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S10E03 – The Legacy of Borbey House

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Welcome back to the Cove Fletcherfans, where winter is coming, teens are making out in cemeteries and the dead are rising from the grave.

So you know, the usual.

The Boss Lady is getting some construction done on House Fletcher and is packing up things in boxes while the contractor Charles Wetherby makes himself look busy until he finds a note in his toolbox from his missing fiance Laurel. Jessica’s sympathy is shortlived after Charles gets a phone call from his other client Lawrence Baker and leaves, telling Jess he’ll be back in the morning.

Risky life move, buddy. 

Seth pops in just as Charles departs, eyes on Jessica’s peach pie. Jess tells him she gave it to Mort, it would have spoiled what with the lack of electricity and or plumbing in her house.

Seth is about to blow.

As you can see, Seth is apocalyptic. He’s just spent the whole morning dealing with a freaked out teenage girl who saw someone come out of a grave the night before, and now there’s no goddamn pie?

Later that night, local wallpaper peddler Molly Holt drops by Lawrence Baker’s house where she is shown inside by his butler Peter Jatich. She thinks she’s there to show samples but he’s got a whole three-course dinner planned.

I mean it. You get the hell out right now.

Despite Mollie’s protests Baker orders Jatich to start serving the first course. As he heads to the kitchen, he pauses to eavesdrop on the conversation he can hear through the vents.

Later that night, when Molly finally returns home, her father Philip tells her that her boyfriend Dave called to see where she was – apparently she’s broken three dates with him in the last month. Molly says she’s surprised he noticed. Her father tells her to give him a break and she says she has, for eighteen months now. Molly tells him which wallpapers Baker has chosen and Philip simply says that he’s glad he doesn’t have to pay her by the hour.

The next day Molly is around at JB’s to show samples, but she and JB are both distracted – Molly by Lawrence Baker, JB by the complete shermozzle that is renovating her house.

She is so done you guys. (I have no context for this, the only way I could afford to live in a house is if the zombie apocalypse destroys society. I’m not saying I hope it happens, but I wouldn’t mind renovating something)

JB calls time on the whole thing and returns some library books with Seth.

Let’s be honest, it’s also me at the bookshop. And that time I went to the second-hand book sale in Geelong and all the books were a dollar and I passed out.

JB meets visiting writer Dr Howard Sorensen (who was the guy popping out of the grave at the start of the episode, apparently he’s visiting from the netherworld) who explains he’s in town researching the history of the Borbey house. Which just so happens to be the house Lawrence Baker is renovating I mean really what were the odds.

Oh, you guys! Dr Sorenson is being played by the guy who was in charge of all the wildfire in Kings Landing in Game of Thrones. He passed away like a month ago.

Seth thinks the idea is hilarious. Apparently back in the day, the former residents of the Borbey house were killed by a vampire.

“Well despite what the medical establishment would have us believe, Doctor, there are a great many things in this world which defy rational explanation.” Says Dr Sorenson.

Huh. You’re not wrong there.

Jess hurries Seth out of the library before he completely hulks out. Outside they find Dave Perrin, brother of Charles Weatherby’s missing fiance, sticking up posters begging for information about his missing sister. Molly begs him to accept that she’s gone, but he won’t have a bar of it. He tells Seth that his car is fixed just as Mort rolls up in the Mort mobile and thanks JB for the peach pie. He asks how the renovations are going and Seth tells him not to mention the war. Mort’s reason for stopping though is to update Dave on a lead he tracked down about his sister. Apparently, the private investigator Dave hired mistook a 56-year-old short woman for his sister. Mort gently suggests that these leads are eating too much into the department’s sources.

Later that afternoon Mike drops Lawrence Baker’s car off at his house and demands payment. Jatich the butler refuses to let him in, but a sunglasses totin’ Baker says it’s fine. Molly’s told him about Mike, but apparently not that they are going to be engaged. Mike takes a swing at him and is thrown out of the house just as Molly arrives. Once the door closes, Baker takes off his glasses. Because obvs he’s a vampire.

Later that night, the kids from the cemetery are strolling along a path when the girls spot an arm sticking out of the ground and loses her mind. The next morning, Seth and Mort are called to the scene to discover it’s a mannequin arm. Apparently, that’s not cause for alarm BUT I BEG TO DIFFER THOSE THINGS ARE CREEPY AF.

Over at the Borbey house Lawrence Baker has decided a wall needs to come out. Charles tries to explain that it’s a load-bearing wall, and it will cost a lot of money to compensate for it. He quotes double his initial amount for the project, and Baker tells him to do it.

Charles jets over to House Fletcher to tell JB he can’t do her renovations anymore, Baker’s stepped up his demands and he still has to finish the rennos at the sheriff’s office but it’s okay because he’s got someone coming to take over the job who can start that afternoon don’t even worry about it.

Oh, how I know this feeling.

Over at the sheriff’s office, the renos are in fact full steam ahead, much to Mort’s chagrin. He gets a phone call and is about to head out the door when one of the old ducks wanders in to tell him that she saw Dr Sorenson digging up graves at the cemetery the previous night. Mort gets Deputy Andy on the case and rushes out the door – turns out his hot new lead is actually a potential sighting of Laurel, in a critical condition in hospital. He tells Dave who rushes over there. Mort then heads over to the cemetery where the grave of William Borbey has been opened and garlic shoved in.

Later that evening, JB is picking up some wallpaper from Philip and Molly when Old Mate Baker wanders in, wanting to purchase a house Philip has for sale. Philip tells him it isn’t for sale and that the shop is closed. Molly reappears from the back room and is delighted to see “Larry!”

Jess really doesn’t have time for this.

Philip throws “Larry” out of his store and orders him to stay away from his daughter. Molly is a bit peeved at his behaviour, but Philip tells her Lawrence Baker doesn’t exist according to the credit check he got his friend to do down at the bank. Jess finds that interesting, as Eve Simpson told her that Larry paid cash for the house.

What a concept.

Night falls, a storm hits. Dr Sorensen takes it upon himself to do a thorough investigation of Larry by sneaking into his house and taking note of the lack of mirrors and bottles of red liquid because you guys Larry is totes a vampire.  Meanwhile Mort shows off his new sheriff’s office to Seth and JB who are very impressed. Well, JB is, Seth thinks its a waste of taxpayer dollars.

The open for inspection is unfortunately cut short when Mort gets a phone call. There’s been a murder at the old Borbey place. The trio roll on over and find Larry dead on the ground, a stake through his heart.

