

What a cow.

And so the crime was solved and the next season of Downton Abbey was born.





S03E06 – Dead Man’s Gold


Fletcherfans! Did you know that there’s treasure in the waters of Cabot Cove?

What’s that you say? Surely I can’t be serious?



Remember that time Leslie Nielsen was on a boat? Now he’s back! As a different man! On a different boat!  David Everett has learned of a sunken wreck off the coast of Cabot Cove and is on his way to retrieve it, mostly so he can pay his loan shark back. While his associates dive away, David wanders down the main street of town and bumps into an old friend with his tongue.



Seth and Amos do not know how to deal with this new development.

Amos's face....

Amos’s face….

David and Jess go home for pie (not code, unfortunately) and he tells her about his plans to retrieve the treasure. Jess is surprised to hear about the shipwreck, and since she knows everything there is to know about everything Cabot Cove that says something. David shoots off to go and see what his minions on the boat have discovered. Alas, it’s all gone a bit wrong and one of the divers, Bill, hasn’t resurfaced. After his wife Susan pleads with them to go and look for him (despite the assurances from his colleague Alexandra that he has plenty of air) David orders them back in the water. Another diver, Colby, eventually finds him and drags him onto the boat.

Later that night David, Larry, Colby, Bill and Alex go to Jess’s house for dinner while Bill recovers in the hospital and Susan goes home to bed. David tells Jess he has a temporary cash flow problem and asks her to put a word in at the hotel. Instead, she offers to put him her her spare room.

“But won’t people talk?” David asks.

“Good. They think I’m boring.” Says Jess. YEAHHHHHHH.

Alex pours bottle after bottle of champagne down her throat and begins to suspect that the accident might not have been an accident, since the contract stipulates that should any one on the expedition die, all treasure will be distributed between the remaining partners. ERMAHGHERD IT’S A TONTINE!

My what a pink jumpsuit you're wearing...

My what a pink jumpsuit you’re wearing…

After a while the pink jumpsuit ranting becomes too much and Colby decides to take her back to the hotel. On the way she flips out and demands to be let out of the car. Back at home Jess is in bed reading and watches the shadow of David pass by her door and sneaks out of the house. Worst booty call ever.

The next morning, while Seth gets a phone call from his pal Wylie at the hospital discussing the sketchy past of David Everett (jealous much?)  Amos walks in on this:


Poor Amos.

He was fixing her tag, get your mind out of the gutter Amos!

Amos has bad news. Alex’s body has been discovered on Cabot Cove Road, and he needs David to identify the body. (Should be easy with the jumpsuit). While Jess and David go to visit Colby to see what’s up Amos discovers the front headlight on Colby’s car is broken. DUN DUN DUN.

With Colby under arrest David invites Jess onto his boat for a cup of tea (again, not code. Although I must say Leslie Nielsen is quite the silver fox in this episode. Wait, is it weird that I just said that?) Jess asks him how it is that Larry can call him uncle when David has no brothers and sisters. He tells her that it was a ploy to cover up the fact that Larry’s father paid David to let his son go on the diving expedition. Before David can bust a move, Jess deboats with an appointment with Seth and Amos. Seth tells them that Alex was already dead before she was run over by the car, which makes Amos a sad panda.

Meanwhile, back on the boat, Larry arrives and tells David he’s off the project, followed by David’s loan shark who starts making certain requests of an immediate nature. Later that night, when he’s telling Jess all about it and Jess is calling him out on his lie (Larry paid his own way, there is no father, presumably we care) Jess asks him how much he needs to get going again.

“Ten thousand dollars,” he says.

“Maybe we can come to some sort of arrangement.” Says Jess

The next morning David is getting a glass of juice when Seth turns up. He’s not overly excited to see David, especially not in Jess’s kitchen, in a dressing gown.



