You guys! WE’RE INVITED TO A WEDDING!
Oh wait a minute. Here’s the bride and groom:
Preparations are in full swing for the wedding of the millenium, and Jess has arrived to be the voice of sanity in all the chaos, and also to insist that Donna and Grady open her present right away.
JB’s gift to them is the mirror she got from her mother on her wedding day. She tells them she thought they’d need something old, and it also brought great luck to Frank and her.
Donna is whisked away by her mother Maisie to prepare for the rehearsal. Grady reminds her that he might need to attend that too and Maisie agrees, but says she wishes she would stop seeing Wilfred down the end of the aisle. Wilfred, it turns out, is Donna’s childhood sweetheart and the man Donna’s parents still wish she would marry. Gotta admit, I kind of feel bad for Grady a bit.
Jess is joined by the housekeeper, Harriet, and it was bugging me for ages that I recognised her voice but IMDB solved the case.
Harriet scolds Jess for attempting to put her suitcase on the bed, and tells her there will be hell to pay if she doesn’t sharpen her pencils over the bin.
Later that night the family sits down to the dinner table, joined by Donna’s Uncle Ben who is precisely the type of uncle you are imagining right now. He spends a good amount of time winking salaciously at Jessica, who asks him what he does for a living but the answer is quickly cut off by Donna’s father quizzing Grady on accounting practices. Thug life.
Ben excuses himself, saying he needs ice to cool down his hot blood, “you know what I mean Jessica?”
In the kitchen, Ben has a fondle of Harriet’s backside. Harriet reacts appropriately.
The doorbell rings and they are soon joined by Maisie’s brother Ziggy
Stardust and his new wife Valerie. Some dramatic tension gets thrown about when it seems like Harriet and Valerie recognise each other but the moment passes and Jess shows them to their rooms on account of Harriet going off to abuse a soup tureen probably. Later that night, Jess is chillaxing with a book when she is interrupted first by Uncle Ben on the prowl (after her or Valerie, I think the phrase is ‘any port in a storm’), and then by Grady and Donna who aren’t coping with anything but specifically Donna’s parents.
The next morning, chaos sets in early. Harriet picks a fight with the wedding caterer, and Ben decides it would be a good idea to slap Jessica’s bum as she walks past to see Donna’s father in his office.
Jess goes in to try and spruik her nephew’s fine qualities to Donna’s father, (may the force be with her on that) but Maisie interrupts them to announce that the caterer is threatening to walk out as Harriet won’t let him in the kitchen and now Harriet has disappeared. Jess volunteers to help Maisie look for her, but is unaware of the situation in the bushes just next to her.
While the Hunt for
Red October Harriet continues, Ben attempts to coach Ziggy in marital harmony but is distracted by the arrival of the waitresses. Jess meets Cousin Clara, who is very keen to get hold of some food. Grady sneaks into Donna’s bedroom to tell her he’s not taking the job at her father’s firm, and that they definitely shouldn’t move in next door in the house the Mayberry’s bought them as a wedding present. Grady goes to confront Donna’s father, gets nowhere, and whinges to Jess that maybe Donna should be with Wilfred, since their wedding appears to be cursed. “Nonsense” says Jess. “What could possibly go wrong?”
Now I can’t really explain what happens next, but if you’ve seen it y0u know what I’m talking about and if you haven’t, there are sound effects involved that left me looking like this:
In any case, the Chief of Police is called and makes the following discovery, not edited by me in any way.
I don’t even.
Slocum decides in 30 seconds that the culprit is a professional burglar, but his mind is blown when Jess gently explains to him that it would appear the wrapping paper from the present was placed in Harriet’s hand as an afterthought to cover up the motive of the crime. More importantly, the killer has to still be in the house as the guard told Jess earlier when she was looking for Harriet that no one had left the premises.
While the wedding guests are redirected to the open bar, Jess and Slocum begin the investigation. Jess shows Slocum where the meat thermometer was kept, and tells him that the killer can’t have been acquainted with the house since they didn’t know where the knives were kept and went for the handiest weapon. This probably means that the body was moved to buy time.
Slocum is on board so far.
Meanwhile, Donna and Grady’s attempts to talk to her father about their future are overshadowed by the arrival of Wilfred, the ex-boyfriend and shining light to the Mayberry parents.
Not so much any more.
Outside, Ben and Ziggy suddenly realise that neither of them have a cousin Clara. Jess goes in to investigate and discovers that Clara is in fact a wedding crasher.
Ugh you guys, lets cut to the chase because this episode is weird.
Turns out Valerie accidentally on purpose killed her ex husband, and Harriet was her maid, And honestly, whatever.
As Grady and Donna finally tie the knot, I think Jessica sums it up best.