Because, and I can’t remind you enough (and neither can the MSW writers) LARRY IS 100% TOTES OBVS A VAMPIRE.

Mort tries to hide his belief that Larry was a vampire, despite all evidence to the contrary. Seth tells him that Larry was whacked on the head before getting staked, which does nothing for Mort’s fears. Peter Jatich tells them that the side door was open, which was how the killer got in, and no he wasn’t that upset Larry was bumped off, he wasn’t wild about him.

The next day Dave is hard at work mechanicing when Mort calls to see how he went with the mystery woman. Turns out she wasn’t his sister either, and he didn’t get home til 3am so definitely didn’t stake the vampire. Molly swings by to say how sorry she is it wasn’t Laurel, and he tells her he’s sorry to hear about Larry. It’s awkward.

Down at the police station Dr Sorenson says he was in his hotel room all evening, and he never met Larry #fakenews. JB strolls in armed to the teeth with books and says that Larry was staked with the wrong kind of wood to be killed, it should have been ash, not fir. Jess thinks that someone was trying to make it look like a staking.

Charles pulls her aside and apologises again for the way he skipped out on her reno. JB says whatever. Dr Sorensen announces that the grave he dug up was William Borbey’s and it was empty. He thinks that in fact, Larry IS William Borbey and he’s not dead, only undead.

This episode is ridiculous.

Mort and JB go for a stroll along the water. Mort’s convinced this is some vampiric shenanigans, but Jess is sure there must be a logical explanation. They run into Dave who is showing photos of Laurel’s boat in case it jogs someone’s memory. It does for JB, but not in relation to Laurel. She asks Mort to call the planning board, they need to get over there immediately.

The planning board, it turns out, is being renovated as well and they can’t find the file JB is looking for – the building permit for the Borbey house. Deputy Andy pops up and tells them that Peter Jatich’s fingerprints match those of a known Stasi agent in East Germany.

Mort and Jess confront Peter, but he denies the whole thing. He tells them he heard Larry and Dr Sorenson arguing, but didn’t actually see Dr Sorensen kill Larry. Mort figures either Dr Sorenson is lying or Peter is, but either way they’ve nabbed a killer.

JB has found the inital tender bids for the renovation project and tells Mort she’s not so sure about that.

Of course not, says Mort. And are you going to tell me?

I think JB is just making her own fun at this point.

Instead, JB wanders into the sheriff’s office the next morning and announces to the world that Larry’s attorneys are finishing the renovation, and her contractor is starting the next morning.

Later that night…

I’m not even sure I care at this point.

For you see, Charles bumped off his beloved Laurel when she tried to dump him, and then hid her body in a wall at the Borbey house where he was doing some rennos at the time. Then when Larry wanted him to remove the wall, he killed him.

I mean what even was this episode. Where’d the vampire stuff come from? I’m so confused and hungry.

Let’s just end on the mental image of Mort’s face when he is shown a picture of William Borbey looking identical to Larry Baker and not dwell on whatever the hell this was.

Later gang

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S10E02 – For Whom The Bell Tolls

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Just one sec.

The important thing is I make myself laugh.

This demolition derby is in fact in NYC, and is being undertaken by the Gillrich brothers, Eugene and Walter. Their efforts are not going unnoticed and a group of concerned citizens is working to save three remaining brownstones from being demolished. Two have already been vacated but one still has people and even more conveniently a bar, which is where we find Our Heroine being recruited to the cause by local so-and-so Carol Collins. Jess is happy to chuck some coin in but she’s swamped with deadlines. They are soon joined by Margaret, who apparently is a friend of JB’s but I can’t work it out. Apparently some famous writers did some writing and some gangsters did some gangstering in the building, which of course JB knows all about because JB loves a good historical snoop.

My grandfather’s rule is that it’s socially acceptable to start drinking at 4pm (except on Christmas when it’s 12pm), which I think is incredibly reasonable.

Meanwhile all is not well in the state of Gillrich. There’s trouble with protestors, trouble with investors, and Walter is subjected to Lady Macbeth’s Gillrich’s plans for the interiors of Gillrich Tower which should absolutely in no way be confused with Trump Tower no siree Bob.

This is a Simpsons quote that frankly can’t get shouted enough.

Walter has had a phone call from Margaret.  There’s a hearing the next day to grant or deny an injunction requested by the Save Our Building mob, and Margaret just wants them to know that there will be pickets and TV crews and all sorts of shenanigans. Also, there’s an 87-year-old lady called Mrs Rhodes who isn’t leaving her apartment.

Eugene tells Walter not to worry about Mrs Rhodes, Walter wouldn’t let Eugene just kick her out so they are paying for the move to Florida. Walter is still anxious and wonders whether another site might be more suitable but Eugene tells him to shut it, and to keep his mouth closed during the hearing.

Now Fletcherfans, you’re not going to believe this, but the next day at the meeting Walter admits he has reservations about the project leaving the committee to adjourn for the day without reaching a verdict. Local reporter Mike LaRocca is there to cover all the reactions from Margarets (shy bafflement) to Carols (gloating) to Eugene and Walters (furious and stubborn silence respectively). He also gets the reaction from bar owner Nolan Walsh who is also keen to plug his new signature cocktail.

The signature cocktail is called A Hickey From Kernickie and seriously that should be true.

JB sees the news report and feels inspired (plus she’s totally on top of her deadlines now) so she calls Carol and offers her presence at the rally that evening. Carol is delighted and immediately tells her new boyfriend Eugene Gillrich all about it. He’s not too fussed, he’s there for one reason and one reason only – which is good news for Carol as she’s planning to record the whole thing on tape to share with the committee when it resumes in 48 hours.

Across town, Walter Gillrich sends his secretary home for the night, while Mike Larocca cops a bollocking from someone called Vic Barton for reasons that will become clear if you read the IMDB page like I just did. But for now, know that Vic and Mike want the building torn down.

Later…

They are really signalling the clues these days.

JB and Margaret arrive the same time as Lee Gillgrich pulls up in her car. They barely wonder what she’s doing there but it turns out her husband is inside the bar trying to milk some goodwill so there you go. JB gets interviewed by Mike, who starts with the question “So Mrs Fletcher, does your bar crawling bring you here often?”

This might have broken the sass-o-meter.

