A long time ago in a galaxy called Boston in the 1970s, Julian Crane a man witnesses a murder. This will become relevant later.

Meanwhile, in 90s Cabot Cove, Jessica is updating her computer much to Seth’s chagrin – he has no time for cd wotsits and mega whatevers. (Now imagine Seth finding out what a Kardashian is. You’re welcome.) In the cafe, Ivy Crane a woman sits taking notes and drinking coffee while Fake Tommy Lee Jones wanders over for a chat.

Oh Passions. What a batshit crazy show you were.

Fake TLJ asks the coffee guy for a light.

LOOK AT HIM

Timmy Jimmy, as he is known for the purposes of this episode, notices an old newspaper article with Julian Crane’s face on it but he’s referred to as Stanley Barton. Not TLJ (or for fact based purposes, Leo) tells Ivy Crane Julia that she’s not doing anything without him, she needs him to ID Stanley. He orders her to keep in touch and tells her where he’s staying.

Down at the computer store JB is getting her gaming rig set up probably while the proprietor Julian Crane Evan Rafferty/Stanley Barton is a bit stressed out. Someone is doing a credit check on him looking for information, and Evan/Stanley recognises the name. It’s enough to get him all cross and yelly at his employees Neil Kraus and Connie Anderson. Seth asks Evan/Stanley if they are still on for their fishing trip in the morning and he tells Seth he’s not sure and storms into his office. Connie tells JB her new computer will be ready at the end of the day and JB hopes that Evan’s mood improves. As JB and Seth leave, Julia arrives for her meeting with Evan.

Over at the coffee shop, Jimmy pours coffee for his mother, who it turns out is marrying Evan/Stanley in less than a month. She is worried about his mood. Jimmy doesn’t mention the newspaper article and just tells her he doesn’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do for his sake. She laughs and tells him not to flatter himself.

Later that day Seth gives Mort a check-up and pronounces him fitter than a 1955 dollar. That’s pretty fit you guys. Mort asks Seth if he’s seen the prowler everyone’s been talking about and Seth thinks he has and gives a description that 100% does not match any of the other descriptions Mort’s had. Mort shrugs, tells Seth to give him a call if he sees the prowler again and goes on his merry way. Seth’s next patient wanders in – it’s Leo who apparently has a sore throat.

Back at Cabot Cove Digital, Julia’s meeting with Evan/Stanley has been delayed while he has a fight with his son Will who wants to buy a fishing boat and not go into the high stakes world of computer sales. Julia sees an opportunity and makes eyes at Will as he storms out. Her meeting with Evan/Stanley doesn’t go well either – he sees through her disguises as a property developer wanting to buy his house and tells her it’s not for sale.

Lunchtime rolls around and Neal and Connie spot Leo loitering around the computer shop, while JB sings to her typewriter.

The love is strong

Mort finishes his coffee and departs to chase the prowler, last seen hanging out outside Cabot Cove Digital, while at another of Cabot Cove’s eleven million cafes Will and Julia have coffee. Apparently, Julia has offered to bankroll Will’s foray into the world of high stakes fishing, all Will has to do is give her more info on his Dad’s life before they moved to Cabot Cove. Will doesn’t know much, he was 4 at the time and his Dad worked on a pipeline somewhere for 12 months.

Over at house Fletcher that night Mort is back to help JB set up her new computer when Jess gets a weird message on her answering machine from Seth. She’s worried, Mort’s worried and then they discover that Seth’s phone is off the hook. They jet on over to Seth’s office and find evidence of a struggle, some blood and drag marks but no Seth and no Seth’s car.

The next morning Mort updates JB on the case, and it’s all bad news. There’s no trace of Seth or his car, and the blood they found matches his blood type. Jess doesn’t understand why there’s not been a ransom demand. Meanwhile, Julia’s still on a quest to find out more info on Evan/Stanley, this time from the soon to be Mrs Evan/Stanley, but gets shot down when her questions tend to focus on his past and not Will’s loan application. Later, Julia finds Will and tells him her company are happy to do business with him, she just has a few more questions. Will offers homemade linguini at his place for dinner, he’ll answer everything then.

Down at the Sheriff’s office, Deputy Andy is doing a composite sketch on the computer for JB to look at because that’s how that works now. Jessica makes some alterations because she’s always right in everything, and voila – the prowler is Leo aka Fake TLJ. They head over to the Lighthouse Inn where he’s been staying but there’s no sign of him. They do however run into Jimmy, who has heard about Seth’s mysterious disappearance. Jess asks him if he’s seen Leo, but he tells her no and rides off. Jess knows he’s lying but has no idea why. (Jimmy goes to find Evan/Stanley, now sporting a black eye and demands an explanation. Evan tells him he might be going away for a long time, and to stay out of it.)

Julia tries her luck calling JB to get information about Evan/Stanley, but JB has no time for that. Mort pops around to tell her what he’s learned about Leo (just got out of jail for second-degree murder, shady character) when Andy calls Mort with some bad news – some hikers just found a body in the woods. They go to investigate and find a body on the ground, and a rustling in the trees…

Classic Seth

The dead body, for those playing along at home, is Leo the professional, whom Seth recognises as the man who came to see him with a sore throat. “Must have been worse than I thought.” Says Seth.

Nothing like everyone thinking you’re dead to bring out the humour

Over at Cabot Cove Digital, Evan/Stanley is making plans for his imminent departure and tells Connie the business is hers. His fiance pops in wanting to know what’s going on, and he tells her his past has caught up with him. Jess helps Seth clean up his office and notices someone has been going through the patient files.  That night, Will makes some linguini for Julia, who finds the proof she needs that Evan and Stanley are the same person. She promises Will they’ll sort the loan out and disappears into the night.

Just as JB and Mort finally catch up to what’s going on, and Will finds a notebook left by Julia, Julia is at Evan/Stanley’s office with a gun to his head. Evan/Stanley was the guy in the car the night of that murder back in 1974, and Julia’s father was one of the two guys involved in the shooting. Evan/Stanley was indicted for the murder when the other two claimed it was all his idea, and so he bailed before he could go to trial. Julia’s on the hunt for revenge, but Mort and Andy arrive to save the day.

Basically this is the origin story of Julian and Ivy Crane and you can’t prove it isn’t.

Anyway, Evan/Stanley explains his life story, but swears he didn’t kill Leo, he only followed him to find out what it would take for him to back off. Mort tells Jess they found evidence linking Jimmy to the woods, but he tells them he was out there with a lady.

Honestly, her face this whole bit is just glorious

Anyway, long story short…

Because sure, why not.

She did it for love guys. And at long, LONG last, GC the cat has fallen asleep and has stopped yowling at me to let her out. Honestly, it’s like having a toddler in the house. It’s taken me five hours to write this. I’m delirious! I need sleep!

Nap time!

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