Seth is actually there to tell them that Bill is awake and ready for visitors. Jess goes to see him, and while his wife is out of the room he tells her that the tank malfunctioning was no accident. More than that, he thinks it was Larry, trying to get in with Bill’s wife. But he has no idea why he or Colby would want to kill Alex. He also tells Jess that he gave Alex five bucks for a cab and twenty cents for a phone call (hello 1980s prices, how I’ve missed you!) but when Jess checks with Amos Alex only had the five bucks on her when she died. They speculate about who she might have called to come and collect her, since there was no cab.


Back at home and Jess discovers a gun in David’s pocket (insert joke here) and…no. I’m not buying this for a second. You can play all the ominous music you like, he’s too dashing to be the killer, DENIED.

Jess goes for a walk with Seth who is more than eager to drop David in it. JEALOUS MUCH? When Jess protests that David is innocent Seth tells her she is thinking with her funny bone and not with her head. Heh heh heh. Funny bone. Geddit?

Fired up from Seth’s bomb dropping, Jess goes home and confronts David. He admits where he went when he left the house the night of the murder; to see his loan shark and his hired goon to hash out a deal. He swears he had nothing to do with the murder, and Jess believes him. DAMN STRAIGHT. He tells her he’s hitting the road, gives her a kiss and her key back. One of these things triggers a brainwave (I’m assuming it was the kiss).

Oh no, it was the key. Specifically, Alex’s room key. Which had the number of the hotel on it. It would appear that Alex called her killer to come and get her. And by come and get her I mean hit her with a tyre iron and pretend that Colby ran her over.

Who could hatch such a diabolical plot?

Of course it was???

Of course it was???

So erm, yeah. Susan was pissed because her husband wasn’t paying her enough attention and Alex was bagging her out and oh who cares.

See you next week Fletcherfans!

See you next week Fletcherfans!


S02E17 – One Good Bid Deserves a Murder


High intrigue and shenanigans this week Fletcherfans! Our Heroine has been summoned to Boston at the request of her old friend Richard Bennett who needs her help. Somehow an auction house has gotten their mitts on his now deceased girlfriend Evangeline’s diary and are auctioning it off on Saturday. He gives her a cheque for a million dollars and a letter from Evangeline so she can authenticate the diary, begs her to destroy the diary once she has bought it,  and then jets off to Barcelona.

One does not simply walk into Mordor, win an auction for a salacious celebrity diary, however. There are a few people keen to stop the diary from going public, including Robert Rhine, a lawyer working on behalf of a ambassador/former love interest of Evangeline; Doctor Sylvia Dunn, Evangeline’s psychiatrist; and producer Sheila Saxon and director Saul Domino. Sheila has big plans to turn Evangeline’s diary into a movie but needs Saul’s help getting the money for it. 

Charged with her mission, JB rocks up to the Readford Auction House and is immediately accosted by its owner, William Readford (previously seen here). He’s disappointed that Richard won’t be attending his dog and pony show, but allows Jess to authenticate the diary. They are rudely interrupted by a guard frog-marching Dr Dunn into the room, after she tried to offer him five grand to steal the diary. The good doctor rants about how disgusting it is that Readford is making money from the the demise of Evangeline, but Readford reasonably points out that he is just the middle man, selling it on behalf of the owner. JB asks him just who that is, and he tells her that it’s “privileged information”.

I don't think this fool knows who he is talking to...

I don’t think this fool knows who he is talking to…

While she waits for the auction to start, JB checks out the other things up for auction. She notices an antique wardrobe but the security guard tells her it’s blue tagged, and not up for auction this week. Then she notices a chessboard which Readford offers to give her for free, but Jess won’t have it. Readford takes her money and departs, ripping the blue tag off the wardrobe as he leaves. DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THE WARDROBE IS A CLUE?

As the auction kicks off, the wardrobe comes up and the auctioneer invites all interested to come and check it out. One opens the door to see if it’s a portal to Narnia, and the corpse of Richard Bennett flops out. I guess Barcelona didn’t work out.

The 5-0 arrive to take charge of the chaos and the Lieutenant asks JB what she knows. She explains that Richard gave her the cheque to bid on the diary, and the lieutenant notes with some suspicion that the cheque is made out not to Readford’s, but to JB Fletcher.