Post interview JB meets Mrs Rhodes’s nurse Josie Miles, who explains her patient isn’t up to coming downstairs but she’ll definitely sign the petition. Margaret gets a phone call from Walter and leaves the bar. Later, the bartender announces that the 5-0 have arrived to start towing cars, and there’s a mass exodus of people who leave to move their cars. Eugene sits down with Nolan and offers him more money to move the bar, or else feel his wrath. Nolan offers Eugene to feel his fist in Eugene’s face, at which Eugene picks himself up from the ground and departs with Mrs Gillrich.

The next day Lord and Lady Macbeth/Gillrich roll into work and find Walter dead at his desk. The NYPD are called to the scene, led by everyone’s favourite Golden Ex-Husband, Artie Gelber. Eugene and Lee tell Artie they can’t think of anyone who would want to kill Walter, he was liked by everyone.

As Artie leaves the scene of the crime he’s ambushed by Mike LaRocca who gets on his soapbox when Artie won’t give him anything, leaving Artie to tell him if he wants to make speeches he should run for office. LaRocca is ambushed himself when Vic Barton turns up again to inform him that with Walter dead the injunction to stop the demolition has been put on hold which means the demolition on hold. For the record, Mike LaRocca wants to do a TV special where he digs up Nolan’s bar to find the victims of a gangster who used to hang out there and presumably Vic Barton is bankrolling the special except this is never made clear at all.

Artie goes to see Margaret to get more info and runs into JB, who tells him she cannot really offer anything. Margaret says she spoke to Walter on the phone but that was it. Artie’s sidekick announces that Walter was shot between 8pm and 9pm. JB points out that if Walter was shot from behind sitting at Eugene’s desk then the assumption must be made that the intended target was Eugene and Artie agrees. His current theory is that a tenant whacked him to stop him from destroying their home. Margaret hands over a list of tenants still living in the buildings, including Mrs Rhodes who has lived there so long she’s only paying $300 per month.

What I would give for rent control to be a thing in Melbourne.

Meanwhile, there’s high drama in the gang to save the brownstones. Margaret has just told Carol that a whole heap of petitions have been declared invalid because they were signed by dead people (talk about burying the lede guys) and Carol tells Margaret that she knows she went to see Walter that night. The whole thing is a bit frosty.

After facing an apparent bust interviewing tenants, Artie turns his attention to Nolan Walsh, since he did punch out Eugene. Nolan tells him he’d totally whack Eugene but he had nothing against Walter, and he wouldn’t mistake the two. Artie gets a call from Detective Henderson who tells him they finally caught a break via some fingerprints.

Apparently, the fingerprints belong to Margaret, as her assistant tearfully explains to JB over the phone when she calls to cancel their meeting. JB is stunned, especially since she received a fax from Margaret smack bang in the middle of when Margaret should have been committing the crime. Oh the 90s, when we were all saved by fax machines.

JB finds Artie at the Gillrich offices and explains she’s convinced Margaret didn’t kill Walter but Artie is unimpressed. He’s a little more impressed when JB finds some blue fluff on the floor and deduces that Walter was actually killed in his office and wheeled into Eugene’s office to throw everyone off the scent, but he thinks this still proves Margaret is guilty.

#TeamDorothyForever (I haven’t seen that much Golden Girls but I think I’m more a Sophia)

Down at the police station JB tries to explain to Artie that he’s got it wrong, Margaret tells him he’s caving under pressure from Eugene Gillrich but Artie’s not buying it. Henderson pops up to confirm that all the tenants of the building had nothing against Walter Gillrich, except he still hasn’t spoken to Mrs Rhodes. According to her nurse, Mrs Rhodes has gone to New Jersey to see family/hit up the tables at Atlantic City (look at me go with my local references I’ve learnt from extensive television watching). Artie offering to make Margaret a coffee gives JB an idea and she bolts out of the office on a mission.

Back at the bar JB finds Carol and Nolan drinking to their almost guaranteed win at the planning committee hearing. Nolan offers his chair to JB and wanders off, leaving JB to confront Carol with the truth – she’d met Eugene before the hearing? JB knows this because she heard Eugene order Carol a martini with an onion without being told. Carol admits it freely and explains that she has Eugene on tape offering 50K for the save the building committee to stop its campaign against the development. JB is aghast but Carol doesn’t care – her reputation is already tarnished, it will do more damage to Eugene. She’s fine with it. The mailman drops some mail off for Mrs Rhodes and JB decides it’s time to pay a visit so she offers to take it upstairs.

Meanwhile, Nolan and Mike are having a chat about Mike’s plans to do a TV special and dig up the bones of the victims of the gangster that used to hang out there. Nolan’s on board until Mike starts talking about how much money he will make, then he throws him out of the bar.

(In case you were wondering if this storyline sounded familiar)

Upstairs, JB knocks on Mrs Rhodes’s door and explains she has her fitness mags but not her social security check. The door opens, and it’s the nurse. You caught me, she says.

DAT FACE THO

Josie goes downstairs to move her car and tells JB that when Mrs Rhodes died she left everything to Josie as she had no other family. She notified everyone else, she just kind of forgot to tell the rental authority.

JB suddenly remembers something else. Something about cars being towed. She drags Artie down to the town planning injunction committee and snags Mr and Mrs Gillrich for a private word.

Surprised or not surprised? I’ll never know.

Ah yes. Lady Macbeth was getting annoyed at Walter’s lack of support for her husband’s plans to take over the world and so shot him. You know. The usual.

Later gang!

 

 

S10E01 – A Death in Hong Kong

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Welcome to Season Ten Fletcherfans! It’s a whole new season and Our Heroine has chucked her typewriter for the most high-tech computing technology in the opening credits.

Like a boss.

But even more excitingly welcome to Hong Kong, where JB has been lured by her friend, ceramicist Emma Soon Dunbar, to experience all that Hong Kong has to offer.

YEAHHHH BOOIIIIIIII

JB’s infinite pork bun plans are derailed by a stop at a jade shop, where the owner is delighted to show Jess his wares at the most reasonable prices and Emma is kidnapped by a carload of thugs. I guess this sort of thing happened when the British were in charge?

Jess leaps into action, helping Emma’s chauffeur to his feet and asking Mr Lee the shopowner to call the police. She also calls Emma’s husband Brian, who is in the middle of merger talks with Kai Kuan, a Hong Kong business owner who wants to take over House of Dunbar before the British give Hong Kong back to the Chinese.  Brian tells JB not to call the police which naturally does not compute for Jessica, also they are already there. Brian says not to worry and hangs up the phone. The meeting is then interrupted by another phone call, this time by the kidnappers themselves, who demand 200 grand in small bills for the safe return of Emma.

