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S06E11 – Town Father

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Welcome to another sunny day in Cabot Cove Fletcherfans where the sky is blue, the trees are green Seth Hazlitt is feeling hearty and JB is doing a bit of reno.

 

I would watch reno shows if all the contestants had to sing while renovating. Get on to that, The Block.

I would watch reno shows if all the contestants had to sing while renovating. Get on to that, The Block.

JB is on her way to Loretta’s to get her hair did when she gets a phone call from a New York attorney, Jason Vernon, begging her to sell her house. Jess isn’t budging even if the money involved is more than she bargained for.

Clearly not Australian dollars then *shakes fist at exchange rate*

Clearly not Australian dollars then *shakes fist at exchange rate*

It’s a familiar business and Seth has a bee in his sweatband about it. Those damned city folk coming in and weekend-ising the place, driving up property values and making it impossible to get a table at the cafe in Morgan’s Bay. Not only that, but it’s mayoral election time and Seth has a bee in his bonnet about Mayor Sam Booth disappearing every July when it’s peak tourist season.

This year’s election is going to be a little different. Already another candidate Milton Overguard has thrown his hat into the ring, promising to do something about the ‘do-nothing’ mayor. Jess thinks it will be an interesting race, given that Sam usually runs unopposed but Seth thinks that Sam will be returned by the voters – or more to the point the 86% of people who stay home.

Down at Loretta’s and it’s business as usual:

You guys, this is the last episode for this gang :(((((

You guys, this is the last episode for this gang :(((((

While Ideal begs JB to write a nice magazine article instead of a creepy book (pfft) and Eve begs JB to sell her house (double pfft) they are soon joined by local snob Winifred Thayer – one of those uppity weekenders Seth enjoys so much. Eve is very put out that JB has been invited to Winifred’s party and she has not, and tries to wrangle an invitation by offering to drop off some business cards – she’s been helping a fancy New York attorney find a home, she’s sure she could do the same for some of Winifred’s friends.

Winifred suddenly remembers her parking meter and hightails it out. JB asks if the attorney happens to be Bill Vernon and Eve is horrified to discover that he’s been chasing her clients behind her back.

The conversation soon turns to the upcoming election, and while Eve is all for booting Sam out, none of them really want to vote for Milton Overguard except Ideal – after all his late wife’s cherry turnovers were amazing.

Democracy is tasty.

Democracy is tasty.

While Eve can’t argue against cherry turnovers, she does have Ideas – she thinks the next mayor should be a woman! JB tells her the sex of the mayor shouldn’t matter, to which Phyllis says “no but it helps to have some.”

:O

As Jess departs a young lady wanders in asking for directions to the mayor’s office, and introduces herself as Annie May Chapman. She also asks Loretta for an appointment for the next day, saying that there’s someone she wants to dress up for. Naturally this comment goes unnoticed.

See? No opinion.

See? No opinion.

That night Seth and Jess attend the party at the home of Winifred and Horton Thayer, which turns out to be a fundraiser for the conservation society. Both Horton and his moustache are delighted to see them, Winifred not so much.

Dat stache though.

Dat stache though.

Horton disappears to chat to the man who donated a ferrari to the raffle, while Winifred deals with some errant canapes, leading to this exchange that 100% happened I couldn’t make this up if I tried:

WHAT IS HAPPENING

WHAT IS HAPPENING

A short time later they bump into Eve Simpson, who is in a buoyant mood and has 3 people interested in buying Jess’s house.

This can only end well

This can only end well

Eve wanders off to hit on Horton Thayer, leaving Seth and JB to booze on until a woman approaches JB…

j1a
ja2

ja3

j2b

jz

shots fired.

shots fired.

Later, when Seth is (impatiently) waiting for JB outside the party, candidate Milton Overguard bails him up to ask if Seth will support Milton’s proposals for an airport for Cabot Cove. Seth tells him that the weekenders might be able to donate funds to his campaign, but they can’t vote for him. Milton storms off in a huff, leaving Seth to deal with a very worried Mayor Booth who wants reassurance that Seth won’t be voting for Milton in the next election. Seth tells Sam that his biggest asset is that he is a do-nothing mayor.

The next day…

*insert eleventy billion Tony Abbott jokes here*

*insert eleventy billion Tony Abbott jokes here*

Sam is halfway though his “I’m just a humble country mayor” routine when an invitation for people to say why he shouldn’t for mayor again goes awry. A voice pipes up from the back of the crowd, saying that Sam promised to retire after this term. And go back to Wyoming. And marry her.

It’s Annie May Chapman, that girl who was asking for directions to the mayors office the day before. When Sam suggests she’d just escaped from the Portland mental institution, she runs off crying. Loretta goes to console her while Eve cackles and Ideal thinks about cherry turnovers, probably. Loretta wants to know if Annie May has the right Sam Booth, but Annie May is sure – and she’s got the pictures of the kids to prove it.

You guys this episode is amazing.

The next day, Jess is out and about when she runs into the news about Sam. Everyone knows Annie May now, it turns out Loretta’s shop wasn’t the only place she asked for directions to Sam’s office.

To be fair, things tend to escalate quickly in Cabot Cove.

To be fair, things tend to escalate quickly in Cabot Cove.

Later that night, Jess and Seth are discussing the love life of Sam Booth (ew) when Jess gets a knock at the door. It’s two of the locals, Howard and Ebeneezer. They are concerned by recent developments making Sam unelectable, and are worried that Milton will get elected, meaning that zoning will change and CHAOS BEDLAM AND MURDER oh wait.

But it’s okay! They have a plan! They just need someone to run for mayor. Someone…like JB.

 

 

Words are meaningless.

Words are meaningless.

They think she’s the perfect candidate, she knows when to keep quiet and she’s got no history of philandering, to which Seth makes a noise into his apron WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE.

Jess is flattered but declines. She’s just finished 2 books and just wants to rest/paint her house.

Howard and Ebeneezer understand. They turn to Seth. Would he be interested in running?

Sidenote: I can't believe it's been 6 season and I haven't got Liam Neeson's monologue from Taken into an episode yet,.

Sidenote: I can’t believe it’s been 6 season and I haven’t got Liam Neeson’s monologue from Taken into an episode yet,.

The next day Eve finds Milton campaigning with potholders, and bemoans his paternalistic attitudes (cue Loretta cracking a line about Sam’s paternalistic attitudes). Phyllis wanders in to report that she’s checked her records at the travel agency and  Sam has taken a trip to Casper Wyoming every year for the last 10 years. Eve thinks it’s time a woman should run and she’s just the one to do it.

Phyllis and Ideal half agree, but they have a different candidate in mind.

I'd like to think this is the same way Vladimir Putin got into politics.

Pretty sure that this is the same way Vladimir Putin got into politics.

Jess is still not running, and thinks they should all let Sam defend himself before they pillory him but Phyllis’s mind is made up. Sam has been avoiding Annie May all over town, which wouldn’t be hard considering Phyllis had to give Annie May directions to the mayors office to start with.

Well that rings a bell.

That night Eve launches her campaign for mayor, while JB decides to suss out this Annie May Chapman person. While they chat away in the kitchen JB asks her why she came to Cabot Cove and Annie May just says it’s to remind Sam of his promise to come back to Wyoming. She shows JB pictures of her kids when a gaggle of housewives come in, desperate for gossip. JB is taken by one photo, of Sam’s twin boys, which seems familiar but it’s decided that it’s because they look just like Sam. Loretta comes in to tell Annie May that Eve is looking for her and they all troop out again, leaving Loretta and JB in the kitchen. JB thinks Annie May can handle herself remarkably well, to which Loretta tells her that she might be from Wyoming, but her hair cut came from New York. Now that is an episode of CSI I would watch.

Later than night Jess returns home to find Sam luring in the bushes. He was all set to beg her to support him publicly but is convinced that her presence at Eve Simpson’s “suffragette rally” (ugh) means she’ll be supporting Eve. When JB assures him she’s not supporting anyone he flips and accuses her of running against him. Meanwhile, across town, a shadowy figure has just climbed through the window into Annie May’s hotel room and shot her, because it’s Murder She WROTE not Murder She ELECTED.

JB is woken with the news of Annie May’s death by Howard and Ebeneezer who see it as proof she should run. JB tells them to cool their jets and goes to see Sam to try and get to the bottom of it all. Sam swears up and down he had never seen Annie May before or the kids and tells the sheriff the same thing when he pops around. Outside, the Sheriff tells JB that they found an envelope with two grand in it on the nightstand, which JB thinks is ridiculous. Surely with that kind of money she would have locked the window.

The sheriff says that everyone who’s stayed at that hotel knows the windows don’t lock.

 

heh heh heh

heh heh heh

Jess still has a funny feeling about that photo and after awhile it comes to her – it’s from a clothes catalog. Mort is now even more confused – there’s no Annie May Chapman in Wyoming, Casper or otherwise. JB suggests the modelling agency behind the catalog might have more information. Meanwhile Milton comes into the sheriff’s office demanding the killer be caught immediately – this sort of thing might bring down a congressional candidate but it’s only making Sam look interesting.

Leaving the Sheriff to mull it all over, Jess goes update Seth on recent developments but he’s way ahead of her – Corinne from Loretta’s Beauty Parlour has a) sprained her ankle and b)news/gossip about the killer. They take her down to see Mort, where she confesses she’s only heard the news second hand, but word is a man was seen going into Annie May’s room the night she died. And it wasn’t Sam. She’s reluctant to admit where she heard the gossup but finally admits she overheard Ideal Malloy talking about it in the grocers.

This is not good news for Mort, who is convinced Ideal is in love with him, so he takes Jessica along for support. Ideal tells them she actually heard it from Eve, but when they catch up with her on the campaign trail she tells them she actually heard about it from Loretta. They go to see Loretta, busy styling Phyllis’s hair and she tells them Phyllis told her that morning, but Phyllis says she only heard it from Ideal. Ideal looks up from her magazine and says that that hotel was the last place you’d expect to see Horton Thayer.

“But why didn’t you just tell us earlier?” Asks JB.

“I didn’t want you to think I was a gossip.” Says Ideal.

I am going to miss Ideal

I am going to miss Ideal

Jess and the Sheriff go to visit Horton Thayer at home, where he confesses to hiring Annie May aka his former mistress Anne Mitchell to pose as Sam’s mistress to swing the election Milton’s way thereby making it easier to buy up the land (with his attorney the mysterious Bill Vernon) and start paving paradise. He went to the hotel that night to give Annie/Anne more money but he swears he didn’t kill her.

Mort doesn’t care and arrests him anyway, but Jess is unconvinced especially when Winifred comes banging into the Sheriff’s office demanding to know what Horton’s motive was since he never even knew Anne Mitchell.

Busted.

Well that's not a surprise.

Well that’s not a surprise.

What also isn’t a surprise is the election results, which Loretta delivers to JB and Seth while they’re out on their morning constitutional the next day:

Eve Simpson: 6 votes.

Milton Overguard: 19 votes

Which can only mean one thing…

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!

S03E02 – Death Stalks The Big Top (Part 2)

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So, to recap: Our Heroine went hunting leprechauns in Arkansas, found her dead brother-in-law working in a circus in Kansas and stays to clear him of the murder of Douchbag Hank Sutter. The rest of the circus gang have their own crap to deal with. Got it? Good!

JB goes to confront Neil about his so-called confession but he tells her to back off. He accidentally reveals a cut on his leg, which JB decides is where the blood on the alleged murder weapon (a juggling club) came from. She’s convinced that he’s covering up for someone and taking the fall.

Mayor Adam West Powers doesn’t care. He’s convinced he’s got the right man, his father in law the judge thinks he’s got the right man, and the people in town think he’s got the right man. He’s getting himself re-elected, and thinks JB should just go back to where she came from.

This mayor bloke is going to get a Cabot Cove smackdown before this episode is done, I can tell.

This mayor bloke is going to get a Cabot Cove smackdown before this episode is done, I can tell.

The Sheriff (who I’ve just learned was in the Train Job episode of Firefly as the Sheriff and now I have the theme from Inception stuck in my head) is more apologetic.  Jess goes back to the big top, where she finds the ringmaster Preston Bartholomew watching Hank Sutter’s widow Maylene rehearsing her horse vaulting routine.

And by watching…

Sweet dreams, Internet...

Sweet dreams, Internet…

Maylene tells Preston that she’s leaving the circus at the end of the season, to start a horse breeding farm. Preston tells her he’s thinking of doing the same thing – the Mysterious Accidents of Mystery have jinxed the circus, and he’s due a large wad of cash that he’s going to collect and ride off into the sunset on his moustache, probably.

JB “bumps” into Maylene outside the big top to offer her condolences and ask her if she thinks her husband could have been the one who caused all the ‘accidents’ that have cursed the big top. Maylene thinks anything is possible, but doesn’t think so. JB tells her her theory that Neil/Carl is taking the fall for someone, and asks if Maylene knows who that might be. Maylene’s got nothing.

Inside the big top Brad and Charlie are watching Katie rehearse. JB wanders in just in time to see Katie fall from the high wire into the safety net. She’s convinced someone is trying to kill her, and turns out she’s not wrong – someone had put a ball bearing inside her balance pole and had glued it just enough to keep it from moving until it was used in her act.

Katie is (understandably) raging, but both Brad and Edgar Carmody don’t want to get the police involved. Carmody seems to have a good idea about who’s behind the shenanigans and storms off. JB lingers to ask Brad about the cuts and grazes on his hands, but he tells her they were caused by working without gloves and storms off too.

After searching Neil/Carl’s trailer, JB finds a strip of photo-booth photos with Neil/Carl, Charlie and Charlie’s baseball bat. She finds Katie and Charlie to ask about the bat and Charlie tells her that Hank the Douchebag took it off him the night he died. JB goes straight to the jail to tell Neil/Carl that he’s protecting someone who doesn’t need protecting – Charlie couldn’t have killed Hank with the baseball bat. Neil/Carl finally comes clean and tells them what happened – he was out strolling the grounds and saw Hank lying on the ground, next to Charlie’s bat. He put two and two together, and decided to do A Good Deed.

Mayor Powers is having none of it, and orders Neil/Carl back to his cell.

JESS SMASH

JESS SMASH

JB spots a report on Brad Keneally on the sheriff’s desk. He’d spotted the same cuts and grazes that Jess had, and had checked into his past. Turns out all of his work history and references on his application to the circus were completely faked. As if he had something to hide. BAM.

JB goes back to her hotel to have a ponder and spots Mr Carmody leaving. JB asks the clerk if Mr Kingman is in his room, and if she can pay him a visit.

Now, disclaimer: Mr Kingman is in the first episode, for about three seconds. He owns another circus, and wants to buy Carmody out. How the hell JB knows about him is in fact beyond me. Seriously though, if you know what I’m talking about please let me know I’m confused.

Anyway.

Before JB can go pay a visit to Mr Kingman she’s accosted by Carol Brady Maria Morgana, who offers her assistance. JB calls her out on it, pointing out tbat she stood to benefit from the circus shutting down. They are soon interrupted by her daughter who has just found out that her mother paid Carmody a million dollars to fire his son. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

But ain’t nobody got time for that, because it turns out Mr Kingman is lying dead on the floor of his hotel room. (Seriously though, what the hell?)  The coroner (who is the nephew of the mayor and also a vet) tells him that he’s been dead less than an hour. Both the Sheriff and JB try to tell the mayor about Carmody leaving the scene just before the body was found but he’s got a care factor of zero and tells JB that if she impedes his investigation one more second he’ll have her thrown in jail with her brother-in-law.

Actual quote: "I'm sorry Mayor but you have as much right to conduct a police investigation as Jack the Ripper". BAM

Actual quote: “I’m sorry Mayor but you have as much right to conduct a police investigation as Jack the Ripper”. BAM

After getting no support from the sheriff (who calls him a boob-brained pompous ass), the mayor storms off.

Heh heh

Heh heh

Back at the circus Edgar Carmody is celebrating his good fortune, until he is confronted by his son. After Ray convinces him that he wants to stay at the circus and so does his wife, Ray promises to send the cheque back to Maria. He tells Ray that he’s sure the accidents will stop, saving them money. “I’m sure they will,” says JB, bobbing up from god knows where. “Since Kingman is now dead.”Edgar proclaims his innocence. JB thinks he’s covering for someone (there seems to be a bit of that going around) and asks him about Brad Keneally.

Armed with more information JB goes to question Brad. Preston and Maylene stop her on the way to ask her if it was true that Kingman was strangled and that that was the end of the Accidents, and JB tells them Yes and Maybe not. Brad is packing up his gear and ignoring Katie’s protests when JB arrives to tell him that Hank Sutter wasn’t murdered by elephants or by fists.

Brad comes clean. He used to be a boxer and a drunk who had a nasty habit of combining the two. After a couple of run ins with the law Brad hit the road and ended up at Carmodys. After three years of lying low  he got into a fight with Sutter the night he died, but ran off when he heard someone coming. JB thinks whomever this mysterious person was is the killer/

Calling it a night, JB goes back to her hotel room and finds Maylene passed out on the floor. JB quickly joins her after being attacked with a chloroform soaked handkerchief. The mysterious intruder sets fire to the bed and takes off. Fortunately for everyone Neil/Carl chooses that exact moment to turn up, having been released from jail.

This brush with death has given JB an idea about the killer, but she has no way to prove it. She arranges to meet him at the big top to see if she can coerce it out of him, and only when the circus folk threaten to feed him to the lions that he admits to everything.

(Also Ringmaster of Death)

(Also Ringmaster of Death)

The Moustached one was in the employ of Kingman and tried to ruin the circus by causing all those Mysterious Accidents. Hank Sutter busted him mid-accident and so he killed him. Kingman refused to pay him for his work and so he killed him. Maylene and JB unwittingly caught him in a lie and so he tried to kill them, but failed.

Job done, JB goes back to Washington to report in to Monica and tell her the story. Grandfather and granddaughter are briefly reunited and they all live happily ever after. Except Constance, because anyone who is that much of a raging bitch will never be happy.

The. End.

Later gang!

Later gang!