Once upon a time, in a magical faraway land called Los Angeles, there was a hobo named Leo Gunderson. Leo was wandering along a beach late one night, looking for somewhere to sleep when he heard a scream on the other side of the sand dunes. When he rushed to see what the matter was, a dark figure slammed into him and pushed him down. After he dusts himself off he goes to investigate and finds the body of a woman lying in the dunes just as the police arrive.

That’s right Fletcherfans. It’s story time with JB again.

A few months after Leo’s arrest the detective in charge of the case, JB’s pal Jake Ballinger is staggered to learn that Leo confessed, when it was obvious that he didn’t do it. His boss tells him the case is closed and when Jake threatens to go over his head the lieutenant says it wouldn’t make a difference – the case is done and Jake’s been reassigned to the teaching position at Freemont University. It would appear someone wants Jake out of the police department rather badly.

Is it me or does this guy look like someone tried to morph Dustin Hoffman and Leslie Nielsen together?

Is it me or does this guy look like someone tried to morph Dustin Hoffman and Leslie Nielsen together?

On Jake’s first day of class it’s already apparent that the course he’s to be teaching is widely recognised as the bludge class, and there are people throwing paper airplanes around to prove it. Paper airplanes? At a university? I mean, turning up to class after just getting home from the pub, sure. Getting to class late because you thought something was about to happen in Passions, absolutely. But paper planes? Honestly, fictional students. Lift your game.

In a move that will be filed under “Things That Would Never Happen On TV today”, Jake quiets the rabble by firing his gun into the air before informing them that there’s a new sheriff in town. He gives them 24 hours to decide whether they want to continue with the course and lets them go. That night  when Jake is chillaxing at home with his daughter Janie, he declares with absolute certainty that there will be no-one at the class tomorrow but his mood darkens when he gets a phone call from the hospital – the mother of Leo Gundarson was just hit by a car and is asking for him. He goes to see her and she tells him Leo only confessed because they told him he would get the death penalty if he didn’t. She begs Jake to keep investigating.

The next morning Jake visits an old friend in the forensics lab to suss out the evidence gathered after the murder, specifically a tyre tread cast, but his friend tells him the case is closed and sealed and there’s nothing he can do about it. Upstairs, his boss reminds him that he’s a teacher now, and that while it’s a crappy deal, Jake is six years away from his pension and to ride it out.

At the university, Jake’s gunshow has had the expected affect:

The guy in the front there grew up to be George Clooney's production partner, and won an Oscar for Argo. #FactBasedReporting #ItFeelsWeirdToBeDoingIt

The guy in the front there grew up to be George Clooney’s production partner, and won an Oscar for Argo. #FactBasedReporting #ItFeelsWeirdToBeDoingItThough

Bernie Berndlestein is nothing compared to Elizabeth Mills sitting behind him though, especially when Jake feels the need to comment on the presence of someone of Elizabeth’s…maturity.


The face of every actress when they're told they're too old to play a part (and my face when someone says I'm really funny for a girl)

The face of every actress when they’re told they’re too old to play a part (and my face when someone says I’m really funny for a girl)

Elizabeth, taking the course to get a promotion at the insurance company where she works as a claims investigator, enquires as to what textbook they will be using, but Jake’s decided it’s going to be more of a practical course.

Cut to the beach where the murder took place. While Elizabeth deals with sand in her heels, Bernie explains to Jake that he’s actually taking the course in order to become a PI.

heh heh heh

heh heh heh

Jake tells them the story of Leo’s arrest for the murder of Janet Carr, and says there’s nothing against a current case being turned into a class project. Is this basically the first season of How to Get Away With Murder? (I only just started watching the first season, Viola Davis is fierce as hell).

While Jake goes back to the university to demand such things as An Office and A Secretary, Elizabeth jumps into the case and begins calling around to find out if the dead woman had an insurance policy. She strikes gold and heads out to the home of the beneficiary of the policy, Jeremy Summerfield. Mrs Summerfield is friendly until Elizabeth asks for Jeremy – Jeremy, it turns out, is the new son of Mr and Mrs Summerfield. Mrs Summerfield takes her son back into the house, but Elizabeth is able to dig up some dirt from the neighbours and calls Jake. Janet Carr is actually Jeanette Cardini, and was the birth mother of Jeremy Summerfield. The nuns at the home for wayward girls where Janet stayed for a time is not willing to divulge any information, but does tell them that Janet made a call to Sacramento the night before she gave birth. Elizabeth, hot on the scent, calls the number pretending to be a wrong number and finds out that the phone belongs to State Senator Andrew Grainger.

Wait, this is more Scandal than How to Get Away With Murder. DRAHMAH.

After stopping in to meet his new secretary and move a bookcase (Why?) Jake heads right on over to the offices of Andrew Grainger. Grainger is more than delighted to meet Jake until the name Janet Carr comes up, at which point he hits the panic button in his desk, summoning his aide Colin Hale. They clam up about any knowledge of the girl, but Jake spots a photo of Grainger’s son on the desk and puts two and two together. Grainger and Hale warn him off the case but Jake’s not having a bar of that. He bids them good day and leaves. Grainger tells Hale to make sure that the record is sealed, neither he nor his son had anything to do with it and he won’t have his son’s future marred by this.

What a lovely bloke. Urgh.

Jake summons Elizabeth to his favourite diner and fills her in on what he’s learned and tells her to try and suss out this Son of Grainger. That night however, while Jake deals with the concept of his daughter moving in with a guy, Elizabeth drops by to report on what she’s learned.  Douglas Grainger was definitely having a thing with Janet Carr, there was a hint of blackmail but then the bad news – both Graingers were in Hawaii at a golf tournament the night Janet died.

context shmontext

context shmontext

Apparently, this nails it for Jake who decides to perform the solution as Richard the Third.

"Dispute not with her, she is a lunatic": every one of my report cards ever.

“Dispute not with her, she is a lunatic”: every one of my report cards ever.

While Moira the secretary doesn’t care for Shakespeare’s language, Jake is proving a point – whether he was implicitly told to or not, he thinks Colin Hale killed Janet Carr to make his boss happy. He has a theory of how to prove it, by getting hold of the car Hale hired the night of the murder.




And the cast is a match. The theory is confirmed, Fletcherfans.

I want to see more crimes solved by Shakespearian performance now that I think about it

I want to see more crimes solved by Shakespearian performance now that I think about it

Murder She Blogged is actually taking a week off, but shall return for more wildly inaccurate recaps in two weeks.

But for now, Fletcherfans

BRB, Fletcherfans!

BRB, Fletcherfans!

S06E09 – Test of Wills


Welcome to a MYSTERIOUS ISLAND Fletcherfans, where Jess is being ferried to by helicopter at the request of Henry Reynard, who has also requested the attendance of his family for an IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. Henry’s son Jason and his wife Valerie, Henry’s daughter Alice, her daughter Kimberly and Kimberly’s fiancee Preston, and his old pal Doctor Hubbard Dabney have already arrived at the island, leaving Jess to make a fashionable entrance.