Meanwhile, JB is down at the police station contending with Inspector McLaughlin, aka everyone’s favourite bad guy David Warner.

Sidenote: this interview with David Warner is really great.

McLaughlin explains to JB that his frosty sarcastic demeanour isn’t a lack of concern about Emma, it’s just that this sort of thing happens all the time. Kidnappers kidnap, demand ransoms well within the means of the victim’s families, and then the victim is returned safe and well. Chances are, Emma is already at home right now.

Not in Cabot Cove anymore Toto.

Jessica returns to the Dunbar estate on the Peak and is both shocked and relieved to find Emma sitting on the couch looking quite content. JB refuses tea and sandwiches, asking instead if the merger talks might have had anything to do with the kidnapping. Brian says probably, his sidekick Mark agrees and says they were the ones who were probably responsible for a recent spate of factory fires. Emma thinks not though, and insists Brian arrange a new meeting to continue the talks. Brian sends his lackey Louise off to make the call and goes with Emma to have a nap before their evening plans. As they go up the stairs, Louise pops in to tell him that the Kuans can only meet him at 3:30, not at 2:30 as he wished. Brian, naturally, isn’t all that fussed.

Louise and Mark take a stroll in the grounds, and Louise gently tells Mark that there’s no point blaming Kuan for the factory fires. She knows the destroyed goods have been appearing on the black market in Shanghai and she knows about his rampant gambling debts in Macau. She’s keeping her mouth shut for the sake of the merger talks but if there’s any hint of trouble she’s taken steps to protect herself.

That night, JB finds Emma looking for her car key with no success. Hashtag plot point. She gives up and they all head down to the city to see Brian and Emma’s daughter April sing at the Shing Po Nightclub.

I’ll be honest, I’m probably projecting a bit here.

April’s performance is a raging success, and Emma finds her car keys in her bag. Case closed!

Oh, wait, no. April goes backstage to prepare for her next set and gets a visit from her boyfriend who just happens to be David Kuan, Kai Kuan’s son. April swears she will tell her father about them soon, but fortunately, she saved the effort when Brian wanders in and catches them making out. April quickly decides she needs to be on stage and leaves the two of them alone. Brian warns David that he will not allow April to be hurt, and to stay away from his daughter.

The next morning JB finds Emma hard at work in her studio and tells her not to worry about driving her to the university where JB is giving a lecture. Emma says nonsense, it’s on her way.  In the car, Emma dictates a memo to her in car recorder, which is the most cluiest of clues that ever clued.

Over at Kuan Tower, Brian’s sidekick Mark has taken it upon himself to visit and offer his support/allegiance, making him the Littlefinger of this episode of Murder of Thrones. Kai accepts his allegiance, but after he leaves tells David to never take your eyes off a desperate man. He orders one of his men to follow Mark and tells David that he heard Emma was kidnapped the previous day. The plot thickens.

Later that afternoon, Chang the chauffeur picks JB up from the university for the drive back up to the Peak. Jess asks him if he noticed the car following them on the way to the Jade shop the previous day and he says no. He only knew about the stop at the jade shop when Emma called him from the house to arrange the car. He immediately changes the subject and starts talking about how it often rains in the city, but not on Victoria Peak. Man, the writers are really ramming these clues in.

Man, I wish I had pork buns right now. And some xiao long bao. And some fried beef dumplings. And a wonton or two. Goddamnit, I only just had breakfast.

The merger talks resume but only briefly. Brian insinuates that Kai was the mastermind behind Emma’s kidnapping and Kai cracks it. David presents the Kuan final offer, valid for 24 hours. Brian refuses it but David suggests it would not hurt to give it some thought, he has 24 hours. In the meantime, they should all prepare for the House of Dunbar anniversary dinner scheduled for that night.

I swear to god there better be pork buns.

Jess returns to the Peak, where she notices Emma’s car is wet and has yellow paint on the wheel. Man, they are really spelling this out. Later, the house gathers for some victory champagne – not only is it the House of Dunbar anniversary but Louise has managed to pull off a big European sale by calling the manager at the crack of dawn so he would be too groggy to say no.

At the venue for the 110th-anniversary dinner, complete with a wet paint sign on the newly painted yellow gutter (OH MY GOD CALM DOWN), Jess runs into Inspector McLaughlin, who tells her they have a lead on one of Emma’s kidnappers. April introduces her to Kai and David Kuan, who come off as appropriately menacing. Mark the side-kick arrives just as the dinner commences with a traditional dance and a speech from Brian. Apparently, it is the tradition at House of Dunbar anniversary dinners to serve a century egg.

NO. HELL NO. NO CENTURY EGG. If you don’t know what a century egg is (and I only do because I saw it on Masterchef and was violently ill for several minutes afterwards), basically it is an egg traditionally preserved in clay, ash, salt, quicklime, and rice husks for days, weeks or months. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT and I say that having eating jellyfish (weird) and a lamb’s head in Morocco (quite delicious if you didn’t think about what was happening, which is how I get through life generally).

Brian explains how to eat a century egg to JB – grab some pickled ginger, dip it in lime juice, put it on the egg and go nuts.

There’s no way you can convince me that a century egg is a good idea. None. I’d rather eat mushrooms and I HATE mushrooms.

Brian Dunbar enjoys JB’s reaction so much that he promptly chokes to death and dies. Inspector McLaughlin appears from nowhere and Jess tells him that she could smell bitter almonds.

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU. A CENTURY EGG WILL DISGUISE THE TASTE OF CYANIDE.

McLaughlin takes charge and sends everyone home, except Mark who has already vanished. He and JB see April and David hugging, and casually says to David that it’s a bonanza day for the Kuans – Emma will be much easier to deal with than Brian. Back at the mansion, Emma gets a phone call from Kai backing out of the merger completely. Timing bro? He also warns her that she has a rat amongst the ranks but refuses to out Mark completely.

The next day JB heads down to see her old mate Inspector McLaughlin who tells her they’ve identified one of the kidnappers. He finds it odd that JB doesn’t recognise him (???) but says it’s no matter, hopefully he will slip up now that he knows the police are on to him. McLaughlin also tells JB that she was right about the cyanide. They traced it back to Brian’s lime juice bowl, which also contained sugar, but no one else’s lime juice was affected.  JB thinks this is most curious and sits down to watch the video footage from the night before. They confirm that the poison wasn’t in the bowl before the lime juice was poured but that’s about it.

McLaughlin gets a phone call to say his men have found something up at the Dunbar mansion, in Emma’s studio to be precise. It’s a bag of cyanide powder, which Emma swears isn’t hers. JB points out that the studio is never locked. McLaughlin knows but insists Emma come downtown for a chat.

JB and McLaughlin reconvene in his office later in the day, as JB has a theory about how the poison happened. Long unnecessarily complicated story short, the original dish was swapped for one that had cyanide and a sugar glaze. When the lime juice hit the glaze it dissolved, leaving the cyanide to mix with the lime juice.

As Jess goes to leave, McLaughlin reminds her to take an umbrella, the regular afternoon shower has hit.

GIVE ME ALL YOUR BAO. CHAR SIU BAO. NAI WONG BAO. ICECREAM BAO, WHICH IS TOTALLY A THING.

JB calls the Kuan’s who apparently give her the answer she wanted because she then asks McLaughlin to speak to Emma.

Later that night, JB is in Emma’s car in the garage fiddling with the voice recorder when the killer appears, ordering her to give up the tape.

I mean, sure.

Louise arranged the whole thing so she could take over House of Dunbar. So, she lied about when the meeting could and couldn’t take place, she stole Emma’s car keys to make a copy so she could borrow the car to talk to the dude in Paris and tell him she would soon be taking over, and she parked the car next to the yellow paint at the anniversary dinner when she swapped the plates.

Also, for those playing along at home, Mark was the one who arranged the kidnapping so he could use the ransom money to pay off his gambling debts in Macau. House of Dunbar really needs to reassess their hiring practices.

But not to worry Fletcherfans. The merger is going ahead, and not only that, but David and Lily are going to get married.

“I’d call that a double merger!” Says JB.

Later gang

S09E22 – Love’s Deadly Desire

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With a title like that, you know there’s going to be DRAMAH OH SAH DRAMAH.

It’s a dark and stormy night (obviously) JB is back in the Cove (Huzzah!) where fellow author and occasional Cabot Cove visitor Sibella Stone is reading from her latest book while smugglers are smuggling because that is literally what coves are for (see also, every Famous Five book ever).

I think JB is just about done with everything.

Sibella’s husband Derek Hartman turns up late and full of apology to pick up his wife and her assistant, Marian King. Derek has just secured a hot new manuscript from some random housewife in Oklahoma. Sibella insists JB pop round for a cup of tea and to check out ye olde journals Sibella found in the house she’s renting.

After they leave, Jessica finds Sibella’s purse and runs out to return it, only to find Marian and Derek having a pash on at the car.

Inconspicuous A F.

The next day Seth is barrelling down the main street of Cabot Cove when he crashes into Colin Burnham and Valerie Hartman. Colin is a dick and Valerie isn’t that much better to be honest, which of course gets Seth’s back up (although he did just also drop his dry cleaning in a puddle).

Angry Seth is Angry.

Valerie tells Seth to get his dry-cleaning redone and to charge it to her step-mother Sibella’s account. As she and Colin cruise off, leaving Seth huffing to himself, someone called Munro watches them leave before being summoned back inside the cafe where he works by someone called Sue. Facts.

JB takes the Fletchmobile to the lighthouse where Sibella and her crew are staying (YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I WANT TO STAY IN A LIGHTHOUSE) and runs into handyman (and wouldn’t you know it, local smuggler) Phil Coyle, who warns JB the step is broken and also Sibella should just leave the house is falling down around them.

Jess smiles politely and flees inside to return Sibella’s purse. Far from packing to leave Sibella has decided to stay until the end of the week to finish her book, and then take a well-earned three week holiday to Montego Bay with Derek. She suggests they take the journals she found outside to peruse.

Preach.

Their reading is interrupted by Valerie storming out, furious that the INS is threatening to deport Colin for crimes against hairstyles. Sibella has a friend in Washington but she has no intention of calling him, telling Valerie if she’s thinking of doing anything more serious with that Picadilly Prima Donna (lol) they will cut her money off. Valerie storms off again and Sibella reminds Jess that she is hosting a dinner on Thursday and Jess must come.

Thursday rolls around and Marian drops some more journals off for JB to read. She is also in the market for some writing advice, she only knows JB and Sibella and Sibella seems miserable. JB tells Marian that if she wants to become a writer she just should get out there and do it.

That night, while Marian and Derek steal more kisses while no one is looking, Colin asks Sibella for help with his visa problem, only for Sibella to tell him she will only help if Colin leaves Valerie alone. Colin says nothing doing, and Sibella tells him she didn’t realise he had a choice. Outside, Sibella runs into Phil the handyman, ‘working late’. He tells her his work is never done and she sashays away down to the beach, while that Munro bloke appears out of nowhere and loiters around. JB and a very reluctant Seth, heading to the party, spotlights flashing in the harbour. Jess thinks it’s some sort of signal but before she can work out what, they stop.

Sibella heads to the boathouse, for reasons unknown, and falls through a rotten floorboard into the water. Her foot gets trapped between two rocks, and her screams for help go unheard, while the water rises. Told you! Drama! Inside, Seth makes his views on being at the party abundantly clear, while Colin does what he does best and talks about Colin. Seth mutters to JB that it’s been 40 minutes and there’s no sign of their host, when Marian appears with a note she found upstairs saying ‘Boathouse 7pm’.  Jess says that was over an hour ago, and they rush to the boathouse to find the water up to Sibella’s neck. Derek dives in and pulls her foot free, and Seth heaves her out of the water with some rope which is a fair effort really.

Sibella takes to her bed to recover, telling them that she was down at the boathouse to get some more journals she’d found for Jess to look at. They ask her about the note, and she tells them she’d left it for herself the previous night to meet with Phil Coyle to discuss the renovations.

Party over, Marian pays the caterers and has a run-in with Colin, who threatens to tell Sibella about her little something something with Derek, to which she says be my guest (not the answer he was expecting). Meanwhile, JB and Seth are heading home, Seth furious that JB had left him alone with them. She tells him she went to investigate the boathouse and not only were there no journals down there, the floorboards Sibella had fallen through had been cut, not rotten. They narrowly avoid crashing into Phil Coyle as he jets off into the night in his truck.

Later that night, a cloaked figure stands on the deck, gets clocked around the head and falls down to the beach below. The body is discovered by Munro the Random Guy while he’s out on a morning stroll, and as he explains to Mort as soon as he saw the body he ran for a phone. He doesn’t know who it is, but he’s seen that writer woman wearing a cloak like that one.  Mort freaks out and asks if he means Jessica Fletcher, but Munro says no, he thinks her last name is stone. Deputy Andy rolls the body over and EGAD YOU GUYS it’s not Sibella, it’s Marian the assistant.

