Guys, the 90s were a dark time for men’s hair and computer operating systems.

You kids with your Fortnites and your Ariana Grandes, you have no idea how we suffered.

The 90s hair dude examining the 90s operating system is all set to leave for the night but someone comes into the room next door so he ducks down and hides. The man makes a call and leaves a message before someone else enters the room. The man tells the mystery person he doesn’t work for them any more, and then the other person shoots him. 90s hair dude comes into the room and hits redial on the phone but doesn’t leave a message. The clock goes off and he legs it.

The recipient of the missed calls is Larry Armstrong, one half of the aforementioned Garry and Larry’s Frozen Stuff and friend of Our Heroine. JB is in town for talks about the literacy foundation she’s a part of but is mostly there to work out the secret recipe for Garry and Larry’s Tropical Secret, which so far consists of lemon and mango. Larry bets JB won’t work it out before the time she leaves, and she tells him he’s on. Larry wonders why his accountant Kyle Macgregor didn’t explain why he was calling, and Jess says she’ll need to meet with him for some foundation business. Larry gets another phone call – Kyle has been found dead in his office.

Down at G&LFSHQ (no bloody way am I typing that out every time), the doctor rules the case to be a suicide. Larry’s business partner Garry (and I’ll be honest I’m only guessing I have those names right at this point). Garry wants a word with Larry about their upcoming advertising campaign but Larry tells Garry that now isn’t the time and he’s already called the advertisers to put a hold on everything until they can review it together. Kyle’s wife Susan arrives just as Kyle’s body is being wheeled out. The sheriff asks her how Kyle’s mood has been recently and she doesn’t understand why he needs to know.

We are five minutes into this episode and I feel like my brain is trying to leave my body through my ears with this whole Galarry business.

The next morning Larry is out chatting to his cows when Kyle’s assistant Peggy Evans drops by to give him some paperwork and let him know that Garry is meeting with some consumer group. Jess misses a call and finds an old photo of Larry from Woodstock. Down at the factory, Larry tells press guy Jim Kenton to send out a press release about Kyle’s death before getting into a spat with Garry about his decision not to give Kyle a place on the board. They are interrupted by admin assistant Vicky Nolastname, who tells them they have a problem.

I mean yeah they have a problem, this episode is complicated as hell. Ice cream should not be complicated, it should be frozen and in plentiful supply. But it turns out their problem is that 750K – the money earmarked for JB’s charity – has disappeared. This is obviously Very Bad News, but no one has time for this right now, someone called Ken Brewer from Verity is in the lobby and Jess has to take Larry’s answering machine tape to the sheriff.

Ken Brewer, it turns out, is from a consumer affairs group who have been tipped off that G&LFS products aren’t as natural as the cows it comes from, as the cows are full of hormones. Larry is horrified, Garry demands to know where this information came from but Ken isn’t saying. They have 48 hours before he goes public.

They aren’t having a great day.

Jess gets a lift to the sheriff’s office from 90s-hair from the start of the episode, who has a lot of questions about Larry’s past. Meanwhile, Larry’s present isn’t too flash either now that he’s just learned that Garry has been using hormone milk behind his back. Larry is furious and says the ad campaign won’t go ahead until the situation is fixed.

Down at the sheriff’s office, the sheriff tells JB that the coroner is confirming suicide due to the gun powder residue. Jess hands over the tape and tells the sheriff she thinks the second call came from Larry’s office due to the mooing clock you can hear on the tape. There are also squeaking noises she can’t identify. The sheriff thinks it’s odd Kyle killed himself over the missing money before #GaLarry even knew it was missing but JB thinks he must have been racked with guilt.

Garry runs into his wife Carol with her new Cadillac out in the carpark – he’s not thrilled she’s burning through his money but Carol tells him tough, she’s bored and also there are overdue bills from their bedroom renovation that need paying. Garry tells her to give them to Peggy and tell her they’re office expenses. Jim Kenton reappears and Carol takes off. Jim tells Garry he thinks he has some dirt they can use on Ken Brewer but it will cost. Garry doesn’t care, he wants that info now.

Later that night, JB gets down to the serious business of Just What’s In Tropical Secret but before she can an intruder interrupts her scheme. It’s 90s hair, whose name is actually Woody Seabrook. Larry comes down the stairs and wants to know why he shouldn’t call the police on Woody right now, but JB suspects he has a very good reason for being there since Woody is Larry’s son. It comes out that Woody is named after the place he was conceived (so thank goodness he wasn’t conceived at CBGB’s or something) and that his mother never knew who his Dad was, except after his mother died he found his birth certificate and discovered that Larry’s real name is Leonard Atkins. Larry tells him he only knew Woody’s mother for three days, and that he changed his name after he was arrested for an anti-war demonstration. After he got out of jail he came back as Larry who’d been in France for three years.

Woody walks away, his sneakers squeaking on the tiles. Jessica realises that’s the noise from the tape and that Woody was in the G&LFS office when Kyle died. Woody explains what happened, and how he thought Larry was the killer since his was the last number dialled. Jessica thinks they need to tell the sheriff so the next day Woody and Larry head down to tell him. The sheriff is very interested in this development and wonders who Kyle was planning to meet. Before Larry leaves, the sheriff quietly warns him that there are a lot of financial reasons why Woody would want to be Larry’s son but Larry tells him the blood test is only going to prove what he already thinks.

Down by the water, Carol is having a lovely afternoon making out with Ken Brewer, who still loves her and wishes the feeling was mutual. He’s not dropping the tainted milk situation though and she says there’s a chance the company might be bought out by a bigger corporation so if he waits he could go after a company with deep pockets.

Back at G&LFSHQ Jessica is investigating the missing money. Peggy explains how Kyle was the computer expert in the office and set up all kinds of systems including measuring temperature in the storage rooms. They find a receipt for a steakhouse in Milwaukee from the day before Kyle died, which was odd since he was meant to be in St Louis. They look up Kyle’s Milwaukee file, but someone had deleted it. Jess gets on the phone to the sheriff, but not before asking if the recipe for Tropical Secret is in the computer (it isn’t).

Garry decides to have a quiet meeting with Ken Brewer but Ken says he’s already had the international company speech. Garry asks him where he thinks the donations his organisation gets come from. Meanwhile, Larry asks Kyle’s wife Margaret if she knew why Kyle was in Milwaukee instead of St Louis but she knows nothing. That night, Garry makes a phone call to talk about the missing 750k while Jessica stages another assault on the Tropical Secret only to be thwarted by a pensive Larry struggling to come to terms with fatherhood.

Kyle Macgregor’s funeral takes place the next day. Larry arrives late, Garry not at all. JB remains vigilant.

EYES ON THE PRIZE

While Woody hits on Peggy, Victoria the secretary who presumably has been in this episode before and I’ve been calling her Peggy,  finds Garry’s body in one of the cold storage rooms.

Wait. Peggy is the secretary, Victoria is the admin assistant? I AM SO CONFUSED.

The sheriff rolls in and tells JB they caught a break working out the time of death, Garry’s watch stopped at 9:30. JB notices a broken watch face on the factory floor. Larry offers his condolences to Carol, who announces she’s going to oust him as CEO at a specially called shareholders meeting the following week. That night Jim Kenton demands Peggy tell him where Kyle’s secret Milwaukee hideout was, and only backs off when Woody gets involved.

Down at the sheriff’s office, the sheriff and JB break it to Margaret that  Kyle had embezzled the money from the company and withdrew it from his secret account right before he died. Also, he’d done the same thing twenty years earlier but had avoided conviction by testifying against his co-conspirators, his wife and her boyfriend. Also, he never divorced his wife so he was a bigamist.

Carol and Ken are hanging out when a news bulletin comes on the radio announcing the discovery of tainted milk at G&LFS, but confirming it hadn’t left the factory. Carol is pissed and goes to confront Larry who informs her he’s found proof she was writing off personal expenses through the company. Unfortunately, Larry’s victory is shortlived – the sheriff arrives to inform him they found the murder weapon in Larry’s truck and he’s under arrest.

Jessica isn’t buying it though, and through a Sudden and Emphatic Epiphany works out who Kyle’s partner in the embezzling was – Jim Kenton. Apparently, Jim worked out that Kyle was a shady character early on and decided to blackmail him for it, which resulted in the embezzling. Kyle was meant to give Jim the money that night but instead, he shot himself. He insists he didn’t kill Garry though, and since at this point I have no idea who anyone is, I believe him.

And to draw this not terrible but terribly complicated episode to a close…

Mrs Macgregor did it after all

And for those playing along at home, the Tropical secret was mango, lemon, passionfruit, persimmon, cumin and nutmeg. We know this because Jessica got the sheriff to send a sample off to be tested at the lab.

Using police resources to win a one dollar bet – guys JB is a Slytherin Queen and I frankly love her for it.

Kia kaha Aotearoa. I’m thinking of you. 

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