Just one sec.

The important thing is I make myself laugh.

This demolition derby is in fact in NYC, and is being undertaken by the Gillrich brothers, Eugene and Walter. Their efforts are not going unnoticed and a group of concerned citizens is working to save three remaining brownstones from being demolished. Two have already been vacated but one still has people and even more conveniently a bar, which is where we find Our Heroine being recruited to the cause by local so-and-so Carol Collins. Jess is happy to chuck some coin in but she’s swamped with deadlines. They are soon joined by Margaret, who apparently is a friend of JB’s but I can’t work it out. Apparently some famous writers did some writing and some gangsters did some gangstering in the building, which of course JB knows all about because JB loves a good historical snoop.

My grandfather’s rule is that it’s socially acceptable to start drinking at 4pm (except on Christmas when it’s 12pm), which I think is incredibly reasonable.

Meanwhile all is not well in the state of Gillrich. There’s trouble with protestors, trouble with investors, and Walter is subjected to Lady Macbeth’s Gillrich’s plans for the interiors of Gillrich Tower which should absolutely in no way be confused with Trump Tower no siree Bob.

This is a Simpsons quote that frankly can’t get shouted enough.

Walter has had a phone call from Margaret.  There’s a hearing the next day to grant or deny an injunction requested by the Save Our Building mob, and Margaret just wants them to know that there will be pickets and TV crews and all sorts of shenanigans. Also, there’s an 87-year-old lady called Mrs Rhodes who isn’t leaving her apartment.

Eugene tells Walter not to worry about Mrs Rhodes, Walter wouldn’t let Eugene just kick her out so they are paying for the move to Florida. Walter is still anxious and wonders whether another site might be more suitable but Eugene tells him to shut it, and to keep his mouth closed during the hearing.

Now Fletcherfans, you’re not going to believe this, but the next day at the meeting Walter admits he has reservations about the project leaving the committee to adjourn for the day without reaching a verdict. Local reporter Mike LaRocca is there to cover all the reactions from Margarets (shy bafflement) to Carols (gloating) to Eugene and Walters (furious and stubborn silence respectively). He also gets the reaction from bar owner Nolan Walsh who is also keen to plug his new signature cocktail.

The signature cocktail is called A Hickey From Kernickie and seriously that should be true.

JB sees the news report and feels inspired (plus she’s totally on top of her deadlines now) so she calls Carol and offers her presence at the rally that evening. Carol is delighted and immediately tells her new boyfriend Eugene Gillrich all about it. He’s not too fussed, he’s there for one reason and one reason only – which is good news for Carol as she’s planning to record the whole thing on tape to share with the committee when it resumes in 48 hours.

Across town, Walter Gillrich sends his secretary home for the night, while Mike Larocca cops a bollocking from someone called Vic Barton for reasons that will become clear if you read the IMDB page like I just did. But for now, know that Vic and Mike want the building torn down.


They are really signalling the clues these days.

JB and Margaret arrive the same time as Lee Gillgrich pulls up in her car. They barely wonder what she’s doing there but it turns out her husband is inside the bar trying to milk some goodwill so there you go. JB gets interviewed by Mike, who starts with the question “So Mrs Fletcher, does your bar crawling bring you here often?”

This might have broken the sass-o-meter.

Post interview JB meets Mrs Rhodes’s nurse Josie Miles, who explains her patient isn’t up to coming downstairs but she’ll definitely sign the petition. Margaret gets a phone call from Walter and leaves the bar. Later, the bartender announces that the 5-0 have arrived to start towing cars, and there’s a mass exodus of people who leave to move their cars. Eugene sits down with Nolan and offers him more money to move the bar, or else feel his wrath. Nolan offers Eugene to feel his fist in Eugene’s face, at which Eugene picks himself up from the ground and departs with Mrs Gillrich.

The next day Lord and Lady Macbeth/Gillrich roll into work and find Walter dead at his desk. The NYPD are called to the scene, led by everyone’s favourite Golden Ex-Husband, Artie Gelber. Eugene and Lee tell Artie they can’t think of anyone who would want to kill Walter, he was liked by everyone.

As Artie leaves the scene of the crime he’s ambushed by Mike LaRocca who gets on his soapbox when Artie won’t give him anything, leaving Artie to tell him if he wants to make speeches he should run for office. LaRocca is ambushed himself when Vic Barton turns up again to inform him that with Walter dead the injunction to stop the demolition has been put on hold which means the demolition on hold. For the record, Mike LaRocca wants to do a TV special where he digs up Nolan’s bar to find the victims of a gangster who used to hang out there and presumably Vic Barton is bankrolling the special except this is never made clear at all.

