S06E17 – Murder (According to Maggie)

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That grin can only mean one thing – it’s storytime with JB. Again. (HOW DID THEY GET AWAY WITH THIS FOR SO LONG!!!)

This week, Our Heroine would like to tell you about her favourite student, Mary Margaret McAuley, a talented writer who couldn’t get anything published until she started writing hardboiled detective fiction. Her newest job is as creator of the TV show Beat Cop, starring Bert Rogers as the aforementioned cop, assisted by the token blonde Dana Darren.

Margaret is hard at work on the next script when she gets a phone call from her assistant Vi – there’s trouble on set. Apparently Beat Cop doesn’t like the idea that he has to wait for forensics before proving who the killer is. After some fancy negotiating, Mary Mac gets Dana’s character to make the call, allowing Bert’s character the satisfaction of catching the killer using nothing but a hunch.


On her way back to the office Mary Mac gets a visit from her agent, Leo Kaplan. She’s excited to see him and to find out what his other client thought about her script (about relationships and whatnot) but is less than enthused when she learns that he didn’t actually read the script, but he liked the summary his reader gave his secretary. Leo’s actual business on the set is to talk about the future of Beat Cop. The new big boss of the network, Keith Carmody isn’t a fan despite having told the head of the production company, Brian Thursdan, that he never watched the show. His second in command, Julie Pritzer, tries to calm Brian down after he storms out of the meeting but to little effect.  Meanwhile, Mary Mac goes to see the inspiration for the show (and potential crush) Lieutenant Vincent Palermo to tell him the news that Beat Cop might be off the air, but he doesn’t seem all that upset about it.

Later that night, Elizabeth has another crack at dissuading Carmody from cancelling Beat Cop but Keith tells her her job is to look pretty and take pointless meetings.

My how times haven't changed...

My how times haven’t changed…

As Julie leaves, Keith gets a phone call from Brian to discuss Beat Cop but he’s not interested – until Brian puts network owner Harriet De Vol on the phone. Clearly it works out because Mac gets a phone call from Brian saying the show is possibly saved – Keith has agreed to watch some episodes of the show and Mary Mac is charge of which ones, booking the screening room and watching the episodes with Keith. Brian would love to help but he has a development meeting.

The next morning, while Vi puts all the coffee in the coffee pot (VI 4 PM), and Mary Mac tries to sort out how to save the show, Bert Rogers storms in in a huff – he got a phone call from his agent at 6am that morning saying that the show was cancelled. Mary Mac tells him to calm down, and in any case, wasn’t he planning to quit anyway? Bert tells her she shouldn’t believe things just because he says them and tells her that if she doesn’t sort out Keith Carmody he will.

Speaking of. Keith, ensconced in a screening room, is on the phone to someone trying to work out how to remove Harriet De Vol from the equation when someone helpfully sticks a gun through the curtain and shoots him twice. Lieutenant Palermo is called in and learns from the projectionist that he didn’t hear the shots go off, on account of Beat Cop being on the screen. One of Palermo’s minions finds the gun and a hidden door.

While Palermo goes about his 5-0 business, Mary Mac takes care of Brian who has appeared at the studio in a panic – with Keith dead Julie will take over the network, he needs to get in touch with her double quick. Mary Mac tells him that Julie was the one who found Keith’s body and is in the commissary coming to terms.

Awesome, Brian probably says. Which way to the commissary?


While Brian goes off to hurl sympathy at Julie, Mary Mac accompanies Palermo to the set of Beat Cop. Cast and crew are all surprised to learn that Keith was murdered, and didn’t die of boredom (I don’t think Beat Cop had bookend episiodes, so I can’t imagine why that would happen). Palermo checks alibis and the only person with a shonky one is Bert.

One of Palermo’s lackeys comes to tell him he’s learned something interesting from the prop guy, who in turn informs them that the prop box has been broken into and one of the guns is missing – Bert’s gun to be precise.

Palermo throws Bert in jail for the time being, leaving Mary Mac to tell the director to shoot around the fact that their leading man is now conspicuously unavailable, while at the same time fending off Leo Kaplan who has a convenient list of people (clients) who could replace Bert on the show. She gets a panicked phone call from Brian begging her to come meet with Julie at the network.

Julie, who has hit the ground running despite the terrible shock of finding Keith’s body, tells them that she’s not sure that Beat Cop can survive without Bert Rodgers, and in any case she has a plan for giving Dana Darren her own show as a brain surgeon at a top metropolitan hospital. Ugh. These were clearly the days when the go-to TV shows were cop or doc, before the days of reality TV when you get 37 variations of Australian Model Factor Idol Talent Home Renovation Chef Rescue Kitchen Block.

(I reject all forms of reality, but especially reality television).

After the meeting, Brian begs Mary Mac to help Palermo solve the case/get Bert out of jail, and promises to get the pilot of her romantic story Love in Naples off the ground. Mary Mac asks if Brian is yanking her chain, and Brian says trust me.

When does that ever fail to be a good idea?

When does that ever fail to be a good idea?

Mary Mac visits Bert in prison and gets him to stop crying long enough to swear he didn’t kill Keith. Palermo is unmoved by this fact, nor by Mary Mac’s theory that the only reason that Bert’s prints are on the gun is because the killer wore gloves. Palermo tells Mary to go back to her typewriter.

On set, Mary Mac finds Dana to ask her about the medical show, and to find out why she lied about her alibi. Dana tells her that while she was on the phone to a Broadway producer, a more accurate view would be she was on the phone to his answering machine. Then she was with Leo for 30 minutes after that, which isn’t what Leo says at all. The medical show, it turns out, is being put together by Leo’s agency – in other words Mary Mac’s agent was getting the star of her show a show of her own to replace Mary Mac’s show.

Good old Hollywood forever.

Mary gets the lowdown on the hidden door from the security guard, Burnsy, who also tells her a story from back in the day, when Andy Butler (who plays Beat Cop’s boss) was on a different show that ended up being cancelled by Keith Carmody.  That night, she and Brian update Harriet De Vol on the latest developments and she tells them that the show is cancelled without Bert Rodgers.

Back in her office, Mary Mac sends Vi home and stays to watch what the editor had cobbled together from the day’s shooting. Alas there is a continuity error, and a pencil appears and reappears in the pocket of Andy Butler. She calls the director, Al, to work out what time the footage was filmed. goes back to the studio and….oh come on now.



It would seem that Andy couldn’t deal with the idea of Keith cancelling another one of his shows. And apparently he would have gotten away with it if he hadn’t dropped a pencil, and if Mary Mac hadn’t noticed the pencil and decided that it was clearly the PENCIL OF A KILLER.

Worst. Episode. Ever. Now, if y’all will excuse me, to compensate for this, I am going to go binge-watch Jessica Jones until my eyes fall out of my head.

See you next week Fletcherfans!

See you next week Fletcherfans!



S06E16 – The Big Show of 1965


Back to New York City this week Fletcherfans, where JB is in the offices of Reynolds and Company publishers being pitched a book idea by Scott Fielding, vice-president of marketing and development. He wants her to write a book about the murder of Richie Kane, a massive star in the 60s. JB remembers him well, but Scott tells her he was in nursery school the year Richie died, 1965.



JB is confused as to how she got involved in all of this, but it turns out Scott has a plan. The Haley sisters, who made their debut on the Barry Barnes show the night Richie Kane was murdered, and who quietly retired out of the spotlight in 1974, are coming back to do a Barry Barnes show reunion special. You know what that means – free publicity! And also, JB Fletcher’s name will be on the book, you know, whatevs. Jess is not interested but begrudgingly agrees to visit the studio where rehearsals for the reunion special are underway.




Barry’s having a bit of a tough time at the moment. The writers hired to work on the new special are more Saturday Night Live than Barry Barnes, and one of the Haley sisters, Lee Haley is about to rage quit after a dancer crashes into her during a rehearsal of one of their songs. Lee’s husband Artie Sommers, head writer for Barry Barnes, assures Barry that she’ll calm down but Barry orders a break anyway.