“Well obviously I was going to countersign it over to the auction house.” Says Our Heroine.

“Yeah, sure. Obviously.” Says the lieutenant.

JB takes no crap from nobody, y'dig?

JB takes no crap from nobody, y’dig?

Before JB can give the recalcitrant policeman whatfor, Readford appears. The diary has been stolen! The lieutenant asks him when the last time he saw it was and Readford tells him it was when Jessica was looking at it. They all give JB the Eye and she says “Ummm…”

The lieutenant decides that he has more questions and escorts Our Heroine downtown for a little chat. Fortunately for JB a knight in shining armour also happens to be at the police station. (Hint: It ain’t Grady).

It's Lennie! I mean Harry McGraw! (But really, it's Lennie!)

It’s Lennie! I mean Harry McGraw! (But really, it’s Lennie!)

Harry (whose black eye is the result of an allergy) gives the Lieutenant 30 seconds to release Jessica before he Completely Hulks Out. He relents and lets Jess go. As a thank you she takes Harry to the chemist to find something for that “allergy”. She decides to stick around to see if she can still get hold of the diary and Harry tells her that she’s going to need protecting, and that “he’s the kind of guy who can give it to her.”

(That's what he said, etc)

(That’s what he said, etc)

They go back to Jess’s hotel room (meow) but discover that someone beat them to it, and has torn the place apart in search of the diary. Harry asks her if anything is missing and she thinks no…but then she conveniently suddenly remembers that old Spanish chess sets like the one she bought for Seth sometimes had a secret compartment so that they could hide valuables away from the prying eyes of the Spanish Inquisition. SERIOUSLY, WHAT WERE THE ODDS?

Jess presses down on the kings squares and a drawer shoots out, revealing Evangeline’s diary.

Booyah! (I'm not even sorry)

Booyah! (I’m not even sorry)

Jess contemplates turning it over to the police, but decides to just have a little flick through, in case of suspects. Despite Harry’s best attempts to sneak a peek JB knocks him back and sends him off to order room service. Sadly not all the tea and sandwiches in the world is enough to keep JB awake. As she sleeps, Harry can’t help himself and grabs the diary.

The next morning JB reluctantly tells Harry what she’s learned so far in the diary – Evangeline had a torrid love life (apart from the ambassador)  and was less than complementary about Dr Dunn, Sal and Sheila, not to mention a mysterious person by the name of Al.  Jess decides to see Readford and take him (and the diary) to the police station. Harry has other ideas. He takes himself off to see the lawyer who was trying to get the diary for the ambassador, and offers to sell him a photocopy of the diary for a hundred grand. 

Jess goes to see Readford, but sadly finds him lying on the floor with a dagger sticking out of his chest. Even worse, the Lieutenant wanders in at that precise moment and finds JB standing over a dead body holding the diary. Oh my.

JB is once again taken downtown for questioning and asks the lieutenant why she would kill Readford. “Beats me Mrs Fletcher,” the lieutenant says, “but every time I find a dead body you seem to be in the neighbourhood”. 

Can’t deny he has a point. But, he admits that he doesn’t think JB is a serial killer and lets her go. Outside, Harry is waiting for her and she decides to pay a visit on Albert Cromwell, the guard Dr Dunn tried to bribe. 

This is an episode of Law and Order that should have happened...

This is an episode of Law and Order that should have happened…

Despite Harry’s subtle line of questioning (*cough*), Bert insists he knows nothing. Dr Dunne approached him with a bag full of twenties fresh from the bank but he said no. 

Harry departs for Secret Harry Business (a date), and JB retires to her hotel, where Dr Dunn is waiting for her. She’s heard there’s a copy of the diary for sale and she’s desperate. As she combs Jessica’s room looking for bugs she begs for the diary, accuses JB of being one of ‘Them’ and declares that no-one is bringing down her lifetime of hard work.

Someone's been getting into the meds...

Someone’s been getting into the meds…

Jess goes to see the Lieutenant for another look at the diary, and discovers that some pages are now missing. The lieutenant tells her the only other person with access to the diary is Judge Parker, who they figure must have removed the pages as a favour to the Ambassador.