As far as Henry’s family are concerned, they’re all there so that Henry can cast judgement on his granddaughter’s choice of husband, while Jess has been lured in with the promise of a large charitable donation. When she presses Henry for more information, he comes clean – he brought her there because someone is trying to kill him and he was JB to find out who it is.

I think we've all made that face at some time or another

I think we’ve all made that face at some time or another

Henry shows JB the evidence of various attempts on his life and begs JB to investigate, but Jess wants no part of it. Henry tells her it’s fine, he knows the guilty one is someone in his family and they’re all there for the weekend (how convenient) and anyway here’s this cheque for a million dollars made out to Jessica Fletcher what do you mean you won’t do it?

Jessica tells him she’s not a trained investigator (modest) and that he should go to the authorities. Henry is outraged that she won’t accept his money but she tells him she doesn’t care about that. He puts the cheque back in the drawer, along with document with the helpfully large heading LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT and a gun. He suspects Jessica might change her mind after meeting his family.

Upstairs, Jessica is unpacking when she gets a knock at the door – it’s Henry’s granddaughter Kimberly who was very excited to find out JB Fletcher was coming for the weekend.  She’s not much of a talker (she says), who doesn’t have a lot to say (according to her mother) but finds it a lot easier to…write how she feels.

This also happens to people when word gets out you have a degree in publishing, even when said people now work at a travel agency because it's basically impossible to get a job in publishing *coughs*

This also happens to people when word gets out you have a degree in publishing, even when said people now work at a travel agency because it’s basically impossible to get a job in publishing *coughs*

Later that night, and wouldn’t you know it, a massive storm hits the island. I mean honestly, what were the odds of that happening? Henry gathers everyone in the billiard room and announces that he’s redrafted his will.

e2 e3 e4

I mean he tried...

I mean he tried…

Side note: I am going to work a 2001: A Space Odyssey reference into this episode even if it kills me.

Just to make a will announcement even more dramatic, the lights go out. They all scatter to look for flashlights and candles,and Henry tells JB to stay with Kimberly while he sorts out the fuse. A moment later Jess notices the thunder sounding more gunshot-ty than usual and goes to the hall.

Preston is on the ground, dead, and it’s obvious what killed him.

Convenient flashlight is convenient.

Convenient flashlight is convenient.

Reactions to the death by smug of Henry Reynard stretch from devastation (Kimberly) to thirst (Jason). While the family go and drink/ cry, Jessica quickly deduces that Henry was murdered and that they need to send to the mainland for help pronto. Unfortunately, the phones are out, as the creepy butler informs them. The body is taken upstairs,  and as the lights come back on Jess asks Dr Dabney if he knew anything about the other attempts on Henry’s life but he says that the Curious Incident of The Pills That Weren’t wasn’t life-theatening.

Downstairs, the grieving family led by Jason have broken into the locked drawer and have discovered the will, with the million dollar cheque made out to Our Heroine…

Oh d-d-dear

Oh d-d-dear

…and the news that the revised will means that everything in Henry’s estate now belongs to Jessica Beatrice Fletcher to keep, donate, or bequeath to Henry’s worthless heirs as she sees fit.

Dat face though

Dat face though

Jessica informs them that she had no idea about the contents of the will, and in fact she doesn’t want the money. She’s more concerned that Henry was murdered. The Doc tells them he will go and get the police from the mainland as soon as the storm clears but that in the meantime they should all get some rest. As the family all troop out, an eagle-eyed Jess spots Kimberly’s fiance Preston slipping a note to her aunt Valerie.

Not suspicious at all.

That night, while Val and Jason bicker about Preston, and Jason reveals that Preston isn’t the blue-blooded aristocrat he claims to be, JB is restless. She gets a knock on her bedroom door – it’s Alice, sniffing around JB’s plans now that she’s a squillionaire (or the 80s equivalent of). Jessica informs her she will be consulting her own attorney on the matter and points out that Alice, Jason and Valerie seemed to have much more of a motive than she. Alice tries cover her tracks by saying that she was with Kimberly at the time of the murder, but Jess points out that she was with Kimberly, not Alice.

Alice storms off. As Jess goes to close the door, she notices a light on in Henry’s room, where the body was left. She tries the door but it’s locked and the light goes off after she jiggles the handle.

The next morning…

**Original lyrics to Sexyback by Justin Timberlake.

**Original lyrics to Sexyback by Justin Timberlake.

…Jess notices a bullet hole in the ceiling. She bumps into the Doc out in the grounds who has bad news about getting a boat to the mainland (it has been disabled) and tells him about the light. He says it was him, paying his last respects to his friend. The conversation is interrupted by a blood-curdling scream from the pool house – the maid has just found Preston Howard dead, the gun from Henry’s drawer next to him.

Word gets out that Preston has shuffled off his mortal coil, and while Alice rushes to tell her daughter the news, Valerie bullies Jason into telling people they were together all night to avoid suspicion. Jess comes back inside and goes to check on Kimberly but is fobbed off by Alice who tells her she has given her daughter a sedative. Jess is about to leave when she hears raised voices coming from the next room. She knocks on the door and…well…

Zombie episodes are up 700% this season.

Zombie episodes are up 700% this season.

The reanimated corpse decidedly undead Henry Reynard invites Jessica in, as the Doc excuses himself to go and get the phones working again. It turns out this was all part of Henry’s cunning scheme to find out how his family would react to his death, to the point where he had a security system set up so he could watch the drama unfold. He tells Jess he’s disappointed she’s not more greedy.

The police chopper on in and are not terribly impressed with Henry’s little charade, but are interested in the news that Preston wasn’t all he claimed to be and that Henry knew it, and even more that an earring belonging to Valerie was just found in Preston’s pocket. JB tells the police about the little shady note passing situation and they decide to take it up with her.

They find Val and Jason having a liquid brunch in the billiard room. Val tells them she lost the earring in the dark after the lights went out and that Preston offered to go look for it when she realised it was gone. Val, naturally, was in her room with her husband the entire evening and the fact that I haven’t worked in an OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS VAL bit into this episode is deeply annoying. In any case, Alice appears to confirm she knew about the Preston situation from Jason the previous evening, and had told Kimberly to protect her. When Kimberly appears, however, she’s leaning more on the never forgiving anyone side. Especially her grandfather, who she declares killed Preston.

Sheriff Brademus is inclined to agree with Kimberly and is all set to do some gunpowder tests but JB points out that Henry did fire a gun – into the ceiling to stage his death. Same for the Doc, who had gloves in his room smelling of gunpowder – he was off shooting clay pigeons. It all seems like a dilly of a pickle until Jess helpfully reminds everyone of the video tapes Henry recorded to see everyone’s reactions to his “death”.

A close examination of the video tapes sees everyone in the family coming and going – special note is made of Preston going downstairs  followed a short time later by Valerie, who helpfully checks her reflection in the mirror to show both earrings – and only one when she returns alone later, as helpfully pointed out by Kimberly who wanders in to watch the footage with them. Brademus thinks that seals the deal and doesn’t pay much attention to the next clip of the butler rifling through Henry’s desk looking for – something? Not the gun presumably since it’s there.