Artie goes to see Margaret to get more info and runs into JB, who tells him she cannot really offer anything. Margaret says she spoke to Walter on the phone but that was it. Artie’s sidekick announces that Walter was shot between 8pm and 9pm. JB points out that if Walter was shot from behind sitting at Eugene’s desk then the assumption must be made that the intended target was Eugene and Artie agrees. His current theory is that a tenant whacked him to stop him from destroying their home. Margaret hands over a list of tenants still living in the buildings, including Mrs Rhodes who has lived there so long she’s only paying $300 per month.

What I would give for rent control to be a thing in Melbourne.

Meanwhile, there’s high drama in the gang to save the brownstones. Margaret has just told Carol that a whole heap of petitions have been declared invalid because they were signed by dead people (talk about burying the lede guys) and Carol tells Margaret that she knows she went to see Walter that night. The whole thing is a bit frosty.

After facing an apparent bust interviewing tenants, Artie turns his attention to Nolan Walsh, since he did punch out Eugene. Nolan tells him he’d totally whack Eugene but he had nothing against Walter, and he wouldn’t mistake the two. Artie gets a call from Detective Henderson who tells him they finally caught a break via some fingerprints.

Apparently, the fingerprints belong to Margaret, as her assistant tearfully explains to JB over the phone when she calls to cancel their meeting. JB is stunned, especially since she received a fax from Margaret smack bang in the middle of when Margaret should have been committing the crime. Oh the 90s, when we were all saved by fax machines.

JB finds Artie at the Gillrich offices and explains she’s convinced Margaret didn’t kill Walter but Artie is unimpressed. He’s a little more impressed when JB finds some blue fluff on the floor and deduces that Walter was actually killed in his office and wheeled into Eugene’s office to throw everyone off the scent, but he thinks this still proves Margaret is guilty.

#TeamDorothyForever (I haven’t seen that much Golden Girls but I think I’m more a Sophia)

Down at the police station JB tries to explain to Artie that he’s got it wrong, Margaret tells him he’s caving under pressure from Eugene Gillrich but Artie’s not buying it. Henderson pops up to confirm that all the tenants of the building had nothing against Walter Gillrich, except he still hasn’t spoken to Mrs Rhodes. According to her nurse, Mrs Rhodes has gone to New Jersey to see family/hit up the tables at Atlantic City (look at me go with my local references I’ve learnt from extensive television watching). Artie offering to make Margaret a coffee gives JB an idea and she bolts out of the office on a mission.

Back at the bar JB finds Carol and Nolan drinking to their almost guaranteed win at the planning committee hearing. Nolan offers his chair to JB and wanders off, leaving JB to confront Carol with the truth – she’d met Eugene before the hearing? JB knows this because she heard Eugene order Carol a martini with an onion without being told. Carol admits it freely and explains that she has Eugene on tape offering 50K for the save the building committee to stop its campaign against the development. JB is aghast but Carol doesn’t care – her reputation is already tarnished, it will do more damage to Eugene. She’s fine with it. The mailman drops some mail off for Mrs Rhodes and JB decides it’s time to pay a visit so she offers to take it upstairs.

Meanwhile, Nolan and Mike are having a chat about Mike’s plans to do a TV special and dig up the bones of the victims of the gangster that used to hang out there. Nolan’s on board until Mike starts talking about how much money he will make, then he throws him out of the bar.

(In case you were wondering if this storyline sounded familiar)

Upstairs, JB knocks on Mrs Rhodes’s door and explains she has her fitness mags but not her social security check. The door opens, and it’s the nurse. You caught me, she says.


Josie goes downstairs to move her car and tells JB that when Mrs Rhodes died she left everything to Josie as she had no other family. She notified everyone else, she just kind of forgot to tell the rental authority.

JB suddenly remembers something else. Something about cars being towed. She drags Artie down to the town planning injunction committee and snags Mr and Mrs Gillrich for a private word.

Surprised or not surprised? I’ll never know.

Ah yes. Lady Macbeth was getting annoyed at Walter’s lack of support for her husband’s plans to take over the world and so shot him. You know. The usual.

Later gang!