Meanwhile, it turns out Harry is on a date with Sheila the producer (yeah I’d forgotten about her too), and is rather pleased about it.

If there are an infinite amount of universes, there is one where Jerry Orbach was in Saturday Night Live. Just think about that for a minute...

If there are an infinite amount of universes, there is one where Jerry Orbach was in Saturday Night Live. Just think about that for a minute…

Sheila tells Harry she’s thinking about making a movie based on his life…in return for the copy of Evangeline’s diary. Harry tells her to get bent (paraphrasing) and sneaks into JB’s hotel room to get the copy. Alas, JB is as usual five steps ahead of him. He tells her it was all part of his cunning plan to smoke the murderer out, but JB insists on harping on ab0ut the mickey he slipped her in her tea. JB decides to take the copied pages to the Lieutenant, with Harry’s reluctant approval but the plan goes awry when the ambassadors lawyer Robert Rhine kidnaps JB at gunpoint. Fortunately Harry returns from his ciggie-buying expedition in time to punch the lawyer in the face. Harry wants to deposit the lawyer on the lieutenant’s desk but JB is more concerned with his hand. “Oh come on Jessica, if I know anything I know how to punch somebody without bustin my hand!” grumbles Harry.

Cut to the next scene where Harry is getting his broken hand set. OH THE LOLZ. Harry seems to think the case is closed, but Jess isn’t so sure and goes to see Sal the director. Before she goes in, his secretary tells her that Richard came to see Sal on the day he died and had a shouting match, the reason for which is later revealed when Sal tells JB that he’s the one who had put the diary up for auction in a quest to drum up publicity. He had taken it from Evangeline’s room the night that she died. JB asks him about the mysterious Al, but he doesn’t know a thing. Naturally.

The lieutenant is less than enthused to learn that the diary belongs to Sal, and Harry has a dig at him for being so ungrateful. In return, the lieutenant rings the license board to have the investigators license of one Harlan McGraw revoked.

Jessica has an epiphany. 



And so the case of the Death of Richard Bennett and That Guy What Owned The Auctionhouse was solved.

Call me Al.

Call me Al.

Al(bert) Cromwell was Evangeline’s boyfriend before she got famous and didn’t take too kindly to the idea of her memory being exploited. When he went to steal it he was spotted by Richard Bennett who recognised him from his attempts to stalk Evangeline. So he knocked him off, and then Readford when he wouldn’t tell him where the diary was. To top it off, he also knocked off Evangeline, who was not enjoying her fame (according to Al).

Case closed, JB fulfills her promise to Richard and burns the diary along with Harry’s copy. Chalk another one up to the Greatest Crimefighting Duo Since Ever.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!


S01E16 – Tough Guys Don’t Die

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Exciting news Fletcherfans! This week’s episode is a tribute to film noir, which is one of my favourite things in the world, so as fitting tribute I solemnly swear not to use the colloquial term for a detective anywhere in this post. Promise.

I am pleased to report that this week JB is back in the Cove at last, finally. She’s at home doing research on an old murder that she’s thinking of using as the plot for her new book. She engages the help of a private dick detective – Miles of Miles and McGrath Dick Detective Agency, who calls her to let her know he might have found something, but before he can act on it, someone turns up at his office and shoots him in the chest.

This represents a major bummer in JB’s plot outline, but it’s good news for a few people who have found themselves under investigation by Mr Miles, including a construction chief named Santini, and a fashion magazine editor named Priscilla.

JB is unaware of all of this of course. She’s at home, looking out of her window at a mystery man parked outside her house. She decides to spring a trap and rides off on the Fletchermobile (bike, to you and me). The mystery man makes his move and breaks into her house, but naturally Our Heroine has snuck back in to see what he’s up to.

But it’s not a mystery man.

Every time it cut to a new scene in this episode I made ‘doink doink’ noises to myself. Then I giggled. True story.

