Home

S05E18 – Truck Stop

Leave a comment

JB is on the road this week Fletcherfans, and has holed up at a truck stop in California. The reasons for this will become clear (hopefully – I fell asleep watching this episode during the week so today will be an adventure for everyone).  Right now, someone called Walter Murray has just been shot and gone back to his hotel room to make a noir audiobook about his imminent demise. Which is what most people do, clearly.

A short time later, Sheriff Tugman appears, fondles the front wheel of Walter’s car and hollers for Walter to open up. This brings Jessica out of her slumber and she arrives to find out just what’s the deal. The sheriff tells her that Walter is a dangerous criminal.

“Dangerous? He’s a writer, you can reason with writers!” (Life Lesson #57).

JB convinces the sheriff not to crash in all guns blazing and just open the door, and find Walter’s body slumped in the chair. JB is perplexed as to why Walter chose to make a book-on-tape instead of seeking help, but nevertheless she and the sheriff settle in to listen to the audiobook.

Right off the bat, the motive for Walter’s murder becomes clear – he thinks he is living in a film noir movie, and narrates everything accordingly. In any case, the story begins with he and JB driving from Vegas to Los Angeles (despite JB’s request that they fly), and as they detour off the interstate he outlines the opening scene for the movie.

“A guy plants a smacker on a girl. She slaps him. He kisses her again, she likes it. But as their lips are suctioned together, she pulls a gun out of her purse. He grabs her hand. The gun goes off.”

I AM GOING TO MAKE AN OCTOPUS FILM NOIR CALLED THE BIG INK AND I WILL WIN ALL THE OSCARS AND MORTALS WILL KNEEL BEFORE MY GREATNESS

I AM GOING TO MAKE AN OCTOPUS FILM NOIR CALLED THE BIG INK AND I WILL WIN ALL THE OSCARS AND MORTALS WILL KNEEL BEFORE MY GREATNESS

Jessica points out that octopuses making out and pulling guns on each other is not a scene from her book and Walter tells her he’s there to adapt the essence of her book. I’m almost positive Stephen King and Stanley Kubrick had this exact conversation when making The Shining, a film that remains the scariest film ever conceived by humans (closely followed by The Babadook – anyone who makes Babadook noises near me for the next ever is going to feel my wrath).

Wait, I’m getting off track. Anyway, they pull up at a truck stop, and Walter decides he’s starving and goes into the diner. “There she was – a little the worse for wear but still a hot cup of coffee to a thirsty guy like me.”

I don't think JB is enjoying being in a film noir

I don’t think JB is enjoying being in a film noir

The cup of coffee in question is  Vera Gerakakis, waitress and co-owner of the diner along with her husband Peter, who is basically fed up with everything. Down the other end of the bar a random hobo is kicking back and wondering if Vera was from the south, she seems so familiar. A bike pulls up outside, on which rides Vera’s daughter and her boyfriend Desmond. Flora comes in to get some money out of the till, to which Peter offers to give her a swift kick in the backside and she takes off on the back of the bike again.

Walter watches her drive off into the sunset then realises he left his wallet in the car. On his return to the diner Sheriff Tugman is receiving his dinner order from Vera. “You sure know how to make a man happy baby,” says the Sheriff.

“From the appearance of your girth, one can only surmise that you must be ecstatic.” Says the hobo.

Tugman is not amused.

Tugman is not amused.

Tugman gets all up in the hobo’s grill when the hobo says Tugman had put on weight since the last time they met, and he goes to flee, but passes out. Vera thinks he must be hungry. “I was hungry too – a different kind of hungry,” narrates Walter.

Ugh, Walter needs to calm down.

Ugh, Walter needs to calm down.

Jess has a quiet word with Walter and demands they hit the road. Walter points out it will be dark soon but JB is done. Alas, when they get to the car, it is mysteriously not working. Roscoe the mechanic sticks his head in and offers to take a look at it.

The audiobook skips ahead to the return of Flora on the motorbike but JB calls timeout because she’s just remembered something. She was going to talk to Walter, having second thoughts about the octopus-centric nature of his script, when she spies Roscoe lurking outside Walter’s door. He tells her he’s out for a walk. JB asks him about the car, since she’d hoped he’d be able to fix it that night.

“So do I.” He muttered and wandered off.

When JB went in to see Walter, he was with Vera. Vera was crying and Walter looked distracted, like he’d been told something surprising. WHAT ON EARTH COULD IT POSSIBLY BE I WONDER.

Flora and her boyfriend Grange reappear on the bike. Pete goes nuts and slaps his daughter for being a tramp like her mother, Grange punches Pete a couple of times, everyone wins. Later that night, Walter was out narrating to himself when he heard banging from the garage. He checks it out and finds Pete smashing up his car. Pete goes after him with a tyre iron, drops it and goes for the wrench. Walter grabs the tire iron and clocks Pete with it, killing him. This is the worst game of Cluedo ever.

JB and Tugman continue the tape (although if you watch carefully, when Tugman presses play you can’t see the tape winding. Yes I know all about tapes).  “So there I was, a still on my hands, and a damned heavy one too,” says Walter.

I'M NOT LAUGHING SHUSH

I’M NOT LAUGHING SHUSH

Walter decides to make Pete’s death look like an accident, by lowering the car lift onto his body. “And it would have worked too, if that busybody Fletcher dame hadn’t stuck her nose in it…”

Damn straight.

Damn straight.

Tugman endorses this development.

Tugman endorses this development.

“…that lard-bottomed lawman would have bought the whole scheme.”

Poor Tugman.

Poor Tugman.

JB is on the case and straight away sees it’s murder. Tugman immediately jumps to conclusions and decides it’s Grange, Flora’s bikie boyfriend. This gives Walter an idea and when he sees Grange drop one of his bike gloves on his way in to get Flora, he pounces. He grabs the glove and leaves it in the garage, knowing that it won’t be hard to get Tugman to go back to search the garage again. Tugman plays his part and arrests Grange, while being beat up by Flora.

Later that night Flora goes to pay Walter a visit to apologise for suggesting Walter and Vera were getting it on, and to ask for a ride to LA. Walter refuses, saying she’s better off staying with her mother. Flora tells him her bags are packed, and if he won’t help her she’ll find another way. Vera comes rushing out of the next room to stop her – Flora tells her she hates her and isn’t going to get stuck in this crappy town like her mother.

After being harangued by JB Walter goes to find out how long til the car is fixed. He finds out that Roscoe and Pete were in the service together, and that Pete wasn’t too pleased that Roscoe liked Vera. Roscoe informs Walter that someone disconnected the fuel line on his car, which seems like someone wanted to stay in town and get something done. He also knows that gloves don’t just walk int garages – they need a hand. OH THE LOLZ.

