S04E18 – Benedict Arnold Slipped Here


Back in the Cove this week Fletcherfans, where Our Heroine is doing a Good Deed and checking in on town shut-in Tilly Adams, who has unfortunately passed away. Crikey, this went dark quickly.

Meanwhile, across town, Mr Tribbles (who is not a cat) is serving Emily Goshen at his antique shop/pawnbrokers and explaining to her why she now has to pay $50 to get her brooch back (and by her brooch he means the one she stole from Tilly while cleaning her house) when his son Kevin Tribbles (also not a cat) comes barrelling in with the news that Tilly has passed away. Seeing dollar signs, Mr Tribbles orders Kevin to get his suit cleaned, they have a funeral to go to.

Wow, what a delightful bunch.

I'm not entirely sure who I think is thinking this, to be honest.

I’m not entirely sure who I think is thinking this, to be honest.

Back at JB’s for a post-funeral cup of coffee, Seth and JB puzzle over why Benny Tribble (seriously though, how is he not a cat) was crying his crocodile tears at the funeral. They’re soon joined by Amos, who notes they look like they were at a funeral.

“Pity you weren’t there Amos,” says Seth. “It wasn’t nearly as much fun without you.”

You call that a burn? THIS IS A BURN.

You call that a burn? THIS IS A BURN.

Amos isn’t just there for the coffee and the insults – he has news about Tilly’s will. Turns out, she’s left the house to a grand niece noone knew about, some flower child who wandered off after Woodstock (jealous). The contents of the house, meanwhile, have been left to Benny Tribbles for all his kindness, a though which sets Seth off on a laughing fit for about 45 minutes.

That’s not all though. Turns out, JB has been named executor of the will. Jess is surprised, but decides it’s an honour. Seth points out that her two main tasks will be getting an appraisal of the house and taking an inventory of the contents – a task she should complete by Christmas if she’s lucky.



Meanwhile, Benny has put a call in to his little brother Wilton Tibbles, who also deals in antiques but is a bit better at it than Benny. Benny offers to cut him in on the treasures inside Tilly’s house, but Wilton doesn’t want a bar of it – until his assistant shows him the cheque they just got for $12,000 for a settee Wilton scored off Benny for 70 bucks. Then his mind is changed.

JB gets to work, and asks Eve Simpson (who you might remember from this classic episode) to appraise the house while Jess starts going through Tilly’s Epic Collection of Things. Eve hasn’t got a good report for JB – basically the house is falling down around them. JB, ever looking for the bright side of things, asks Eve if it’s true that the house had something to do with the Revolutionary war – didn’t George Washington sleep there or something?

Close, says Eve. It was Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold.

True story.

True story.

Rumour has it that Sir Ben of Edict was having a grand old time with the lady of the house, which JB thinks wouldn’t impress the D.A.R. (I had to google that. And I had to google Benedict Arnold. And then I googled when the next season of Sherlock was happening (and am still none the wiser), and then I watched the trailer for Birdman for the eleventy billionth time and then it was now. )

Anyway, Eve thinks that the only part of the house that is original is part of the den. Seeing Emily come down the stairs she also remarks loudly that the house was cleaner then too.

Emily Goshen, you seem slightly unhinged, but you're okay.

Emily Goshen, you seem slightly unhinged, but you’re okay.

Eve can’t stay and chat, a David Niven sound-a-like has expressed an interest in looking at the house. JB certainly won’t keep her from that. (I had to Google David Niven too, and now I want to read his autobiography. He sounds like my kinda guy). JB checks on Emily, who has her feet up in the den. She tells JB that the business with Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold is completely true, and what’s more there’s treasure in the house, and she’s sure Tilly probably told Benny about it.

Later that night, JB gets an unexpected visitor in the form of Tilly’s grandniece Liza who would like her inheritance in cash thank you very much. (Clearly life after Woodstock hasn’t panned out). The next morning, she discovers that Liza has taken her advice to stay close literally and set up camp on JB’s back lawn, much to Seth’s amusement. Eve Simpson is less amused, as she has someone (the David Niven sound-a-like) set to buy the house, but JB is taking her job as executor very seriously. Down at Tilly’s, while Seth lazes around and is no help at all, JB comments on a cross-stitch sampler that “is not like any I’ve seen before.” It can be seen below, completely not fiddled with by me at all.



