S05E01 – J.B as in Jail Bird

Welcome to season five Fletcherfans! Only seven more seasons to go! This must be how it feels to run a marathon :S

JB is in San Francisco this week, and whatever plans she had planned have fallen apart very quickly thanks to an old friend.

This can only mean trouble.

JB bumped into him leaving the airport, and gentleman that he is he offered her a lift to her hotel, Unfortunately it’s all gone a bit wrong and he’s now on the trail of some Bulgarian dude who hightails it out of a hotel room window and down the fire escape. He tries to hijack the car containing JB but as she helpfully points out that she doesn’t have the keys and she doesn’t know how to drive, shots ring out and he collapses. Jess looks up just in time to see Hegarty scarper as the police cars make an unexpectedly quick arrival leaving Jess no time to do anything but pick up the book the dead Hungarian had in his pocket.

Damn it Hegarty!

Classic Hegarty move

While JB gets hauled off to the cop shop Hegarty is back at base listening to his boss list all the things he is going to throw at Hegarty for stuffing up the mission.

YAAAAAAAAAY. Remember that time Not John Rhys Davies was in Murder She Wrote? This is way better

Hegarty is a bit cranky and tells his boss that he didn’t shoot the guy, it was their arch nemesis the Cobra, a deadly assassin who has evaded capture for some time. Lancaster is vaguely appeased but is still furious that Hegarty got a civilian involved. She’ll talk to the police! She’ll talk to the press! She’ll compromise everything!

Hegarty assures his boss that he has JB covered. At least, temporarily.

Down at the police station JB is trying to persuade the detectives to let her go, but they aren’t having it. They want to know her real name and nationality. When she tells them her name is Jessica Fletcher from Cabot Cove Maine they tell her the REAL Jessica Fletcher reported her bag and luggage stolen from the airport. Sergeant Nash orders her to be booked as a Jane Doe. JB tells them she was supposed to be meeting her nephew Grady who is in town on business. He’ll vouch for her.

Oh dear.

Back at base, Lancaster, Hegarty and his colleague Roger Travis assess the situation. There’s an African politician coming to give a speech at Berkeley in a few days, to publicly shame his home country. The ruling party can’t bump the guy off at home but sources indicate that the Cobra has been hired for half a million bucks to assassinate him. Lancaster says the Americans don’t believe there’s a threat so they’re on their own. Hegarty is furious, saying that if it all goes wrong the Americans don’t have to worry about the clean-up in Africa, they do. Travis says they already have a mess to clean up thanks to Hegarty’s panicky trigger finger. They nearly come to blows before Lancaster threatens to get out his axe again. They calm down, but not before Travis warns Hegarty not to say any more.

BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY ME I DECLARE TODAY TO BE REX MANNING DAY

Back at the precinct JB is in a holding cell bored out of her brains when Sergeant Nash arrives with Grady. He asks Grady if this woman is his aunt and he tells the sergeant he’s never seen this woman before in his life.

Really though, what did you think was going to happen? Grady barely knows who HE is

Outside, Nash tells Grady that the woman pretending to be his aunt iced a Commie in an alleyway. Grady is flabbergasted – that sweet old woman? Nash shrugs and tells Grady to get his aunt to call him when she gets a chance. In his office, Nash finds a detective from Miami going through a file on his desk. Detective Santiago tells him he recognised the MO of the Bulgarian’s murder as they had something similar in Miami six months earlier and a description of the killer matched JB.

Hegarty catches up to Grady outside the police station to confirm he didn’t identify his aunt. Grady is horrified that he helped keep his aunt in jail on a murder charge but Hegarty insists it’s for her safety and explains the situation with the assassination attempt. Grady insists that he help the case (oh for crying out loud) and Hegarty tells him to go back to his hotel room and call if anyone turns up asking for Jess.

Meanwhile, Santiago and Nash continue interrogating JB, and she’s rapidly losing patience. She tells them to do a nitrate test to prove that she didn’t fire a gun, but they point out she was wearing gloves. She snaps and tells them to test the gloves then,  and Santiago asks her how come she knows so much about nitrate tests. She tells him it’s her business to know – then seeing his reaction hastens to add she’s a mystery writer. She insists on her phone call to her attorney but Nash says her attorney is already here.

Oh look, now he’s Clark Kent.

Genius.

Cunningly disguised in glasses and a thick southern accent Hegarty explains the situation to JB and says it will only be for a few more days. JB is furious, but decides to make the best of a bad situation and asks for the book she had when she was arrested (that she lifted from the dead Bulgarian) so she could “finish reading”.