They confront Valerie about the note from Preston and the case of the mysterious earring and she comes clean – Preston was blackmailing her to keep quiet. This closes the case for Jessica.



In her defence, it was one of those gun wrestling accidental situations. Her grandfather tries to impose himself on the situation, but Kimberly wanted none of it. She’s going with the police and Jessica, and she didn’t want a bar of him.

Henry gives JB her cheque, which she desperately wants to throw back in his face but instead keeps to give to the children’s hospital. OUR HEROINE IS A BENEVOLENT GODDESS.

And there we leave Kimberly and JB jetting off into the sunset, leaving Henry with his piles of money. And your intrepid writer still trying to fit a 2001 reference in here.

Thus spake Fletcher.



S06E08 – When The Fat Lady Sings


We’re in San Francisco this week Fletcherfans, where there’s a dead guy on the pavement, another guy looking close to death on the pavement, a gaggle of theatre people looking very sad/hungry


Hodor? Hodor.

Hodor? Hodor.

Also at the scene is Jerry Stiller being a cop, Our Heroine being Our Heroine and a ghost from Christmas past who I will get to in a minute.

The gang all adjourn to the nearest hospital to wait for updates on the condition of the not dead guy, while hurling accusations around about who’s fault it is.



Meanwhile, JB is chatting to Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum who wants answers, and since everyone else is hysterical, it’s up to JB to fill in the blanks.

Turns out, the story only begins that morning, when JB is at her hotel having breakfast when she gets a phone call from a mysterious stranger who turns out to be sitting not far from her.



You may remember Dennis the Catburglaring Menace from such times as this one. He’s back, much reformed, and he has PLANS for JB. No, not those plans, operatic plans.  Renowned opera singer Rosanno Bertolucci is in town and Dennis wants to take JB not only to the performance, but to meet the singer himself.

Rosanno Bertolucci is delighted to meet JB and even more delighted to tell her about how Dennis has helped to raise over $200,000 for orphans from the takings of that night’s performance. I only mention this because it never comes up again and I don’t know whether Dennis Stanton is a reformed cat-burglar or a hallucination. It’s too hard to tell.

Rosanno’s wife and aunt appear from a morning’s shopping with a new jacket for Rosanno and the news that the production’s tenor has been badmouthing Rosanno and his protege Maria in the newspaper. Rosanno, it would seem, can take insults directed at him but is outraged that anyone is having a go at Teresa. JB and Dennis, on the other hand, are more interested in the gun they’ve just spotted tucked into Rosanno’s pants (not code).

He really does have a gun in his pants! #OrDoesHe #NoHeReallyDoes

He really does have a gun in his pants! #OrDoesHe #NoHeReallyDoes

Rosanno explains that while they were on tour in  Japan and Hong Kong an unsavoury  gentleman by the name of Faraday was hanging around with some shifty looking associates, and so he got the gun for protection. Rosanno Bertolucci has no time for American gun laws, despite JB’s friendly advice.

Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is rather interested to hear about the gun and the shifty associates but Jessica’s not done yet. That night, she explains, she got to the theatre an hour before curtain and was backstage with Dennis The Menace. The place was a madhouse, with people and sets and props everywhere. Maria the protege was having her hands full trying to keep fellow singer Giorgio’s hands off her while her actual boyfriend, a journalist named Barry, sneaks out before Rosanno can catch him with Maria in her dressing room. While Jessica and Dennis deal with Hodor launching a tirade against critics, a shady character slinks backstage before being caught in Maria’s dressing room – it’s Lou Faraday. Rosanno hurls him down the stairs and tells him if he’s caught near Maria again, Rosanno will kill him.



Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is even more interested to hear this, but JB still ain’t done. The show went ahead with everyone performing brilliantly, except Maria. After the performance, JB and Dennis went backstage to congratulate everyone, but are cut short by screaming coming from Maria’s dressing room. Rosanno breaks down the door and finds Maria freaking out that Lou Faraday had been in her room, and had just left via the fire escape. Dennis the Menace orders someone to call the police and goes down the fire escape after them. JB and Rosanno’s wife Sylvana rush to the alley, they hear two gunshots and find  Rosanno on the ground, having a heart attack. He tells them Lou Faraday shot at him so he fired back in self defence.

That’s all well and good, says Birnbaum, except that Faraday was almost certainly shot while he was lying face down, there was no gun found on Faraday, but there were two spent cartridges in Rosanno’s gun. A kerfuffle outside erupts when the doctor informs them that Rosanno wants to speak to his aunt Teresa and that’s it – not his wife and certainly not the cops.

The next morning JB pays a visit to Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum to ask him what happened to Lou Faraday’s windbreaker – he was wearing it when he first went to the theatre, but wasn’t when his body was found. Fun fact – some outrageously awful overdubbing happens in this scene, I had to skip back about 5 times to see whether I was going nuts or not. But that’s neither here nor there. JB also asks about the angle of the gunshot – a 45 degree angle. Lieutenant Jerry Stiller Birnbaum is unconcerned about all of that though – he’s got the case pretty much locked down, he just needs proof. He’s keen to find out what Rosanno told her in the hospital the night before but Teresa ain’t talking.

A call comes in for JB – it’s Dennis the Menace, offering to chauffeur her around for the day. He makes plans to meet her at the opera house, hangs up and grunts (trust me, watch the episode). As he leaves, he notices a car tailing him and tries to evade them in a car chase through San Francisco but never mind that because I’VE WORKED IT OUT DENNIS STANTON IS A SHAPESHIFTER.


I mean what other possible explanation could there be????

I mean what other possible explanation could there be????

Dennis Stanton. Dennis Stand-in. Something something funny.

Over at the theatre JB is filling in Maria and her boyfriend Barry on Rosanno’s condition – he’s much better, but won’t be performing for awhile. JB wonders how Lou Faraday got into Maria’s dressing room again, but Barry tells her the stage guard always watches the performance, so it wouldn’t have been difficult. JB also asks Maria about the windbreaker, but Maria knows nothing, just that he must have changed his clothes – he wasn’t wearing it when he was in her dressing room that night. Jess thinks that’s odd considering Rosanno’s threat. Rosanno made no effort to hid his jealousy. Hint hint.

Maria informs JB that Rosanno is only a friend, nothing more.




Dennis arrives with the news he’s being tailed and offers to take Jess over to the hospital to chat to Rossano, who has just woken up and is expected to make a full recovery. She runs into Birnbaum and tells him her new theory – that someone dressed as Faraday, shot the real Faraday and made Rossano think he was shooting at Faraday. Birnbaum thanks her kindly for passing her theories along, and that she has an enjoyable flight back home to Vermont.

The sass is strong in this one.

The sass is strong in this one.

