Back in the Cove at last Fletcherfans, where Our Heroine is being asked for an interview with Paula Roman, one of the co-hosts of a TV show called Scrutiny.  She is hesitant to do it, what with the shows tendency to railroad people, but Paula swears that it will simply be a down home chat. JB tells her that she will bring it up at the town meeting, and if everyone agrees then she can do the interview.

Naturally, all of Cabot Cove wants to get their face on the TV, but AMAZINGLY there is a problem almost immediately. At a Scrutiny editorial meeting in New York the show’s producer, Doug Helman announces that Paula is no longer on the story, he’s giving it to Kevin Keats, on account of he pissed off some drug kingpin and could probably do with a trip to the seaside.

Meanwhile, the entire town of Cabot Cove is tarting up in preparation for the arrival of the news crew. All except one cantankerous old doctor we all know, who was the sole dissenting vote and as a result had a sudden urge to go and visit his sister in a place far away from any news crew. Wylie, Seth’s friend and fellow doctor, is not convinced that having a feature done on Cabot Cove is the best idea but JB is sure that it will be harmless.

Until she gets home and finds a news crew trampling her roses,

Hell hath no fury like a gardener with trampled roses

Hell hath no fury like a gardener with trampled roses

Jess thinks she’s got problems? On a lonely road outside town Amos just saw a bald man get out of a helicopter and into a limo.

Poor Amos. Remember that time he tried to retire but his replacement turned out to be a serial killer? Poor guy.

Poor Amos. Remember that time he tried to retire but his replacement turned out to be a serial killer? Poor guy.

Jess and Kevin are walking down the street doing the interview, and Jess is being very nostalgic about her home and her life with Frank but NEVER MIND THAT BECAUSE AMOS JUST SAW A HELICOPTER AND A LIMO AND A BALD GUY.

Appropriate response.

Appropriate response.

Keith is unexpectedly concerned to hear the Sheriff’s story. He suspects said bald guy to be the strongman for the drug kingpin he recently did an expose on. He asks Amos for a boat so he can take off quietly once his interview with JB is over. Amos puffs right up and tells him he will take care of it personally. Back at the hotel that night Keith receives a phone call from a mysterious blonde lady who yells at him a bit, then Keith takes it out on his producer, Helman.

On the dock the next morning Keith goes to inspect the boat that Amos has helpfully found for him. Apparently the owner, Aubrey Dawkins, swears that the boat is yar. Life Lesson #48 – Yar means easy to handle. 

(At this point, I wandered off and muttered yarrrr for about 10 minutes while I made a cup of coffee. True story).

Amos tells Keith that so seriously did he take his boat acquisition mission, he even paid the $100 deposit Aubrey wanted for the boat. “Can’t thank you enough, Sheriff!” Says Keith.

Last time Amos does anything nice for anyone ever again.

Last time Amos does anything nice for anyone ever again.

Poor Amos. He turns to trudge away but spots the mystery bald man, who promptly legs it. Ruing the one that got away, Amos turns back to watch Keith’s journey out of the harbour, which is stalled when the boat blows up.

#sorrynotsorry

#sorrynotsorry

A crowd gathers, including a Scrutiny crew led by Paula Roman who has inexplicably turned up rather quickly from Nebraska to cover the death of her colleague. She and Jess return to the hotel to find Paula’s other co-anchor, Nick Brody. Paula admits, after some gentle Fletcher interrogation, that she didn’t fly up to Maine that morning, she flew up the previous night with Doug Helman, to continue her affair with Keith. How scandalous. Apparently his wife thought so, she rang him the night before he died to threaten him.

Cabot Cove is flooded with reporters, and no one likes it one bit. After the mayor blames Jess for everything she decides to take matters into her own hands and asks the hotel clerk for the number in California for Keith’s wife. It turns out she called from a hotel near Cabot Cove. DA DUM. Meanwhile, Amos points out the ugly bald man on old news footage to Brody and Paula, who confirm it is the henchman of Ross, the drug lord.

The now widowed Mrs Keats has very little to say on the subject of her late husband, but plenty to say on the subject of his assets. She swears, however, that she didn’t kill him. Jess gets a phone call from Doc Wylie, who asks her to confirm with Mrs Keats how many toes her husband had. Keith Keats having ten toes excludes him from being the mutilated corpse fished out of the harbour after the explosion.

Doc Wylie, who is possibly second to Our Heroine in the having a clue stakes, puts a call in to Doc Hazlitt to confirm that the mystery corpse is not any one from the cove. Having ruled out a local, they suspect the corpse is someone from out of town. Moreover, as JB points out, if the body isn’t Keith Keats, then where the bloody hell is Keith Keats?

The answer, it turns out, is holed up in a hotel room eating chips and watching the mayor of Cabot Cove get torn a new one by the snarling media pack. But I digress, because when JB goes back to inform Nick Brody and the rest of the crew that Keith Keats is still alive they are all speechless. Except, that is, for Paula Roman who barely bats an eyelid. JB notices this and pounces. Paula admits to her that he called her and JB orders her to tell him to come to her house to speak to the Sheriff to clear his name.

That night, Keith tells the Sheriff and JB the whole story. Keith and Doug contrived to have Keith moved onto the Cabot Cove piece so that he could go and interview a key witness in his drugs story who lived not far away. The plan, apparently, was to make everyone think Keith was out in the harbour fishing when actually he was away doing his journalistic business or whatnot. The arrival of the ugly bald man (why do they keep pointing out how ugly he is?) was a spanner in the works that meant they had to move their plans up by a lot.

And then Sheriff Amos Tupper has a brainwave. The bomb couldn’t have been set by the ugly bald man. Keats and Helman didn’t know what boat they would be taking until 8 o’clock that night, and they were the only two people who knew about the plan, apart from Amos. Therefore, the murderer was someone else…like Kevin Keats!

He asks Our Heroine if she’s got a problem with any of that to which she replies “Actually Amos…..I haven’t.”

Again, appropriate response.

Again, appropriate response.

Paula Roman refuses to believe it, but Amos has a point – either Doug set the bomb to blow himself up, or Keats did it for him.

While Keith Keats cools his heels in a cell, JB goes to see the now not-widowed Mrs Keats, to ask her if Keats had been hiding out with her. Her derisive snorts suggests not. She firmly believes he’s guilty, FYI – apparently there had been some top secret audience market research conducted and she thought Keith was about to be shown the door.

Smelling a lead, JB goes to see the vice president in charge of news, someone-or-other Abbott (ew) who tells her that due to falling ratings there had indeed been a survey conducted, and that he had not discussed it with Doug Helman in front of the three anchors due to potential personnel changes that were about to take place. JB asks him where he was the night the bomb was planted and he tells her he was having dinner with a man from another network, hoping to desert the sinking ship that is Scrutiny. On reflection that’s probably not the best way of putting it. *cough*

While playing chess with Wylie (not code), JB has a brainwave about how someone could have been eavesdropping on Keats and Helman’s plan to fool everyone. A very specific someone, who was about to lose their job if Helman had his way…

Oh yeah, that guy.

Oh yeah, that guy.

And so it was. And so it will be. More to the point, despite the fact that there was a drug lord in this story I haven’t made a single reference. The meth Breaking Bad must be wearing off. Maybe.

Seriously, no Breaking Bad references? The hell is wrong with me?)

Seriously, no Breaking Bad references? The hell is wrong with me?)

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