Salutations Fletcherfans! Sorry for that unexpected break in transmission, but unfortunately not even JB Fletcher herself can stop Gastropocalypse 2015, which has ended just in time for Wintergeddon to begin (if you’re in the northern hemisphere I AM SO JEALOUS RIGHT NOW I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU WINTER IS STUPID).
In any case, welcome to season 6! At the end of this season we will reach the halfway mark *gulp* so to celebrate I will livetweet another one of the movies. But more on that later, because GUESS WHO’S BACK?
Everyone’s favourite Not Quite James Bond, Michael Hegarty is in Paris having a crisis. One of his best agents has been taken hostage in Athens, his pal back in England still hasn’t turned up any info about it, and Michael’s fake wife Pamela has backed out of the mission to rescue, citing appendicitis. His Athens cover blown – unless he can find a fake wife in time.
Funny story though, you’ll never believe who’s checking out downstairs.
Whatever Hegarty is working on, JB doesn’t want to know about it – she’s in the middle of a world-wide book tour and is off to Cairo. No time for your shenanigans Hegarty.
The man at reception gets a phone call and tells Jess her flight has been delayed for at least 8 hours. Never mind! Says Michael. You’re coming with me to Athens! Just get a connecting flight etc etc. Jess is not at all keen on the idea – on account of the last time she spent any time with Michael she ended up in jail on a murder charge – but ends up on a flight to Athens anyway.
At Athens Airport, Michael escorts her to the check-in counter, where YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS there is no reservation in her name and the flight is fully booked. WHAT WERE THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING? When JB turns around, Michael has legged it and in his place is another English man who “recognises” JB from her book covers.
Bane Harold Baines, JB’s white knight, offers to let her stay in his “company’s” 2 bedroom suite at the Hotel Grand Bretagne until she is able to get a flight to Cairo, on account of there being no other accommodation in Athens due to a trade convention. This is just a series of amazing conicidences you guys.
Down at the Hotel Grand Bretagne, the arrival of JB with her new buddy Harold has not gone unnoticed.
While The Mysterious Hat Man lurks in a potplant
Bane Harold Baines escorts Jessica to reception and wanders off with her passport, because that’s absolutely not weird. He returns a short time later, while Jess is unpacking (WHY IS SHE UNPACKING IF SHE’S ONLY THERE ONE NIGHT THIS WHOLE UNPACKING IN HOTEL ROOMS IS DOING MY HEAD IN), and gives her her passport back. They are soon surprised by a special delivery for a Mrs Reardon. Jess tries to tell them there’s a mistake but Bane tips the bellhop and closes the door.
Bane comes clean and admits he’s MI6, that there was never a reservation made in her name to Cairo but that he didn’t lie about the lack of hotel rooms in Athens. He also has no idea where Michael is – some people were closing in on him at the airport when Bane went up to Jess and he hasn’t heard from him since. He begs Jess to go along with the charade and she agrees, mostly so she can kill Michael afterwards.
Meanwhile The Mystery Hat that is also known as Henryk Stuvesant has extricated himself from the shrubbery long enough to visit Mr Papadopolous to sell information regarding the current whereabouts of Mr and Mrs Reardon. Papadopoulous pays him half, and promises more money once Henryk learns more about their movements. Henryk then puts in a call to station chief Alec Scofield, to sell more information – that Mr and Mrs Reardon will be attending the home of Mr Papadopoulous that evening. Trafford agrees to payment in exchange for an invitation. He’s not best happy that Hegarty has gone rogue, and orders Bane to keep a close eye on Mr and Mrs Reardon.
Henryk is not done yet though – he pays a visit to “Mrs Reardon”, chilling out with a “cup of tea” in the hotel lobby. He tries to ascertain the time and location of the “transaction” but Mrs Reardon gives him nothing. When she turns the tables and starts asking for information about the other party involved in the transaction Henryk bails, unhappy Mrs Reardon does not trust him.
Jess returns to the suite to find a big bouquet of roses from Michael, and the man himself fussing with a bowtie and ordering her to hurry up and frock up, they have a party to get to. Jess is about to put her foot down when there’s a knock at the door.
It’s Pamela Reardon.
Michael Reardon’s wife.
After miraculously recovering from her appendicitis, which turned out to be gastritis/a failed audition, Pamela decides to sack out on the couch and rest. JB tells Michael he clearly doesn’t need her any more but he points out that Henryk and the hotel staff know her as Mrs Reardon, and it was too late now.