Back at his apartment, Dennis has just discovered his home trashed and a customs agent with a gun pointed at him. It turns out that there are some missing emeralds that he believes were smuggled into the country via the opera company, and since Dennis’s record was – noteworthy – he became the target of the investigation, although they are keeping tabs on everyone hoping that the emeralds will be recovered.

Over at the hospital, Sylvana and Rossano are arguing about Maria when the phone rings – and it’s Maria. Sylvana listens in but only hears Rossano say he will take care of it. He tells her he is tired and bids her goodnight. As soon as she leaves, he sneaks out of the hospital (after clocking his police guard on the head and stealing his uniform) and heads to Maria’s boyfriend Barry Sanderson’s apartment. Inside, he finds the apartment trashed, Maria unconcious and Barry lying dead in the courtyard below the fire escape. He goes to Maria just as the police arrive.

My GOD the melodrama.

Down at the police station Birnbaum won’t let JB near him or Rossano, but Dennis has been able to ferret out some information, the most interesting of which is that the missing emeralds were found in Barry’s pockets. The new theory is that Rossano found out Barry was double crossing him and so killed him, which seems plausible until Rossano’s aunt butts in – Rossano, she says, is only guilty of being a devoted father.


Long story short, Rossano had an affair, found out later that a baby resulted, and when that baby turned up on his doorstep with letter from her now dead mother asking for Rossano to put the girl in the company how could Rossano say no? So he didn’t.  Teresa swears Sylvana knows nothing about it.

Birnbaum still doesn’t buy it, but he has time to tell JB and Dennis that they found the missing windbreaker before kicking them out of his office. That seals it for JB as to who the killer is, but hasn’t got a clue how to prove it.

Cue suitably melodramatic trap.



Through a cunning use of Sylvana being jealous of her husband’s daughter, they get her to reveal she’s not really Rossano’s daughter, she and her boyfriend Lou Faraday had to get the emeralds into the country, blah blah double cross etc.

What I want to know is, when are we going to talk about Dennis Stanton’s shapeshifting ways?

Such drama, very sleepy.

Such drama, very sleepy.



S06E07 – Night of the Tarantula

1 Comment

First of all, I’m just going to put this out there:

Wouldn't have thought it was that great to be honest.

Wouldn’t have thought it was that great to be honest.

There’s mysterious things happening in this land of Grand Bushes. Specifically, the Kali scene from Temple of Doom but replacing worshipping Kali with voodoo and setting spiders loose on voodoo dolls.

Wherever could we be Fletcherfans? Helpfully the team at Murder She Wrote are here to set us straight.

Just in case the preceeding 3 minute voodoo sequence wasn't clear enough.

Mystery solved, case closed, goodnight everybody!

JB is in town to visit her old friend Olivia Waverly, whose son Adam is about to turn 30. Everyone’s favourite cousin, Emma Macgill, was supposed to attend but alas she’s busy with other things. It’s a bit of a touchy subject though, the 30th. Adam turning 30 means he is to take over the family plantation currently being run by his uncle Harry. Harry doesn’t think he is ready for the responsibility of the family business, especially since Adam has been away in Kingston for 3 weeks ‘on business’ and has been uncontactable.

They are interupted by a loud bellowing and Harry appears, informing Olivia she has a phone call from someone named Reggie.

“Oh, you mean Reggae!” Olivia says. “The music!”

“Reggae, Reggie. You would have thought after all these years of being ruled by the British that they would have learned to speak the Queens English.” Says Harry.

“Well to tell you the truth I’ve heard the same complaint about us Americans.” Says Jess.


Today’s casual racist will be played by everyone’s favourite dwarf, Jonathan Rhys Davies.

While Olivia gets on with her mysterious reggae plans, Harry escorts JB out into the garden, where something is a little off.

Still not quite my favourite though.

Still not quite my favourite though.

They are soon joined by Harry’s other nephew Mark, who has Very Definite views about how things should go in the family business, like how to poison rats and how to stop people stealing their horses, much to the irritation of Harry.

Alright time out. This is basically an episode of Supernatural. And I’m not just saying that because I spent today at a wine festival and the only thing better about wandering around and eating things on toothpicks is waving a wineglass at people and saying MOAR PLEASE.

But I digress.

The crew are also joined by Jean-Pierre Dusant, a neighbouring plantation owner, and his daughter Michelle. While Michelle delivers a punch bowl to Olivia, followed by a panting Mark, Jean-Pierre reminisces about the parties his family used to throw at the plantation. Jessica is surprised by this, until Harry explains that his father won the plantation in a card game against Jean-Pierre’s father back in 1946.

I don't think JB approves of Texas Hold'em as a sound business practice. (Neither do I, because I'm rubbish at poker)

I don’t think JB approves of Texas Hold’em as a sound business practice. (Neither do I, because I’m rubbish at poker)

Luckily for Jean-Pierre, the two hundred acres his father was left were the richest in all of Jamaica, meaning that they didn’t do too badly out of the deal. He’s had plenty of offers since but he still hopes to reunite his fathers lands – through marriage.

JB thinks it’s surprise Mark hasn’t already proposed, but Jean-Pierre says no. His daughter Michelle is to marry Adam. That’s an even bigger surprise to JB, since she had no idea that the two were engaged.

Well, nothing is official yet, says Harry, but Jean Pierre and he have always had an understanding.

Ugh. Gimili you are being a dick.

Ugh. Gimili you are being a dick.

Later that night, Adam’s party is in full swing awaiting the guest of honour to arrive. JB meets the local reporter George Gordon (who is the ACTUAL Grand Bush, and turns out was one of the Johnsons in Die Hard). He’s not Harry’s biggest fan and the feeling is mutual – Harry seems to think Jamaicans should be grateful that England stepped in and took control of the rabble and skulks off before George can reply. While Jean-Pierre refills JB’s glass, George and JB chat about George’s visit to America, where he worked in Hollywood as a props man and makeup artist on horror movies among other things.

The conversation is shut down by the announcement that Adam is on his way in the cab, and the party guests all scurry to hide. Harry gives it a shot.

He gives it a shot and that's good.

He gives it a shot and that’s good.

As you can see, it was a genius hideout.

Good job bro.

Good job bro.

Topped only by Jean-Pierre:

Worst game of hide and seek EVER.

Worst game of hide and seek EVER.

Captain Oblivious, by which I mean Adam, remains so until the lights come back on and the guests all sing For She’s A Jolly Good Fellow. Captain Oblivious is delighted, and even more so to see Jessica (much to the irritation of Michelle, who wasn’t getting the attention she felt she deserved) but it turns out that Adam has a surprise of his own. He goes back outside and returns with a woman whom he introduces as Selena – his wife.

j2 k2 l2

The next day, Jean-Pierre, Michelle and Harry are having a war meeting in Harry’s study. Jean-Pierre and Michelle are devastated, but Harry is all “meh, I have another nephew, he gets two-thirds when he turns 30, you win some you lose some, oh by the way Adam might die.”

Jesus Harry!