Apparently it should show the alphabet, and a homily showing off the needleworker’s skills.

Remember when I hadn't seen Breaking Bad? No, me neither.

Remember when I hadn’t seen Breaking Bad? No, me neither.

Seth, unsurprisingly, has stopped listening and has instead found a fancy chess set in a box but is devastated when JB tells him he can’t sneak it out of the house before Benny gets his paws on it. Benny chooses that moment to turn up, his brother Wilton in tow along with Wilton’s assistant Lauren Hastings. Seth and JB leave them to it, but overhear Wilton’s plans to cut his brother out of the deal. They are soon joined by Liza, who informs Benny that if he screws her over she will peel him til all that’s left is a bad smell.

I should probably point out at this point that no one has been murdered yet.

Later that night, JB gets a visit from the David Niven sound-a-like who is looking for a tour around Tilly’s house and for the record, the guy who sounds like David Niven IS THE GUY WHO DID THE VOICE OF ROBIN HOOD WHEN HE WAS A FOX YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

It turns out Alistair Andrews is a Cumberbitch Benedict Arnold fan, to the point that he’s writing a book, so when he heard the rumours about General Arnold and his lady friend he had to come see for himself. JB hates to turn down a budding author but she just can’t spare the time. She promises him that she will tell Eve to show him around the next day. Back at the antique store, Benny has had about enough of Wilton trying to screw him over and tells him to go back to Boston.

The next morning, JB and Seth arrive at Tilly’s for another morning of hardcore cataloguing to discover the house open and Benny lying dead on the floor of the den. 24:40, and finally there’s a murder.

Amos arrives to oversee things, and immediately decides that Benny was looking up the chimney and someone hit him on the head with the poker. JB points out that it could have been the other way around, that Benny surprised an intruder.

“Yeah!” Says Amos. “And then hit him on the head with the poker!”

Eve Simpson and Alistair Andrews arrive just in time to see the body be wheeled out. JB explains to Amos that Alistair has an interest in Benedict Arnold.

“What, that traitor?” Exclaims Amos.

Not only that, it turns out, but Alistair intends to buy the house and ship it back to England where it will be a shrine to Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold.

Amos is incorrect. Tumblr was invented so that I could blog stills of The Returned and pictures of cats jumping in boxes.

Amos is incorrect. Tumblr was invented so that I could blog screenshots of The Returned and pictures of cats jumping in boxes.

JB sends Amos to get his police tape and Eve to deal with Alistair. Seth thinks they should quit taking inventory for the day, and JB agrees. When she goes to retrieve her clipboard, however, she notices that the sampler is missing from the wall. She tells Seth she wishes she had looked at it more closely (since someone deemed it important enough to steal) and Seth remembers seeing a picture of it in the town paper, and that he’ll get her a copy.

Back at home, JB finds Liza charcoaling mung beans and rice in her kitchen. She tells her about Benny’s death but Liza heard it in the radio. JB then points out that she went to check on her the previous night, and again in the morning but there was no sign of Liza. JB is interrupted by a phone call from Eve Simpson begging her to show Alistair around Tilly’s house, as there’s been a second bid for the property (from Benny’s brother Wilton). JB agrees and takes Alistair to the house, where he wants to investigate the den. Seeing lights on, Amos turns up to investigate, but when he and Jess check on Alistair, he’s standing rapturously in the den mentally composing sonnets to the Glory of Cumberbatch Arnold. Probably. He leaves, as do Amos and JB. JB asks Amos how he’s progressing with the case, but he’s got bupkiss. They weren’t able to find any evidence of a breakin, which leads him to think they should be looking at anyone with a key, namely Emily Goshen. JB dismisses this thought, saying that Emily might pilfer things here and there but she’s not a murderer.

Cut to Emily breaking into the Tibble residence to steal the brooch back, and promptly getting arrested. Amos decides to make Emily JB’s problem and releases her into JB’s care, but not before Emily rants about not knowing the sampler was important. The next morning JB reminds Seth, who shows her the picture of the sampler from the paper. She manages to work out it’s a clue to the hiding place of the treasure (in the fireplace) and calls Eve to tell her to tell any and all interested persons that the house will need to be closed until the fireplace can be fixed.

And so the cunning trap was set, and subsequently filled.

Benadryl Cummerbund. OK I think I need to go to sleep now.

Benadryl Cummerbund. OK I think I need to go to sleep now.

What can I say? He really wanted that treasure, which turned out to be angry letters Benedict Arnold’s mistress wrote about how the big B A was a traitor to everyone especially her since he got caught with the maid. If you know what I mean. Apparently there were clues to his guilt but I’ve watched this episode twice now and I haven’t noticed them. Either they were hidden or I’m so tired I can see through time.

But never mind, because guys! I have bad news! This is Amos Tupper’s last episode! He’s going off to the wild blue yonder to go fishing (probably). Let us all take a moment to remember Sheriff Tupper: the gift that kept on giving.

Naw. I'm going to miss you Amos!

Naw. I’m going to miss you Amos!

Until next time.

Later gang!

Later gang!







S04E01 – A Fashionable Way to Die


Welcome to season 4 Fletcherfans! JB is kicking off this season with a roadtrip to Paris to visit her old friend Eva who is about to launch her fashion line. Naturally all is not well in the city of love. Eva’s business partner Maxim has issued her an ultimatum – either she signs over 50% of the business to him, or he won’t give her an extension on her loan, or give her the money to pay for the star of the show Lu Watters. Also, be a dear and put his mistress’s daughter in the show?

But never mind all that.

She's got the moves like Jagger, probably.

She’s got the moves like Jagger, probably.

Eva takes JB to the rehearsal, where she meets the star of the show Lu Watters, who seems far too nice to be a supermodel. Maxim also pops his head in, with his mistress Valerie. He begs her to leave as his wife is coming in from the country for the show, but she just laughs. She wishes her daughter Kim good luck for the show, and asks her to keep an eye on Maxim with Eva, because apparently it’s fine for Maxim to cheat on his wife with her, but damned if he’s going to cheat on her with someone else.

That night JB is seated next to Maxim’s wife Claudia. Maxim tells them he will watch the show from backstage, but is called away by a telephone call just as the montage begins. The show goes off almost flawlessly, except for one minor hiccup when Lu appears in the wrong dress – blue sequins instead of white sequins, for those playing along at home.

Backstage after the show, with champagne corks flying everywhere, JB congratulates Eva but Eva is devastated. She tells JB about the partnership agreement, but JB scoffs saying any good lawyer could poke holes in that. They go up to his hotel room to confront him but find him with two more bullet holes in his chest than is generally considered to be healthy. Excuse me while I don’t feel bad.

The French 5-0 roll up in the form of Inspector Clousseau Panassic who takes a break from fangirling over JB to establish that Maxim went up to his room at 9:30 and was shot at 9:50, according to a maid who saw a woman wearing a big hat and a grey checked white jacket run down the hall shortly after. This sets off an alarm bell in J’s head. Clousseau Panassic also finds two plane tickets to the Italian Riviera departing next week, and I’m not entirely sure but I think he just asked JB if she’d like to go there with him.

Let's face it, Harry McGraw isn't taking JB on any international trips. More like IHOP, AMIRITE?

Let’s face it, Harry McGraw isn’t taking JB to Italy. Little Italy, maybe.

One of Clousseau Panassic’s minions appears with something he found in Maxim’s jacket pocket.  Clousseau Panassic is horrified and agrees that it is not for sensitive lady’s eyes. So, porn. Clousseau Panassic interviews the models from the show who all swear that they saw Eva backstage for the whole show, and that she couldn’t possibly have killed Maxim.

That night, while trying to get Eva on the phone, JB spots Claudia Soury go back in to the room where her husband died to collect her stole. Before she leaves she bends down and picks something up off the floor, out of sight of the policeman escorting her, and puts it in her pocket. Jess goes to confront her about it and Claudia tells her that she picked it up thinking that it belonged to Maxim’s mistress Valerie. She wanted to protect her daughters from scandal. JB asks her about the plane tickets to Italy but she knows nothing about it, saying that the other ticket was clearly meant for Valerie. JB looks at the coat buton and recognises the white with grey check that the maid spoke of earlier. The coat belonged to Eva.