Since it was clear Roscoe wanted Walter to pay him off and get out of town, Walter hatches a plan to solve all his problems. He decides to plant the murder weapon at Roscoes, kill him and make it look like self defence. Alas, it didn’t go according to plan, and Roscoe and Walter end up shooting each other.

And there, the audiobook ends. Tugman and JB confirm that Roscoe is dead, but JB is not convinced by Walter’s confession. She cannot understand why he didn’t come to her after he’d been shot. Tugman grudgingly agrees to get caliber and fingerprint tests, but as far as he’s concerned they’ve got his favourite kind of killer – a dead one.

JB investigates Walter’s room but the police have taken everything. Vera appears to tidy up, and she’s devastated that after all these years he’s gone. JB tells her she thinks it’s not a coincidence that she and Walter came to the trucksop. Flora turns up and is shocked to learn a) that Walter is dead and b) that he confessed to killing Pete and Roscoe. She goes off to find out from Tugman when he’s releasing Grange but he tells her that he already has and Grange has gotten the hell out of Dodge. The hobo reappears and says the sheriff would know all about it, and Tugman goes nuts again. JB asks him if he found the envelope Walter was consulting on their drive over but it’s nowhere to be found. Jessica is convinced Walter lied, but Tugman won’t have a bar of it – besides the gun shot residue on Walter’s hands confirms that at he killed Roscoe.

Jess finds the hobo (it turns out his name is Desmond) in the diner and asks him how he knows so much about Tugman. Before she can get a straight answer a man comes in and introduces himself as Terence Locke, life insurance. He asks for Vera who comes out of the kitchen and tells him it’s not a good time to be selling life insurance to her. He tells her he’s here to settle up Pete’s life insurance – $250,000, as per her phone call the previous day, an hour after Pete had been found dead.

JB shows him the crime scene and shows him the report of Pete’s injuries – they don’t match the way Walter said it went down on the tape. Terence agrees that it was murder, and that it would appear someone hit him from behind but with not enough force to kill him. Terence comes clean about a fact he’s been withholding – Vera isn’t the beneficiary of Pete’s policy, Flora is.

As they drive over to the hotel where Flora lives with her mother, JB explains that she’s almost certain that Flora is Walter’s daughter, not Pete’s, and she thinks she has a way to prove whether or not Flora killed Pete to stop him changing his life insurance policy away from her.

JB pays a visit to Flora, who is preparing to get the hell out, and passes on her condolences about the death of her father…and also the death of Pete. Flora tells her she only found out a half hour earlier from her mother. She asks JB how she’s getting back to LA and whether she can get a lift. JB says she’ll see what she can do. Meanwhile, Terence is giving Vera papers to sign. She’s surprised to learn that Flora is the beneficiary of the policy, but says she’s glad Pete thought of her. Terence (clearly under instruction from JB) tells Vera she made a mistake, that she forgot to destroy the letter she sent Walter. She tells him if he doesn’t leave she will call his company and threaten law suits until he is fired. She leaves, rushes back to her room to find the letter and burn it.

Well there it is.

Surprise!

Surprise!

Vera killed Pete, got Walter to cover it up and kill Roscoe. And in the end the insurance money wasn’t even hers. What I’m trying to say is that this episode absolutely needed more octopuses.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a movie to make.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a movie to make.

 

S05E17 – Alma Murder

Leave a comment

Apologies for the delay Fletcherfans. I’ve been struck down with illness this week, according to Wikipedia it used to be known as Devil’s Grippe so I’ve spent this week living in an episode of Scooby Doo.

JB is chilling at home this week Fletcherfans, dealing with some house troubles. Local handyman Hank Prewitt has just diagnosed dry rot and corroded plumbing – “course I’m only talking about the house you understand.”

The hell does he think he's talking to?

The hell does he think he’s talking to?

JB is not pleased with this news – there seems to be always something going on with the house. Hank asks her if she’d ever consider moving and she says she hadn’t until this year – the house is big and she’s never there and maybe it’s time.

THIS CANNOT BE!

Hank goes off to go about his Hank business, and JB gets a phone call from her sorority sister Emily Dwyers with some bad news -their favourite professor, Leon Walker has just been arrested for murder.

Of course he has.

Jess jumps on the first (tiny) plane to Green Falls, where she is met by another sorority sister (and Leon’s assistant), Margaret, who gives her a lift back to the house. On the way JB tells Margaret she can’t believe the murder charge against Leon and Margaret tells her that she didn’t know Rhonda Sykes – she’d drive anyone to murder. You know, she’s the kind of girl who gives tramps a bad name.

b2

Ah gossip. The only global currency.

 

Apparently this Rhonda Sykes was willing to do anything to get her degree, except study. Magaret drops JB at the police station and tells her to tell Leon they won’t let him down. Inside, Jess isn’t the only one demanding to see Professor Walker. A young man demands to see Leon and refuses to leave until he does, but when the cop shrugs and says “Suit yourself,” the young woman goes to leave. When the young man wants to stay she says “I don’t see we have a choice and I’m not going to stand here and fight about it.” Meekly, he follows her out.

JB tries her luck but the cop tells her that Leon specifically said no visitors. She asks him to let Leon know she’s here, since she’s flown all the way from Maine after all. He agrees to see her but tells her he’s sorry she came all this way for nothing. He killed Rhonda Sykes. Jess refuses to believe it but Leon says he was lonely after his wife Martha died, he took up with Rhonda but broke it off when he realised what a fool he was being. The previous night, Rhonda called him to say she would expose their affair unless he paid her a big sum of money. He told her he didn’t have the money, she flipped out and came at him with an ashtray so he conked her on the head with a candlestick.

“I see,” Says Jess. And what proof did she have that she was able to blackmail him?

Letters, says Leon. “But I burned them and rinsed them down the drain”.

Jessica finds the whole thing suspicious and says so. She doesn’t think Leon killed anyone, in self-defence or otherwise. Leon says that’s absurd, why would he make up such a thing. Jess says she doesn’t know, but she wishes she did.

JB goes to see the D.A but is informed by his secretary that he’s busy for the rest of the afternoon. She decides to wait and is stunned when her former boyfriend Paul Robbins walks in. He asks her what she’s doing there and she says same thing as him, presumably – talk to the DA about Leon’s case but she’s having trouble getting in. Paul smiles and tells his secretary to cancel his 2 o’clock appointment YOU GUYS PAUL IS THE DA.

Fun fact: it's really weird if you do a freeze frame laugh in real life, but still worth it.

Pro tip: it’s really weird if you do a freeze frame laugh in real life, but still worth it.

Paul tells her he has no choice but to prosecute – Rhonda was killed between ten and eleven the night before from a blow to the head that Leon says he delivered. Jess still won’t believe it and wonders if there is something the police might have overlooked that she and Leon might spot. Leon says it’s highly unorthodox and Jess bats her eyelashes and says “So were you once.”