Mort goes up to the lighthouse to inform everyone what’s happened, and JB pops in a short time later. She mentions the lights to Mort and Sibella mentions she’s seen them too, when she’s been walking along the bluff before bed. Mort asks if Sibella owns a grey cloack, and when she says yes asks fi Marian had one similar but Sibella says she thinks not. She’s horrified when they explain to her that this probably means that she was the intended victim, not Marian.

Down at the cafe Sue wants to know why Munro was anywhere near the beach to discover the body, and just how he is connected to the family but he’s giving away nothing.

Back at the house, JB wants answers and Mort is trying to catch up. Sibella comes clean about the note, saying that she’s been receiving death threats in the mail over several weeks, and that one was the latest. She thinks they are from her real first husband, not the fictitious count she’s been putting about.

As Jess goes to leave she runs into Derek and passes on her condolences abour Marian. Derek says she knows how to cut to the chase.

Indeed

Derek tells her the affair was only about him being in denial about his age (#cliche) while he thinks it was more serious for Marian.

Down in town Munro is on the phone telling someone it wasn’t supposed to include murder, while Valerie begs her father to help stop Colin’s deportation, whilst at the same time wishing it had been Sibella who got whacked, not Marian. Ouch.

Meanwhile, Mort has taken it upon himself to arrest Phil Coyle, rather aggressively.

Coyle, it turns out, has been smuggling ivory from Canada which seems both elaborate and specific. Mort throws him under arrest and thinks its a matter of time before he adds murder to the list of charges.

Down at the cafe Mort brags about his recent victory to Seth, but is deflated when Jess pops in and tells him he’s probably wrong, definitely wrong when she sees some writing on the whiteboard.

This episode is a whole new level of ridiculous. Let me cut to the chase.

I MEAN COME ON NOW.

To cut an incredibly long story short, Sibella was nailing Munro and instead of divorcing Derek for cheating on her she decided to bump Marian off, and was going to bump off Derek but she got busted. Also JB worked it out because Munro was the writer of the notes and he spells mince MINZE and also Marian was the hot new author Derek signed and for the life of me I have no idea what’s going on, how did Mort know Phil was smuggling?

I don’t. I just don’t. So let us leave Season 9 with Seth dropping an allegedly funny line about Munro needing spelling lessons and go google lighthouses to stay at.

Later Fletcherfans!

S09E21 – The Survivor

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In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: the mystery writers who investigate crime; and the everyone else, who do what they’re told. These are their stories.

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long. Surely not.

It’s the middle of a night and a gang of thieves, who are less of a gang and more of a small army, are making off with the contents of a warehouse down by the docks. A call comes into the head burglar and they leg it just before a convoy of NYPD arrive. The convoy, lead by Detective Sergeant Vince Lofton, are furious. Lofton announces that they are being shut down if they don’t catch the gang soon, and as it’s clear there’s a leak in the group, he is getting some outside help.

Lofton leaves his posse to meet another detective, who is supplying the new recruit. Captain Meyers, it turns out, is in Internal Affairs, and has a file all about Lofton’s new recruit, John Bondy.

*beats head against desk*

Lofton is convinced a cop is dirty, but Meyers isn’t so sure.

Over at House Fletcher, a misbehaving computer sees JB go into panic mode and call her friendly neighbourhood computer technician to beg her to stop Jess from murdering her computer. Paula the technician promises to be around on Friday.

Bondy, John Bondy, throws himself into his new undercover gig down at the docks and manages to get one of the thieves to promise the name of his contact on the NYPD, but not before Friday. Bondy reports back to Lofton, who surmises this means the thief is going to report in about the new guy at the dock, so when he introduces Bondy to the rest of the strike team, the dirty cop will know and prevent his meeting with the thief. I think. Bondy is worried he’s being made the bait but don’t worry you guys, Lofton’s a man with a plan. Bondy suddenly remembers he has a date on Friday, but Lofton tells him not to worry it will all be fine.

Friday rolls around and Paula pops in to work her magic on JB’s computer before heading out on her date. JB wants to hear more about her quest to find her birth family, but apart from some searches on some internet bulletin boards, Paula has heard nothing new. What a rich back-story. A call from downstairs signals the arrival of Paula’s date and YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT IT’S JOHN BONDY.

The hell name is John Bondy though.

Cut to a barbecue in the suburbs, where the entire strike team has a day off and is enjoying beers while the father-in-law of one of them, whose name may or may not be Jimbo,  handles the meat. John and Paula arrive and get introduced to everyone and GUYS YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS but Paula used to date one of the detectives, Sonny Greene. I mean what were the odds.

Later that night, Jess is chilling out waiting for the Fletch Signal to appear in the sky when she gets a phone call. There’s been an accident. She rushes down to the hospital to discover Paula unconscious, and Detective Sergeant Lofton explaining that the car hit a wall and exploded and all they could read from the things in her purse were Jessica’s name and number. They aren’t sure who the driver was on account of the flames.

Jessica tells them she doesn’t know much about Paula, she has no family but she was on a date with someone called John Bondy.

Guys I’m not sure Lofton is that great at his job

Paula starts to wake up and tells them that John’s dead. The doctor tells her it was instantaneous in the crash but she tells them he was dead before the crash, and more to the point she was never in John’s car. They left the barbecue so that John could meet someone for a business thing, and Paula was to wait for him in the diner but when he didn’t show she went looking for him and found him dead in the driver’s seat of his car. The last thing she remembers before passing out is BLOOD! ALL THE BLOOD.

Lofton wants her woken up for more questions but the doctor quite rightly tells him to get out. Jessica follows, wanting to know why he thinks it’s a murder, after all, why else would he be there? He tells her about Bondy John Bondy being a cop, and his new partner, and thinks he might have been targeted. Jessica asks him what happens if the killer finds out that Paula is still alive and he tells her he will put a detail on her.

While Lofton gets to work finding out what the bloody hell is going on, Jessica naps in the waiting room. She is woken by a passing nurse who informs her that Paula is awake and asking for her. In her room, Paula has remembered more about the party – namely that John didn’t know anyone there except for one guy who turned up later drunk. That guy was Lofton, and he started trying to pick a fight with Bondy, spilling ice cream all over Jimbo’s pants, sending him home to change them before he went to show a property to someone somewhere something something.