Jess chooses this moment to sneak in to the theatre to watch rehearsals. Barry sees her sitting in the darkened theatre and freaks out (which is fair enough, JB is a harbinger of death) but relaxes when JB introduces herself. Barry offers her tea while they wait for Artie to come back from consoling Lee, who is currently ordering his wife back to work, and doesn’t seem bothered when Lee points out that they are standing in the dressing room Richie Kane died in. Outside, Art runs into music director Ozzie Gerson who has a bone to pick about the way he’s being treated – just like his father was when his father was music director.

Back on stage, Barry serenades JB with piano playing and tea while he tells her the story of how Artie met Lee on the set of his show, 25 years earlier. Lee hated him on sight, but two weeks later they were married. True love. JB asks him about Richie Kane but all Barry can say is that everyone loved him except his killer. The police investigated everyone but the killer was never found.

Artie reappears and begs Barry to go calm Ozzie down, leaving JB to ask about why Barry was so startled to see a shadowy figure in the theatre but Art has no idea. He introduces Jess to the Haley sisters but they are called away to rehearsal, so Art offers to show Jess the scene of the crime. Despite it all, Jess isn’t sold on the idea of writing the book and tells Scott accordingly.

Later that night, Barry is alone in the theatre with the piano when Art comes to see if he wants to have dinner with him and Lee. They chat about Richie Kane for a bit then Barry spots a figure moving in the shadows – a veiled woman pointing him. Barry shouts, then collapses.

At her hotel JB receives a message and rushes down to the hospital, where she runs into Artie. She asks him what happened and he tells her that Barry suffered a severe shock.

“Well is he okay?” Asks JB.

If I ever end up in hospital, please assume that this is what it will look like

If I ever end up in hospital, please assume that this is what it will look like


Barry throws everybody out and comes clean to JB. He saw the woman in black, the same woman he saw the night after Richie Kane’s murder, pointing at him like he was to blame for what happened. He wants JB to find the woman in black and get to the bottom of who killed Richie. Jess tries to beg off, saying he needs a proper detective and Barry gives her the phone number of the officer who investigated back in ’65 – Broadway Bulldog Kowalski.

Jess pays a visit on old Bulldog, who has kept all of the case notes regarding the murder but has just recently loaded all of the files onto his fancy new computer.

Sidenote: The best thing about rewatching The X-Files, apart from all the other best things, is the size of the monitors and the size of the mobile phones.

Sidenote: The best thing about rewatching The X-Files, apart from all the other best things, is the size of the monitors and the size of the mobile phones.

Bulldog tells her that at the time of the murder, Barry was on stage in front of 50 people rehearsing a sketch, which puzzles JB. Why would the woman in black be accusing Barry of the murder if there’s no way he did it? Bulldog assumes she’s just out to scare comedians and instead turns to the women involved in the story – the Haley sisters and Richie’s wife Sharon. According to Bulldog, she was at the theatre the night of the murder but left 20 minutes before the murder occurred, although Bulldog concedes she could have slipped back in. Jess asks him if he knows where she is now and Bulldog asks if she wants to meet her.



Sometimes making myself laugh is all that matters.

Sometimes making myself laugh is all that matters.

Bulldog and Jess find Sharon Kane about to go and pick up her grandson. Bulldog introduces JB and says she wants to know about the woman in black, since she’s made another reappearance. Sharon tells her she’s not the avenging angel type. She knows she can’t tell JB what to do, but she wishes JB would let Richie Kane remain a man his family can be proud of.

Nothing gets past Our Heroine.

Nothing gets past Our Heroine.

JB remarks on Sharon’s choice of words to Bulldog, who confirms what JB was beginning to suspect. Richie Kane wasn’t the cleancut family man everyone made him out to be. And he liked them young.


Back at the studio the Haley Sisters are rehearsing another number while the show’s writers Sid Lyman and Joe Roth demand to know why their sketch has been cut from the show. Bulldog and Jess run into Artie while he’s being harrassed by Sid and Jo, but tells them to go and sit down out the front. The Haley sisters finish up, but Cathy is called back to change into another costume for a sketch. The next act, some plate spinners, come out to rehearse while Cathy goes back stage to try and get out of being in the sketch. There are screams from backstage, Bulldog goes to investigate and finds Art dead in a chair, after having a vase smashed over his head.

The police roll in, in the form of Lieutenant Mayerling, who appears to suspect everyone individually and collectively – the Haley sisters, Ozzie, the lot of them. He’s not pleased to see Bulldog at the crime scene, and even less pleased when Jess sweetly points out that the two writers Art had been arguing with hadn’t been seen since the murder. Sid and Joe are tracked down but swear they only found out about the murder after they’d left the theatre. While Mayerling goes off to interrogate them further, Barry asks Jess to calm Cathy Haley down.

Out in the park, Cathy tells Jess she just wants to get home to her kids. They heard about it on the news and are naturally devastated – he had no children of his own but he was a great uncle to his nieces and nephew, according to Cathy. Cathy is emotional and says she’s not like her sister Lee, who didn’t even break down when their parents died in 1964. JB asks her about Richie Kane and she tells her he was a creep.

Back in Bulldog’s kennel, JB gets him to pull up the photo of the Kane family he was showing her earlier. They identify the mother and father, and each of the Haley sisters, but then hit a snag. Cathy didn’t start having children until 1974, and if this picture was taken before their parents died, then who is the baby in the picture? After careful consideration of nappy and bottle holding, they suspect it might be Marge’s. As Bulldog said, Richie liked them young.


Bulldog is onto it, and shows JB an admissions form from 1974, the year the Haley sisters retired, showing Marge being admitted into a psychiatric hospital.

(Just trust me on this one guys. I’m getting confused too).

When confronted with the photo, Marge admits that she had a baby with Richie Kane. They had been sneaking around even before they were on the Barry Barnes show – she was already pregnant by the time the show came around. When Richie found out he was going to have the sisters bumped from the show, Marge panicked, picked up the knife and stabbed him.

Seems definitive.

Seems definitive.

JB gently points out she’s leaving something out and Marge agrees. Art was there, and saw the whole thing. Lee appears and tells Jess that they will deny everything Marge says, and it will be them against JB.

“And me,” says Bulldog appearing from the next room. Lee refuses to listen, saying that she won’t let them put her sister on trial, but Bulldog seems to think it won’t come to that. He produces the admissions form from the psych hospital and says that it’s clear that Marge had a history of mental illness. When she was released in 1984, with the diagnosis ‘no further treatment required’ – now that’s another story. She could tell right from wrong. So there’s no getting away from Art’s murder.

Actually there is. She didn’t do that one.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

When Lee tried to put the show off, after seeing Marge suffering, Art threatened to expose Marge as the killer and so Lee lashed out.

Afterwards, when JB and Barry are debriefing, it’s revealed that Barry’s show has been cancelled. He’s looking to the future though, a future where TV isn’t just on the tube. The actors will be in the room with you.


Now I know that Gene Kelly was a genius and could tapdance on rollerskates, but according to YouTube Donald O’Connor did it first but more than that, he did this:

Long live the king.

Later gang!

Later gang!

S06E15 – Fixer-Upper


Welcome to sunny Los Angeles Fletcherfans, where Victoria Griffin, local real estate agent and niece to Our Heroine, is hard at work trying to sell the home of Deborah Tarkington. She almost does it too, until Deborah finds out the person with the generous bid is her ex-husband Alec Burton. She throws the deliverer of the bid, Arnold Hastings (aka the man with the golden name, Dack Rambo) out of the house and forbids Vicky to sell the house to him or any one else connected to Alec. To make matters worse Deborah’s son Kevin thinks it’s a good time to do the creepy lech thing and come onto Vicky.

D-rama. Fortunately, there is someone who can put an end to this madness.



Vicky meets her aunt for lunch to tell her about just how difficult it all is – Vicky’s husband Howard is back on the audition trail after being killed off his old job on a TV show and she’s trying to sell the Tarkington house for 4.9 million.

-our million dollars!

-our million dollars! (Heh heh)

Vicky has no time to eat though – her pager goes off (naw, pagers!) and away she goes again, leaving JB to prepare for an afternoon of meetings with booksellers.