Naturally Paul agrees so they go hunting for clues at Rhonda’s apartment. Jess is already suspicious – the apartment is full of expensive doodads (a double tape deck stereo oh my) and the wardrobe is full of fur coats and fancy gowns, something that just doesn’t seem possible for a student studying on a financial hardship scholarship. JB notices the drawer of the filing cabinet has been forced open and Paul tells her it was noted in the police report, and that only Rhonda’s prints were found on it. Inside they find a file of exam papers with D- on them, but not one from Leon’s class. Paul assumes Leon took it with him but JB points out they would have found it on him, and it didn’t make sense for Leon to destroy it. Paul promises to follow it up and drops Jess off at the sorority house with the promise of dinner that night.

Emily meets Jess and notices just how like old times it is, being dropped off by Paul Robbins. She doesn’t know if she can forgive Paul for what’s happening to Leon but Jess says it’s just his job. Emily also can’t understand how Leon ever knew Rhonda, who it turned out lived at the sorority house during her undergraduate degree, until the accident the previous spring. Rhonda had asked the fiancée of one of the other girls in the house to drive her home from the April Fools Dance, but there was an accident on the way home and while Rhonda escaped without a scratch, but the boy died. Rhonda, we find out through cunning use of flashbacks, was trying to milk the insurance company for as much as she could and tells the guy’s fiancée he died in her arms. What the hell Rhonda?! Emily takes this as the excuse she needs to kick Rhonda out of the house.

Jess asks Emily if Rhonda got a large settlement from the insurance company and Emily delightedly says no. She didn’t see Rhonda again until she happened to be in Boston one night and saw Rhonda in a restaurant, dressed up like a movie star. They are on their way inside when the guy from the police station pops up. His name is Steve Chambers, and is the son of one of Emily and Jess’s sorority sisters who ran off and eloped during college and came back with a baby. Jess, looking at a baby photo of Steve with his mother, says he looks just like his mother, although she never met his father. Steve says he didn’t either, apparently he died in Korea before Steve was born. His mother died in Steve’s junior year at Harrison College and his scholarship was going to be revoked if it weren’t for a certain professor we all know and love. Steve’s wife Karen – the girl from the police station – appears, it turns out she’s a sister as well. JB asks her if she knew Rhonda and she says not really, Rhonda didn’t get friendly with anyone who couldn’t help her with her grades.

That night JB goes to dinner with Paul. In between remembering ghosts of dinners past, Paul shows her what the police found on Leon the night they arrested him. Jess notices a small fragment of photo tucked in Leon’s wallet. It’s the same photo Steve showed Jess earlier that day – the picture of him as a baby. The next day Jess confronts Leon and he reluctantly comes clean – he had an affair with Kathy Hampton, she got preggers and went off to have Steve. He begged her to come back but she only did so on the condition that their affair was over and that Steve wasn’t to be told the truth. He begs Jess to keep his secret but Jess is more concerned with other things, like if Steve killed Rhonda. Leon flips out, saying he was the one who killed Rhonda and that he’ll swear to it in any court JB can name.

The next day JB is helping Karen fluff cushions and trying to sneakily find out if Rhonda was in one of Steve’s classes, but Karen comes right out and tells her yes. Ahahahahah I’ve finally worked out who Karen is, she was in that terrible soap opera Passions! Ahahahahaha. Anyway, JB notes that Rhonda, crap student that she was, got a B for Steve’s class and Karen tells her to draw her own conclusion. Emily appears with the promise of sugar cake later that afternoon but Karen declines and goes to air mattresses. Emily tells JB that Karen has been acting funny lately, and on Monday completely ignored Emily when they were both pulled up at the lights. JB thinks thats odd, since Karen had just said she and Steve hadn’t been out in weeks. A phone call from Paul brings bad news – he’s upping the charges against Leon to murder one, as it turns out Leon put the letter opener found in Rhonda’s hand there to make it look like self defence. JB is adamant that he’s covering for someone but Paul’s hands are tied.

Jess goes to see Steve, who is aghast to learn that Leon isn’t trying to defend himself. “Mrs Fletcher there’s something you should know,” he says. “Leon didn’t kill Rhonda, I did.”

Thank you captain obvious.

Thank you captain obvious.

JB takes him down to the police station where he tells them the tale. Karen had walked out on him when he turned down a highpaying advertising gig in New York. He was down, and Rhonda had been hitting on him all semester. and so…you see where this is going.  When Karen reappeared he tried to break it off but Rhonda told him she’d tell Karen if he stopped seeing her so he kept going until at last he went round there to sort it out. Rhonda told him to leave his wife and quit his job, she had a gold mine after the accident and that would pay for everything. He says no and tries to leave but she comes after him with a candlestick so he shoves her and she falls and hits her head. He took off, drove around for half an hour then called Leon who said he’d go and check on Rhonda, that he was sure she was only passed out. It wasn’t until the next day that he found out Leon had been arrested. He swears he never would have let Leon go to jail, he just didn’t have the balls nerve to come clean until now.

Paul tells Jess the charges against Leon will be dropped and reinstated on Steve. Jess still thinks there are puzzling things about the whole business, like why the body wasn’t where Steve said he left it. Jess spots Leon leaving the police station and runs after him but he’s furious. She tells him there are still some unanswered questions and asks him what time he got to Rhonda’s. He says about eleven, he left straight after getting the call from Steve and it took him fifteen minutes to get there. Jess figures Steve left Rhonda’s at about 10:15pm, which meant there were 45 minutes in which anything could have happened. And then there was the question of this secret goldmine Rhonda told Steve about.

Jess and Paul go back to Rhonda’s apartment, where Jess has a suspicion about Rhonda’s gold mine. A quick look behind one of the paintings reveals a photograph of a smashed up car, dated the day after the accident. Paul doesn’t get it, but JB says Rhonda and the dead guy were in a sports car, not a sedan, so it made no sense. Paul said he’d run the plate and JB takes off back to the sorority for tea and cake with Emily and Margaret. Pulling up outside the sorority house, however, JB catches sight of a familiar looking license plate – it’s Margaret’s car.

JB takes Margaret to a diner, where she comes clean. She was coming home from an alumni dinner, she was drunk she hit the sports car. Rhonda saw her and called her the next morning demanding compensation for her silence. But not money – Rhonda wanted good grades and letters of recommendation, not money.

I think Jess is over this episode as much as I am

I think Jess is over this episode as much as I am

JB thinks there’s something Margaret isn’t telling her. She wasn’t the one driving that night. Someone else was driving the car, and it was someone Rhonda recognised.

Jess goes back to Rhonda’s apartment and checks the last number dialled.

Confirmation sigh.