Outside, Olivia and Jess are getting to know Selena, who as it turns out married Captain Oblivious after knowing him three weeks. Seems legit. They are interrupted by Mark, who has caught a tramp in the woods but as it turns out it’s Selena’s father who is not best pleased his daughter has thrown her lot in with a white dude, which is hilarious to Harry because he’s not pleased about it either which he demonstrates by shouting about how he’s not wasting Waverly money on Selena and waving his axe around.

Let's face it, you knew that was coming,

Let’s face it, you knew that was coming.

Side note:



It’s not til Harry orders Calder Williams to let Selena go or he’ll “put a bullet in your black heart,” (JESUS HARRY) that Calder retreats, but not before cursing the house and leaving a wedding gift.

I mean yes the curse sucks but a snake performing Hamlet is a pretty sweet present.

I mean yes the curse sucks but a snake performing Hamlet is a pretty sweet present.

Harry is all set to shoot it but Mark volunteers to take it outside.

Later that night, the entire house is woken by the sound of drums – except for Harry. They try his door but it’s locked, with the key in the keyhole on the inside. Adam and Mark are set to smash it down but Jess stops them, sticks a doily under the door, and carefully pokes a hairpin through the keyhole until it drops down on to the doily, where she gently pulls it back under the door.

“Where on Earth did you learn that?” Asks Olivia.



Inside, it’s bad news Fletcherfans. Harry is dead, and has a snake in the bed to prove it.



The police arrive to escort Harry’s body away (and presumably take Shakespeare Snake to London to audition for the Royal Shakespeare Company) and to inform everyone that until the police arrive to take charge of the investigation, Harry’s room is to be sealed off. Olivia thinks it’s obvious that the snake killed Harry to eat, but Jessica wonders why the snake would kill something it clearly couldn’t eat. She thinks perhaps Harry was murdered.

The next morning Jessica is staring at the front of the house wondering how someone could get in and out of Harry’s room without being seen when George Gordon arrives to see if she’s lifted the curse yet. She tells him her theory of a secret passage way and he says it’s possible – many of the old houses had secret passage ways built in to escape during slave revolts. He asks her if she’s checked the room and she explains that they are all barred until the police arrive from Kingston. George wonders if a nudge from the press might help things move along and Jessica says “By all means, press on!”

I’m not making that up, she actually said that. MY HERO.

Inside, Jess finds Captain Oblivious, aka Adam, getting a massage from his new wife to try and relieve a migraine. While she goes to brew up more of her special tea, Jess asks him if there’s a chance there’s a secret passageway stashed in the walls. He doesn’t know, but conveniently Mark had the house blueprints the previous day and left them in this here cupboard. Before a closer examination can take place, Mark himself come storming in, furious that Adam has given the workers a day off during harvest season. It’s not til Olivia comes in to tell them to shut up and that Jean-Pierre and Michelle have arrived to pay their respects and have lunch.

As they sit down to lunch, Jean-Pierre whips out a bottle of something fancy that he’d been saving to drink with Harry. Olivia gets teary and he hands her his handkerchief, looking a little worse for wear, covered in something that may or may not be paint. Adam feels a little uncomfortable sitting in Harry’s place at the head of the table but has a drink anyway.

A servant appears with a box found on the verandah, addressed to Adam. It’s a voodoo doll, which Michelle is quick to blame on Selena’s father. Adam tells her to shut up before collapsing in agony, probably from the over-dubbed chanting.

Adam is rushed to hospital, where it’s quickly established that he had been poisoned with rat poison. The only reason he’s still alive, the doctor says, is because he somehow already had some of the antidote in his system. Selena says that’s her, it was one of the herbs she was putting in the tea. CONVENIENT. Adam offers to drive Jess back to the plantation but runs into George Gordon outside, who takes her instead.

Back at the plantation, Jess and George find the clue to the missing secret passage in the old house blueprints, and George inadvertently discovers who the killer might be when he picks up the voodoo doll and gets red and black paint on his handkerchief.

Oh yes. Jess knows who the killer is. But why just get him in a room and make him confess when she can get Adam (now fine thanks to the antidote) to dress up like a zombie and chase the killer through the house.

You guys, there's a possibility I may have time-travelled back to 1989 and wrote an episode of Murder She Wrote.

You guys, there’s a possibility I may have time-travelled back to 1989 and wrote an episode of Murder She Wrote.

The arrival of Zombie Captain Oblivious causes the killer to shoot some blanks and reveal his knowledge of the secret passageway, where he flees – only to run into Jess, George, some policemen and Selena.

Just so’s we’re clear.




You guys, it really pays to know someone who has worked in make-up in Hollywood. I suggest we all get to that immediately.

So until next time Fletcherfans,









S06E06 – Dead Letter


I am pleased to report we are back in the Cove this week Fletcherfans, just in time for the annual Fire Station Fundraising Rummage Sale, where children climb on old fire engines. Jess thinks it’s funny that all kids want to be a fireman, but Seth tells her he never played fireman, he was too busy playing doctor.

I bet you were

As they wander the rummage sale, and bemoan the lack of attendance (and the quality of the sale items) they run into local antique dealer Lois Fricksey, who asks them what they think of the rummage sale this year.

Seth's response is my response whenever someone makes me be tactful.

Seth’s response is my response whenever someone makes me be tactful.

Lois’s husband Bud is in charge of the second hand furniture stall and JB is on the hunt for a new bureau/chest of drawers so while JB drags Seth off to go drawers shopping (heh heh), Lois receives a welcome lemonade from one of the volunteer firefighters, Ron Stiller.

JB and Seth find the thing they’re looking for, and bump into local accountant Stanley Holmes in the process. He tells JB the drawers are a steal for $50, but when Jessica goes to find Bud to give him a cheque she instead finds him about to start a brawl with fire chief Carl Wilson. Lois tries to step in, but he yells at her for taking everyone else’s side and storms off. Before JB can follow him, Mayor Sam Booth launches into his welcome speech.

Side note:



Later on, Jess visits the furniture store of Fred Owens, who also happens to be the treasurer of the fire engine fundraising fund for fundraisers. He’s busy trying to make a sale though, so he sends her in to Stanley to get a receipt for the cheque. As she does so, she notices a photo of Stanley’s fiancee on the desk, but what I’d really like to talk about is the number of times the words SMALL BUREAU get uttered in this episode and I swear to god they need to stop because as it turns out I really freaking hate the word bureau #TheMoreYouKnow.

But anyway.

When Jess gets to painting her drawers (ahahaha oh I am tired) she discovers that one of the drawers is stuck. Always quick to help Jess with her drawers (AHAHAHAHAHA) Seth had a bit of a fiddle and manages to prise it open – an unopened envelope, written in a woman’s hand and addressed to Bud Fricksey, Lois’s husband, was wedged in the back. Doing her civic duty as a citizen of Cabot Cove, and absolutely not sticky-beaking, Jess takes it around to Bud who is less than impressed with the contents, whatever they are.

One can only assume bad news, since the next day we find Bud in his car with binoculars trained on his wife, who is having trouble with her gas tank. Fortunately her pal Ron is there to help her out – until Bud comes up, orders his wife home and punches Ron in the face. Well that escalated.

Later that night, Jess, Seth, Mort and Mayor Sam Booth are in a meeting at the Mayor’s office to appoint a new fire chief. Now I have some follow-up questions about this, namely is this the town council? Or are these four people running the show behind the scenes ARE THEY IN FACT ILLUMINATI OMG I’M RIGHT AREN’T I?

Anyway, the old fire chief is resigning to spend more time with his family, to which Sam says at least he knew some people who weren’t that selfish.

Seth has no time for this.

Seth has no time for this.

Sam has a few thoughts about who should replace Carl as fire chief, namely himself. Mort suggests his wife Adele, since she had fire warden training in the marines but Seth and Sam pooh-pooh that idea, to which Jess demands to know why shouldn’t the fire chief be a woman DAMN STRAIGHT JB I’M SORRY I ACCIDENTALLY IMPLIED YOU WERE IN THE ILLUMINATI.

All this talk of fires, and wouldn’t you know it a building has just caught fire, specifically Fred Owen’s furniture store. They rush to the scene but Cabot Cove’s finest have already got the situation under control. While Sam whinges about another missed opportunity, JB passes the comment that Fred Owens is conspicuously absent from the crowd.

Inside, the fire fighters have made a discovery – Bud Fricksey’s body has been found in the back office. They summon Seth who confirms Bud died from smoke inhalation, presumably from fighting the fire. Mayor Sam starts a soliloquy about the virtues of Bud Fricksey, which lead to several new ideas including a statue in his honour and naming the fire engine fund after him.

Mort is not impressed with this news as he catches deputy Floyd up to speed. He’s even less impressed when he gets a visit from insurance investigator Connie Kowalski, who informs him that it was definitely arson and that she will sort it out for him because she’s an expert and he’s not.

Mort mad.

Mort mad.

Down at the crime scene they find Fred surveying the damage. Connie is quick to start interrogating him, much to Mort’s disgust but unfortunately for Fred he doesn’t have a good alibi for the night before. He tells her that he had no reason to burn the business, since it was doing so well, and the only reason that he upped his insurance coverage was to stop all the harassing phone calls and letters from the insurance company.

Meanwhile, JB is bothered by something completely different. She’s convinced that it’s not a coincidence that on the same day she gives Bud a dead letter, Bud is found dead. WITCHCRAFT! Seth tells her to calm down, but she’s curious about the origins of the bureau. She visits newly retired postal worker Agnes, who donated the b-word to the sale, and asks her about the letter. Agnes tells her that she was ordered not to deliver the letter by Lois, who’d written it while at her sisters in Boston, but had second thoughts and asked Agnes to destroy it. She couldn’t do that, postal regulations and all, so she stuck it in a drawer.

JB pays a visit to Lois who confirms what we’ve all figured out – she wrote that letter saying she was leaving Bud but changed her mind, it was a horrible and she’s glad he never saw it.

Oh d-d-d-dear

Oh d-d-d-dear

Lois had no idea that the letter had resurfaced, which leads Jessica to wonder where it is. Unfortunately for Lois, Mort found it on Bud’s body and has no intention of keeping its contents secret as the letter clear provides motive for the murder of Bud – because, as we and Jess are finding out, Bud wasn’t killed by the fire he was killed by a severe blow to the head.

JB and Mort return to Lois to ask for the name of her lover, but she won’t give him up and anyway he’s too kind and sensitive and dedicated to peace and non-violence.

Lois’s lover is Ghandi? Wait, Lois’s lover is Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise?

Mort only succeeds in making Lois cry so they return to the sheriff’s office where Connie the insurance investigator has just confirmed that the fire was deliberately lit using benzene. She has no interest in the dead body, she’s too busy nailing Fred Owens for the arson. Everything else isn’t her problem.

What a delight and a treasure.

What a delight and a treasure.

Connie declares she will do her thing, and the Sheriff will do his, and whomever solves the case first wins.

Sheriff Snake Eyes agrees.

Nicholas Cage would be proud of that crazy eye action.

Nicholas Cage would be proud of that crazy eye action.

Despite the crazy eyes, Mort hasn’t actually got a case. Fortunately he does have Jessica who points out they now know the source of the fire, now they need to find out where the benzene came from. Jess remembers Lois telling her about Bud’s jealous rage at the petrol station. Petrol stations have benzene!

They head straight to Ron’s petrol station but he’s not there – he’s at the firehouse attending to important business in the form of a high stakes poker game. Mort drags him away for questioning but he doesn’t fit the perfect lover profile Lois was describing. They are interrupted by Connie dragging Stanley in and celebrating her victory – it turns out Fred’s business was failing and he owed money all over town. Jess still thinks that’s not a motive for murder, and even when Connie says that probably it was a case of Bud catching Fred in action and Fred hitting him with whatever was handy Jess remains unmoved.

At Lois’s JB manages to wrangle the truth out of her – there was no lover, she’d just said that in the letter to make Bud think he had competition, but when he finally read the letter it made him jealous, not a better husband. She shows JB a picture of them looking happy and JB has brainwave.

It was there all along. But it wasn’t.

And yes I was pretending I was in A Streetcar Named Desire when I wrote that.

And yes I was pretending I was in A Streetcar Named Desire when I wrote that.

Poor old Stanley. He has a champagne girlfriend but a passion pop budget and so to pay for his fancy new girlfriend he got crazy with the embezzling and tried to destroy the evidence and clonked Bud on the head. That old chestnut.

So that’s depressing. But the good news is that Cabot Cove has a brand spanking new fire engine! And on that note, I bid you farewell. Let us all enjoy this week’s freeze frame together.

Until next time.

Herp-a-derp, Fletcherfans. Herp-a-derp.

Herp-a-derp, Fletcherfans. Herp-a-derp.


S06E05 – Jack and Bill


Disclaimer: This episode was ridiculous.  Believe me when I say any similarity between this recap and the actual episode is coincidental. 

It’s storytime again Fletcherfans!

Oy. I can't believe they persisted with this plan for a whole season.

Oy. I can’t believe they persisted with this plan for a whole season.

JB has just seen a dog run past, and that reminds her that she has to send her pal Bill Boyle a letter. Bill Boyle, for those of you playing along at home, was an NFL star until his knees gave out and then he became a private detective. An incredibly unsuccessful detective.

Apparently, that all changes when he meets Jack. But before he meets Jack, he gets a visit from a man named Johnny Wheeler, who is faking blind and beating up shady characters in mens bathrooms with a poodle.

Even I couldn't make this up. And I invented  Octopus Noir.

Even I couldn’t make this up. And I invented Octopus Noir.

While Johnny is doing whatever the hell that is, Bill Boyle is in his office getting the bad news from his accountant. He’s broke, a fact he is trying to keep secret from his real estate broker girlfriend Celia. He’s pretty despondent when he gets a knock at the door – it’s Johnny Wheeler, and his friend Jack.

Just what?

Just what?

I should also point out something about Johnny Wheeler:

Fun fact: Max Baer Jr couldn't get work for 3 years after Beverly Hillbillies ended, proving that well-known saying 'Never go full hillbilly.'

Truth based reporting: Max Baer Jr couldn’t get work for 3 years after Beverly Hillbillies ended, proving that well-known saying ‘Never go full hillbilly.’

Also for those playing along at home Bill Boyle was previously seen as Hank Shipton that time.

Johnny departs in a rush, thanking Bill for dog-sitting for a couple of hours while he runs an errand, a turn of events Bill did not really agree to. Time passes, and when Johnny doesn’t resurface Bill takes Jack on a stakeout where some “comedy hijinks” ensue, by which I mean there’s another dog and a pretty girl and some barking and what even is this episode.

Back at the office, Johnny still hasn’t turned up but the place has been ransacked. A woman claiming to be Johnny’s wife walks in to pick up the dog, who she calls Marmalade, and pulls a gun when Bill suggests calling his ex-brother-in-law cop. This makes Jack mad! JACK SMASH!

Also this happens:

I just don't even.

I just don’t even.

The lady sneaks into the elevator and makes her escape. Bill and Jack are set to follow when the other elevator opens to reveal Lou Brickman, the aforementioned brother-in-law, with the news that Johnny Wheeler is in the hospital with two bullets in his chest. Unfortunately by the time they get to the hospital he’s dead with three IV bags in his hand.

Later that night, Bill has dinner at Lou’s place. While Lou’s dog goes mental in the laundry room, Lou wants to know more about Johnny Wheeler. Bill tells him what he knows, and is surprised to learn that while Johnny did travel up from Puerto Rico, it was under an assumed name.

Returning home to the set of Melrose Place, Bill takes time out to chat up a hot tub full of stewardesses before going up to his apartment where he is attacked by a horde of ninjas/the Hitcher’s sidekicks from Mighty Boosh. They demand ‘it’ which they still haven’t found despite searching both of Johnny’s bags. They try and pooch-nap Jack, who objects and goes at them. Two end up off the balcony in the swimming pool, the other runs.

Wondering just what the deal is with Jack, Bill puts a call in to his brother-in-law and takes Jack to the police kennels to be x-rayed, but nothing turns up. Back at the office Bill is delighted to see his former secretary Mona is back, after getting fired from her ad agency job for telling a client what she thought of him. As she goes into a long story about her mother packing her bags and coming for a visit Bill has a brainwave: the ninjas said they searched both of Johnny’s bags, but Johnny was holding three IV bags in his had which clearly means there’s another bag at the checked bag counter!


Bill and Jack head down to the baggage claim, and skillfully evade the baggage clerk to retrieve the third bag. Inside, Bill finds a film roll (bless) and takes it in to Lou and Agent Browder, who summon a lip reading expert to decipher what the two men in the footage are saying. It turns out Johnny Wheeler was a super-spy, and he was killed for discovering that the man in the footage, a hitman, was being hired to go to the US to kill someone on the 25th at 7:30pm. Conveniently, the 25th is today.

While the gang are across town making their final plans and pushing ahead, despite not finding the film, Bill is home getting grief from the building manager about his lack of rent paying and sudden increase in dog. While he gets dinner ready for Jack, and gets himself ready for his date with Celia, Celia herself calls to say dinner with the client she’s buttering up is cancelled. Bill offers to bring Chinese food round instead, but hits a snag when he tries to leave – Jack begins barking like mad. Bill gives up and takes Jack to his buddy Cricket at the bar to dogsit for a couple of hours. At the bar he catches a news story about the president of a mysterious South American country attending a football game that night and recognises one of the reporters in the press pack as the woman who masqueraded as Johnny’s wife. He calls the police station looking for Lou Brickman but finds out he’s already at the stadium.

Bill barges through the security, tells Lou that the Prez is the target and the woman is disguised as a reporter. They crash into the room where the press conference is being held and arrest them all, but not before A GUY WITH A MASSIVE MULLET PULLS OUT A VIDEO CAMERA WITH A BAZOOKA IN IT.

Talk about burying the lead.

Talk about burying the lead.

Bad guys nailed, Agent Browder takes Bill and Jack to meet President Ruiz. Turns out President Ruiz is a massive football fan and fangirls out over meeting Bad Bill Boyle but Bill is distracted by Jack’s constant barking. At the last second, he looks at the clock, looks at the waiter, realises the waiter is desperately trying to UNCORK A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE FULL OF EXPLOSIVES and spear tackles him across the bar, saving the day yet again.

Case closed, Bill is set to depart off into the night and tries to hand the dog back to the CIA, but Agent Browder has bad news – Jack is going to have to be put down if he doesn’t go to the correct home. Bill is outraged, so Agent Browder “reluctantly” lets Bill keep the dog.

So while we mull over the fact that this episode was basically the sequel of Turner and Hooch, and that THERE WAS A VIDEO CAMERA BAZOOKA AND I DIDN’T MAKE IT UP, let us also consider this very important point:

Like a boss.

Like a boss.

And on that note,

Later gang!

Later gang!

S06E04 – The Error Of Her Ways


Welcome to sunny Palm Springs Fletcherfans, where JB has travelled to meet with her accountant and solve the murder of Clark Randall – his wife Marian bumped him off and has just been arrested by Lieutenant JT Hanna, aka Elliot Gould who when he was young looked like Eric Bogosian and I am still confused about who is who and when is when but anyway the point is Marian’s sister Linda Dixon declares it’s ridiculous to arrest Marian based on the farfetched hypothesis of some meddling mystery writer.

Shots fired.

Shots fired.

Clark Randall, so it was thought, had been killed by an intruder after speaking to his wife on the phone earlier to invite everyone around for steaks. His watch had been stolen, but JB noticed the blinking light on the answering machine, indicating a message. By the time JB goes to the kitchen and brings a glass of water back for Marian the light has stopped blinking.

Marian denies everything, but has no explanation for how Clark could have answered her call when JB’s accountant called almost immediately after and got no answer on the phone. To top it all off, JT tells her the bullet in her husband matches a bullet retrieved from a man who’d been shot after trying to break into Clark and Marian’s about a year earlier – both bullets were fired from the same gun.

Case closed, JT tells JB that he’s impressed with her call about the blinking answering machine light and tells her to stop by his office the next day to take a deposition about the case. JB tells him she and her accountant were not planning to fly out for several days.

The next day over at the town bank a meeting of the minds is taking place – it’s just been discovered that all the money about to be invested in a new housing development being overseen by Clark Randall has disappeared, and they now have a little over 300 dollars with which to build a golf course and houses.


Over in the police station Marian is freaking the hell out, a situation not helped when Linda informs Marian that there’s no money in the account to bail her out. Linda tries to get Marian to think about what assets she can use as bond, but Marian says Clark was her only asset (ew). Linda tells her they need to find the money or else she’ll remain in jail until the trial but Marian says she’ll die first.

