Welcome back to Hollywood Fletcherfans, where the magic happens and also murder because duh.

On a backlot at Monolith Pictures, a man called Daryl Harding is living on a disused soundstage. He hangs out on the couch drinking coffee when suddenly he hears noises.

Jim Caviezel is doing a sequel to The Passion of the Christ, but it’s not called 2 Jesus 2 Furious so frankly, it’s pointless.

He hides under a table while three men – Carson Robbins, Hank Duncan and some other dude come in to talk business, namely, they want to steal a print of a movie called ‘Cry of Destiny’ and pirate it before it’s in the cinemas. Oooh, topical. Carson is a producer on the film and doesn’t want to be a part of this business any more but Hank and the other guy tell him it’s too late.

Hank Duncan (being played by William O’Leary or as I know him, ‘hey it’s that guy!’ suddenly smells coffee and says the stage hasn’t been used in a month, that shouldn’t be. They fan out and search, but hear the studio door slam a short time later.

Meanwhile, Jess rolls on into town to meet with director Boyce Brown about adapting one of her books into a film but he’s busy trying to get Cry of Destiny done. She’s not the only one rolling up to the set though, Hank’s girlfriend Barbie Lippin is holding up the queue trying to get in, and Fritz Randall is trying to get to work.

YOU GUYS HARRY PIERCE HAS CLEARLY TURNED STATES EVIDENCE AND GONE INTO WITNESS PROTECTION IN HOLLYWOOD

There can be no other explanation.

Anyway, yes, JB is in town and isn’t fazed that Boyce Brown hasn’t had time to read her book. Through the wonders of exposition, we learn that Boyce’s daughter found the incomplete film made by the late director Austin Young right before he died of an accidental overdose 35 years ago. They are now filming the missing pieces at a cost of forty million and Austin Young’s assistant director Fritz Randall is helping them do it while writing a book about Austin Young.

Meanwhile, Boyce’s daughter Elaine is arguing with Fritz about shooting the scene that in the old script was the one Austin died before filming (me fail English that’s unpossible). They find Carson messing around with reels of Cry of Destiny and order him to leave them alone, no one is allowed to take the reels off set for any reason thanks to all the leaks that have been happening. Things get intense, but then Daryl Harding passes by and saves the day.

I should point out that Jim Caviezel has had a long and excellent career (HE WAS IN THE ROCK!), but every time I see him I shout Jesus because I am a strange and unusual plant.

Elaine is clearly on board to see more of the D-man, and tells him she tried to call him to invite him to the debut screening of Cry of Destiny but he was unlisted and the Screen Actors Guild hadn’t heard of him. He tells her he just moved and that SAG just got it wrong, but when Elaine turns to write down her number to give him he disappears.

DARYL IS JESUS A GHOST.

Spoiler alert, he isn’t though, he’s just nicked down the cafeteria for a bite to eat. He tells a friendly security guard that he left his badge in his jacket and bumps into Jessica and Boyce who are loading up on spare ribs. Carson Robbins appears with bad news – someone called Audrey Young has just surfaced claiming that she was adopted by Austin Young the year before he died and that everything, including the original copies of Cry of Destiny, belong to her. Boyce tells him he’ll need time to go over all these documents with the lawyers, but invites Audrey to the screening of Cry of Destiny. She tells him nope, and her lawyer hands over an injunction barring all screenings without Audrey’s consent.

Hank’s ladyfriend Bunny is waiting to audition and is telling former child star and current Do You Know Who I Am, Joan Kemp, all about it.

Joan doesn’t want to hear another word about your damn boyfriend Bunny.

While Darryl hides behind a copy of Variety, Hank turns up to wish Bunny good luck with her audition. He gets paged and can’t stay though, but has time to have a word to a security guard who tells him he was talking to a guy who said he was working on Set 25, even though there’s no construction over there. Hank wants names.

Boyce is having a bit of a time of it – New York is riding him about the budget, Elaine wants more money for some late shooting before the screening and Carson tells him that Audrey seems to be legit. The good news is Audrey has agreed to let them go ahead with the screening as planned. Audrey has other things on her mind – namely hanging out with Fritz and making out at his house (that used to be Austin’s house).

Weird.

The next day Hank and Carson plan to get the film copy off the set in two hours time, while Daryl explains to Elaine he’s not really in the guild, he couldn’t afford the dues. Elaine offers to help get him to work but he’s doing it on his own terms. He spots Hank and Carson and Hank spots him, but Daryl vanishes before they can approach.

