Back in the Cove this week Fletcherfans, where Our Heroine is doing a Good Deed and checking in on town shut-in Tilly Adams, who has unfortunately passed away. Crikey, this went dark quickly.

Meanwhile, across town, Mr Tribbles (who is not a cat) is serving Emily Goshen at his antique shop/pawnbrokers and explaining to her why she now has to pay $50 to get her brooch back (and by her brooch he means the one she stole from Tilly while cleaning her house) when his son Kevin Tribbles (also not a cat) comes barrelling in with the news that Tilly has passed away. Seeing dollar signs, Mr Tribbles orders Kevin to get his suit cleaned, they have a funeral to go to.

Wow, what a delightful bunch.

I'm not entirely sure who I think is thinking this, to be honest.

I’m not entirely sure who I think is thinking this, to be honest.

Back at JB’s for a post-funeral cup of coffee, Seth and JB puzzle over why Benny Tribble (seriously though, how is he not a cat) was crying his crocodile tears at the funeral. They’re soon joined by Amos, who notes they look like they were at a funeral.

“Pity you weren’t there Amos,” says Seth. “It wasn’t nearly as much fun without you.”

You call that a burn? THIS IS A BURN.

You call that a burn? THIS IS A BURN.

Amos isn’t just there for the coffee and the insults – he has news about Tilly’s will. Turns out, she’s left the house to a grand niece noone knew about, some flower child who wandered off after Woodstock (jealous). The contents of the house, meanwhile, have been left to Benny Tribbles for all his kindness, a though which sets Seth off on a laughing fit for about 45 minutes.

That’s not all though. Turns out, JB has been named executor of the will. Jess is surprised, but decides it’s an honour. Seth points out that her two main tasks will be getting an appraisal of the house and taking an inventory of the contents – a task she should complete by Christmas if she’s lucky.

THESE TWO.

THESE TWO.

Meanwhile, Benny has put a call in to his little brother Wilton Tibbles, who also deals in antiques but is a bit better at it than Benny. Benny offers to cut him in on the treasures inside Tilly’s house, but Wilton doesn’t want a bar of it – until his assistant shows him the cheque they just got for $12,000 for a settee Wilton scored off Benny for 70 bucks. Then his mind is changed.

JB gets to work, and asks Eve Simpson (who you might remember from this classic episode) to appraise the house while Jess starts going through Tilly’s Epic Collection of Things. Eve hasn’t got a good report for JB – basically the house is falling down around them. JB, ever looking for the bright side of things, asks Eve if it’s true that the house had something to do with the Revolutionary war – didn’t George Washington sleep there or something?

Close, says Eve. It was Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold.

True story.

True story.

Rumour has it that Sir Ben of Edict was having a grand old time with the lady of the house, which JB thinks wouldn’t impress the D.A.R. (I had to google that. And I had to google Benedict Arnold. And then I googled when the next season of Sherlock was happening (and am still none the wiser), and then I watched the trailer for Birdman for the eleventy billionth time and then it was now. )

Anyway, Eve thinks that the only part of the house that is original is part of the den. Seeing Emily come down the stairs she also remarks loudly that the house was cleaner then too.

Emily Goshen, you seem slightly unhinged, but you're okay.

Emily Goshen, you seem slightly unhinged, but you’re okay.

Eve can’t stay and chat, a David Niven sound-a-like has expressed an interest in looking at the house. JB certainly won’t keep her from that. (I had to Google David Niven too, and now I want to read his autobiography. He sounds like my kinda guy). JB checks on Emily, who has her feet up in the den. She tells JB that the business with Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold is completely true, and what’s more there’s treasure in the house, and she’s sure Tilly probably told Benny about it.

Later that night, JB gets an unexpected visitor in the form of Tilly’s grandniece Liza who would like her inheritance in cash thank you very much. (Clearly life after Woodstock hasn’t panned out). The next morning, she discovers that Liza has taken her advice to stay close literally and set up camp on JB’s back lawn, much to Seth’s amusement. Eve Simpson is less amused, as she has someone (the David Niven sound-a-like) set to buy the house, but JB is taking her job as executor very seriously. Down at Tilly’s, while Seth lazes around and is no help at all, JB comments on a cross-stitch sampler that “is not like any I’ve seen before.” It can be seen below, completely not fiddled with by me at all.

EVERYTHING IS FORESHADOWING. #crossstitchbitch

EVERYTHING IS FORESHADOWING. #crossstitchbitch

Apparently it should show the alphabet, and a homily showing off the needleworker’s skills.

Remember when I hadn't seen Breaking Bad? No, me neither.

Remember when I hadn’t seen Breaking Bad? No, me neither.

Seth, unsurprisingly, has stopped listening and has instead found a fancy chess set in a box but is devastated when JB tells him he can’t sneak it out of the house before Benny gets his paws on it. Benny chooses that moment to turn up, his brother Wilton in tow along with Wilton’s assistant Lauren Hastings. Seth and JB leave them to it, but overhear Wilton’s plans to cut his brother out of the deal. They are soon joined by Liza, who informs Benny that if he screws her over she will peel him til all that’s left is a bad smell.

I should probably point out at this point that no one has been murdered yet.

Later that night, JB gets a visit from the David Niven sound-a-like who is looking for a tour around Tilly’s house and for the record, the guy who sounds like David Niven IS THE GUY WHO DID THE VOICE OF ROBIN HOOD WHEN HE WAS A FOX YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.

It turns out Alistair Andrews is a Cumberbitch Benedict Arnold fan, to the point that he’s writing a book, so when he heard the rumours about General Arnold and his lady friend he had to come see for himself. JB hates to turn down a budding author but she just can’t spare the time. She promises him that she will tell Eve to show him around the next day. Back at the antique store, Benny has had about enough of Wilton trying to screw him over and tells him to go back to Boston.

The next morning, JB and Seth arrive at Tilly’s for another morning of hardcore cataloguing to discover the house open and Benny lying dead on the floor of the den. 24:40, and finally there’s a murder.

Amos arrives to oversee things, and immediately decides that Benny was looking up the chimney and someone hit him on the head with the poker. JB points out that it could have been the other way around, that Benny surprised an intruder.

“Yeah!” Says Amos. “And then hit him on the head with the poker!”

Eve Simpson and Alistair Andrews arrive just in time to see the body be wheeled out. JB explains to Amos that Alistair has an interest in Benedict Arnold.

“What, that traitor?” Exclaims Amos.

Not only that, it turns out, but Alistair intends to buy the house and ship it back to England where it will be a shrine to Benedict Cumberbatch Arnold.

Amos is incorrect. Tumblr was invented so that I could blog stills of The Returned and pictures of cats jumping in boxes.

Amos is incorrect. Tumblr was invented so that I could blog screenshots of The Returned and pictures of cats jumping in boxes.

JB sends Amos to get his police tape and Eve to deal with Alistair. Seth thinks they should quit taking inventory for the day, and JB agrees. When she goes to retrieve her clipboard, however, she notices that the sampler is missing from the wall. She tells Seth she wishes she had looked at it more closely (since someone deemed it important enough to steal) and Seth remembers seeing a picture of it in the town paper, and that he’ll get her a copy.

Back at home, JB finds Liza charcoaling mung beans and rice in her kitchen. She tells her about Benny’s death but Liza heard it in the radio. JB then points out that she went to check on her the previous night, and again in the morning but there was no sign of Liza. JB is interrupted by a phone call from Eve Simpson begging her to show Alistair around Tilly’s house, as there’s been a second bid for the property (from Benny’s brother Wilton). JB agrees and takes Alistair to the house, where he wants to investigate the den. Seeing lights on, Amos turns up to investigate, but when he and Jess check on Alistair, he’s standing rapturously in the den mentally composing sonnets to the Glory of Cumberbatch Arnold. Probably. He leaves, as do Amos and JB. JB asks Amos how he’s progressing with the case, but he’s got bupkiss. They weren’t able to find any evidence of a breakin, which leads him to think they should be looking at anyone with a key, namely Emily Goshen. JB dismisses this thought, saying that Emily might pilfer things here and there but she’s not a murderer.

Cut to Emily breaking into the Tibble residence to steal the brooch back, and promptly getting arrested. Amos decides to make Emily JB’s problem and releases her into JB’s care, but not before Emily rants about not knowing the sampler was important. The next morning JB reminds Seth, who shows her the picture of the sampler from the paper. She manages to work out it’s a clue to the hiding place of the treasure (in the fireplace) and calls Eve to tell her to tell any and all interested persons that the house will need to be closed until the fireplace can be fixed.

And so the cunning trap was set, and subsequently filled.

Benadryl Cummerbund. OK I think I need to go to sleep now.

Benadryl Cummerbund. OK I think I need to go to sleep now.

What can I say? He really wanted that treasure, which turned out to be angry letters Benedict Arnold’s mistress wrote about how the big B A was a traitor to everyone especially her since he got caught with the maid. If you know what I mean. Apparently there were clues to his guilt but I’ve watched this episode twice now and I haven’t noticed them. Either they were hidden or I’m so tired I can see through time.

But never mind, because guys! I have bad news! This is Amos Tupper’s last episode! He’s going off to the wild blue yonder to go fishing (probably). Let us all take a moment to remember Sheriff Tupper: the gift that kept on giving.

Naw. I'm going to miss you Amos!

Naw. I’m going to miss you Amos!

Until next time.

Later gang!

Later gang!

 

 

 

 

 

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