High intrigue and shenanigans this week Fletcherfans! Our Heroine has been summoned to Boston at the request of her old friend Richard Bennett who needs her help. Somehow an auction house has gotten their mitts on his now deceased girlfriend Evangeline’s diary and are auctioning it off on Saturday. He gives her a cheque for a million dollars and a letter from Evangeline so she can authenticate the diary, begs her to destroy the diary once she has bought it,  and then jets off to Barcelona.

One does not simply walk into Mordor, win an auction for a salacious celebrity diary, however. There are a few people keen to stop the diary from going public, including Robert Rhine, a lawyer working on behalf of a ambassador/former love interest of Evangeline; Doctor Sylvia Dunn, Evangeline’s psychiatrist; and producer Sheila Saxon and director Saul Domino. Sheila has big plans to turn Evangeline’s diary into a movie but needs Saul’s help getting the money for it. 

Charged with her mission, JB rocks up to the Readford Auction House and is immediately accosted by its owner, William Readford (previously seen here). He’s disappointed that Richard won’t be attending his dog and pony show, but allows Jess to authenticate the diary. They are rudely interrupted by a guard frog-marching Dr Dunn into the room, after she tried to offer him five grand to steal the diary. The good doctor rants about how disgusting it is that Readford is making money from the the demise of Evangeline, but Readford reasonably points out that he is just the middle man, selling it on behalf of the owner. JB asks him just who that is, and he tells her that it’s “privileged information”.

I don't think this fool knows who he is talking to...

I don’t think this fool knows who he is talking to…

While she waits for the auction to start, JB checks out the other things up for auction. She notices an antique wardrobe but the security guard tells her it’s blue tagged, and not up for auction this week. Then she notices a chessboard which Readford offers to give her for free, but Jess won’t have it. Readford takes her money and departs, ripping the blue tag off the wardrobe as he leaves. DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THE WARDROBE IS A CLUE?

As the auction kicks off, the wardrobe comes up and the auctioneer invites all interested to come and check it out. One opens the door to see if it’s a portal to Narnia, and the corpse of Richard Bennett flops out. I guess Barcelona didn’t work out.

The 5-0 arrive to take charge of the chaos and the Lieutenant asks JB what she knows. She explains that Richard gave her the cheque to bid on the diary, and the lieutenant notes with some suspicion that the cheque is made out not to Readford’s, but to JB Fletcher.

“Well obviously I was going to countersign it over to the auction house.” Says Our Heroine.

“Yeah, sure. Obviously.” Says the lieutenant.

JB takes no crap from nobody, y'dig?

JB takes no crap from nobody, y’dig?

Before JB can give the recalcitrant policeman whatfor, Readford appears. The diary has been stolen! The lieutenant asks him when the last time he saw it was and Readford tells him it was when Jessica was looking at it. They all give JB the Eye and she says “Ummm…”

The lieutenant decides that he has more questions and escorts Our Heroine downtown for a little chat. Fortunately for JB a knight in shining armour also happens to be at the police station. (Hint: It ain’t Grady).

It's Lennie! I mean Harry McGraw! (But really, it's Lennie!)

It’s Lennie! I mean Harry McGraw! (But really, it’s Lennie!)

Harry (whose black eye is the result of an allergy) gives the Lieutenant 30 seconds to release Jessica before he Completely Hulks Out. He relents and lets Jess go. As a thank you she takes Harry to the chemist to find something for that “allergy”. She decides to stick around to see if she can still get hold of the diary and Harry tells her that she’s going to need protecting, and that “he’s the kind of guy who can give it to her.”

(That's what he said, etc)

(That’s what he said, etc)

They go back to Jess’s hotel room (meow) but discover that someone beat them to it, and has torn the place apart in search of the diary. Harry asks her if anything is missing and she thinks no…but then she conveniently suddenly remembers that old Spanish chess sets like the one she bought for Seth sometimes had a secret compartment so that they could hide valuables away from the prying eyes of the Spanish Inquisition. SERIOUSLY, WHAT WERE THE ODDS?

Jess presses down on the kings squares and a drawer shoots out, revealing Evangeline’s diary.

Booyah! (I'm not even sorry)

Booyah! (I’m not even sorry)

Jess contemplates turning it over to the police, but decides to just have a little flick through, in case of suspects. Despite Harry’s best attempts to sneak a peek JB knocks him back and sends him off to order room service. Sadly not all the tea and sandwiches in the world is enough to keep JB awake. As she sleeps, Harry can’t help himself and grabs the diary.

The next morning JB reluctantly tells Harry what she’s learned so far in the diary – Evangeline had a torrid love life (apart from the ambassador)  and was less than complementary about Dr Dunn, Sal and Sheila, not to mention a mysterious person by the name of Al.  Jess decides to see Readford and take him (and the diary) to the police station. Harry has other ideas. He takes himself off to see the lawyer who was trying to get the diary for the ambassador, and offers to sell him a photocopy of the diary for a hundred grand. 

Jess goes to see Readford, but sadly finds him lying on the floor with a dagger sticking out of his chest. Even worse, the Lieutenant wanders in at that precise moment and finds JB standing over a dead body holding the diary. Oh my.

JB is once again taken downtown for questioning and asks the lieutenant why she would kill Readford. “Beats me Mrs Fletcher,” the lieutenant says, “but every time I find a dead body you seem to be in the neighbourhood”. 

Can’t deny he has a point. But, he admits that he doesn’t think JB is a serial killer and lets her go. Outside, Harry is waiting for her and she decides to pay a visit on Albert Cromwell, the guard Dr Dunn tried to bribe. 

This is an episode of Law and Order that should have happened...

This is an episode of Law and Order that should have happened…

Despite Harry’s subtle line of questioning (*cough*), Bert insists he knows nothing. Dr Dunne approached him with a bag full of twenties fresh from the bank but he said no. 

Harry departs for Secret Harry Business (a date), and JB retires to her hotel, where Dr Dunn is waiting for her. She’s heard there’s a copy of the diary for sale and she’s desperate. As she combs Jessica’s room looking for bugs she begs for the diary, accuses JB of being one of ‘Them’ and declares that no-one is bringing down her lifetime of hard work.

Someone's been getting into the meds...

Someone’s been getting into the meds…

Jess goes to see the Lieutenant for another look at the diary, and discovers that some pages are now missing. The lieutenant tells her the only other person with access to the diary is Judge Parker, who they figure must have removed the pages as a favour to the Ambassador.

Meanwhile, it turns out Harry is on a date with Sheila the producer (yeah I’d forgotten about her too), and is rather pleased about it.

If there are an infinite amount of universes, there is one where Jerry Orbach was in Saturday Night Live. Just think about that for a minute...

If there are an infinite amount of universes, there is one where Jerry Orbach was in Saturday Night Live. Just think about that for a minute…

Sheila tells Harry she’s thinking about making a movie based on his life…in return for the copy of Evangeline’s diary. Harry tells her to get bent (paraphrasing) and sneaks into JB’s hotel room to get the copy. Alas, JB is as usual five steps ahead of him. He tells her it was all part of his cunning plan to smoke the murderer out, but JB insists on harping on ab0ut the mickey he slipped her in her tea. JB decides to take the copied pages to the Lieutenant, with Harry’s reluctant approval but the plan goes awry when the ambassadors lawyer Robert Rhine kidnaps JB at gunpoint. Fortunately Harry returns from his ciggie-buying expedition in time to punch the lawyer in the face. Harry wants to deposit the lawyer on the lieutenant’s desk but JB is more concerned with his hand. “Oh come on Jessica, if I know anything I know how to punch somebody without bustin my hand!” grumbles Harry.

Cut to the next scene where Harry is getting his broken hand set. OH THE LOLZ. Harry seems to think the case is closed, but Jess isn’t so sure and goes to see Sal the director. Before she goes in, his secretary tells her that Richard came to see Sal on the day he died and had a shouting match, the reason for which is later revealed when Sal tells JB that he’s the one who had put the diary up for auction in a quest to drum up publicity. He had taken it from Evangeline’s room the night that she died. JB asks him about the mysterious Al, but he doesn’t know a thing. Naturally.

The lieutenant is less than enthused to learn that the diary belongs to Sal, and Harry has a dig at him for being so ungrateful. In return, the lieutenant rings the license board to have the investigators license of one Harlan McGraw revoked.

Jessica has an epiphany. 



And so the case of the Death of Richard Bennett and That Guy What Owned The Auctionhouse was solved.

Call me Al.

Call me Al.

Al(bert) Cromwell was Evangeline’s boyfriend before she got famous and didn’t take too kindly to the idea of her memory being exploited. When he went to steal it he was spotted by Richard Bennett who recognised him from his attempts to stalk Evangeline. So he knocked him off, and then Readford when he wouldn’t tell him where the diary was. To top it off, he also knocked off Evangeline, who was not enjoying her fame (according to Al).

Case closed, JB fulfills her promise to Richard and burns the diary along with Harry’s copy. Chalk another one up to the Greatest Crimefighting Duo Since Ever.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!