Meanwhile across town Alec Burton is more than a little displeased with Arnold’s inability to seal the deal, and tells Arnold’s wife Claire to get it done. Claire tells him there’s nothing to worry about since there’s been no deal done yet, and pops some diet pills recommended to her by Deborah Tarkington.

Couldn't possibly be relevant, I don't know why I'm mentioning it #subtle

Couldn’t possibly be relevant, I don’t know why I’m mentioning it #subtle

Back at work and Vicky’s run of bad luck continues when a prospective buyer calls her to tell her he’s decided to go and live on a boat instead. Her boss, Didi Blair, tells her it’s ridiculous to have an open house on the last day of an exclusive arrangement, half the people there were brokers telling their clients to wait a day. Vicky tells her about the offer from Alec Burton and doesn’t understand why Deborah turned it down so flatly.

Didi fills her in. It’s the same old story: boy meets girl, girl is daughter of Hollywood studio boss, boy gets cast in picture, movie becomes a blockbuster, boy gets too famous for girl and dumps her. That old chestnut.  A call comes in for Vicky – it’s Seymour Densch (runner up to Dack Rambo for best name), #1 car dealer in Orange County. He was at the open house, he liked what he saw and if Vicky could knock off a million from the asking price then she had herself a deal. He even promises to pay the binders cheque in cash. Vicky agrees to take the offer to Deborah Tarkington and arranges to meet him at 11pm that night, which isn’t at all weird.

Everything’s coming up Vicky.

Later that night, before seeing Howard perform in a play,  Jess is at dinner with Howard waiting for Vicky to arrive and listening to him moan about how he doesn’t like the insecurity of Vicky’s real estate career.


Sassy JB is sassy.

Sassy JB is sassy.

They are soon joined by Vicky, but only for a moment.

We've all been there amirite

We’ve all been there amirite

Vicky makes her apologies but she has to type up the agreement so that the sale of the Tarkington residence can go through. Howard is less than excited considering how much money his wife is about to make, but he valiantly puts his hurt feelings aside. JB is still keen to go to the play which cheers Howard up – he tells her it’s an allegory.

Not gonna lie, I've been here too :O

Not gonna lie, I’ve been here too :O

Later that night JB and Howard return home from the play, having mostly avoided the catestrophic special effects failure that didn’t so much “regenerate the corn” on stage so much as it soaked the first three rows of the audience. Jess notices that the light is blinking on the answering machine – it’s a message from Deborah Tarkington declaring Seymour Densch to be a phoney. Clearly Vicky didn’t get the message and went over to the house anyway. Howard has had about enough and decides to go over there and drag Vicky away. Jess announces she’s coming too – “I wouldn’t want to miss what may turn out to be the best play of the night!”

Heh heh heh.

Over at the Frankenstein Tarkington place, Vicky has just found Deborah lying dead on the floor, a pile of those mysterious pills next to her. Told you it was a plot point. Vicky hears a noise and grabs the fire poker as a weapon, bnt it’s only JB and Howard, closely followed 2 cops who would be later joined by some Serious Hair.

No seriously, wat?

No seriously, what even is that? (He went on to Dean Winchester in that episode when Dean got old, and I mean just what?)

The serious hair questions Vicky, while minions gather evidence. The verdict appears to be that Deborah overdosed on pills and whiskey, and whacked her head when she fell. Jessica wonders about this, as there is a half empty bottle of scotch and another opened bottle of scotch with another glass which makes no sense. The hair (aka Detective Lieutenant Redick but who cares, he’s The Serious Hair) tells her that drunks don’t often makes sense. Fair call that.

After a good night’s sleep JB finds Vicky up early the next morning trying to deal with the bills. Ugh, bills. Jess feels for her niece and offers to help but Vicky says no, saying Howard’s ego can barely handle the fact that Vicky is earning the money.


A phone call comes in from The Hair requesting Vicky come down to the station to answer a few questions. The Hair has found out about the phone call from Deborah declaring the buyer to be a phoney (although how he found out is a mystery for another time) and tells Vicky it’s obvious she went round and killed Deborah as vengeance. Vicky swears she never heard the message, and therefore had no motive to kill her. The Hair also suspects Howard, despite the fact that he was on stage at the time of the murder.

Meanwhile, Vicky’s boss Didi is paying a visit on Arnold Hastings, Alec Burton’s broker to talk turkey. With Vicky on suspicion of murder the exclusive listing is up for grabs, and since Didi has an in with Kevin Tarkington she has dibs – dibs she could share with Arnold since he has a very interested Alec Burton wanting to buy. She asks him if he wants to check with his wife first but Arnold is on board.

JB, on the other hand, is getting down to the business of clearing Vicky and so goes back to House Tarkington to investigate. She is met by the maid, who wasn’t there the night before but says was in charge of refilling Deborah’s amphetamine prescription – and in fact was supposed to refill it the day before but forgot until that morning. She hated her boss, but without her she was out of a job thanks to her son who chooses that moment to appear. JB grills him on where he was the night before but he was away up the coast. Jess is surprised to learn that he is showing the house one day after his mother’s death but he wants a beach house in Malibu and so there it is. He grows suspicious and demands to know why Jess is there, but she tells him she was looking for her glasses which she has now found (spoiler – she never lost them to begin with. Genius).

Outside she finds Vicky setting up for the open house. She’s been unable to find the buyer Seymour Densch to corroborate her story, but she’s out for now. At that moment The Hair pulls up. The autopsy results are in on Deborah Tarkington (that was quick). No pills in her system but plenty of scotch and a whack on the head that they believe was delivered by the fireplace poker and guess whose prints are on the poker?

Down at the police station Howard is going nuts until JB very cleverly sends him on a mission to find Vicky a lawyer. The Hair is convinced that Vicky is guilty despite the rather odd fact that her prints were on the murder weapon but she remembered to wipe them off the scotch bottle. They are soon joined by the enigmatic Seymour Densch who drops in to tell them that he was actually acting as a front man for Alec Burton who was bankrolling the deal. He was to give the money to the broker Arnold Hastings who would give the money to Seymour to conclude the transaction. The only reason Seymour signed up was to meet Deborah Tarkington.

Back at Casa Tarkington Vicky is taking down the for sale sign when Kevin appears to tell her to leave it up as he thinks she knows how to move some prime….real estate (ew ew ew ew) and also to ask her to have dinner with him that night. When she tells him she busy seeing Howard in his play, he tells her he thought she was serious about selling the house.

At home, Vicky tells JB what happened and JB wonders whether Vicky misunderstood his intention.



Bless your optimism though JB.

Howard then returns home after running an errand for Jess to the tax assessors office to follow up on a hunch she has.

After the standard Howard and Vicky greeting:



…Howard fills them in. It turns out that all the houses surrounding Deborah Tarkington’s residence have all recently been bought by Alec Burton. It would appear that someone is planning a McMansion. Ugh.

When confronted with this news, Alec Burton denies nothing. He used intermediaries to buy all the houses so that the owners wouldn’t jack the prices up, and then purchased the properties outright from the intermediaries. Having said that, he’s never heard of Seymour Dentsch. When asked about his alibi Burton tells them he was at a party, hanging out (definitely code) in the servants quarters with the lady of the house while her husband was downstairs entertaining the guests. Fortunately Alec had taken some of Claire Hastings’s red and yellow diet pills so he could stay awake.

This gives JB an idea and the next day  she visits the office of Arnold Hastings, appropriately dressed for someone looking to buy a house in Beverly Hills.

Shine bright like a diamond.

Shine bright like a diamond.

Jess declares she’s simply enchanted by the Tarkington estate and wants it. Arnold is on board, but his wife is suspicious given that JB is the aunt of the prime suspect in the murder. Bored, Jess departs telling them that she will pay 10% over the asking price, as long as the deal won’t conflict with any arrangement they have with Alec Burton, but it would appears the Hastings have already forgotten Alec Burton.

They go straight to see Kevin Tarkington and give him the good news – they want to put in a bid for 3.9 million for themselves. They love the house and they want it.