Paula catches sight of Lofton and starts freaking out, so the Doctor orders him out of the room. Jessica follows him out, wanting to know what the hell that was about, but Lofton says he hasn’t got time to worry about it and if Jessica still wants to help she should meet him at the car yard so they can go over John’s car together.

The next morning a forensic mechanic ( a job title I totally just made up but it’s probably a thing) discovers the accelerator pedal had been jammed down with a paperclip, thereby proving that MacGuyver was the killer, case closed. Jess still wants to know what Lofton’s scene at the barbecue was about, and Lofton reveals he is actually Internal Affairs and explains the sting down at the docks. He is feeling guilty as hell about Bondy John Bondy’s death, they both knew he was bait and Lofton couldn’t stop him from getting killed. So he’s going to get justice and noone is going to stop him.

Back at home JB gets a visit from Captain Meyers who begs her to leave the investigating to the police, but when the doctor at the hospital calls to tell JB that someone had just broken into Paula’s room and tried to kill her JB tells the cop to go jump and rushes down to see Paula. Lofton is also there, and decides to come clean to both of them about the extent of his and Bondy James Bondy’s investigation (SO MANY FLASHBACKS). To cut a long story short, Lofton’s plan was to tail whoever left the party after Bondy John Bondy but it all went pearshaped when Sonny left first but wasn’t heading to the pub where the meeting was supposed to take place, and by the time Lofton realised and hotfooted it over to the pub Bondy was already dead. Hence, guilt.

While Lofton cops a bollocking from Meyer about the entire business Doctor Call-Me-Ramon and Jessica get Paula settled back in her apartment but not long after the Doc leaves the strike team arrives, ostensibly  to check-in on Paula but mostly to suss out what she knows about the whole business.  She tells them she is Jon Snow about the whole thing***, and they ask her to give one of them a call if she hears anything. Sonny tells her he’s still on the same number. After they leave, Jess finds a pair of sunglasses and recognises them as belonging to one of the detectives, Alex Machio (son-in-law of Jimbo the barbecuer for those playing along at home) and decides to return them.

Over at the Machio’s Mrs Machio is confused when Jess drops off the sunglasses and then outraged when Jess wonders how an NYPD detective can afford $200 sunnies. When Jess explains she is a friend of Paula’s Jill explains they get a lot of financial help from her father, who just this minute is walking in the room with his grandson who drew a picture of his grandad’s car in art class.

I don’t want to alarm anyone but there appears to be some sort of sorcery involved with this car I’m suspicious.

Down at the docks Lofton is on the hunt for Bondy John Bondy’s contact and finally finds him. Vinnie doesn’t want to talk, but having a loaded gun pointed in his face soon jogs his memory.

JB delivers some icecream to Paula, who returns the favour by giving Jess a written account of everything she remembers, although none of it really make sense. It makes sense to JB though, who gets straight on the phone to Captain Meyers.  Meanwhile, Vinnie takes Lofton to Chinatown, and points out the car belonging to the cop. It’s a car. A big red car. Toot toot chugga chugga.

Lofton takes matters into his own hands and breaks into the warehouse, where he finds what he was looking for a guilty man.

Not touching that one.

Fortunately JB and Captain Meyers arrive just in time to stop Lofton for cocking up another investigation.

To be honest I would have been more impressed if Mrs Machio had done it but whatever.

Poor Alex. He’s just found out his father in law is a stolen goods kingpin, and a murderer, and Alex has accidentally been helping. #awkward.

But it’s not all bad news. Paula is off to meet her birth father, and Lofton promises not to get in the way, which is apparently the funniest thing anyone has said all week. Seriously, rich back story.

Later Fletcherfans!

 

 

 

 

***Yesterday there was a horse running in the Caulfield Cup called Jon Snow. I put a bet on it. It lost. You can take it from here.

 

 

S09E20 – Ship of Thieves

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Yo Fletcherfans! I know, I said I would be back last week, but a surprise road trip came up and so yes, but YOU GUYS RICHMOND WON THE PREMIERSHIP FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1980 which is the dark ages before I was born and here is a picture of me after I’d stopped crying about how freaking great everything is.

But I’m back, the blog is back, no one has dropped any nukes or started any wars which apparently is something we should celebrate these days, so let’s get back to business.

Down by the docks one dark night, a woman called Amber shoots another woman called Agnes Lowry and steals her cruise ticket. And guys, wouldn’t you know it, as a reward for finishing hew new manuscript early, JB’s editor has decided to reward with a bit of a cruise around the Carribean which frankly sounds wonderful right about now. This can only be coincidental.

Even more coincidentally over breakfast and the newspaper the next morning (full of news of a drug kingpin’s murder and the escape of their accomplice), Jess bumps into an old friend from school by the name of Leslie Hunter (aka Lee Merriweather, the original Catwoman. Or was Eartha Kitt?) Leslie just so happens to be dating the captain of the cruise ship, Rory O’Neill and invites JB to an exclusive soiree he’s hosting that night.

Side note: THE BIKINIS ARE CUT SO HIGH JESUS CHRIST HOW WAS THIS EVER A THING.

While a woman and a man conspire to fleece an old guy out of his money playing cards inside, Jess watches a ship steward break the land speed record for falling in love with a random woman while spilling champagne over her boyfriend.

JUDGEMENT JESSICA IS ON DECK.

That night, the shady dude that was helping to fleece the old guy spots Fake Agnes and says “Janet! Remember me? Roland Deveraux! Buffalo three years ago?”

Fake Agnes/Janet tells him to shove off and wanders off. Over at the Captain’s shindig Jess and Leslie blame each other for the hot water running out at school, while Captain Rory tells them all about the ship’s hi-tech features like a mainframe, and a fax machine, and a modem. Bless.

Leslie and Rory wander off, leaving JB alone for a minute before a familiar voice says that JB is represented in the ship’s library by two books, both of which he’s already read.

It can only be one person…

YOU KNOW I DID.

Dennis the Menace is back, for one last hurrah. Recently retired from the insurance game, he has decided to take himself on a cruise to enjoy his new-found freedom but is having some trouble adjusting to civilian life, what with all the potential criminals on the boat. He thinks Jess should think about putting the mother and son duo the Sobel’s into her next book

Jess wanders off to powder her nose, and is interrupted first by a couple of old ducks looking for the captain’s reception, and then by Leslie who wants Jess’s opinion on Rory (which seems odd since they haven’t seen each other since school but what would I know?) Leslie is worried that Rory’s retirement plans – a B&B, roses and breeding Weimaraner dogs- don’t seem to include her.