Jess bumps into Boyce and gives him a copy of her book to read after the screening. Boyce tells her that between this business with Audrey and the piracy situation he’s starting to wonder if any of this is worth it.

A screengrab for our times. You’re welcome.

Jess reminds him of something he once told her: “People who don’t take risks protect themselves from the lows but they don’t get to experience the highs.” (Life Lesson #75) Boyce later takes some of his own advice when he has to tell Elaine that the studio bosses are withdrawing funds for the movie – he decides to hell with it, they’ll screen it anyway.

That night, Bunny springs Hank and his sidekick loading copies of the Cry of Destiny film into the back of a truck. Hank manages to get her to go away and orders the other guy to make sure that the negative gets onto the truck after the screening.

The gang all assemble for the screening and Jess has a chat to Joan Kemp former child star. It turns out Joan worked on the original Cry of Destiny movie – she wasn’t on set when it happened, but she remembers how awful it was and how things fell apart for everyone afterwards. Jess also bumps into her favourite LAPD detective Lieutenant Caceras, and Fritz, who is annoyed at how small his advance is for the tell-all book he’s writing about Austin Young. He offers to let JB see his collection of Youngerbelia and she agrees to pop round the next morning.

The screening is a raging success for everyone, except for that one guy who leaves early acting like he’s drunk out of his mind. Jess pops round to see Fritz the next morning and finds him dead on the floor. Gabe Caceras is on the case, and it is very quickly ruled a suicide. Jess isn’t having a bar of it though – no one saw Fritz after he left the film screening but given the success of the film and the fact he was working on a book – it just didn’t seem likely that Fritz would kill himself the same way Austin did. Also, there is one specific negative missing from the original sheet of Cry of Destiny.

*mentally checks out to consider a Murder She Wrote Game of Thrones cast because it’s Monday and why not)

Back at the lot, Daryl overhears Bunny chatting to Hank about his business dealings. Bunny might know some guys who’d be interested in what Hank’s selling if you know what I mean.

He knows when you’ve been bad or good, oh wait that’s Santa hold on.

Jessica meanwhile is doing a little sleuthing and finds Carson down the back of a couch. He’s mysteriously managed to find Fritz’s glasses which were missing at his house. Carson said he heard all this at the crime scene, but very quickly caves under pressure and admits to moving Fritz’s body, with Boyce’s permission. Fritz was the staggering drunk at the crime scene, Carson found him dead later on and then dragged his body out the side door and into his car.

The way she says WHAT? right here is frankly glorious.

Just then, Boyce gets a phone call from Elaine, who has been arrested for Fritz’s murder. Down at the precinct, Gabe is unapologetic about it, saying that Elaine admitted to having a tiff with Fritz. Not only that, they found sleeping pills on the floor under Fritz’s seat where the killer missed his glass. Jessica says it’s nonsense, Elaine was sitting with Jesus Daryl Harding but Gabe ain’t bothered.

Jess heads back to the lot where she runs into Joan Kemp, who’s just picked up some scenes in a movie. It’s going to be filmed in Studio 25, it will be just like going home. Jess immediately walks away, she’s got an idea.

Over at Studio 25, Jess tells the empty room that Elaine is in more trouble than he’ll be in if he doesn’t reveal himself. Daryl thinks that isn’t true, he knows about some illegal activity going on on the set and tells Jess all about Hank’s piracy.

Word up.

Hank, Carson, Bunni and That Other Guy to finalize their piracy arrangement when Gabe Carceras bursts in, presumably at the word of JB. It’s not good news though.

Plot twist! I wish I cared! (Hank is crushed)

Back at the precinct, Gabe’s not budging on Elaine being guilty. Some overdue parking tickets belonging to Audrey gives Jess an idea and she recruits Daryl to pick her up in his car. Meanwhile, Joan bumps into Boyce on set and there’s a weird conversation where Joan says Boyce was an assistant director to Austin Young but Boyce says he wasn’t.

At Fritz’s Jess and Daryl take a look at the contact sheet with the missing negative. Daryl finds a receipt for a film place where Fritz had apparently requested an enlargement of the missing negative. Jess tries to call the store but it’s closed. BUT WOULDN’T YOU KNOW IT, there’s a man at the door wanting to deliver the blown up image but Fritz has to sign for it.

Nailed it

Photo acquired, Jess knows exactly who the killer is.

This I did not see coming.

That photo proved Joan lied about where she was at the time of Austin Young’s death, i.e she killed him in a jealous rage because he didn’t love her, and then killed Fritz when he worked it out.

Chalk up another win to Team JB. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to contemplate the 2 Jesus 2 Furious trailer.

Later gang!

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