Confirmation sigh.

You guessed it. (I didn’t. I am stricken with the devil’s grippe after all)

Also EX-BOYFRIEND OF DEATH

Also EX-BOYFRIEND OF DEATH

Paul was the source of all Rhonda’s money. She called him because she wanted Paul prosecuted for hitting her, but instead Paul killed her.

And on that note I’m going back to sleep.

Later gang!

Later gang!

 

 

 

 

 

S05E16 – From Russia…With Blood

1 Comment

Zdravstvuyte Fletcherfans – JB is on the road again, this time in Moscow as part of a cultural arts exchange where she is single handedly ending the Cold War and also wearing a hat while sitting on a statue with Sergei Chaloff aka Fox Mulder’s Dad.

DAT HAT

DAT HAT

That night, a lavish dinner is thrown to celebrate the success of the exchange and for general crapulence wallowing. Sidenote: LOOK!

Basically James Bond

Basically James Bond

While JB scoffs down Russian caviar (until she is informed by her new friend journalist Bert Firman that it’s actually from Iran), Duckie Cyril Grantham introduces Sergei to his friend Peggy Brooks who has recently decided she wants to be a literary agent and is on the hunt for some Russian talent. As the evening progresses Cultural Minister Melnikov toasts Sergei as he prepares to fly to London and on to America.

Ah Comrade Vodka, you fickle fickle friend.

Ah Comrade Vodka, you fickle fickle friend. (Sidenote, Melinkov is also Picard’s brother in an episode of Star Trek TNG, and probably other things)

After the toast, one of Melinkov’s minions signals to him and he goes out into the foyer, completely bypassing the security checkpoint because his friend Comrade Vodka told him it was okay. His minion informs him that Peggy Brooks had previously been kicked out of Russia for ‘irregularities’ in her import/export business and Melinkov demands the minion find out how Peggy imported herself onto the guest list before he exports said minion to Vladivostok. Meanwhile, Sergei is busy with his sightseeing plans in America until he catches sight of a waiter and he goes pale. He quickly recovers, although not before knocking Jess’s bag over and pointing out Mrs Gorbachev’s dress. He escorts Jess out onto the dance floor for a turn, but she still notices the mysterious waiter grabbing her purse and shouts for someone to stop him. He legs it out of the room, followed by Jess and a couple of guards, but ends up shot on the ground by the time Jess reaches him. The guards order her back to the party and her journalist friend escorts her back.

The Russian 5-0 arrive in the form of Chief Inspector Bernicker, who takes the matter in hand. He tells Cyril and Peggy they can leave when he is done, and asks JB to check her purse to make sure nothing is missing. JB’s inspection reveals that she has more in her purse than she started out with, namely a film cannister. Bernicker opens it and shows it to her – it’s a roll of microfilm. Man, remember microfilm? JB tells him she has no idea where it came from and he tells her that her stay in Russia has been extended. Down at his office Bernicker tells JB that since the other other person who can say with any certainty what happened is dead in a box, he is forced to question her. They are soon joined by KGB agent Alexandrov, who claims jurisdiction over the whole business as Sergei was a potential defector/troublemaker from way back. JB is permitted to go back to her hotel, leaving Alexandrov and Bernicker to view the microfilm – a manuscript written by the recently deceased Anton, a friend of Sergei’s, but it makes no sense. Spoiler: the funeral was actually at the start of the episode and the dead waiter was there too but I was so busy belting out James Bond theme music that I forgot to mention it.

The next day JB goes to the embassy for help getting a new passport and finds men sweeping the room for bugs and an under-secretary distinctly put out about not being invited to the dinner the night before. She discovers that she’s left her glasses at the reception and goes back to the hotel to track them down. While there, she bumps into Minister Melnikov who asks her how she’s getting on in her dealings with the militia, saying that he has not escaped their notice either – the KGB paid him a visit earlier that day to get files on the dead waiter. He puts a call in to Bernicker and Alexandrov, who are in the middle of questioning Sergei, and Bernicker tells Melnikov he believes JB to be an innocent bystander and that her passport will be returned. He’s in a better mood now that Sergei has confessed to putting the micofilm in the bag, but annoyed that Sergei swears he doesn’t know what is on the film.

Speaking of James Bond music though…

e2

f2

g2

And the winner for Best Textual Representation of the James Bond Theme goes to ME. ALWAYS ME. ME FOREVER.

And the winner for Best Textual Representation of the James Bond Theme goes to ME. ALWAYS ME. ME FOREVER.

While I’ve just proven that I might be a bigger lunatic genius than I previously thought, JB has just proven to herself (and also us) that the waiter wasn’t shot by the two guards but in fact shot by a third gunman, grassy knoll style. She calls Bernicker to tell her of her discovery and he is delighted, saying she’s just cleared up something that had been troubling him.

Hands up who only knows the Russian word for thank you from that episode of Sex and the City?

Hands up who only knows the Russian word for thank you from that episode of Sex and the City?

Back in his office Bernicker tells her that the autopsy report confirms her theory. Alexandrov informs her that Sergei has confessed to putting the microfilm in her purse and has been arrested. JB is determined to track him down but they won’t help and neither will the American embassy. Fortunately, she runs into Duckie Cyril in the lobby of her hotel and he volunteers to make some calls. He is the cultural attache after all, although he made me think of something else as you can see:

Ugh I just creeped myself out a bit

Ugh I just creeped myself out a bit

Cyril comes through and takes JB to see Sergei in his cell. He tells her that he did put the film in her bag, he recognised the waiter as a KGB agent from Anton’s funeral and tried to get his friend’s manuscript out. He also tells her that he has no alibi for the shooting – he followed her but got lost in the corridors.

Finding Cyril is the extent to which Cyril wants to help, so JB manages to enlist the assistance of Bert Firman who reluctantly agrees. They go to see Alexandrov who refuses to admit the dead waiter was KGB, and instead throws them out. JB smells a rat, and under the guise of forgetting her handbag returns to Alexandrov’s office to find Cyril nattering away in Russian. She tries to convince Alexandrov to take another look at the dead waiter’s files but he tells her that he hasn’t had a first look – victim is homicide area, not KGB.

A wild goose chase in the air, JB goes to see Bernicker who confirms Cyril is a double agent, working for both British and Russian secret service, but tells her he doesn’t have the files either, as employment records belong to KGB. JB has an inkling of an idea about who is behind all this but gets everyone together to look at Anton’s manuscript one last time. This time, they crack the code, and have all the information they need to nail the killer.

I'm so relieved it's not Duckie of Death

I’m so relieved it’s not Duckie of Death

It turns out that back in the War, Melnikov collaborated with the Nazis. Anton put it all in his manuscript, and Melnikov found out about it, and hired the waiter (who wasn’t KGB after all) to steal it.

