Good news Fletcherfans! JB is heading back to Cabot Cove to make sure no one has been bumped off while she’s been in New York teaching/slaying/dominating, and has taken a little light reading with her.

Avoiding excess baggage fees like a boss

Avoiding excess baggage fees like a boss

While JB’s plowing through her book, a man with a bag comes to sit next to her. He’s a big fan and has a copy of one of her books he’d love for her to sign – the book that had been dedicated to Mort. Naturally JB is happy to oblige,  and asks the man, whose name is Wayne, what brings him to Maine. He tells her he is hoping to catch up with someone who used to be an old friend and with any luck will be again. As he goes back to his seat JB wishes him luck.

Back in the Cove, Mort and Seth are bickering because Seth has eight unpaid parking fines, and his excuse that a medical emergency trumps parking rules falls apart when Mort points out the fines are outside the bakery and the pool hall etcetera etcetera.  Seth makes out a cheque to Mort who then points out the cheque should be for $120, not $80. Seth tells him he’s giving himself a discount for paying them all at once.

Man. I wish I could pay 8 parking fines for $120, I'm pretty sure that wouldn't cover one fine now. It was a simpler time.

I wish I could pay 8 parking fines for $120, I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t cover one fine now. It was a simpler time.

Seth departs in a haze of smug victory, but Mort soon gets a new visitor – the guy from the plane. Mort is less than excited to see him, and doesn’t seem on board with Wayne’s hopes to get a job and settle down in Cabot Cove. Wayne tells Mort he’s staying at the Lighthouse Inn, if he doesn’t see Mort before he has to checkout of the room he will go and never come back. He leaves and Jessica pops in just as Mort punches his desk.

I think Jess needs a holiday.

I think Jess needs a holiday.

Jess is just there to drop off a book for Adele. Mort tells her he’s fine but he’s super busy and not at all steamed about the guy who just left the office because he was 100% some guy just passing through town that’s all. Jess smiles and says they will talk later.

Later that night, while Adele’s voice orders Mort to bed, Mort gets nostalgic with some easy listening and some photo albums. Because Wayne is Mort’s brother you guys. I know, I didn’t see that coming either. *cough*

The next day, Wayne is anxiously waiting in his room at the hotel when at last there is a knock on the door. Mort comes in and tells Wayne he will give him one chance, but if he does anything to mess it up he’s out of the Cove on the first bus. Also if anyone asks Wayne is a friend of a friend of Mort’s. Mort takes him down to the docks where Commissioner Gordon Zach Franklin is having an argument with another bloke named Terry Montaigne who assures Mort that there’s nothing to see here and wanders away. Zach is looking for a deckhand and takes Wayne on, assuring Mort that he’ll be the first to hear if there is any trouble…which happens in about 30 seconds when Wayne meets Zach’s daughter Elaine. But Zach orders Wayne back to work and Elaine back to the office.

Meanwhile, Seth is helping JB pick out a lobster for dinner when he sees Mort coming towards them. He tells JB to get the biggest one, invites himself round for dinner and dashes away yelling something about being illegally parked. Mort comes over to apologise for his abruptness the previous day and Jess tells him not to worry about it. She also asks how his brother is enjoying Cabot Cove, which freaks Mort out but Jessica explains she put two and two together when she remembered Adele telling her about Mort’s wayward brother that he never talks about. Mort begs her not to tell anyone else who Wayne really is, because reasons.

Three weeks later, Wayne and Elaine are chatting on the docks. Things are going well, and Wayne is loving life. All of a sudden, another captain comes up to start a fight with Zach. Wayne steps in with his fists and his knife and sees the other captain off. Unfortunately for Wayne Zach notices his tattoo and disappears without a word. Wayne goes to see Mort but he still won’t give Wayne the time of day so instead he ends up having lunch with Jessica, and explaining that he was a trouble-maker when he was a kid, especially after their Dad died and Mort stepped up to take care of Wayne.

Mort, who just happens to be outside the cafe watching JB and his brother eating, is distracted when Seth wanders by to point out that the Sheriff is parked illegally and since Seth pointed out the infraction he will deduct it from his outstanding fines. Mort tells Seth he has 24 hours to pay the rest of the money or Seth’s going to jail.

Seth you're a doctor, stop being a tightarse.

Picture irrelevant.

Down at the docks, Elaine asks Wayne over for dinner that weekend, when her father is going to be out of town but before Wayne can say HELL YES Zach appears and orders Elaine back to work and Wayne to stay away from his daughter. He saw Wayne’s prison tattoo, and while he has no problems hiring an ex -con, there’s no way he’ll let one date his daughter. And if he has to, he’ll call Mort and tell him there’s money missing from the cashbox.

The next morning, Seth is around at Jessica’s having breakfast (nothing suss…or is there?) when Jess spies Mort coming up the driveway. Seth hightails it before Mort can bring up the fines again, but Mort has bigger issues on his mind – specifically warning Jessica to not get too attached to his trouble-making brother. Before JB can offer her opinion, the phone rings. Something has happened at the docks.

