Guys, this episode sucked. And for the main reason why just scroll down to the end. Otherwise, you could just watch this video of a puffin going about its puffin business. Puffins are my favourite animal. Seriously, go google puffins doing things, it will be much more entertaining and probably relevant to this episode, to be honest.

Welcome back to La La Land Fletcherfans, where JB is visiting her old pal Frances Hunt, editor in chief of A-List, a gossip magazine that seems to think Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone once had a thing lets not dwell on that. All is not well on the A-List on account of a rival magazine keeps out-scooping them and Frances’s business partner Junie Cobb is livid.

As Frances and JB head out into the smoggy LA afternoon, JB bumps into Lieutenant Gabriel Caceras, who JB apparently helped out on a case a while ago (strictly speaking that is true). He tells JB to call him but she’s far too busy this trip, she promises she’ll see him next time.

The next day, one of Frances’s writers, George Erwin, drops off some pages for Frances to look at, and the maid confuses him with the wine delivery guy. Frances invites him to the dinner she’s hosting for Jessica that night. That is literally what happens. So, y’know, there’s that.

That night the party kicks off. Junie is keen to meet celebrity plastic surgeon Dr Johnny Windhurst, not that her husband minds. They sit down to dinner and complain about the competition. Florist Billy Kyle delivers a table bouquet late. JB falls asleep at the table and wakes when Betty the maid drops a glass. She takes herself off to bed, because jetlag.

The next morning, JB is out and about when she wanders past Billy Kyle’s store and bumps into the lieutenant.

This episode sucks you guys.

Billy Kyle, who was stabbed to death not petrified, has been dead for some time. The Lieutenant finds some thousand dollar bills in the till which rules out robbery. What even is this?

JB and the lieutenant wander down to A List to interview the other party guests who all alibi up because why not. Over dinner that night, Frances grills JB for more information, but JB says the Lieutenant is still looking for the killer – the clerk who quit on Billy the day he died was on a flight to Seattle at the time of the murder. Frances excuses herself to take a phone call and Jess finds Billy’s organizer on the floor. Frances gets off the phone and Jessica tells her she needs to stop dealing in gossip and start writing her novels again.

THIS EPISODE IS GIVING ME NOTHING. NOTHING. I JUST…NO.

Here’s JB walking down a street hunting clues.

I like that jacket. The jacket is so far the only thing I’ve cared about in this whole episode.

A clue comes in via flip-phone – George the writer’s prints were on the envelope with the definitely fake thousand dollar bills in it. George confesses that he delivers payments on behalf of Frances. And then I continued not really caring because this episode is just pointless.

Caceras heads over to Frances’s house to interrupt her canoodling with Doctor Windhurst to ask that she explain herself down at the precinct. Frances admits to visiting Billy at the store the night he died. At this point I started calculating Richmond’s chances in the finals and then thought about cheese.

WHY? WHY IS THINGS?

This is a picture of JB talking to Mrs Dubcek from 3rd Rock From The Sun because she is apparently a nurse at a clinic where some sort of famous footballer is hiding out from the media for reasons I genuinely don’t care about. Apparently, JB suspects him of murdering Billy Kyle because Billy found out the footballer was faking an injury to get his contract paid out. Fortunately for the football player, he was nailing a nurse at the time of the murder.

And then I googled puffins again. Seriously, guys, puffins are the best.

This is pretty much me watching this episode, to be honest.

Although I quite like flamboyant cuttlefish because they are appropriately named. And I like cassowaries because they are basically dinosaurs and could kill you if they felt like it and I think that’s appropriate for Australia because basically everything in this country is out to get you.

Oy. I just googled the actress that plays Junie in this episode – she was the original Hot Lips in the MASH movie and has had a considerable amount of work done.

Anyway, some more stuff happens and JB has an epiphany and long story short

Yeah. Alright.

So Junie killed the florist guy because she was having an affair with Dr Whatsisface and he found out about it and was blackmailing her so she killed him but you guys.

IT.

WAS.

A.

DREAM.

This whole episode was JB dreaming at the dinner table. And I’m mad. I HATE EPISODES WHEN IT WAS A DREAM THE WHOLE TIME. This is exactly like the time Macgyver got knocked out and woke up in King Arthur’s court and I’m not even making that up, that actually happened. Dream episodes are nonsense and I hate them with a fiery passion.

So yeah, this episode put me in a bad mood. This episode, and the Nazis wandering about Virginia, and the Australian government refusing to do its job about legalizing same sex marriage, and the bajillion other things going wrong at the moment.

So I’m going to google more puffins doing things because frankly, puffins have their shit together way more than humans do right now.

Later gang.

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