This is news to JB, who wanders in, saying that she’d just offered a bid of over 5 million. It would appear these real estate agents are a bit shonky and were busted by Deborah Tarkington. One more so than the other.

Yeah, not surprised.

Yeah, not surprised.

Unhappy with dealing with all these rich people and having no money herself, and about to be busted for fraud, Claire Hastings took matters (and the fire poker) into her own hands.

But for now, with Vicky finally selling a house and Howard getting an acting job as a talking pineapple, I bid you farewell.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

S06E14 – How to Make a Killing Without Really Trying

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Welcome back to the Big Apple Fletcherfans, to the headquarters of the investment firm Ashcroft and Royce, where we find the secretary of one of the owners, Norma Pulaski trying very hard to cover up the fact that her boss isn’t in yet while being hit on by office lech Sid Hooper (more on him later). Said boss Philip, the Royce part of Ashcroft and Royce, is still in bed and coming to terms with the fact that his girlfriend wants to marry him.

Dude needs to get his business together, because his lunch meeting just walked into his office.


Sidenote – there is a lot of 80s power dressing in this episode, and it’s amazing.

Norma tells JB that Philip will meet them at the restaurant to discuss her portfolio, which JB is keen to get into. She’s had a hot tip in Cabot Cove to buy up on Spruce Electronics, but Norma tells her they’re on the way down, but that it’s competitor Lowsonic is much more interesting – they have the inside running on HD TVs which Norma claims will be in everyone’s home within 5 years.

You guys WE ARE LIVING IN THE FUTURE (except my TV is still an old cathode one I bought in 2002)

My TV is still an old cathode one I bought in 2002 so YOU WERE WRONG NORMA.

In fact, Norma tells JB, she – that is to say Philip, bought some Lowsonic stock for her portfolio that very morning. JB tells her if she and Philip think it’s a good buy then she trusts them. Norma says Philip spends all his time on research – JB says he spends a lot of time in meetings too, he’s never around when she calls. She notices a set of golf clubs and wonders when he ever finds time to play.

As Norma and JB prepare to “meet Philip” for lunch, they run into the Ashcroft of the firm, Jerome Ashcroft, who started the firm with Philip’s father. He’s delighted to hear that JB is so pleased with the performance of her portfolio but is cut off by the arrival of his daughter Candice – previously seen in bed with Philip Royce – who has a bee in her bonnet about the lack of wedding plans. As JB and Norma leave she drags him into his office and fills him in on her recent dumping – Jerome orders her to go back to Philip and make up. Philip owns half the company courtesy of his late father, and Jerome wants his precious. (The company, clearly not his daughter). Candice informs her father she’d rather see him dead.

In the lobby JB and Norma run into Sid Hooper, who gives her some free financial advice.

Sidenote: Edd Byrnes also played a character called Kookie who said things like "Baby you're the ginchiest".  I  can only assume ginchy means  excellent at solving equations and doing science.

Sidenote: Edd Byrnes also played a character called Kookie who said things like “Baby you’re the ginchiest”. I can only assume being ginchy means excellent at solving equations and doing science.

Sid tells JB to call him if she wants a better broker, he’d never put her on that dog stock Lowsonic and disappears up his own arse into the lift. Outside, JB and Norma then run into Norma’s baker fiance Rudy who wants to know why Norma is 10 minutes late for lunch. She apologises but says she can’t have lunch. JB offers to take herself over to meet Philip but Norma tells her she should be there (to make sure Philip doesn’t screw up, probably). She smooths things over with Rudy and promises to cook him dinner that night.

At the restaurant they get through their meal without Philip, but they spot legendary corporate raider Gordon Gecko Tully having a quiet heated discussion with Jerome Ashcroft about Tully wanting to buy Ashcroft and Royce, and Jerome saying they’ll be ice skating in hell before Tully gets his hands on the firm. Philip chooses that moment to arrive in a cloud of apologies, before looking at the time and realising he can’t stay. He reminds Norma to confirm his golf date with a Buddy Black, and offers to take JB to dinner. Alas, she has plans, so he offers breakfast instead saying he can’t let JB slip away to New Hampshire without going over he portfolio again.

Guys I really think I should marathon Breaking Bad again.

Guys I really think I should marathon Breaking Bad again.

JB has breakfast plans with her nephew (CANCEL THEM! CANCEL THEM! CANCEL THEM!) but Philip wants to tell her all about a stock he’s just gotten a tip about, Spruce Electronic.

Poor Norma

Poor Norma

JB decides that on second thoughts she and Philip probably do need to have a serious talk and so agrees to breakfast the next day.

When the new day dawns, JB goes around to Philip’s place to find out why he stood her up and finds his apartment swarming with cops and Philip considerably more deceased than the night before. Someone had mistaken his head for a golf ball. The lieutenant investigating, Lieutenant Moynihan, asks JB how much she was fleeced and is surprised to learn she had no complaints about Royce Ashcroft. Apparently he once got done for $500 after a shady deal. He tells her that Philip was killed some time the previous evening, and JB tells him how ironic it all is that he got whacked with a putter on account of his upcoming golf game with the mysterious Buddy Black. One of the lieutenant’s henchmen appears holding a very familiar looking red beret with news that they also found lipstick on a glass. The lieutenant notices JB’s reaction to the beret and demands a name.

They find Norma at the office, and she’s horrified to learn that her boss is dead. She tells them that she took his briefcase over to his apartment the previous night, and obviously forgot her hat. JB helpfully points out a phone number scrawled on a notepad on Philip’s desk – the lieutenant calls it and discovers its Gordon Tully’s office. Sid Hooper appears to console Norma and ask for Philip’s computer access codes since he’ll be taking over Philip’s clients – including JB.

Can it, Fontaine.

Can it, Fontaine.

Jess and the lieutenant go to see Jerome Ashcroft, who is shaken by the news and more so when told that the murder was almost certainly committed by someone Philip knew. Lieutenant Moynihan demands a list of clients that lost money recently and Jerome informs him that it’s standard practice to conduct an audit when someone leaves the company. Sid Hooper reappears with some startling news – the buy orders Norma gave him to process were dated that morning, 12 hours after Philip was killed.

Dun dun.

Norma is called into Jerome’s office and confronted with the buy orders. She tells them that she had to do it to get things done, since Philip was always out of the office. JB says it makes perfect sense, and that Norma has given her much better investment advice than Philip ever did. Jerome doesn’t like the sound of that and orders Norma to pack up her desk. Well that backfired.

JB tries to console Norma as she packs up her things but also drops in that she thinks Norma didn’t quite tell the lieutenant everything that happened the night before. Norma tells her nothing that Lieutenant Moynihan would be interested in happened. CRYPTIC CLUE IS CRYPTIC. As she goes to leave, she’s stopped by Jerome and the lieutenant. Apparently there’s 2 million bucks missing from Philips account and the lieutenant would like a word downtown.

Jessica decides to take matters into her own hands and goes to see Gordon Tully. His secretary stonewalls her until Jess tells her that she wants to share her information with Gordon Tully before going to the police.



Sorry Helena Bonham Carter, there is only 1 Mrs Lovett.


Sidesidesidenote, JB’s outfits are completely amazing this episode.

While Gordon Tully does important things on the phone, JB scopes out his office and notices a signed photo of himself with Buddy Black. Tully finally gets off the phone and asks JB just what information she wants to share. She wants to know more about his relationship with Philip (since he was Philip’s last call) but Tully tells her he spoke to Philip only, then was on a call to Japan half the night and that’s all there is to it. Meanwhile Lieutenant Moynihan is following up his own lead, after a local told him he saw a bread delivery van outside Philip’s the night of the murder.

Norma’s fiance Rudy knows nothing about any of it, but unfortunately for him a co-worker finds an envelope with around 20 grand in it. He tells Lieutenant Moynihan that he won it, but caves and tells him that he found it in his car that morning after someone broke into it. Moynihan isn’t buying it and orders Rudy down to the precinct. When they arrive they run into JB who wants to talk about Gordon Tully but  Moynihan is on a roll. He’s got the case sorted.

Norma refuses to change her story under interrogation even with Rudy’s arrest but fills in some missing details – like the part where Philip offered Norma a drink after eventually getting out of the shower to answer the door, and then Rudy turned up unexpectedly and blew his stack and Norma eventually managed to drag Rudy away. Philip  was very much still alive.

Moynihan doesn’t believe a bar of it, even when JB points out that they found Philip’s body fully clothed.

Actual quote:


Historically inaccurate, but I'll allow it.

Historically inaccurate, but I’ll allow it.

Moynihan is convinced he’s got the guilty parties but JB is less sure. She goes to offer her condolences to Candice Ashcroft, who let’s be honest isn’t entirely cut up by the demise of her ‘fiance’. JB says it must have been difficult to be the last person to see him alive but Candice tells her a) the wedding was off but it was totes amicable, b) she didn’t see him the night he died and c) he spent more time playing golf with Buddy Black than anything else.

Guys I think this Buddy Black character might be important.

Down at the precinct Moynihan is unmoved by JB’s news about the breakup. He’s busy looking for the missing money, although he’s starting to worry they blew it all on dodgy trades like his crappy Lowsonic purchase that time. This sets off memory bells in JB’s head and she scurries off with Lieutenant Moynihan to see Vince Fontaine Sid Hooper who is hard at work moving into Philip’s office. He blusters when JB asks him just how he knew she was invested in Lowsonic, but after a trip to the police station and confronted with proof of his Cayman islands accounts and 25 grand missing from his personal account, he concedes that he “borrowed” the money, but was 100% going to pay it back.

Rudy and Norma are released, but JB still thinks there are some loose ends, like this whole business with Gordon Tully and the mysterious Buddy Black. Jess asks Norma about him, but all she knows is that he’s a golf hustler who used to get large sums of money out of Phillip Royce.

I think it’s about time we met this mysterious Buddy Black.

Dyke-anosis Murder. Now there's a blog idea.

Dyke-anosis Murder. Now there’s a blog idea.

Buddy Black knows nothing about the murder, it turns out. He was told by Gordon Tully to play some golf against Philip and that’s it. No blackmail, nothing. When JB confronts Gordon Tully with this news he tells her that Philip shouldn’t have bet more than he could afford, but that in any case Philip had already agreed to sell up and was all set to go ahead the next day. Later, when Jess sits down with Norma and Rudy for lunch she asks Norma about that and Norma tells her that would explain why he had all those Ashcroft Noyce stocks in his briefcase.

Jess bails on lunch and goes back to the office with Lieutenant Moynihan. She knows how the golf clubs getting from the office to Philip’s apartment, but there’s one little loose end. And when Jerome tells all the company stocks are kept in his safe, it all fits together.

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

When Philip came to pick up his golf clubs he called Tully. Philip overheard him and then begged him to stop when he came to get the stock out of the safe. He went round to Philip’s house, words were exchanged and blows to the head delivered. Case closed.

So while we all contemplate just how glorious a cross-over Diagnosis Murder She Wrote episode would be…

Until next time Fletcherfans!

Until next time Fletcherfans!


S06E13 – If the Shoe Fits

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It’s a beautiful day in the Cove Fletcherfans, and JB is hard at work in her garden with the assistance of local boy Kevin.

Jonathan Brandis. God it still makes me sad to think about it.

Jonathan Brandis. God it still makes me sad to think about it. 

JB tells Kevin he’s the best worker she’s ever had and he’s right chuffed. It’s just him and his Mum at home and he’s got to earn a living.

Sidenote: this actually happened:

Please see Murder, She Blogged on Facebook for an accurate representation of my reaction to this line.

Please see Murder, She Blogged on Facebook for an accurate representation of my reaction to this line.

Over at the shoe factory where Kevin’s mother Marla works Stuff is Going Down. The owner of the shoe factory is freaking out after his landlord, Jack Franzen increases his rent (and hits on his workers, this time Patsy aka Liza Minelli’s half sister). In a helpful coincidence, Jack Franzen is also Marla and Kevin’s landlord and he’s keen to collect if you know what I mean. Marla tells him that she hasn’t got the money on her and he says he’ll come around later but Marla says not in front of her son. Jack is fine with that – if she’s short he can find a way she can make up the difference.


(Sidenote part the second: Jack Franzen is being played by Crispin Glover’s father which is kind of totes appropes considering it was Back to the Future Day the other day).

Back at Casa Fletcher JB has returned with Seth Hazlitt and a load of garden supplies so they can crack on with the gardening on Monday. Jess gives Kevin his weeks wages and Seth offers to give him a ride home considering how dark it has become. Kevin tells them he’ll be fine – he’s got errands to run and he has an excellent headlight. On his way home, however, he’s nearly run off the road by a swerving car. His bike damaged, Kevin walks the rest of the way.

A couple of days later JB is on a mission to get a whole heap of packages sent of to various family members (because as we know, The Family is huge), ably assisted by Seth.



On the way to the post office they spot Kevin appearing to wait for a bus to arrive, but as it leaves he does too, telling Jess he will go and get started on her garden. While getting the mail sorted Seth and Jess run into Jack Franzen’s wife Gloria, picking up some fancy lingerie she ordered. Seth asks after Jack, saying he hadn’t seen him for awhile but she says likewise. Outside the post office they run into Jess’s former colleague and Kevin’s history teacher Lydia Johansesen who tells JB to tell Kevin she hopes he’s feeling better, since he wasn’t in school today.

Jess finds Kevin hard at work in her garden and offers a banana bread and milk break, which Kevin gratefully accepts, saying that his Mum wasn’t feeling well and didn’t make him lunch. Jess tells him his teacher will be glad to hear that he’s okay since he wasn’t in school today. Kevin tells her that he had to stay home and look after her, but refuses any offers of help or seeing Doctor Hazlitt. Instead he asks JB for his wages for the day just in case he needs to pick something up for his mother. Jess sends him on his way, but is concerned and starts rummaging through her fridge for leftovers.

To the Fletch-mobile!


The Hero Cabot Cove Deserves

The Hero Cabot Cove Deserves

JB knocks on the door and hears Kevin say “Mom?” but when he answers the door and realises it’s JB he tells her she can’t come in, his mum is asleep. When JB presses Kevin comes clean – when he got home on Friday there was a note from his mother saying she’d gone to Portland and that she’d be back that night, but she’s been gone for three days.

Jess is in shock and asks him why he didn’t call the sheriff and he tells her about the time in Chicago he got placed in foster care – he swears he will never go back. JB tells him she understands, but that his mother is probably worried sick about him too and convinces him to go see Sheriff Metzger, saying she thinks she can convince Mort to holdoff on calling the authorities for a little while.

Down at the Sheriff’s office Mort hears the story and tells Kevin he will call around the hospitals in Portland to see what he can find out. Privately he tells Jess that he should call child services but Jess asks him to hold off until he’s made his calls. Mort agrees and tells her to get Kevin to check his statement. While they do that, Gloria Franzen wanders in to make an official report – not that she cares but her husband has been missing since Friday. Jess tells her she’s sorry to hear it, and wonders if she knows Marla Bryce. Gloria tells her that it wouldn’t surprise her if they’d run off together – Jack charged Marla 200 bucks a month rent but the place is worth triple that. Presumably (Gloria tells them) Marla makes up for it with services rendered.


So gross.

So gross.

Leaving the Sheriff’s office, JB asks Kevin if he recognised Gloria Franzen which he did, as the wife of their landlord. Kevin tells JB that Jack Franzen would come around all the time chasing rent, but that his mother didn’t like him at all and said they would be free of him soon enough. Jess suggests they go out to his place, leave a note in case his mother turns up, and get some of his things so he can spend the night at House Fletcher. On the way they take a short cut and find a crashed car down a ravine – with the body of Jack Franzen in it.

Well I think we all saw that coming.

While Seth, the sheriff and his men go about their business, Kevin confides in JB that he used to think it would be cool to find a dead body.

“Well it isn’t,” says JB. And let’s face it guys, SHE WOULD KNOW.