With Sergei off the hook JB decides to return home, a a little micro gift from Bernicker in her pocket. Yeah justice!

Do svidan'ya Fletcherfans!

Do svidan’ya Fletcherfans!

 

 

S05E15 – Fire Burn, Cauldron Bubble

2 Comments

It is a dark and stormy night in Cabot Cove Fletcherfans, and Seth is out on a house-call to see Agnes Finney. When no one answers the door, however, Seth is set to pack it in for the night when he hears a voice across the yard. He turns and sees a girl dressed as a pilgrim kneeling at a stump (which is apparently called a witches stump) muttering a spell to curse her enemies. Seth attempts to sneak up on the girl but a careless branch snap gives him away and the girl runs off into the night, leaving behind a pentagram and some herbs in a jar.

Naturally there is only one person who can make sense of such events.

Where were they again?

Where were they again?

JB’s friend Harriet knows exactly what’s going on – it’s the ghost of Patience Tarhune, and goes off to inform the garden club immediately. It turns out that the day after tomorrow marks 300 years since Patience was executed for being a witch, and apparently the ghost of Patience has been seen out and about for weeks. Seth wants to argue the point but realises that would delay his dinner, and so shuts up.

The next day Jess comes across Sheriff Metzger, in a crochetty mood. The press have caught wind of Patience Tarhune and are looking for information. He shows Jess what he collected from the witches stump but Jess cannot detect any clues. She continues on to the Cabot Cove library to return some books and runs into librarian Mildred Tarhune, convenient descendant of Patience Tarhune. She’s been fielding calls all morning from people concerned her dead relative was staging a comeback. She tells Jess her fiance Adam has had enough, and thinks that they should go away travelling after the wedding, thanks to her late uncle leaving her an apple farm. The proceeds from that should pay for a nice honeymoon.

Suddenly they are joined by two men, Gordon Fairchild and Rick Rivers. And Fletcherfans, I was unprepared.

THAT. HAIR. IS. WHAT.

THAT. HAIR. IS. WHAT. (Also insert Planet of the Apes joke here)

Fun fact: I once had a boss who was mad obsessed with Bill Maher. She was terrifying beyond all reason. And so concludes everything I know about Bill Maher. Except that one time he pissed off Batfleck, and everyone knows you don’t piss off Batfleck.

Gordon Fairchild, it turns out has written a book on Patience Tarhune, with the assistance of Mildred, which is coming out on the anniversary of her death. As soon as he heard about the ghost of Patience Tarhune putting in an appearance he hotfooted it over to Cabot Cove with his media advisor Rick Rivers. He says all of this while completely blanking JB, who it seems is not on Fairchild’s radar.

Bad move, Fairchild.

Bad move, Fairchild.

While Fairchild blows his own trumpet, Rick apologises to JB for his behaviour, saying he’s crazed about the book’s release. Fairchild decides he wants to talk to Seth about what he saw at the witches stump and flounces out. Later, Rick is back at his hotel room trying to drum up media interest in the book when Gordon flounces in again, demanding to know when the media will be arriving. Rick promises Gordon he will be up to his neck in media by the next day, the anniversary itself. I think that’s what he said. I couldn’t hear him over his hair.

That night as a mysterious woman arrives in town, Jess,Seth, Mildred and Adam are preparing to go to the Garden Club dinner at the hall and are discussing the story of Patience Tarhune and complimenting the new blue hallway. Oh crap, I just realised Mildred is the mum from ET. Anyway, they are just about to leave when there is a knock at the door. Mildred answers – it’s a woman. Apparently it’s her sister Irene. She can hardly believe it and neither can Seth – Irene is also the ghost of Patience Tarhune.

*DUN DUN DUN*

They all sit down to talk. Apparently Irene was given to her mother’s sister to take care off, as Mildred and Irene’s mother was dying when she had the baby. She asks about a story she heard when she was a kid, about having a witch in the family, and Seth says “funny you should bring that up.” JB asks her what brought her back to Cabot Cove now at this particular time and she says she doesn’t really know how to explain it, she just felt she had to. MYSTERIOUS.

Despite the sudden arrival of a long lost sister, no one can miss the call of the Garden Club casserole dinner, and Seth and JB discuss the news with Reverend Fordyce, who is stunned that Patience Tarhune is possessing Irene. Seth tells him that’s not what he’s saying. A guy wandering past overhears their discussion and tells them she couldn’t have been the witch – he picked her up earlier that evening, and she told him she’d flown up from Arizona that morning. At home that night, Mildred catches Irene sleepwalking, a candle and a fistful of herbs in her hand. She tells Jess about it the next morning, but Jess her not to worry about it, people sleepwalk for lots of reasons.

“With a lighted candle and bunch of herbs used in satanic rites?” Mildred is sceptical.

Once when I was in Thailand on holiday my friend swears I was counting down in a foreign language in my sleep and when I stopped someone knocked on the door. MAYBE I'M A WITCH I AM GOING TO SMITE SOMEONE AND SEE

Once when I was in Thailand on holiday my friend swears I was counting down in a foreign language in my sleep and when I stopped someone knocked on the door. MAYBE I’M A WITCH I AM GOING TO SMITE SOMEONE AND SEE

Wait do witches even smite? They curse things…but I’m more of a smiter , so we’ll go with that.

Anyway.

The next day JB pops in to see the Sheriff, who is dealing with Gordon Fairchild. He reluctantly agrees to let Gordon look at the things recovered from the witches stump, and while he finds them Gordon apologises to JB for his rudeness the day before. He simply didn’t know she was Somebody.

“In Cabot Cove it’s quite permissible to be polite to nobodies.” Says JB and goes to wait for the Sheriff.

I must confess my knowledge of Planet of the Apes is minimal. My knowledge of Planet of the Apes: The Musical however is profound #youllnevermakeamonkeyoutofmeeee

I must confess my knowledge of Planet of the Apes is minimal. My knowledge of Planet of the Apes: The Musical however is profound #youllnevermakeamonkeyoutofme

Mort tells JB that he contacted the airlines like she suggested, and that Irene’s story checks out – Irene flew from Tucson to Boston.

“Or someone pretending to be Irene did.” JB said. Her suspicious radar is going off the charts.

Gordon reappears to thank Mort for letting him look at the evidence. He points out that one of the figures etched on the clay is Inebrius, the most evil of the demon spirits, usually summoned to bring death to relatives, especially siblings. Jess asks him if he really believes Mildred is in danger, and he says what he believes doesn’t matter.