In the car on the way to the party, Michael explains how his colleague Laddie Fairchild (REALLY? THAT’S YOUR NAME? YOU ARE ALL TERRIBLE SPIES) was running a travel agency as a front for collecting intelligence on some gun runners or some such business and was kidnapped for ransom by some garden variety kidnappers who don’t know they’ve kidnapped a MI6 agent. He met then in Paris and managed to stall them by saying his wife was the sister of Laddie Fairchild (UGH WHAT IS THAT NAME) and has the money to pay. The kidnappers gave him til 1pm the next day to find the money.
Once at the party, Michael and JB run into Alec Scofield, who has come to take an interest in Michael’s harebrained scheme. His wife, however, is mainly there to judge Alec on his poor life choices, although I think she and Laddie had a little something something going on the side. Hegarty gets him to agree to play along just as Mr Papadopolous comes up to them and says “Mr Reardon I doubt I shall ever forgive you…for not telling me how lovely your wife was.”
Papadopolous drags JB off to quiz her about her life/make out with her hands but she is eventually saved by Michael who asks if the exchange will take place tomorrow. Papadopolous tells him he has not been in contact with the kidnappers, but now that he has satisfied himself in regards to Mr and Mrs Reardon, he will tell the kidnappers that Mr and Mrs Reardon will be at a certain telephone box at 12pm tomorrow.
On their way out they spot Bane and Hegarty has a go at him for revealing the plan to Scofield. He apologises but says he didn’t reveal JB and Michael would be at the party, but if he didn’t keep Scofield at least partially informed he might be suspected of being involved. He’s got a tap on Papadopolous’s phone but hasn’t heard anything from the kidnappers yet.
Meanwhile back at the hotel Pamela Drake is dead. The police suspect robbery gone bad but JB points out that since her jewellery was fake a jewel thief would have no reason to take it. Jess also tries to point out that she’s not Mrs Reardon but is surprised to see that her passport says otherwise. Down at the MI6 office, Henryk Stuyvesant is filling Alec Scofield in on the mysterious second Mrs Reardon (for a price, obviously).
In their new suite across the hall, (hotel can’t be that booked out then) Michael has returned from a supply run and is set to call the whole thing off but JB assures him she’ll be fine. He asks her about the cablegram that reception said was given to Mrs Reardon earlier than afternoon but Jess tells him she doesn’t know anything about it. Just when they work out Pamela must have taken it (come on guys!) they get a knock on the door. It’s Bane with news – the kidnappers have set the location point for the exchange at 1pm tomorrow.
The next morning they go to the bank to withdraw the million dollar ransom, and Michael comes clean – there is no money. He whips out a newspaper and tells Jess to start crumpling.
Next stop is the phone box, where they are to receive word of the location (which they already learned thanks to Bane’s wire taps). Hegarty gets on the phone and freaks out – the kidnappers moved the exchange up half an hour and swapped it to the Roman Market. They floor it over there but the kidnappers or Laddie Fairchild are nowhere to be found. Instead, they find Dimiti Papadopoulos who has presumably heard about the other Mrs Reardon and now wants to see the contents of the briefcase. Just when Michael is trying to find out who killed Pamela, the Greek police arrive. Sergeant Petrakas, the investigator in charge of Pamela’s murder, has a friend who’d just been to a book shop…
Petrakas takes everyone down to the police station but noone is talking, and with insufficient evidence he is forced to let Michael and JB go. Hegarty is set to roll on Laddie Fairchild’s kidnappers, but has no proof in relation to Pamela’s killer. JB has a theory about that, and so while “Mr Reardon” pays a visit to Henryk Stuvysant asking for help in getting in contact with the kidnappers, and then follows Stuvysant (with the surprising help of Sergeant Petrakas) to the kidnappers, JB sets a trap of her own. A cablegram gets sent to Michael Reardon at the Hotel Grand Bretagne, which happens to be spotted by Bane.
And the thing about that is
It turns out Bane was in league with the kidnappers because Laddie was about to get promorted, and thanks to a wildly convenient lipstick smudge on Bane’s jacket at the party Bane’s fate is sealed. Apparently Hegarty was on Bane’s tail the whole time? I find this whole episode rather suspicious to be honest.
And on that note: