London! Home of Dangermouse Emma Macgill, not that that really matters because she’s not in this episode either.

The point is, it’s going to be very hot in Melbourne today, but also there is a play happening in London based on one of Our Heroine’s novels, Murder in White. The play’s star, Glenda Highsmith, is unhappy with the script that Mae Shaughnessy (aka Anna Meara, aka Ben Stiller’s Mum) has put together and is threatening to walk off the stage unless Mae agrees to meet with Jessica. Mae doesn’t do collaborations but agrees to meet with her, conceding Jessica can write. Patricia informs producer and general sleazebag Martin Kramer that she has someone meeting JB at the airport and storms out.

While JB takes the scenic route from Heathrow to her hotel…

Sidenote: I love summer, but this is ridiculous. I am basically hugging my fan.

Martin Kramer decides to demonstrate his douchbaggery prowess by calling the director Peter Drew aside and telling him that everything sucks and he needs to fire one of the actors, specifically the one that Peter chose for the role in the first place, Franklin Smith. Meanwhile, a shady dude skulks around backstage, such is the tradition of the theatre. Martin sidles up to the shady dude, who it transpires is a private detective Martin has hired to look into Glenda’s past and more specifically her relationship with the 17th Earl of Glenhaven. The detective, Malcolm Brooker, tells Martin that as it so happens the Earl’s family are looking into her as well but they don’t know much either, and also Martin owes him three hundred quid or there’ll be trouble. Martin tells him to add another name to his list – JB Fletcher, who went to school with Glenda and might know a thing or two.

Martin also takes himself over to see JB at her hotel, to give her a friendly word but JB ain’t got time for it. She’s here to help Glenda and if that helps him and the production then that’s great but she’s already running late so ta-ta for now.

JB is met by Edward St Cloud, Glenda’s lawyer, who takes her out to Glenda’s estate. I’m not gonna lie, I have more questions about the driver.

MOUSTACHE MAN DOES NOT SLEEP. MOUSTACHE MAN WAITS.

As they drive Edward explains that the production is in a whole lot of trouble but he’s not sure what can legally be done. Jess explains she met Glenda on her first trip to London and they have been friends ever since. Edward wonders if she knows Brett Dillion, the young man who lives with Glenda, but Jess knows nothing.

Jessica arrives at Glenda’s estate and is immediately introduced to Brett. He wanders off to look at the garden and takes Edward with him leaving Glenda and JB to catch up over tea. Jess has seen the script for the play and thinks Mae is out of her depth but Glenda’s putting all the blame on Martin who is only in it for the money. Jess thinks Glenda should just cut and run but Glenda is adamant the play can work. She also wants the money for Brett so he can keep the estate after she goes. Jess says she’ll do whatever she can but she has to get back to London. Before she goes, Brett asks her help getting present for Glenda’s birthday and JB says he should pick it out himself. but defs sapphires.

Back at the theatre, Mae says she will do anything to help save the production but she does not collaborate. Jessica tells her she has no interest in writing a play, but she can help Mae capture what the play is about on account of she wrote it. Jessica thought that the whole production was Martin’s idea, but Mae tells her she was the one who took the book to Glenda.

Later that night, while Franklin drowns his sorrows about his imminent departure from the production and his girlfriend and co-star Sally Briggs tries to console him, Jessica is shutting down her laptop for the night when she gets a call from Malcolm Brooker. He wants to know everything she knows about the Earl of Glenhaven or Brett Dillion, but she tells him she knows nothing and if she did she wouldn’t tell, k thx bai.

Back at the bar Edward reports to Martin that the meeting between Mae and JB was a success and he’s welcome. He also mentions Malcolm Brooker has been lurking around but Martin knows absolutely nothing about that.

Anna Meara’s face though.

JB meets the other star of the show, Lawson Childress (aka Ian Ogilvy, aka Not Quite Rex Manning, seen in many other episodes) who wants her help picking out a murder weapon. Down in the basement Jess gets to work looking for a murder weapon while Lawson quietly takes a glug of his whiskey he has stashed down there. JB is unimpressed, and Lawson asks her if she knows that Glenda only agreed to do the play if he played Harrington. They return upstairs, and someone says something about a boiler but I wasn’t paying attention because my apartment is about 112 degrees.

The rehearsal wraps up and everyone heads out into the rainy night. Glenda finds Lawson drinking alone on the stairs and they reminisce about their short relationship ten years earlier. Lawson’s worried about Malcolm Brooker sniffing around again but Glenda tells him not to worry, she can take care of herself.

Mae discovers she’s forgotten her raincoat, and so she and Jess head downstairs to get one from the prop room. Meanwhile Sally Briggs tries to plead Franklin’s case to Martin who suggests she should sleep with him to secure Franklin’s role. HASHTAG DOUCHNOZZLE.

Sally storms out (YOU GO GIRL)

Later, everyone adjourns to the pub to debrief. Franklin tries to get Sally to explain why she’s so upset, but she just rushes out. Brett on the other hand is delighted with how much better Glenda looks. They both leave, along with Mae. Jess stays to finish her coffee and has a quick chat with Peter Drew about how well the play is going, and how Peter thinks Martin is still messing with Glenda somehow when Martin himself appears. Peter quickly excuses himself and Martin sets to work telling Jessica how she’s saved the play when a phone call comes for Martin and he tells Jess he’s terribly sorry but some unexpected business has come up. (He’s delighted whoever is on the phone has changed their mind).

How indeed.

Martin returns to the theatre where he is promptly stabbed. Tough break.

The next morning, Detective Inspector Ellen Jarvis is summoned to the scene and quickly boots JB out, but not before Jessica notices a missing raincoat, a missing wig, and a weird smell. Jess obeys, but goes on her own investigative hunt, where she works out that Glenda had a child out of wedlock with the 17th Earl of Glenhaven, a child called Bret. The Earl is dying, and so his family are sniffing around as they didn’t buy Glenda’s story that she miscarried the child before she married the Earl. I think that’s what happened. My brain is melting.

Jess visits DI Jarvis at work, and learns that the only prints on the murder weapon were hers (awks) and that  Brooker was on Martin’s payroll. Back at the theatre, Jess runs into Brooker who explains he was at the theatre the night of the murder, and saw a blonde woman stab Martin. The police turn up at that point so Brooker legs it, but the police have eyes on another prize – they are convinced Glenda killed Martin.

But never mind all that, because JB knows who the killer is, and a quick trip to the theatre basement with Sally confirms it.

Except what?

WHO????

That’s right kids. The character that I’ve not noticed in two viewings of this episode was the killer because he wanted to save Sally from Martin. Or something. I literally have no idea who he is apart from he’s apparently the stage manager.

I don’t even. I can’t go on. I’m going to go sleep in the bathtub.

Later gang!

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