Wayne comes off the boat to tell Elaine, Mort and JB that Zach had disappeared off the boat overnight. Zach had told Wayne he’d take first watch and to go get some sleep at the front of the boat, and when Wayne woke up the galley was a mess and Zach had disappeared. Mort goes down below to confirm the story, and when he comes back up JB has found a trail of blood leading to a pile of rope, underneath which is Wayne’s knife covered in blood.

That’s enough for Mort, who takes Wayne down to the Sheriff’s office for questioning. Wayne thinks they were boarded in the night, but Mort ain’t buying it. Deputy Andy Broom appears with lab results (my word they get things done in Cabot Cove)

Sidenote: Andy is Abernathy in Westworld.

I have two favourite things about Westworld. One is the piano covers of songs. The other is Rodrigo Santoro. (I also support employment of All The Hemsworths but that's my top 2 things)

I have two favourite things about Westworld. One is the piano covers of songs. The other is Rodrigo Santoro. (I also support employment of All The Hemsworths but that’s my top 2 things)

Although the blood and tissue on the knife matches Zach, there are no fingerprints and as Wayne points out, no body and no motive. He storms out, and Mort tells Andy to follow him.

Back at House Fletcher JB is getting back to her light reading when Elaine pops by. She’s worried about Wayne, but also tells her about the fight between Wayne and her father. Also also, there’s two grand missing from the boat. Jess goes down to the sheriff’s office to alert Mort who is furious. Doubly so when he gets a phone call from Andy to let him know that Wayne has done a runner from his hotel room.

Down on the docks, Elaine is putting up a for sale sign on the boat when Terry Montaigne pops by to tell her that she can’t sell the boat, 90% of it is already his. Zach never made his payments and Terry let that slide, but now he’s getting his money one way or another. This all escalated very quickly.

JB finds a rather pensive Mort down on the docks. He finally tells her the reason for his soured relationship with Wayne – there was a night in New York where Mort was part of a sting operation, and one of the targets had escaped so Mort yelled out freeze. “Do you know what it’s like to look at your brother down the barrel of a 38?” Says Mort.

“How long can we look at each other, down the barrel of a gun?” Wayne probably didn’t say to his brother but who cares because I’ve already started singing.

You can’t just say ‘down the barrel’ and not expect me to drop a Farnham. (For those not down under and have never heard this song before, congratulations on missing the 2004 Australian election where it NEVER STOPPED BEING PLAYED (also at my friend Lauren’s 21st), but also the woman arguing in the video is Jackie Weaver. The dude is Derryn Hinch who is now a senator. I forgot they were in this video. I have amused myself. The end.)

In any case, Mort told Wayne to run. 3 weeks later he got busted being the getaway driver in a jewellery store robbery and as a result Mort quit his job in the NYPD.  Jessica tells him he can’t think of Wayne as his brother right now, he has to think of him as innocent until proven guilty. They go back to the boat to look for clues and JB is convinced that at the very least Wayne wasn’t a part of the fight, since he had no cuts or bruises on him. She wonders if someone else had been on the boat and Mort remembers Wayne telling him about the fight between Zach and the other sea captain. They decide to go and pay him a visit but redirect to Terry Montaigne’s house when a call comes in saying that Terry called in to tell them he knows who killed Zach. When they arrive, they see Wayne peeling out of the driveway in his car. Inside, Terry Montaigne is dead on the floor. Mort gets on the radio and puts out an APB on his brother, saying the charge is murder.


Wayne goes to see Elaine at the office to beg for her help. JB decides to go back to the boat to look for more clues and gets startled when Mort comes looking for her. He’s just learned that Elaine is about to come into a whole lot of money, but Jess has a theory that there might be a hiding place on the boat, and thanks to some blueprints left lying around, she finds it behind some bookshelves. Inside are some packages with serial numbers and a whole heap of bloody cloths.

Back at the office Elaine tells Wayne to get some sleep, but then hears noises. It’s JB and Mort, looking for the killer. Elaine tells them Wayne isn’t there but they tell her they’re looking for the real killer.

Now that I didn't expect. Mostly because I've been too busy singing to pay proper attention.

Now that I didn’t expect. Mostly because I’ve been too busy singing to pay proper attention.

Turns out, Zach was paying off his debt to Terry Montaigne by smuggling drugs for him, but when the debt was cleared and Terry demanded he continue, Zach came up with this cunning plan to end it all by faking his own death. And Zach’s not entirely pleased to have his plans rumbled. Wayne wakes up just in time and tries to take the gun off Zach, and it goes off.

But it’s all good! Wayne’s fine, there’s enough time for the pair of them to have a touching reunion in the hospital before Seth comes in to ruin the moment by declaring he will deduct Wayne’s medical bills from the fines he owes Mort. SETH YOU’RE A DOCTOR YOU ARE NOT BROKE JUST PAY THE DAMN FINES MY GOD.


Later gang!

Later gang!