The following day, JB is in an investors meeting finding out what has happened to the money. Home-buyer Pauline Byrne is disgusted to learn that the suppliers get their money back before the home-owners do, while one of the older ladies who’d invested her late husband’s life insurance is convinced that dear old Clarksey couldn’t have stolen the money, prompting JT to inform her that she wasn’t the only one of Randall’s female clients who called him Clarksey.

JB’s mind is somewhere else. In fact, I couldn’t decide where it was, so at this point you may choose.

Oh captain my captain.

Oh captain my captain.

Haha I can't believe I got this into an episode, you're welcome Krystle.

Haha I can’t believe I got this into an episode, you’re welcome Krystle.

With JB’s accountant Ward Silloway apologising profusely for the omnishambles, JT offers JB a lift home. On the way he informs her that Marian made bail, courtesy of her sister who put up her house as collateral. The DA offered Marian murder 2 but she refused it.

Can you think of a single reason why not? Damn straight you can't.

Can you think of a single reason why not? Damn straight you can’t.

It must have been a big week for you, JT says to JB. “I bet you’ve never seen a corpse before.”


JT gets a call on his car phone – Marian Clarke locked herself in her garage, turned her car on and committed suicide. The J’s head on over to Marian’s house, where Linda is hysterical with rage saying that Marian was determined to fight the charge, and had hired a private detective to try and find Clark’s missing watch but that Marian wasn’t brave and was terrified she would go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. The Palm Springs version of Seth Hazlitt declares Marian’s death a suicide, and finds anabarbitol in the house which seems to seal the deal.

Later, Linda gets a phonecall from the private detective hired by Marian. He’s found the watch in a pawnshop – the guy who hocked it was some random generic hobo. Fired up, Linda goes down to the police station and informs JT and JB that she’s suing them all for wrongful death. JT freaks out, but Our Heroine is convinced that it changes nothing.

JT heads over to see bank manager Kay Weber to reconfirm the events leading up to Clark’s death and finds the investor Pauline just leaving, after having requested help from Kay tracking down the money only to discover Kay had just been fired. Kay confirms everything he already knows – that they were at a function for the investors, Marian called Clark and then told everyone to come round for steaks and 20 minutes later when they got to the Randall house Clark was dead. She couldn’t remember if Marian went near the answering machine,

JB on the other hand is already at the Randall house, looking at some flowers when she suddenly wonders where the steaks are. JT finds her going through the contents of the fridge but there are no steaks to be found. Deputy Kruger appears to tell JT that the doc needs to speak to him – it turns out that Marian was full of Nardane, a powerful tranquilizer, confirming what the doc had said earlier when he found the bottle.

But, as JB points out, it wasn’t Nardane they found it was anabarbitol. They go to see the doc in person, who has just discovered via Marian’s GP that Marian was allergic to Nardane and so wouldn’t have had any in the house. JT orders Jessica off the case and goes to see the realtor in charge of the new development, Sterling Bose (previously seen as the boss cop in Die Hard) who it turns out has just lost his job too. He gives JT the list of homeowners and investors and tells him about his new job selling an estate up the road. As JT departs, Sterling gets a phone call from Pauline Byrne, seemingly asking him out to dinner but actually at the request of Linda Dixon who is still determined to clear her sister’s name. Conveniently their dinner takes place in the same restaurant Jessica is dining with her accountant and worrying that she was wrong about Marian. Sterling tells Gill and Jess that he thinks Pauline is hunting for information about the money. Jess points out that he was the last person to see Clark alive, to which Sterling agrees, saying that he drove Clark home – Clark’s car was being repaired and Marian had the other one.

Back at Sterling’s house, Sterling is keen to bust some funky moves on Pauline but she’s more conscious of the fact that Linda is in Sterling’s house looking for clues to the location of the money. Pauline sounds the horn as she pulls up with Sterling, the signal for Linda to get out of the house, and then takes off leaving Sterling in the driveway looking very forlorn.

In JT’s office the next morning, Jessica disguises herself as a newspaper.



While JT tries to throw her out (and yells at Deputy Kruger for coffee) JB explains why she’s there. She couldn’t sleep, and she suddenly remembered JT taking something out of Clark’s pockets after he searched the body.

“You mean his passport?” Asks JT.

Deputy Kruger appears with the news that the coffee machine is broken. JB, naturally, shares her coffee with JT.

Well, I say coffee.

Shoutout to all the bartenders who don't measure their shots #heroes

Shoutout to all the bartenders who don’t measure their shots #heroes

Booze dispensed, JB goes on. She didn’t think anything of Clark Randall having his passport on him at the time, but at the time they didn’t know that 3 million dollars had wandered off. JT sees where she’s going with this, and tells her to get on the phone they have airlines to call.

Finally, a breakthrough – tickets were purchased for the night of the murder for a flight from LAX to Buenos Aires… in the names of Mr and Mrs Randall.

Jess looks confused. Marian Randall had no idea her husband was leaving the country. Mrs Randall wasn’t the droid they were looking for. The airline calls JT back and asks if it’s okay to reverse the transaction back to the credit card used to make payment on the booking. JB thinks that’s hardly a priority for Clark Randall, but JT tells he didn’t book the tickets – former bank vice-president Kaye Webber did.

The Js find Kay at the tennis club, and it doesn’t take long for her to break down. She was having an affair with Clark and was going to go to Buenos Aires with him but they were going to come back as far as she knew, despite the one way plane tickets. She had no idea where the money was, but does admit to being at Clark and Marian’s house on the day of the murder. She tells the Js that she always thought Marian knew about the affair but didn’t do anything about it. She casually mentions the hire car Clark had out the front of his house, which makes no sense to Jess as Sterling had told her he’d given Clark a lift because his car was in the shop. And why leave the car out on the street when the garage was empty.

Now here’s when it gets tricky Fletcherfans.

JT discovers the name on the car rental is Pauline Byrne. They pick her up for questioning and before long Deputy Kruger appears with a briefcase with 3 million dollars in it.

Pauline comes clean. She had gone round to the Randall house to meet Clark but was surprised to find Marian home, arguing with Clark. Clark told her he was leaving her, she made a grab for the bag to see if the identity of the other woman was in it, he grabs it back, she shoots him, he falls down, money falls out of the bag and Marian faints.

Seizing the opportunity, Pauline goes in to grab the money but finds Clark still alive. He tells her to call a doctor, but instead she smothers him with a pillow, takes the money and runs.

“But not the watch and the money in his wallet?” Asks JT. “Then who did that?”

JB’s theory: Marian, in order to cover up the fact that she thought she killed her husband. She left it out for a hobo to find, and then make a point to hire the detective to find it again later.

As for Marian, when the news of the embezzlement was about to break, Pauline killed Marian to stop her telling everyone who took the money.

So, to sum up:

My head hurts.

My head hurts.

But I think we’ve learned a valuable lesson here. Not exactly a Life Lesson, but a lesson nonetheless:

Jessica Fletcher is Never Wrong
(Even when she is technically wrong.)

And on that note,

Later gang!

Later gang!

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