It turns Lenny is actually the McGrath in the aforementioned dick detective agency, and he is out to avenge his partner’s death. Wait on, isn’t this the plot of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Anyway, Lenny tells JB that his partner has been blown apart by a 44, and that he was bird-dogging three cases, including Jess’s. No, I don’t know what bird-dogging means either but it sounds rude.

Horrified to think that her case might have been responsible for Miles’s death, but mainly to get more info on this mystery clue he’d found, JB goes to see his widow. Meanwhile, Lenny takes over the surveillance on Santini  from his associate dick detective Ray Kravitz. Now THERE’S a shady dude if ever there was one. No wonder his wife thinks he’s “dipping in someone elses tub” (Lennie’s words). Santini eventually makes his move, and while the saxophone blares in the background Lennie plugs his bumper tails him through the mean streets and down a dark alley way, until some of Santini’s minions auditioning for the Village People object and beat the crap out of him.

Lennie wouldn’t have put up with this crap in Law and Order…

The next morning Lennie is in an understandably cranky mood, which is not helped by the arrival of his new partner, one JB Fletcher. So excited is he, that he humbly suggests that JB use her boundless energy to take up needlepoint or bridge. She explains to him that needlepoint and bridge are precisely the reasons whe she started writing – she was bored out of her mind.

“Well I’ve read your book,” says Lennie, “and I was bored out of my mind.”

Sorry, I had to…

Shrugging off Lennie’s slanderous insult against her honour, JB goes to the police station to see if she can lend her talents to solving the case. Instead she discovers that the police are quite content to let Lennie take care of this one.

Speaking of which, Lennie’s doing some dick detective work of his own – the kind that involves hats.

Lennie puts his thinking cap on… (Ergh, I annoyed myself with that one)

He pays a visit to Priscilla, Editor of the Magazine, but has to wait – she’s already seeing someone else. Someone Jessica shaped… After agreeing to write something for the magazine, Priscilla invites JB to a party the next night to celebrate the magazine’s anniversary. JB is delighted, but not as delighted as she is to see Lennie’s cunning use of hats…

Later that night, Lennie breaks into JB’s hotel.


Despite his gruff exterior, Lennie is slowly warming to Our Heroine. He gruffly offers to let her see his files in the morning. AND BY FILES I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.


Disappointingly, they go through the files the next day. It turns out noone knows who hired them to investigate Priscilla, or to what end. Jess suggests that Lennie gets the tape that records his partner’s murder analysed – it could be that he isn’t just gasping his last breath, he could be outing his killer. Lennie declares he’s not up for this scientific shineola (???) and says he’ll solve it his way. I think we both know who’s going to come out on top in this one guys. And by come out on top, I think you know what I mean.

Jess goes to party like it’s 1999 with her new bud Priscilla and in an AMAZING COINCIDENCE meets the judge involved in the trial she was researching for her book. He’s not as enthralled with Our Heroine as he should be and gives her the cold shoulder. Jess tries to suss out what Priscilla knows about the dick detective investigating her past, but Priscilla claims ignorance. Clearly, she’s lying.

The next morning she shares her dick detective work with Lennie. Priscilla hired Miles to look into her past, to see if he could find anything that could hurt her in a political campaign. They decide to split up and look for clues, a move straight out of the Scooby Doo Big Book of Detecting.

JB visits Miles’s widow again, who has helpfully found the clue he had mentioned before he died. JB jumps on a bus and heads to Sheffield, Vermont (population 879 for those playing along at home) to see if the murder twenty years ago is the reason why Miles has ended up an ex-dick ex detective. Turns out, no. Crossing that mystery off her list, JB heads back to tell Lennie what she’s discovered.

Before too long they’re on the road again – Lennie’s associate dick detective has just been shot at while staking out Santini the supposed wife cheater. The bullets match those they fished out of Miles and Lennie Loses It.

While Lennie pounds the streets in search of justice, JB goes back to the office to try and see what she’s been missing. Literally – she finds a page has been ripped out of Priscilla’s file, and instead of having a nice cup of coffee with Lennie’s secretary, she goes running off into the night. Priscilla reluctantly admits that she is being blackmailed – someone has found out that she had an abortion in her youth.

Armed with this new information JB goes to see her policeman friend, but they are rudely interrupted by Santini depositing a groggy Lennie on the steps.

JB doesn’t know what to think of this

It turns out Lennie got a bit overeager in his pursuit of Santini, but in the end it was to no avail – he wasn’t cheating on his wife, he was building a boat for his wife. Not code. That rules out their only other suspect, and despite Lennie’s superior dick detective skills, he’s stumped. Not Our Girl though. She’s on the case and she knows who the killer is…

Sorry, couldn’t help myself…

Dazzled by JB’s dick detective work, Lennie offers to drive Our Heroine back to Cabot Cove. And by drive her back, I think you know what I mean…




S01E06 – Lovers and Other Killers


Crime must be taking a vacation in the Cove this week, because Our Heroine is in Seattle giving lectures to uni students and hanging out with Peter Graves Dr Edmund Gerard. Somewhat strangely she rocks up at Seattle airport with a Chinese baby that she hands over to some nuns first, which I”m sure had an amazing MacGyver-like back story, but I guess we’ll never know.  Job done, Jess and Edmund pay a quick visit to Edmund’s office to arrange for his secretary/adorer to find Jess a secretary while she’s in Seattle.  JB works hard for the money.

Later than night, Jess gets a knock on her door. Someone has come to apply for the secretarial position…

This guy has suss written all over him…

Captain Susspants, or David Tolliver as he is apparently known, offers to show JB his ‘skills’ which amazingly isn’t code, although he does tell Jess that he is fast and accurate…

JB Fletcher: secret master of the double entendre.

Jess is convinced by his dazzling array of skills and tells him to come at 10am. (Also not code, at least I hope. Despite his shorthand technique, HE’S A CREEPY WEIRDO, I JUST KNOW IT).

The next day, Jess gives the first of her university lectures, which naturally go off with a bang.

Life Lesson #19: When asked to give a university lecture, always bring humorous props.

Flushed with her own success, Jess goes home to find Captain Susspants curled up on the couch reading a book. He decides that it’s a special occasion, and that they should go out for dinner. JB politely declines, saying that she couldn’t handle pizza and beer, or whatever students eat (to which I say, bullshit. I have a feeling JB could out drink EVERYONE IN THE WORLD). Captain Susspants says he’d rather eat at some ritzy French restaurant. “Can you afford that?” Asks our heroine.

“No, but you can.” Says Captain Susspants.

CHEEKY MONKEY. For reasons I can’t quite fathom, Jess finds this freeloading sleazebucket charming, and so they go off to Chateau Foux de Fafa, or whatever French restaurants were called in 1984. Captain Susspants puts the moves on our gal, but she’s far too classy a dame to get fooled by his grubby ways. (At least, I hope so. I refer you to the second photo in this post).

Back at the hotel, any shenanigans the Captain might have been planning are FORTUITOUSLY THWARTED by the arrival of one of Seattle’s finest, who wants Susspants to go down to the precinct for questioning over the recent death of a lady named Alison Brevard. Afterwards, he tells Jess that there’s nothing to worry about, she was just some old duck he knew. Jess accepts this, but also notices that the police do a really crap tail of them all the way home.

The next day Jess decides to get some answers, and pays the detective a visit. He warns her off Tolliver/Susspants, saying that he was Alison Brevard’s toy boy and that he was bad news.

I KNEW IT! Jess is still convinced he’s innocent though, until she goes back to her hotel AND FINDS HIM RIGHT AT HOME IN HER ROOM. Despite his protestations that his intentions are entirely honourable (cough BULLSHIT cough), Jess tells him that there isn’t any work today, and probably not tomorrow. Captain Susspants flounces from the room, and we all breathe a sigh of relief.

Not for long though. Jess goes to visit her pal Edmund, and they are accosted by Captain Susspants, who begs them to give him a second chance. Edmund doesn’t want a bar of it, but Jess relents and tells him that there will be plenty of typing for him to do tomorrow.