Mort reports in that Jack Franzen had been dead about 3-4 days, meaning he was killed on Friday. It was no accident either, Seth tells them. Jack was hit over the head, probably with a two-by-four – or the Bryce’s missing shovel. While Seth gets Kevin to help him put the bikes in the back of Seth’s truck, JB follows the Sheriff, who’s just found some broken tail light pieces on the ground. They’re interrupted by Deputy Floyd arriving with the news that Marla Bryce has been located in a Portland hospital.

Marla is relieved to see Kevin but doesn’t really remember what happened. She came down to Portland for a job interview, got lost heading back to the bus station and was mugged when she asked for directions. Mort asks her if she saw Jack on Friday, and Marla says she thinks so but is shocked when they tell her he’s been murdered. Mort tells her he will have to take her in for questioning.

Mort is convinced Marla is guilty but JB isn’t so sure. Back in the Cove though, Jess has more pressing concerns. She invites former student Lee McAdam around who is conveniently also a social worker. Kevin is suspicious when she suggests foster care, but is delighted when she tells him that the foster carer would be JB – as long as Jessica is a responsible adult.

“I try!” says JB. NAWWWWWWWW.

That night, JB checks in on Kevin all tucked up in bed and asks him if he remembers anything else about Friday that might help his mother. Kevin remembers the car, and tells JB it only had one taillight. A clue! Kevin is all set to start looking right away but Jess tells him they will go chat to the Sheriff in the morning.

The next morning, Jess goes to wake Kevin with the promise of blueberry pancakes but he’s gone. In a panic she calls Seth and they set out to look for him and sure enough they find him down the street in town, checking all the parked cars for a broken taillight. On the way back to Jess’s for pancakes (which Seth has conveniently wrangled an invitation to), they spot Marla’s boss at the shoe factory getting into the car of Gloria Franzen.

After breakfast, and a brief speech about how horrible that such things like the case of Marla and Kevin Bryce are happening in their little town, Seth drives JB to see Marla to try and jog her memory about where she went on that fateful Friday. JB shows Marla the job advertisements from the paper that day and Marla remembers where she she had the interview. She tells JB she’s terrified of losing Kevin but Jess is on the case. Marla also mentions that her boss, Owen might have had a reason to kill Jack, on account of the rent raising.

On a mission, JB heads down to the shoe factory where she bumps into one of Marla’s co-workers, Danny Snow (JD from Hill Street Blues for those who are playing along at home), who offers to help pay for Marla’s legal fees. Jess mentions she heard the funeral was going to be on Friday but Danny tells her not to expect a crowd. Jess is surprised to hear this, she remembers Danny and Jack were the best of friends back in high school but Danny tells her Jack just liked having people around who made him feel better about himself.

Inside, while JB orders a pair of moccasins from Patsy she notices Gloria Franzen and Owen the factory owner busy talking up in the managers office. She goes to investigate – Owen tells her that Gloria has found a way for Owen to buy the building outright, paving the way for a joint business selling shoes via catalog. He’s excited, she’s excited, JB’s suspicious and even more so when she learns that Owen got rid of his car last Saturday morning. As she leaves the factory with her new slippers, she runs into Sheriff Metzger who has bad news – the company Marla says she interviewed at has never heard of her.

JB won’t stand for this and so calls the company herself, speaking to the man who actually interviewed Marla and forgot to write it in his calendar. This doesn’t clinch it for Mort, although his new focus is the busted tail light pieces he found. Jess tells him that if they belong to a twelve-year-old Chevy to check with Owen the factory owner. Floyd gets an anonymous tip placing Jack Franzen at Patsy’s place at 3pm that Friday afternoon so Mort troops over to suss it out, since if Jack was at Patsy’s after Marla left for the interview she will be completely off the hook. Patsy confirms the timeline, and with a quick look at her taillight for good measure Mort returns to the sheriff’s office one suspect less than what he had to begin with.

Meanwhile Seth is raiding JB’s brownies at her place when he and JB have a seemingly pointless conversation about red lights on coffee makers that leads to a JB epiphany.

*if epiphany persists, please see a doctor*

*if epiphany persists, please see a doctor*

While JB gets Mort to start checking for people who might have bought new taillight covers, Kevin is out doing his own investigating – and finds a fresh new taillight and the person who did it.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

JB and Mort arrive just in time to avert disaster. Danny confesses to killing Jack Franzen but says it was in self-defence.  Something about a lifetime of bullying. Poor bloke.

Guys this episode was just depressing. I recommend you scroll down and look at Bill Maher’s hair until we all feel better.

So until next time.

Later gang!

Later gang!

S06E12 – Goodbye Charlie


We have apparently broken into JB’s house this week Fletcherfans, and found her hard at work on her newest book. Would you like to hear about it?

Are you ready boys and girls?

I feel a story coming on.

Once upon a time, in a magical faraway kingdom called Hollywood, there lived a private detective (naturally) called Frank Albertson. He wasn’t very good at his job but he was convinced that fortune was just around the corner.



After returning home from a failed attempt at catching a cheating husband, Frank finds his wife in their bedroom with a lawyer, Raymond Fleischer but the good news is it’s nothing suss – Raymond represents the estate of Elizabeth Flack, who has left all her worldly possessions to Frank’s uncle Charlie. Raymond is looking to find Charlie to tell him the good news but Frank and his wife Sunny haven’t seen him for over 2 years, when Frank finally got sick of old uncle Charlie eating his food, drinking his beer and stealing his shirts. The last they heard he was in Reno although the last Christmas card Sunny sent him came back ‘not known at this address’.

Raymond tells them it’s a shame – if the old guy has passed away then the fortune would go to Frank. And there are a lot of zero’s in fortune. Frank’s pupils turn into dollar signs and he asks Raymond how to go about proving Charlie is dead but Raymond tells them it takes 7 years for someone to be declared legally dead. He gives them his card and bids them good day.

While back out on his quest to catch his client’s husband cheating, Frank spots a story in the newspaper about an unidentified body found on some railway tracks outside of Huckabee, Nevada and constructs a Genius Plot. The body is too badly damaged to be properly identified, and one dead body is as good as another someone once said probably.

Sunny is horrified – poor Uncle Charlie!

(Frank explains that it’s not actually Uncle Charlie).

Sunny is on board and they set to work bombarding the coroner’s office in Huckabee, Nevada to work out the winning combination of identifying features that “Uncle Charlie” needs (and let’s not dwell on the fact that Huckabee is literally a 1 horse town but it has a coroner’s office). Through a cunning montage of elimination, they work out that John Doe is old, tubby, brown-eyed and doesn’t have a wooden leg. Sunny nails the guessing game, making Frank wonder if she’s got some sort of second sight happening but she says she’s just describing Uncle Charlie.

I don’t think she understands what’s happening you guys.



Frank and Grady Sunny drive to Huckabee to claim the remains of “Uncle Charlie” and meet the local Sheriff who according to IMDB is called Ed Ten Eyck which frankly sounds suspicious but then if you look closely…

I want a numerical middle name. Briony Forty Two Williamson. That rolls right off the tongue.

I want a numerical middle name. Briony Forty Two Williamson. That rolls right off the tongue.

The sheriff is mighty understanding, and tells them that John Doe died quick – was knocked clean out of his shoes, which they found beside the body, but weirdly no ID. Frank and Sunny take it in turns to tell a complicated story about Uncle Charlie’s life as a hobo, but as much as the Sheriff would love to help them bury their uncle and be on their way, there’s a catch – they aren’t the first people to lay claim to the body. In fact, they’re 3rd.

Cut to some noises that I never wanted to hear come out of Bill Maher, and then an explanation.

The classic lolsome innuendo.

The classic lolsome innuendo.

Frank decides his next move is to pay a visit to a guy whose name he saw written upside down on the Sheriff’s desk, whom he finds down at the local bar doing some lip sync battling.

That is 100% not as funny as I think it is.

This is 100% not as funny as I think it is.

Bart Mahoney, local lawyer and Rick Astley afficionado, is representing Marcia Mae Bailey whose father apparently lies in the morgue. Bart informs Frank that since the warning light was out, and old Roper Bailey was deaf, the railroad company as good as murdered him – and what jury is going to argue with a grieving child?

The bartender snorts at this. It would seem the grieving child might not be all that grieving.