I think I once had an inebrius cocktail in Thailand. I felt like death the next day :O

I think I once had an Inebrius cocktail in Thailand. I felt like death the next day :O

Deputy Floyd gets a phone call and tells the sheriff and JB there’s some sort of ceremony happening at the witch’s stump outside Agnes Finney’s house. When they arrive an exorcism is underway, being conducted by Wormtongue from Lord of the Rings. Unfortunately for all concerned the exorcism is put off due to incessant talking, a woman taking a photo, and the fact that the reverend did not inform Everett Overman of the amount of spirits brought forth by Irene. JB steps in before she can be lynched. Jonas the taxi driver tells her that Irene has been having dreams about the town for years. Jess tells Irene privately she’d hate to see Mildred get hurt or disappointed.

Back at the hotel Gordon is  raging at Rick about the lack of book sales and the level of media coverage compared to the exorcism that wasn’t, but Rick tells him to calm down. He’s got a plan that will knock everyone’s socks off, including Gordon’s. He then gets a phone call from a mysterious caller, which he flips out about, saying “She’s backing out on us.”

Later that night, Jess’s sleuthing has turned up a clue – Agnes Finney has been in Pittsburgh for a week, and couldn’t have called Seth for a housecall. Jess thinks it was a lure to get him to see what he saw, but she’s not sure why. She gets a phone call herself, and learns that Patience’s ghost has been seen near the barn belonging to Simon Greeley. Seth and JB head over there just in time to see the “ghost” of Patience Tarhune run into the barn. Seconds later, it catches fire, but not before the ghost has time to belt out an appropriate musical number.

The thought of Bill Maher in pilgrim drag singing a Bangles song is going to get me through the winter months.

The thought of Bill Maher in witch drag singing a Bangles song is going to get me through the winter months.

After the fire is extinguished they set to looking for clues but don’t have any success. JB asks Mort if he’s checked the root cellar and he says “Check it? I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s a cellar where they keep roots.” Says Seth.

ha

Seth you are such a smart arse.

Seth you are such a smart arse.

They quickly locate the trapdoor, open it, and discover the body of Irene. Oh yeah, MURDER she wrote.

The coroner’s findings reveal that Irene was murdered between 11am and 3pm, meaning she couldn’t have been Patience’s ghost. JB thinks Irene was definitely the first ghost, but not the second. Seth tells them that blue paint was found on the body.

Over at the hotel Rick is preparing to leave town, not wanting to be found an accomplice to murder, but Gordon tells him if he leaves he won’t get a cent of the book’s profits. Rick tells Gordon that he’d better hope that no one finds out who Irene really is.

While Doctor Overman conducts an interview saying that the Tahune girls were either victims of a curse or practitioners of the dark arts themselves, JB goes to see Mildred, who says she called Irene at around 1:30 to tell her she was adding Irene’s name to the deed on the house. Irene was so moved by this that she cried.  Adam walks in, with the Sheriff wanting to know where Mildred was at the time of the murder. She says she was at the library from open to close, and Adam agrees, saying he was there most of the day doing rewiring.

JB finds Jonas the taxi driver down by the water, looking sad. He tells her that they’d planned to spend the whole day together, but that Irene had decided she was jetlagged from the flight and wanted to sleep. This seals it for JB who goes straight to Mort but he’s just found out Dr Overman is a fraudster from way back and is off to arrest him for the murder. JB tells him that there’s no way Irene is Mildred’s sister, because you can’t get jetlag travelling from Arizona to Boston to Portland like she did. (I dunno about this, I get sleepy flying 45 minutes from Melbourne to Launceston but that might just be me). She’s convinced Irene was in the employ of Rick Rivers and Gordon Fairchild, sent to drum up publicity for the book. They are interrupted by the arrival of R L Pearson, a lawyer representing the estate of Mildred’s uncle who has come to deliver Mildred’s inheritance.

“Oh yes, the apple farm.” Says JB.

“Correction, the former apple farm.” Says RL. It’s now an industrial park and a shopping mall with an estimated value of 5,227,000. Now THAT’s a honeymoon.

They all troop down to the library to deliver the news to Mildred. It turns out that her real sister and aunt died in a flu epidemic many years earlier. RL assumed she knew, he’d sent her a letter outlining what he’d found out. Back at the station Mort is trying to goodcop/badcop Rick Rivers with Deputy Floyd, but is getting nowhere until JB arrives with the news that Rick had purchased the barn from Simon Greerley the day of the fire. Worried he was being made the fall guy Rick tells them that Irene was really Annie Gorman, an out-of-work actress employed to help promote the book. When she backed out, after feeling guilty at what she was doing to Mildred, Rick took over the role but didn’t kill her. Mort is set to arrest Gordon, but JB has suddenly remembered something and goes back to the barn to check it out. Theory confirmed, she lures the killer into her trap and catches him that night, looking for the evidence she claims he left before the police find it.

You guys, I wanted so badly for it to be RIVERS OF DEATH or BILL MAHER OF DEATH but alas it was not to be

You guys, I wanted so badly for it to be RIVERS OF DEATH or BILL MAHER OF DEATH but alas it was not to be

In a depressing twist, Adam found out about Mildred’s upcoming inheritance and decided to marry her so he could get his hands on it. Not cool dude.

But lets not dwell. Let’s instead go forth from this place thinking about Bill Maher in drag singing the back catalogue of 80s girl bands.

Until next time.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

 

 

S05E12 – Smooth Operators

4 Comments

Wait just one sec…

ABC, Always be Cumberbatchin.

ABC, Always be Cumberbatchin.

Right, where are we? Oh yes. New York this week Fletcherfans where Our Heroine is attempting to take her buddy Lieutenant Timothy Hanratty, aka Morty Seinfeld, out for brunch.

That hat though.

That hat though.

After a brief visit to Timothy’s boss/nemesis Captain Everett Larson’s office, they are off to brunch but get somewhat distracted by a dead body they spot along the way. The policeman at the scene tells them it’s just another dead hobo, but Jessica and Harry aren’t so sure. The dead guy is only wearing one shoe, and judging by the state of his socks it was removed after he died. Timothy decides he might just take a casual look into the case, receiving the wrath of Everett in the process, who refers to hobos as disposable. What a charmer. He reluctantly lets Timothy look into the matter, but unofficially. No paperwork unless there is an ID and an autopsy done that night.

Jess meets him for breakfast the next morning. Naturally he got it done and they now know who the dead guy is – Elliot Winston. Timothy is off to check out his apartment and begs Jess to come with him, because “you once said that every good writer needs a good editor, and I need a good editor”.

 

Current mood.

Current mood.

JB and Timothy roll up to Elliot’s address and meet his neighbour Grace Fenton. She is devastated to learn of Elliott’s death but refuses to believe that he drank himself to death. They were in the same AA meeting and she is vehement that he would not have relapsed. JB admits that they think Elliott’s death wasn’t accidental, and Grace is relieved. She is stunned when Timothy opens Elliot’s locked drawer to reveal it had been broken into and Elliot’s secret stash of papers are missing. JB calls Timothy over to the potplant – she’s just found an open bottle of wine. Grace still won’t believe it. (Side note, the actress playing Grace has been nominated for an Academy award twice and is also in Paul Blart Mall Cop. What a world we live in).