…and by typing, I think you know what I mean…

Later than night, Jess gets a mysterious phone call from a blonde in a cafe, who can prove that Captain Susspants didn’t kill the old duck. Jess insists that she’s not going to meet her, but let’s face it, she’s not turning down a chance to hang out in an abandoned warehouse down by the docks is she?

Wearing her special clandestine meeting trench coat, Jess heads down to the docks to meet this mystery blonde, but alas someone beats her to it. The blonde has been stabbed in the back. Seattle 50 arrive, and they are convinced that David Susspants Toliver is guilty, despite surveillance showing he hadn’t left his apartment. They get him down to the precinct, where he once again proclaims his innocence, saying that the Lila-the-blonde and he were seeing each other off and on, despite the fact that her  husband was crazy jealous. Jess decides to pay Mr Crazy Jealous a visit, and finds him on the set of the rejected music video of Physical by Olivia Newton John.

Methinks JB hasn’t quite got her mind on the job this week…

Jess interrogates him old skool, and he accuses Our Heroine of asking lots of questions, to which she replies “I’m nosey.” THAT’S OUR GIRL. He informs Jess that his recently deceased wife had a whole lot of lovin going on with people who weren’t him, but weren’t Susspants Tolliver either.He then points out Jess is late for her lecture, and legs it back to campus.

Today’s lecture, Jess decides, is how to stage the murder of a blonde girl and make it look like someone else did it. Far from getting her students to solve the crime for her, she’s got her eye on the English professor down the front, who had a bit of a thing going with Lady MacBlonde. In the end, his alibi seems to checkout and she goes home to relax after a hard day’s sleuthing.

Or not. Captain Von Susspants has been and left her a note to say that Professor Lowry wants to meet her at his office, so she goes back to the campus to meet him. All seems well enough as she goes up the stairs to his office, until she is engaged in a VICIOUS SHADOW PUPPET FIGHT TO THE DEATH:

Don’t you hate it when you get attacked by ninja shadow puppets? I know I do…

Our girl comes tumbling down the stairs (her mace came tumbling after). Just as she blacks out, she realises David Susspants Tolliver is standing over her. He apologises to her, and says that he’d heard about her efforts in the lecture and got worried, so he came to see if she was okay. Maybe I was wrong about Susspants? Nah…

In the hospital, Jess’s pal Ed arrives with the detective, and accuses Susspants of being the culprit. Lila-the-blonde, Ed reveals, was not with Susspants the night of Alison Brevard’s death, she was with Ed! SCANDAL!

Over breakfast the next day, Ed tells Jess that David had bribed Lila to cover for him the night of Alison Brevard’s death. SUSSPANTS BY NAME, SUSSPANTS BY NATURE. Meanwhile, Ed and Lila had been making whoopie at a little inn out-of-town, and the night Alison Brevard died, that’s where they were headed. Ed remembers a car trying to run them off the road, but Lila just figured it was a drunk driver. With this new information, Jess pays Professor Lowry another visit, but realises it wasn’t his car running people off the road. On the way out she runs into the detective, who has some news – Susspants Tolliver is off the hook for the murder of Alison Brevard. Turns out, a burglar did it. Jess is too distracted to take this news in though – she’s still trying to solve the murder of Lila-the-blonde.

Jess goes back to her hotel to mull things over, and is infuriated to discover that Susspants Tolliver is in residence in her room again. She accuses him of being the lying cheating scumbag that he is (FINALLY!), which he of course denies. He swears he didn’t push her down the stairs at the campus – a person rang to say that Lowry wanted to meet JB.

And with that little snippet of information, JB solves the case and goes to pay the killer a visit.

It’s the quiet ones you have to watch out for!

Case closed. After all that, it would seem Captain Susspants was perfectly innocent. He intercepts Jess at the airport and makes one final play – he’s smitten with our JB, he doesn’t want anybody else. Jess gives him a polite but firm brush-off. She just hasn’t made up her mind about him.

Freeze-frame on Captain Susspants’s face:

Can you hear the ominous music?

Will we see more of Captain Susspants Tolliver in the future? I sincerely hope so. Stay tuned.