Back at the hotel room, Frank is “resting” with Sunny (I would say get a room, but they did) when he gets a call from the Tenner, unhappy about his recent meeting with Bart Mahoney and requesting his presence down at the sheriff’s office. He’d like to introduce Frank to contestant number 2 in Who Wants To Be A Corpse Claimer – Tilly Bascombe, who is claiming the dead man is her husband Mort. They compare pictures just in case, but Mort isn’t Uncle Charlie. Tillie tells them that Mort liked to take long walks due to his insomnia, and it was entirely probable that the reason why they didn’t find any ID was because the velocity of the train whipped it out of his pockets.

Science bitch!

This gives Frank an idea, and he asks the Sheriff to recruit the local little league team to search around the tracks the next day. That night, he and Sunny go down to the railway line and throw some of Uncle Charlie’s belongings into the bushes.

The next day (JB tells us, madly searching for more whiskey) Frank wakes up feeling confident the belongings will be found. Because guys, you can’t just hide things in the desert. Someone will find them.

Unfortunately for Frank, his enthusiasm is shortlived. The local little league team is not too crash hot at finding things, leaving Frank to stew and Sunny to wonder why Tilly doesn’t sweat.

They are soon joined by Tilly’s cousin Jerry Wilber, who has some desert experience.



Jerry, it turns out, has been running Mort’s laundromat microchip company ever since Meth Mort disappeared. But honestly who cares because



The search for meth missing possessions continues, and they are soon joined by Bart Mahoney, complaining about an illegal search, the death of his client’s father etcetera etcetera. They are also joined by his client’s legs, and after a while, the rest of her.




While Bart banishes his client back to the car to contain her chest grief, the little league kids hit gold. It’s bad news for Tilly and Jerry, good news for Frank and Sunny – they’ve found Uncle Charlie’s possessions. The sheriff takes them back to his office for a closer look but begrudgingly admits he can’t find any reason not to turn over the body – even if he is clearly suspicious. He gives Frank and Sunny a form and tells them to go see the coroner, Jack Yamamoto. When they arrive they meet his assistant, Lon Ainsley, whose voice Sunny recognises from their constant calls to the coroners office, and who you might recognise from such episodes as these. (Side note – I wish they had put the actor, Robin Bach, in more episodes; he was hilarious. Unfortunately he passed away in 1991 but he he was one of the unexpectedly best bits I’ve discovered watching this show).

Lon ushers Frank and Sunny into Jack Yamoto’s office. While Frank fills out paperwork, Sunny reads Autopsy magazine (oh MSW writers, you’re so funny!) and Jack offers to get them a deal on a plot at the local cemetery. But when the last form is filled out, and Frank and Sunny are just leaving the office, Frank gets a tap on the shoulder. It’s the Big Ten. He’s just had a call from his counterpart in the next town – they’ve just arrested a hobo with a wallet, with close to 200 bucks in it. The wallet itself has plenty of ID in it – it belongs to Mort Bascomb. So what Big Ten wants to know, is just how Uncle Charlie’s belongings ended up all over the railway track?

Needless to say, Frank is under arrest. The sheriff throws him in the slammer with a friendly hobo who is busy stuffing his rather fancy looking shoes with newspaper, since they don’t fit him. This gives Frank an idea and he hollers for the judge.



The sheriff listens while Frank pitches his theory – if the shoes were knocked off John Doe, they wouldn’t be sitting next to him. Someone killed John Doe, realised John Doe wasn’t wearing shoes, tried to jam his own shoes onto the body, realised the shoes were too small and so waited for the train to do it’s business and left the shoes next to the body afterwards. Big Ten and Frank go to see Yamoto, who tests said theory and it’s confirmed. John Doe was murdered. Because, y’know, MURDER she wrote and all.

Frank, now apparently free, goes to see that bartender from the beginning of the episode to see what he can find out about Bart Mahoney and the grieving Marcia Mae. Turns out, Marcia Mae has been taking care of herself since she was 16, with Bart Mahoney footing the bills, including the grocery bill Marcia Mae racks up at the bartender’s other job, the grocery store. She buys chewing gum and soda for herself and Mexican beer and chewing tobacco for her father – and despite the fact that her father’s been missing for 5 days, guess what she bought in the grocery store just that day?

Frank and Sunny report their findings to the Sheriff, who agrees that Bart had no motive for killing John Doe. That leaves the Widow Bascombe, who comes into her husband’s fortune as provided by the company – “with her cousin Jerry the hunk in charge.” Sunny points out.

They decide to pay Tillie a visit and, well…

Well this has taken a turn.

Well this has taken a turn.

After a 5 second attempt at bluffing, Jerry falters and Tillie throws him under a bus. Jerry killed Mort and what’s more he buried him in the backyard.




Tillie convinced her (it turns out) second cousin Jerry to kill Mort so she could get his money. They only decided to get married after.

The Sheriff, conceeding defeat, lets Frank and Sunny claim the body on the proviso they get out of town double quick. They arrive home exhausted, but excited about their newfound wealth.

Until they hear someone in the bedroom. It’s Uncle Charlie, just popping in to pick up his things before heading to Vegas with his new girlfriend. You aren’t going to believe this, Charlie tells Frank and Sunny, but some old girlfriend left me a boatload of money!

But let’s face it. Noone cares.



See you next week Fletcherfans!






S06E11 – Town Father

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Welcome to another sunny day in Cabot Cove Fletcherfans where the sky is blue, the trees are green Seth Hazlitt is feeling hearty and JB is doing a bit of reno.


I would watch reno shows if all the contestants had to sing while renovating. Get on to that, The Block.

I would watch reno shows if all the contestants had to sing while renovating. Get on to that, The Block.

JB is on her way to Loretta’s to get her hair did when she gets a phone call from a New York attorney, Jason Vernon, begging her to sell her house. Jess isn’t budging even if the money involved is more than she bargained for.

Clearly not Australian dollars then *shakes fist at exchange rate*

Clearly not Australian dollars then *shakes fist at exchange rate*

It’s a familiar business and Seth has a bee in his sweatband about it. Those damned city folk coming in and weekend-ising the place, driving up property values and making it impossible to get a table at the cafe in Morgan’s Bay. Not only that, but it’s mayoral election time and Seth has a bee in his bonnet about Mayor Sam Booth disappearing every July when it’s peak tourist season.

This year’s election is going to be a little different. Already another candidate Milton Overguard has thrown his hat into the ring, promising to do something about the ‘do-nothing’ mayor. Jess thinks it will be an interesting race, given that Sam usually runs unopposed but Seth thinks that Sam will be returned by the voters – or more to the point the 86% of people who stay home.

Down at Loretta’s and it’s business as usual:

You guys, this is the last episode for this gang :(((((

You guys, this is the last episode for this gang :(((((

While Ideal begs JB to write a nice magazine article instead of a creepy book (pfft) and Eve begs JB to sell her house (double pfft) they are soon joined by local snob Winifred Thayer – one of those uppity weekenders Seth enjoys so much. Eve is very put out that JB has been invited to Winifred’s party and she has not, and tries to wrangle an invitation by offering to drop off some business cards – she’s been helping a fancy New York attorney find a home, she’s sure she could do the same for some of Winifred’s friends.

Winifred suddenly remembers her parking meter and hightails it out. JB asks if the attorney happens to be Bill Vernon and Eve is horrified to discover that he’s been chasing her clients behind her back.

The conversation soon turns to the upcoming election, and while Eve is all for booting Sam out, none of them really want to vote for Milton Overguard except Ideal – after all his late wife’s cherry turnovers were amazing.

Democracy is tasty.

Democracy is tasty.

While Eve can’t argue against cherry turnovers, she does have Ideas – she thinks the next mayor should be a woman! JB tells her the sex of the mayor shouldn’t matter, to which Phyllis says “no but it helps to have some.”


As Jess departs a young lady wanders in asking for directions to the mayor’s office, and introduces herself as Annie May Chapman. She also asks Loretta for an appointment for the next day, saying that there’s someone she wants to dress up for. Naturally this comment goes unnoticed.

See? No opinion.