Timothy’s boss is furious. Despite overwhelming evidence that Elliott was a drunk who died, Timothy is still investigating the case as a murder. Larsen tells Timothy he’s over old cops ruining his life, just take an early retirement and, on seeing Jessica walk in, tells Timothy to conduct his personal life after work.

Larsen will end up Prime Minister of Australia with that attitude.

Larsen will end up Prime Minister of Australia with that attitude.

While Timothy investigates the bars and bottle shops around where Elliot was found, JB goes back to chat with Grace, who is naturally distraught about the death of her friend, as she was a bit in love with him.

 

I WANT A HUG FROM JESSICA FLETCHER MAKE THIS HAPPEN INTERNET.

I WANT A HUG FROM JESSICA FLETCHER MAKE THIS HAPPEN INTERNET.

Jessica tells her the lieutenant is determined to find out why Eliot was murdered. She asks Grace about the missing papers and Grace tells her she doesn’t know what they were, but she assumed they had something to do with Eliot’s job at the Old York hospital, a fancy private hospital for rich people where Eliot was an accountant.

Timothy and Jess compare notes – the autopsy confirms cause of death was acute alcohol poisoning. Jess is still sure it was murder and decides to go undercover to the Old York hospital to suss it out. And you know what that means, Fletcherfans – cunning use of disguise time.

Number of Zoolander references in the history of this blog - 2.

Number of Zoolander references in the history of this blog is now 2.

Jess goes in to meet her doctors, including Dr Latimer (also known as Templeton Peck from the A Team) and Dr Markle. Fun fact about Dr Markle, he was the first ever victim on Murder, She Wrote. Dr Markle says that he thinks there’s probably nothing to worry about, but Dr Lantz is concerned about some shadows on “Christine Chesterton”s gall bladder.

No time to care about that though.

That outfit is amaze.

That outfit is amaze.

Jess and Timothy go to quiz the coroner about his findings and he tells them that he thinks Elliot had been on the wagon for a lot of years before he died. He also tells them he found a cut on one of Eliot’s vocal chords, but what that means he has no idea. Back at the precinct they arrive to the news that Captain Larsen has just solved the case all by himself. He tells them it was all down to policework – a pawnbroker reported that a wino tried to hock a watch, enscribed to Eliott from Grace, and when he was picked up he had Eliot’s wallet on him too. Larsen tells him the wino even confessed but when they talk to him in the cells he tells them he admitted to stealing the watch and wallet, but that’s it. On the night of the murder, he says, he was just falling asleep when a car screams off. He notices a pair of shoes across the alley. He tries to take them but can only manage one. He realises Eliott’s dead and only has time to take the wallet and watch before he hears a noise and runs off.

Jess returns incognito to the Old York Hospital for the results of her tests and is informed by Doctors Markle and Zachary that she needs her gall bladder removed. Before she can say anything, Markle gets a phone call from Doctor Latimer, who has just spotted a book with JB’s picture on the jacket. Oh dear. Markle quickly tells JB that there was a problem with the xray film and they will need to reshoot the xrays. On her way out, after being given the all clear, JB and Dr Markle run into Dr Latimer, holding a copy of one of JB’s books.

Can't believe someone saw through her disguise.

Can’t believe someone saw through her disguise.

JB comes clean (ish) and tells them she went undercover to research a book she’s thinking of writing about Eliott’s ‘double life’ – by day a mild mannered accountant, by night a rampaging drunk! Or some such. Markle and Latimer are bemused, but let her go. JB asks if she could talk to some of Eliot’s co-workers and Markle sees no objection. Latimer tells her he always suspected Eliot would end up under a pile of newspapers somewhere. He won’t be around to help her with her book, he informs her, because he’s off on a Carribean holiday in the morning.

Jess gets a call later that afternoon inviting her to come back down to the hospital to find out more about Eliott. The receiptionist, Stephanie, gives her a tour of the hospital but Jess remains unenlightened. She asks if she can see Eliot’s office, but Stephanie tells her that all Eliot’s belongings have been packed away in the basement, and she can’t let JB down there without authorisation. Once Stephanie is called away though, JB sneaks down to the basement. Just as she finds Eliot’s file, a hand grabs her. It’s Leon the orderly, who demands to know what she’s doing down there sneaking around in the dark. Before JB can think of an answer, Stephanie reappears and tells Leon to go and get a coffee. “You don’t take no for answer do you?” Says Stephanie.

“Not when it’s the wrong answer.” Says JB.

Calls it like she sees it

Calls it like she sees it

Stephanie is mostly unhelpful but JB does manage to learn that Eliot had stumbled on to the little insurance scam Drs Latimer, Markle and Zachary had concocted. Jess tells her that if she knows something she should call the police.

The next day Timothy tells Jess that the computer dug up the histories of the Doctors of Old York and discovered that Dr Zachary was in fact a phoney. Timothy tries to get a court order out of Larsen but Larsen won’t budge. Meanwhile, JB is strolling along in the park when a man with a newspaper on his face gives Jess the epiphany she needed. She returns to the hospital to confront the killer, who tries to make a break for it but is slammed to the ground by Leon. Good job Leon.

If I'd seen an episode of the A-Team, I feel like this whole thing could have gone very differently #pitythefool

If I’d seen an episode of the A-Team, I feel like this whole thing could have gone very differently #pitythefool

Alas Eliot confided his suspicions about the insurance fraud to Doctor Latimer, who killed him and was preparing to run off to the Caribbean to avoid prosecution.

Meanwhile, while Jess has been busy solving cases, this happened:

Grace and Timothy <333333 #nawwwww

Grace and Timothy nawwww!

You know what? This is the first feel-good ending there’s been for awhile. So keep that warm and fuzzy feeling going Fletcherfans.

Later gang!

Later gang!

 

 

 

S05E11 – The Search for Peter Kerry

Leave a comment

Six months after the funeral of her friend Evelyn Kerry, Jessica is contacted by Danny Schubert, the college room mate of Evelyn’s son Peter, who has been missing the past 20 years. Danny has a plan to raise money for the St Clemen’s childrens home which Jess clearly approves of.

Oh the 80s, when smoking inside was okay. I do not miss that.

Oh the 80s, when smoking inside was okay. I do not miss that.

Jess nixes the plan straight away – she ain’t ghostwriting for no fool – and Danny is soon distracted by the piano player, who it would seem has learned a song written by the long missing Peter Kerry twenty years earlier. They follow her to find out just where she found the song, and she leads them to her fiancée Rick Barton who gave her the song the previous week. Rick is not entirely sure what to think of these two newcomers turning up at his work and calling him Peter.