The next morning JB pays a call on Valerie, who is packing up her room at the nightclub where she sang. Her engagement there is over, but Maxim had managed to book her to sing at a fancy hotel that Saturday. Inspector Clousseau Panassic is there asking where she was at the time of the murder, and she tells him she was backstage resting between performances. Another nightclub worker, Albert, says that’s not right – her show started late and she was on stage til just after 10pm. Dodged a bullet there sweetheart.  Clousseau Panassic’s minion appears with good news and bad news: the good news is they found the murder weapon. The bad news is that another hotel maid has come forward saying that she heard a gunshot a bit after 10pm.

At Eva’s store, Eva is bouncing off the walls, helping clients and swearing to write Lu Watters her cheque, as it turns out Lu is a bit strapped for cash just at the moment. JB comes in and tells Eva she needs a word, immediately and not at six o’clock at Harry’s American Bar. She tells her about the maid seeing a woman wearing Eva’s jacket leaving Maxim’s floor, and Claudia finding the button in her room. Inspector Clousseau Panassic appears with said button, just as Eva realises her jacket is in fact missing a button.

Back at the hotel JB spots the maid who saw Eva’s jacket, and asks her about the other maid who heard a shot after ten o’clock. Fortunately the other maid is with her and tells her that she knows what she heard but that the police aren’t interested, and more to the point, who stole the two towels from Maxim’s room?

The next morning JB  goes to Eva’s store to ponder the Great Dress Mixup of Two Nights Ago with Eva’s assistant Peter. JB wonders if it was possible for Lu to go up to Maxim’s room, shoot him, come back down and change dresses in ten minutes. Peter says it’s certainly possible but why?

JB goes to share her theory with Inspector Clousseau Panassic who is fascinated, and has decided she is Watson to his Sherlock Holmes.

For those who wondered if I could work Benedict Cumberbatch into an epsiode of Murder She Wrote, WONDER NO MORE. #IAmHopeless

For those who wondered if I could work Benedict Cumberbatch into an epsiode of Murder She Wrote, WONDER NO MORE. #IAmHopeless 

Inspector Clousseau Panassic is surprisingly fine with throwing away his original plan and investigating Lu Watters, throwing his hands up in the air and saying “Come Watson! The game is afoot!”

(Caption unavailable: the owner of this blog has fallen down a Benedict Cumberbatch YouTube rabbit hole)

(Caption unavailable: the owner of this blog has fallen down a Benedict Cumberbatch YouTube rabbit hole)

The Inspector and JB confront Lu, who breaks down and admits that it was her in the dirty photographs. Maxim was blackmailing her, and so to put an end to it, she shot him.

Blah blah, Remember that time Benedict Cumberbatch was on Sesame Street? Honestly, I would pay to listen to him read the phone book.

Remember that time Benedict Cumberbatch was on Sesame Street? Honestly, I would pay to listen to him read the phone book.

Lu thinks she would have gotten away with it if she hadn’t panicked when she realised that Maxim’s wife was in the bathroom.

But hold on – Claudia was in the audience with JB. Jess asks her how she knew someone else was there and Lu tells her she saw a purse. “Was it red?” Asks JB. It was indeed.

Inspector Clousseau Panassic cares not for purses or colours. He orders Lu be placed under arrest and sidles up to JB looking for praise.

“You’ve done it again, Inspector.” Says JB.



“I think you have once again arrested the wrong woman.”

Benedict Cumberbatch wouldn't have screwed this up.

Benedict Cumberbatch wouldn’t have screwed this up.

Because, you see, there is the small matter of the plane tickets to Italy. He wasn’t taking his wife, and he wasn’t taking his mistress since she was singing at a fancy hotel in Paris. So who was he taking?

Who indeed. Remember when I said Valerie was fine with Maxim cheating on his wife, but not with her? It turns out it wasn’t Eva she should have been worrying about. It turns out Maxim was shagging her daughter. And you better believe that had consequences…

Yeah, not surprised either, I'm getting better at this.

Yeah, not surprised either, I’m getting better at this. Although I didn’t pick the daughter bit.

So, when Lu bolted after shooting Maxim she didn’t realise she had only wounded him. Maxim called Valerie to come and help him, but when she arrived and saw the purse her daughter was supposed to be modelling in the show she put two and two together and went bang.

And there you have it. We conclude this week’s episode with Inspector Clousseau Panassic listing his virtues as a gentleman – then advising JB she owes him 100 francs for the bill.

Later Fletcherfans!

Later Fletcherfans!