S01E01 The Death of Sherlock Holmes (Part Two)


And now, the thrilling conclusion. Hold on to your hats!

JB Fletcher is in (to quote Ned Flanders) a dilly of a pickle. Her dopey loser nephew Grady is under suspicion of murder, and now she’s starting to fall in love with her publisher. AWKWARD. Her publisher, Cornelius Snodgrass III Preston Giles, puts the moves on her but JB is a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN and busts out the Cabot Cove motto:

Life Lesson #4: “Flowers that bloom too quickly are fair game for a late frost.”

You know it’s serious when someone is busting out the gardening metaphor. Stung by this blow, the Gilester leaves Jess in the cab and tells the driver to see her home.

Screw that. Fletcher is on the case! Jess goes to see Grady’s boss who was mistakenly thought to be shot in the face in the last episode. Unhappy with that, Jess decides that it’s time to do a little snooping of her own and enlists the help of Grady to snoop around his office.

Life Lesson #5: Vigilante justice is socially acceptable if you're a woman in your mid 60s. (Let's all agree now not to tell my mother about this okay?)

Jess overhears a phone conversation with The Wicked Witch (see above helpful screenshot) and decides to tail her. Like I said folks, there ain’t no justice like vigilante justice.

The Wicked Witch (whose real name is Ashley, but let’s face it, who cares right?) nicks onto a bus, leaving The Fletch stranded. After many failed attempts to catch a taxi, she jumps on a bus that conveniently follows the same route. Regularly running public transport at night? Clearly this episode was not filmed in Melbourne.

Now here comes my favourite part. Jess sees Ashley get off the bus in front and immediately tells Tom to stop. (Jess knows the name of every public transportation worker in New York. The woman is amazing).

As she gets off, so does this guy.

I'm not kidding, the music they played for this part was the definition of ominous.

Hot on the tail of a suspect, Jess is walking the streets of Manhattan when SHE IS ALMOST MUGGED BY ANDY GARCIA.

Andy Garcia, looking suspiciously like a Backstreet Boy Gone Bad

I KNOW. Jess tries to bash them over the head with her handbag, (which I’m assuming was this lady’s inspiration) but she’s dragged into an alleyway. Andy Garcia tells her (and I’m not kidding) that he’s gonna give her a free blood test.



Saved by a black man. That must have blown everyone’s mind in 1984. Someone should build a time machine and go tell them who the president is. Wait, I’m getting sidetracked.

Crisis totally averted, Jess is sure she’s got proof to get Grady off the hook. She confronts The Wicked Witch and her accomplice (remember that Broadway producer at the party last week? Yeah, that guy). They admit to stealing financial info from the Captain, Grady’s boss, but not the murders.

Murders? Hell yeah! While JB is trying to get Grady off the hook, her buddy the police chief goes to visit the Captain on his boat but discovers that the Captain is no more. He has ceased to be. He is in fact, an ex-captain. Happily for some, this gets Grady off the hook, and also means that the Wicked Witch and her Broadway pal are off the hook too.

Having got Grady off the hook is enough for Jess though, and she decides to head back to Cabot Cove. But not before a little publisher love.

Grady and his bit of fluff see our heroine off on the train. Jess is, frankly, stoked to be getting the hell out of NYC and back to her small town ways.

But it’s not to be. Because just before the train departs, she realises who the murderer is.

Have you guessed it?

Life Lesson #6 : Be careful who you kiss, because they may turn out to have done it.

Jess is gutted, and after a brief moment where the audience can’t decided whether Preston is going to push her into the pool or not, he confesses. Motives are irrelevant. Bastard! He turns himself into police and the story is wrapped up in a neat little bow.

Victory hers, Jess finally manages to get on the train and head home to her beloved Cabot Cove. Just before the train leaves, Grady’s bit of fluff turns up. The police need Jess’s help. Two wrestlers were found dead at Madison Square Garden, one stabbed the other drowned.

Spoiler alert: the next episode doesn’t contain any wrestlers. I know, I’m gutted too.

Until next time, dear reader.