Meanwhile back at his hotel, Grady finds a mysterious blonde banging on the door looking for Jess. She says she’s Glenda Morrison, the one writing a piece about JB for the Chonicle and that JB needs to get in touch, pronto. Grady alerts Hegarty who isn’t particularly concerned until Grady reports that he rang the Chronicle and they’d never heard of a Glenda Morrison. While Grady searches for the phone number to show Hegarty, a car pulls up across the street, and Hegarty spots a gun barrel sticking out of the window. He tackles Grady to the ground as shots ring out and the car screeches off. Grady is hysterical and calms down only when Hegarty tells him the bullet was probably meant for him. Hegarty tells Grady to go back to his hotel, while he baits and casts another line.

Back at the precinct Nash has a visit from Kevin Styles from the State Department, looking for a copy of the file and checking in on the investigation. He tells them that they’re reporting it to the Bulgarians as a robbery turned homicide which Santiago thinks makes no sense as there was nothing found on the ‘Jane Doe’. The Jane Doe herself is still kicking back in her cell, investigating the book when she gets a visit from Rex Manning Travis, who tells her that they know she and Hegarty were in it together and that if she comes clean they can cut her a deal. JB decides to call the guard instead and Travis (with an inexplicable Australian accent) slinks off again. JB’s next door neighbour overhears the conversation and says “Gee honey, I had you figured for shoplifting or maybe kiting cheques but murder…Jessica, I knew you had class.”

Indeed

Meanwhile, Grady and Hegarty lure Glenda Thompson back to the hotel to find out who she really is, and are a little disappointed to discover that all she lied about was working for the Chronicle. She’s working freelance and was planning to sell the article about JB to Rolling Stone. Hegarty checks in on JB who tells him about her visitor and he correctly guesses it was Travis.  She asks what happened to the payoff money and Hegarty tells her his theory that there was never any money, as half a mill would be too bulky. Instead it would be something less obvious like a cheque or an account number, and judging on what’s happened since, the Cobra hasn’t received whatever it was. JB has had enough of Hegarty’s shenanigans and demands to be released. Back to the cell she goes. and as she’s flicking through the book again she notices the postage stamp on the postcard that was being used as a bookmark. With a smile she asks her neighbour Veronica for writing materials. She’s going to write a letter.

Across town, Grady is taking the spying business a little too seriously.

You’re an idiot Grady.

The subject of Grady’s clandestine viewing is Glenda Morrison, who is covertly following Detective Santiago for reasons noone has bothered to make clear so let’s not dwell on that. Santiago goes in to Grady’s room, Glenda follows him and Grady follows Glenda. Sensing them behind him, Santiago pulls his gun. He explains he was looking for…something? Seriously though, why is he even there? They don’t know they have Jess in custody, why are they searching the room? And why hasn’t Jess told someone to go buy her book to prove who she is?

Anyway.

JB has a viist from Kevin Styles, the guy from the State Department, arrives to check on JB who tells him that her identity is easily proven if he goes to the nearest bookstore…oh there you go. Thanks MSW writers. He asks her if he can get her anything, and notices the book on her bed. He decides after close examination that he’s read that one, and leaves, but promises to return and bail her out if he can confirm her identity. Nash soon appears to tell JB’s neighbour Veronica to get ready for court. After he departs, JB asks Veronica for a favour – can she call Grady from the courthouse and pass a message on?

Back at their top secret base, Travis tells Lancaster of his suspicions that Hegarty killed the Bulgarian. Fed up, Lancaster tells Travis to tell Hegarty he wants to speak to him but Travis tells him Hegarty has been AWOL for the last hour.

Kevin Styles returns to see JB but instead of bailing her out he demands the stamp. It turns out the stamp is worth 3 million dollars. It also turns out Kevin Styles doesn’t work for the State Department. He works for himself. In a way.

Wait, what?

The Cobra tells JB that he has Grady, and that if he doesn’t walk out of there with the stamp, Grady’s in trouble. JB tells him the stamp is in her shoe, and kicks it off for him. It lands at the edge of the cell, and as the Cobra bends down a hand holding a gun shoots through the bars and around his neck.

Wait, WHAT?

And there you have it. And I’ve watched this episode twice now and I’ve only just realised that the reason why JB asked for writing materials is because she wanted to swap out the expensive rare stamp for another one to lure the Cobra. At least, I think that’s what was happening. At this point I don’t even know.

So until next time…

Sometimes I hit pause at precisely the wrong time. This is not one of those times.