See? No opinion.

That night Seth and Jess attend the party at the home of Winifred and Horton Thayer, which turns out to be a fundraiser for the conservation society. Both Horton and his moustache are delighted to see them, Winifred not so much.

Dat stache though.

Dat stache though.

Horton disappears to chat to the man who donated a ferrari to the raffle, while Winifred deals with some errant canapes, leading to this exchange that 100% happened I couldn’t make this up if I tried:



A short time later they bump into Eve Simpson, who is in a buoyant mood and has 3 people interested in buying Jess’s house.

This can only end well

This can only end well

Eve wanders off to hit on Horton Thayer, leaving Seth and JB to booze on until a woman approaches JB…





shots fired.

shots fired.

Later, when Seth is (impatiently) waiting for JB outside the party, candidate Milton Overguard bails him up to ask if Seth will support Milton’s proposals for an airport for Cabot Cove. Seth tells him that the weekenders might be able to donate funds to his campaign, but they can’t vote for him. Milton storms off in a huff, leaving Seth to deal with a very worried Mayor Booth who wants reassurance that Seth won’t be voting for Milton in the next election. Seth tells Sam that his biggest asset is that he is a do-nothing mayor.

The next day…

*insert eleventy billion Tony Abbott jokes here*

*insert eleventy billion Tony Abbott jokes here*

Sam is halfway though his “I’m just a humble country mayor” routine when an invitation for people to say why he shouldn’t for mayor again goes awry. A voice pipes up from the back of the crowd, saying that Sam promised to retire after this term. And go back to Wyoming. And marry her.

It’s Annie May Chapman, that girl who was asking for directions to the mayors office the day before. When Sam suggests she’d just escaped from the Portland mental institution, she runs off crying. Loretta goes to console her while Eve cackles and Ideal thinks about cherry turnovers, probably. Loretta wants to know if Annie May has the right Sam Booth, but Annie May is sure – and she’s got the pictures of the kids to prove it.

You guys this episode is amazing.

The next day, Jess is out and about when she runs into the news about Sam. Everyone knows Annie May now, it turns out Loretta’s shop wasn’t the only place she asked for directions to Sam’s office.

To be fair, things tend to escalate quickly in Cabot Cove.

To be fair, things tend to escalate quickly in Cabot Cove.

Later that night, Jess and Seth are discussing the love life of Sam Booth (ew) when Jess gets a knock at the door. It’s two of the locals, Howard and Ebeneezer. They are concerned by recent developments making Sam unelectable, and are worried that Milton will get elected, meaning that zoning will change and CHAOS BEDLAM AND MURDER oh wait.

But it’s okay! They have a plan! They just need someone to run for mayor. Someone…like JB.



Words are meaningless.

Words are meaningless.

They think she’s the perfect candidate, she knows when to keep quiet and she’s got no history of philandering, to which Seth makes a noise into his apron WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE.

Jess is flattered but declines. She’s just finished 2 books and just wants to rest/paint her house.

Howard and Ebeneezer understand. They turn to Seth. Would he be interested in running?

Sidenote: I can't believe it's been 6 season and I haven't got Liam Neeson's monologue from Taken into an episode yet,.

Sidenote: I can’t believe it’s been 6 season and I haven’t got Liam Neeson’s monologue from Taken into an episode yet,.

The next day Eve finds Milton campaigning with potholders, and bemoans his paternalistic attitudes (cue Loretta cracking a line about Sam’s paternalistic attitudes). Phyllis wanders in to report that she’s checked her records at the travel agency and  Sam has taken a trip to Casper Wyoming every year for the last 10 years. Eve thinks it’s time a woman should run and she’s just the one to do it.

Phyllis and Ideal half agree, but they have a different candidate in mind.

I'd like to think this is the same way Vladimir Putin got into politics.

Pretty sure that this is the same way Vladimir Putin got into politics.

Jess is still not running, and thinks they should all let Sam defend himself before they pillory him but Phyllis’s mind is made up. Sam has been avoiding Annie May all over town, which wouldn’t be hard considering Phyllis had to give Annie May directions to the mayors office to start with.

Well that rings a bell.

That night Eve launches her campaign for mayor, while JB decides to suss out this Annie May Chapman person. While they chat away in the kitchen JB asks her why she came to Cabot Cove and Annie May just says it’s to remind Sam of his promise to come back to Wyoming. She shows JB pictures of her kids when a gaggle of housewives come in, desperate for gossip. JB is taken by one photo, of Sam’s twin boys, which seems familiar but it’s decided that it’s because they look just like Sam. Loretta comes in to tell Annie May that Eve is looking for her and they all troop out again, leaving Loretta and JB in the kitchen. JB thinks Annie May can handle herself remarkably well, to which Loretta tells her that she might be from Wyoming, but her hair cut came from New York. Now that is an episode of CSI I would watch.

Later than night Jess returns home to find Sam luring in the bushes. He was all set to beg her to support him publicly but is convinced that her presence at Eve Simpson’s “suffragette rally” (ugh) means she’ll be supporting Eve. When JB assures him she’s not supporting anyone he flips and accuses her of running against him. Meanwhile, across town, a shadowy figure has just climbed through the window into Annie May’s hotel room and shot her, because it’s Murder She WROTE not Murder She ELECTED.

JB is woken with the news of Annie May’s death by Howard and Ebeneezer who see it as proof she should run. JB tells them to cool their jets and goes to see Sam to try and get to the bottom of it all. Sam swears up and down he had never seen Annie May before or the kids and tells the sheriff the same thing when he pops around. Outside, the Sheriff tells JB that they found an envelope with two grand in it on the nightstand, which JB thinks is ridiculous. Surely with that kind of money she would have locked the window.

The sheriff says that everyone who’s stayed at that hotel knows the windows don’t lock.


heh heh heh

heh heh heh

Jess still has a funny feeling about that photo and after awhile it comes to her – it’s from a clothes catalog. Mort is now even more confused – there’s no Annie May Chapman in Wyoming, Casper or otherwise. JB suggests the modelling agency behind the catalog might have more information. Meanwhile Milton comes into the sheriff’s office demanding the killer be caught immediately – this sort of thing might bring down a congressional candidate but it’s only making Sam look interesting.

Leaving the Sheriff to mull it all over, Jess goes update Seth on recent developments but he’s way ahead of her – Corinne from Loretta’s Beauty Parlour has a) sprained her ankle and b)news/gossip about the killer. They take her down to see Mort, where she confesses she’s only heard the news second hand, but word is a man was seen going into Annie May’s room the night she died. And it wasn’t Sam. She’s reluctant to admit where she heard the gossup but finally admits she overheard Ideal Malloy talking about it in the grocers.

This is not good news for Mort, who is convinced Ideal is in love with him, so he takes Jessica along for support. Ideal tells them she actually heard it from Eve, but when they catch up with her on the campaign trail she tells them she actually heard about it from Loretta. They go to see Loretta, busy styling Phyllis’s hair and she tells them Phyllis told her that morning, but Phyllis says she only heard it from Ideal. Ideal looks up from her magazine and says that that hotel was the last place you’d expect to see Horton Thayer.

“But why didn’t you just tell us earlier?” Asks JB.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a gossip.” Says Ideal.

I am going to miss Ideal

I am going to miss Ideal

Jess and the Sheriff go to visit Horton Thayer at home, where he confesses to hiring Annie May aka his former mistress Anne Mitchell to pose as Sam’s mistress to swing the election Milton’s way thereby making it easier to buy up the land (with his attorney the mysterious Bill Vernon) and start paving paradise. He went to the hotel that night to give Annie/Anne more money but he swears he didn’t kill her.

Mort doesn’t care and arrests him anyway, but Jess is unconvinced especially when Winifred comes banging into the Sheriff’s office demanding to know what Horton’s motive was since he never even knew Anne Mitchell.


Well that's not a surprise.

Well that’s not a surprise.

What also isn’t a surprise is the election results, which Loretta delivers to JB and Seth while they’re out on their morning constitutional the next day:

Eve Simpson: 6 votes.

Milton Overguard: 19 votes

Which can only mean one thing…

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

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