Bahahaha.

Elliptical bikes? What fresh hell is this???

Active resentment

This torturous scene is taking place in Wayne’s Workout Gym, the hottest (and I assume only) gym in Cabot Cove and the new place to be for All Da Single Ladies, because this guy:

So 80s.

So 80s.

While the rest of the girls go for an orange juice Eve is back to work meeting with a prospective buyer for the old Sulivan farm, the recently widowed sports car driving Fred Keppard. As they drive out to the farm Eve can’t help honking the horn and waving to all  the passers-by, including Our Heroine out for a bike ride with Wayne devotee Nancy (aka Sally Struthers) and Ben Devlin. Ben wonders about the car, Nancy wonders about the man with Eve in the car and JB is sure they will hear all about it soon enough.

Obviously, JB is right and the next time she sees Eve she gets the full lowdown on Fred Keppard’s many great qualities. That all flies out the window when they reach the drug store and JB drops off her film to be developed. Wayne is strolling the aisles and flexing his muscles and Eve can’t wait until she introduces him to JB.

Wayne is delighted, naturally, but says they aren’t strangers – JB was in his bedroom just last night.

c2 d2 e2

Eve tries to lure JB into coming down to the gym for a workout, apparently Wayne has developed the perfect stress reduction program. Jess declines, saying her stress reduction program involves taking it out on her rose bushes.

Eve then asks Wayne when she can book a private – Wayne says he can do her about 9pm at her place.

JB is not sold.

JB is not sold.

Wayne departs, leaving Eve breathing heavily. JB points out that not that long ago (literally, minutes) Eve was gushing about Fred Keppard. Eve agrees that Fred is more her intellectual equal etc etc, but Wayne is pure hormones.

 

I know the feeling.

I know the feeling.

Eve and JB depart, leaving Wayne to conclude his business at the chemist. Nancy offers to sell him some discounted aftershave, but her husband Clarence orders her to go open the new box of dental floss. Wayne isn’t in the market for buying, he’s selling – his new line of health cocktails. Locals Joe Hardin and his wife Lily arrive at the counter, and Lily has nothing but praise for the cocktails – she has three a day. Joe (aka Blake Lively’s Dad) has a bone or two to pick with Wayne, in particular about Wayne selling Lily a $99 custom made shower head guaranteed to spray her with vitality. “Well I’m the only one going to spray my wife with vitality,” says Joe.

I MEAN COME ON NOW

I MEAN COME ON NOW

Joe and Wayne start punching on, but Wayne ends up victorious. Presumably because of all those workouts.

Meanwhile, Eve and JB decide to grab a bite to eat when Eve gets wind that one of her sales is about to fall through and she will have to drive over to Rockport that night. She was very upset to cancel her massage with Wayne but apparently not as upset as he was.

 

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO"S GONNA SPRAY MY WIFE WITH VITALITY I MEAN WHAT

I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO”S GONNA SPRAY MY WIFE WITH VITALITY I MEAN WHAT

They are soon joined by Fred Keppard who has something he wants to discuss with Eve, so JB excuses herself. Fred has a confession to make – he can’t buy the farm, all his money is tied up in a Candian oil venture, and he’s devastated because just quietly a shopping centre is being built next to the Sullivan farm and that land is going to be worth millions.

Eve’s pupils turn into dollar signs. She has money! And what’s more she has clients who have money! She tells Fred that on her return from Rockport later that night they can go through her client files and see who might invest in such a golden opportunity.

The day passes. Wayne is closing up the gym for the night when Fred appears. He’s impressed with his protege’s latest scam, it almost seems legit. Wayne tells him it is legit, but Fred has his eyes on a bigger prize and wants to use Wayne’s status with the Cabot Cove ladies as an in. Wayne doesn’t want a bar of it, but Fred assures him they will talk again. Later that night, Mort is doing a driveby of the gym when he sees what looks like torchlight coming from the gym. He goes to investigate and find Joe Hardin looking suspicious (and holding a shower head #vitality)

Even returns from Rockport in a buoyant mood and calls Fred but there’s no answer at the hotel. While she gets the receptionist to try his room again, she suddenly notices her papers have been gone through on her desk. And Fred Keppard is dead on her floor.

While Mort and Deputy Floyd investigate, JB arrives to console her friend. Eve swears up and down that she and Fred were nothing more than business partners but Mort (and I’m guessing JB) are suspicious, since the door was locked. The CSI team tell Mort that Fred was most likely killed with a shotgun, from 10-15 feet away, which explains why people heard a car backfire around 9:15. Jess tells Eve to pack a bag and come and stay at House Fletcher for a few days.

The next morning, Eve and JB are discussing the case, and the fact that Fred knew Eve wouldn’t be home the night he was killed, when Mort appears. They found Fred’s car 3 blocks away from Eve’s which makes Mort think Fred didn’t want anyone to know what he was up to at Eve’s.

Eve declares Fred wouldn’t have been up to anything her bedroom without her.

TOO MUCH VITALITY

TOO MUCH VITALITY

Side note. I unironically want JB’s cardigan and I am not kidding.

Seriously though I love it I want it.

Seriously though I love it I want it.