The steward takes everyone’s guesses for what time they will cross the 25th parallel. Alma Sobel entertains everyone with a story about a guy who died on her cruise after guessing the correct time, pinches Jessica’s pen, denies it, and leaves.

God, this is a new low for me. I’m sorry.

Jess heads back to her room for some shut-eye and is slammed into the wall by a shadowy figure running out of her cabin. Back in the bar, Fake Agnes/Janet is hit on by the guy the steward spilt champagne on who is a) weirded out that Fake Agnes/Janet knows his name and b) delighted when she gives him her room number. The whole thing is overheard by Dennis the Menace who frankly has bigger issues.

Ah the whiskey sponsored existential crisis. I know it well.

JB is less than excited to see the steward turn up at her cabin to take down information about the break-in, especially when he calls her missing earrings (given to her by Frank) ‘not the crown jewels’. He tells her the ship’s detective is in the infirmary so the captain gave him the special assignment and he really is on the case.  As he departs Alma Sobel’s son Marvin arrives to return JB’s pen, apologising for his mother’s kleptomania.

In another part of the ship Roland’s sidekick is showing off her newly pinched earrings, but Roland is furious. He’s on to something big, and now she’s gone and got JB Fletcher on their case. Fortunately, Roland’s gig on the boat is as a magician, so he conveniently psychometrically reads JB  and plonks her earrings in a glass of champagne to great effect.

JB declines Dennis’s offer of a dance and instead goes for a promenade around the decks. She gets him to confess that he is the head of security for the Duchess Cruise Line, and he’s on board this particular ship to catch a cat burglar, specifically Fake Agnes/Janet’s new friend whose name it turns out is Lance Brinegar. Dennis suspects Fake Agnes won’t be wearing her splendid diamond pendant for too much longer.

Speaking of Fake Agnes/Janet, she is surprised to find Roland stretched out on her bed when she returns from a morning swim.  Roland apologises for the intrusion, but as she wasn’t answering his calls or texts he had to take matters into his own hands. Whatever scam Fake Agnes is running, he wants in or else he’ll tell the captain all about how Fake Agnes/Janet scammed an old guy in Buffalo three years earlier. Fake Agnes/Janet notes that he will neglect to mention that he was running the same scam on the old duck, but as she’s in a good mood she will let him in on her action.

A new day dawns on the ship and they arrive at their first port, Oldtown. Leslie tells Jess she’s just going to check on Rory but she’ll meet her later and they can head in together. Jess spots Lance fighting with his actual girlfriend, whose name is Molly, and asks her if she’s okay. Molly asks her if she believes in kismet and JB says no, “for my money relationships don’t just happen.” (Life Lesson #72).

Molly explains that she was paying for this cruise and Lance was going to pay for their honeymoon cruise, but he’s changed and yada yada, fortunately, the cruise was cheap, it’s an old boat etc etc.

Everyone’s favourite steward pops up to apologise for the state of the boat and promptly pours coffee everywhere.

The shade JB has thrown at that steward this episode has been a delight.

Jess runs into Rory finalising his last shipment of antiques and Leslie soon joins them with the suggestion that Rory takes them both to lunch in Old Town. Molly runs into the steward again (whose name is Philip) and accepts his invitation to go to Old Town too.

That night everyone settles in for some frankly appalling comedy in the bar. Marvin Sobel excuses himself to take his medication and promises his mother to return with an eclair for her. Fake Agnes/Janet gets a phone call and promises the caller she will meet them. Lance also excuses himself.

Fake Agnes/Janet is prowling around the sup when she cops a whack on the head. A gunshot is heard, and then Roland runs out of the darkness.

Frankly, none of this is surprising.

Dennis appears and sits down next to JB while the world’s worst comedian announces the winners of the parallel time guessing competition or whatever it was. Back in the captain’s cabin, Leslie decides she’s not hungry, a fact I’m sure will be relevant at some point.

Fake Agnes/Janet’s body doesn’t turn up until the next morning, but a few people saw Roland at the scene so he’s hauled in front of the captain and Dennis for questioning. He tells them they were doing business, he followed her to see what the business was but left when he heard the gunshot. Dennis tells him to get out, and the captain mentions that JB was sitting near the victim the night before so she might have seen something.

JB isn’t sure how she can help, but she tells Dennis about the phone call. Dennis tells her that Fake Agnes’s diamond pendant is now missing and they can only guess who had that, Lance Brinegar. After a report comes in showing his fingerprints were all over Fake Agnes’s room and the murder weapon, Dennis thinks it’s open and shut.

Jess and Molly go to talk to Lance, now in the brig, and he swears he didn’t kill Fake Agnes, he stole the pendant because he needed the money to pay for his and Molly’s honeymoon cruise so really it was her fault.

A guy shifting blame onto a woman, I mean really.

Wandering the halls Jess bumps into Marvin Sobel, who has been looking for her. One of his mother’s new treasures is a cigarette lighter with J F on it, but Jessica tells him it’s not hers. He continues on his quest and Dennis appears with news – the body of an undercover agent by the name of Agnes Lowry has just turned up in Miami and wouldn’t you know it, the same gun was used to kill her.

Dennis wonders whether Fake Agnes/Janet/Amber are the same person, but Jessica thinks its unlikely for reasons I can’t quite remember. The only thing Dennis knows for certain is that Fake Agnes’s real name actually was Janet. Janet Fiske.

This sets off the old mindbox and Jess goes to see Agnes Sopol but she can’t find her. Instead, she finds Marvin, who is also looking for his mother. He tells JB that Agnes pinched the lighter from the captain’s cabin before they went to Old Town. This seals it for JB and so she leaves a message for Dennis and goes investigating below decks, while Philp stands guard.

 

Ah yes.

So I’m a little hazy on this still, but I think Captain Rory was smuggling drugs and skimming money or something, and then Fake Agnes found out about it so Leslie killed her because she really wanted those Weimaramas, you guys.

So she was Amber? Wait Rory was Amber? What just happened?

While I sit here and try to work this out, please rest assured that Molly and Philip are now totes in love and Agnes is still pinching things wherever she can. More to the point, it’s bon voyage to Dennis Stanton, who is off to cruise the world as a ships detective, never to grace another episode of Murder, She Wrote. I’m a little bit bummed you guys.

Until next week.

Oh Dennis. You were the gift that kept on giving.

And now, a word from our sponsor

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