Run away!

Run away!

Danny is sure it’s Pete Kerry but Jess can’t be certain, it’s been too long. Even Danny pulling Rick’s shirt sleeve up to reveal a scar doesn’t seal it. Rick orders them to leave but Danny promises to be back. The next morning Rick calls Jess to apologise for his behaviour, and to ask to see her. He comes to the hotel to confess that he has no idea who he is really – he woke up in a hospital outside of Lincoln, Nebraska in September 1968 with no memory of what came before. He’d been in a car accident, they told him, in a car with another man who was an army deserter. He tells Jess he was so worried that he was a deserter too that he hightailed it out first chance he got. Jess contacts Peter’s grandfather’s lawyer, Roger Philby, and tells him about the conversation. He promises to fly up the next day to investigate.

Meanwhile, Danny Schubert goes home. And this happens:

WHAT THE HELL

cb

cc

WTF even is this?

 

Danny informs his money-hunting soon-to-be-ex-wife Leona that he’s about to be raking in the sweet money cash, re: the reward for finding Peter Kerry.

The next day Jess meets Roger in his office, where he tells her that he hasn’t been able to get any confirmation about Rick Barton’s story except that there was a car accident outside Lincoln where the army deserter was killed and his passenger was unidentified. Roger confesses he doesn’t know what to think.

Cut to the home of Peter’s grandfather Andrew Kerry, where Danny and Leona are outside plotting and JB is inside catching up with Andrew who has also invited his son’s former housekeeper Alma to lunch to help them decide whether Rick is indeed Peter Kerry. Rick arrives, along with his girlfriend Edie (who played the song that started the whole world laughing way back in the start of this episode). Rick is clearly uncomfortable and wants to leave, but is talked into staying by Danny. Rick asks him what’s in it for Danny, and Roger tells him about the $250,000 finders fee.

Ugh. This episode is making me factual. I HATE BEING FACTUAL.

Roger drills Rick for more information which Rick doesn’t have. Danny accuses Roger of stalling to avoid being caught with his hand in the cookie jar, which Roger flatly ignores. Andrew appears, but Rick doesn’t recognise him. Alma, noticing the way Rick fiddles with his watch squeezes Andrew’s shoulder and the interview is over, for now. Jess asks them why, and Andrew tells her that Peter used to do the same thing with his watch back in the day. Honestly, this case had better have some unexpected penguins or something. Oooh. I’m gonna start a band and call it the Unexpected Penguins.

That night, no one is sleeping. Jess finds Rick in the library trying to read a book to make him sleepy. Jess asks him what he thinks about it all and he says he has no idea, only that it feels like he’s almost remembering something but he can’t. Edie joins them from watching a movie in the bar, and she and Rick head for bed. Jess selects a book and is about to go to bed too when she finds Leona in a panic – she can’t find Danny anywhere. Jess tells her he’s probably at the outside bar, but when they go to investigate they find him stabbed in the garage. Stabbed in the Garage is what I’m going to call my death metal band.

The 5-0 roll in to investigate, and come to the quick conclusion that Danny had had a snootful of whiskey before he died. Snootful of whiskey can be my country and western band! The police find burns on Danny’s hand, a flask smelling of whiskey and an unopened pack of cigarettes. Inside, police chief Underwood is conducting my kind of investigation.

And so ends the case of the missing scotch.

And so ends the case of the missing scotch.

Oh Lane Smith. You’ll always be Perry White to me. Except when you were Coach Reilly in Mighty Ducks. #memories. Maybe I should turn this post into The Many Faces of Lane Smith, which I’ve just decided can also be my hipster band name.

I am so easily distracted/amused

I am so easily distracted/amused

Ahahahahahaha

Ahahahahahaha

Chief Underwood asks JB and Leona what time they found the body and if they heard a scream. Jess says that Danny couldn’t have been dead long, the lividity and all that.

g2

SAY MY NAME

SAY MY NAME

i2Last one, I swear.

k2

Alright, I’m done. Nope wait –

Ahahaha I made myself laugh, that's all that matters

Ahahaha I made myself laugh, that’s all that matters

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, that guy was murdered. Anyway, Underwood finds Jess in the garage, looking for clue. “A clue? Oh like in one of your books!”

JESS SMASH

JESS SMASH

Jess tells him her theory of how the murder went down and concludes that Danny was killed while he lit the cigarette of the killer, making it someone he knew, and that if they found the butt they would find the killer. Find the butt, find the killer. This has all gone wrong.

One of Underwood’s minions appears with a note from Danny asking someone to meet him in the garage at 11:30pm. The minion says he found it in Rick Barton’s room but when they question him about it he denies all knowledge. Edie confesses that Danny sent it to her, he’d been unsuccessfully hitting on her since they first met and she went to the garage to try and get him to leave her alone, but she didn’t kill him. In fact, when she told him to leave her alone or she’d tell Rick Danny had laughed and said Rick wasn’t in a position to do much.

“No,” says JB. “The scheme wouldn’t have gone through.”

Rick tries to deny it but eventually comes clean. Danny recruited Rick for the scam about a year earlier, when they met at Rick’s work. He gave the song to Edie after Danny had given it to him, and he played with his watch on Danny’s orders. Later, Edie confesses to JB that she heard someone outside when she was with Danny in the garage but she doesn’t know who, she just assumed it was Rick.

JB decides to set a trap, involving missing cigarette butts, and it pays off.

She heard he was going to end it with her, so she ended him.

She heard he was going to end it with her, so she ended him.

Now, I think it’s time we all put this episode behind us. Oh, also it turns out Rick Barton was Peter Kerry the whole time. But, if you’ll excuse me, I have bands to form.

Later Fletcherfans

Later Fletcherfans

 

And now, a word from our sponsor.

Leave a comment

I just woke up to the news that Terry Pratchett has passed away after battling Alzheimer’s, and I’m immeasurably sad about it. While this blog is a list of life lessons I’m learning from Jessica Fletcher, in the beginning was the word and the word was written by Terry Pratchett.

So, here’s a list of life lessons I’ve learned from reading Terry Pratchett’s books.

1. The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues. (Moving Pictures)

2. Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

3. The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

4. Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life. (Jingo)

5. Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry. (Thief of Time)

6. Sometimes it’s better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. (Men at Arms: the play)

7. It’s still magic even if you know how it’s done. (A Hat Full of Sky)

8. His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools — the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans — and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, ‘You can’t trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there’s nothing you can do about it, so let’s have a drink. (Small Gods)

9. Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. (Jingo)

10. …inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.

11. Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken? (Going Postal)

 

And last, but possibly most importantly:

It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing it.

Rest in Peace Terry. And thanks.

Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 50 other followers