Mort tells them they are having trouble locating Fred’s next of kin. Eve remembers him saying that he had a daughter at college but that he didn’t tell her the name of his daughter or the college. Mort finds the whole thing suspicious, until a phone call from his deputy reveals the truth – Fred was a conman with a long record.

Eve is devastated – it’s clear to her now that Fred was in her bedroom looking for clients to swindle. Jess asks her who else knew Eve wouldn’t be home that night but she can’t think of anyone. JB can – Wayne Bennett knew after Eve cancelled her massage.

Down at the Sheriff’s office Joe Hardin is awaiting the arrival of his lawyer and having breakfast in his cell with his wife. Talk turns to Fred’s death but neither of them knew Fred – although Lily is quick to mention that Nancy saw Eve with Fred in his sports car the other day. Hearing talk of the sports car makes Fred stop. He tells Mort he was nearly run down by a red sports car the previous night and thinks Mort should go talk to Wayne Bennett, since Joe saw the dead guy leaving the gym.

Mort takes himself down to the gym and is horrified by the estrogen levels in the gym. It turns out Mrs Mort is also a member, and Wayne comments on her progress. Mort knows, he just paid the bill. He notices the juices behind the counter and Wayne gives him one on the house. Mort picks it up between two fingers and says he’ll save it for the car. Outside, he beams to himself. FINGERPRINTS!

That night, Ben is at House Fletcher trying to get the scoop on the situation from Eve who isn’t saying a word about it. Getting nowhere, Ben storms off leaving JB to chase after him since he’s supposed to be giving her a lift to the drug store. When they arrive the store is silent, but Clarence pops out and apologises – he’s been short staffed, Nancy had to go up to Augusta to take care of her sister.

The next day, Eve is back at Wayne’s World Workout Gym facing the gossips who are full of theories as to why Fred was in Eve’s house. Wayne himself is more concerned with the absence of Nancy La Rue, apparently still in Augusta. Mort appears and declares class dismissed. Wayne Bennett aka Wayne Freeman is under arrest for Fred’s murder, much to the shock of Betty, someone who I’m almost positive hasn’t been in this episode up til now.

Hysterical, Eve calls JB to sort it out so she heads on over to the sheriff’s office where Mort is holding court. Wayne confesses to being in prison but says he wanted to go legit when he came out. Confronted with the news that Joe Hardin saw Fred leaving Wayne’s World Gym the night he was killed he tells them that Fred wanted Wayne in on the scam he was working with Eve Simpson but that Wayne said no. Asked for his whereabouts Friday night, he says he was home alone watching TV. Mort asks Deputy Floyd to take him back to his cell, and JB offers to have a quiet word with him, to see if he might open up to her. It’s to no avail – clearly lying about where he was the night of the murder, Wayne tells her that all he can say is that he didn’t kill Fred.

JB is at the supermarket, going about her JB business when Betty approaches her. She needs Jessica’s advice.

It's Cabot Cove sunshine, who doesn't need her advice?

THAT FACE

Betty tells Jess that she doesn’t know why Wayne won’t tell the truth about where he was the night of the murder. He was with her until the sun came up.

 

*mumbles something about vitality*

*mumbles something about vitality*

JB says she understands, Betty wants to help Wayne. But Betty doesn’t think Jess does understand. Wayne has been Betty’s husband for the last 9 months.

I wondered what Betty's point was.

I wondered what Betty’s point was.

Down at the Sheriff’s office Mort has had just about enough of this. Word is out that Wayne is off the market and there’s a run on the gym to cancel their memberships. Eve and Jessica wait outside Eve’s house for Mort to finish up at the crime scene and through the darkened window they mistake Floyd for Mort.

This gives JB an idea. Maybe that’s what happened the night of the murder. A case of mistaken identity, if you will. Someone who didn’t know that Eve had to cancel her “massage” with “Wayne”.

Mort is not impressed with this new theory. Half the men in town wanted to kill Wayne Bennett.

“Except you Sheriff!” Says Deputy Floyd.

“Thanks Floyd.” Says Mort, exasperated.

Oh Floyd

Oh Floyd

Mort begins to develop a theory that Joe Hardin is the killer until Floyd nails it again by pointing out he was already in police custody. But that’s enough to get Eve and JB thinking. Nancy knew about the appointment and she’s been missing for the last two days.

COULD IT BE…

p2

Sorry guys. Not actually true.

When Mort, JB and Floyd go to see the La Rues at home and drill Nancy for her whereabouts the night of the murder, and she swears up and down she wasn’t even in town. She gives them the name of the hotel she stayed at and Floyd goes to give them a call and check it out. JB thinks its weird that Nancy stopped at a hotel an hour away from her destination but she says she was tired and waited til morning. When Jess comments on a bruise under Nancy’s eye the truth comes out. Clarence had been drinking and hit her so she took off before he could kill her.

Floyd returns with the news that Nancy had only checked out of the hotel that day and Mort decides she’s off the hook. He was clearly barking up the wrong tree.

“Not the wrong tree,” Says JB, “The wrong branch. We both were.”

To be fair I didn't see this coming either

To be fair I didn’t see this coming either

Not satisfied with his wife’s pleas that she wasn’t sleeping with Wayne, Clarence took matters into his own hands. Also a shotgun.

And on that note,

If you'll excuse me I'm just going to get sprayed with vitality.

If you’ll excuse me I’m just going to get sprayed with vitality.

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