Our Heroine is not having a good time, Fletcherfans. She’s just found out that the magazine about to print her first short story has been bought out by Bundy Publications, publishers of renowned skin mags such as Playgal Magazine.

I think we can all agree only one person could be responsible for such a cock-up…

Oh good, an episode of Murder, She Wrote with Grady in it! SAID NOONE EVER

Oh good, an episode of Murder, She Wrote with Grady in it! SAID NOONE EVER

When Christopher Bundy refuses to take her calls about withdrawing her short story from the magazine, she orders Grady to drive her to his estate to have it out with him in person. Proving she’s a much more magnanimous person than I, she thanks Grady for driving her and hopes it hasn’t interfered with his plans. Apparently the plans were called Cynthia and she (SHOCKINGLY) dumped him.

Alas when they arrive at Fort Bundy the Bossman, Christopher isn’t there. (And at this point I would refer you to the title of this week’s episode). A terrible misunderstanding occurs when the Bundy Butler, Everett Jensen, refers to JB as Grady’s mother, but JB handles it deftly. Grady is naturally no help, as he’s just spotted a bimbo someone has carelessly left lying around.

ARGH GRADY WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH?

ARGH GRADY WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH?

Sadly Grady’s perusal of his new bosses assets is shortlived, and he is rudely interrupted by a helicopter flying said new boss in for the weekend. Christopher is a man in a hurry and fobs JB off with platitudes until she says “Mr Bundy, I’m Jessica Fletcher.”

DAMN STRAIGHT

d2

Sir Christopher of Bundy tells JB he will be with her as soon as he can, and sends his assistant/henchman Bert Yardley to take them on a tour of the house and meet the family – his sister Rachel and niece Vanessa are playing croquet, while his nephew Antonio films them. Of course, Grady manages to ruin this too…

Sigh

f2

And so ends the story of Grady's life...

And so ends the story of Grady’s life…

JB finally gets to meet with El Bundy in the library with the candlestick. He offers her a seat and then apologises for the blinding sun coming through the window so profusely one can only assume this will come up later. He professes innocence about the terms of her contract but offers to put her and Grady up for the night so that they can meet with the lawyers in the morning. Sunday morning, in fact. JB is reluctant but accepts. She enjoys a good family brawl as much as the next person and it’s clear that everyone in this family is a bit nuts. The Bundy leaves her to call her friends in privacy, but not before JB notices the security camera on the wall. He tells her they’re manned 24 hours a day but are film only, no sound, and promises there aren’t any in the bedrooms. Ho ho.

(Sidenote: Am working on a device that removes all knowledge of Kardashians from my consciousness. I call this device TEQUILA)

(Sidenote: Am working on a device that removes all knowledge of Kardashians from my consciousness. I call this device TEQUILA)

Grady is naturally delighted to have a whole night to try and hit on the resident bimbo, also known as Millie although as usual he is thwarted at every attempt – first at dinner with the unexpected arrival of his old boss Chester Harrison looking for Bundy blood and then later when Millie wanders off, mid-conversation. Jess gives up and goes to the library to find a little bed time reading and runs into Chester Harrison (who is played by Robert Stack, aka the former host of America’s Most Wanted). He tells her how Bundy got his paws on Harrison’s company, and that he’s about to accept his fate. Jess suggests they turn away from the security camera in case someone is lurking who can lip read, but there’s no need. The camera picks up audio and sound. THAT BUNDY IS A LYING BASTARD.

Jess tells Chester to fight Bundy at dawn with pistols and Chester gets all excited. “You’re right! What would Hemmingway do?” (Get blind drunk and punch someone?)

The next morning JB goes on her morning run (because woe betide anyone who stops Our Heroine from going on her run) and   finds Christopher and Vanessa playing tennis. JB tells them she had a dream where Grady suddenly moved to Vladivostok forever she was being chased by a security camera. Vanessa suggests she might like to take a look at the security room as inspiration for her next book.

Jess takes her up on her suggestion and meets Pete the security guy. From his bunker they watch the butler sneak off for a mid morning whiskey, Vanessa tear the library apart in search of a book before they hear gunshots. They rush to the hallway to see Christopher Bundy collapse from a gunshot wound and fall down the stairs. Because he’s dead. And it’s Sunday. And so the prophecy came true.

The gunshot brings everyone except Chester running and Bert is quick to take charge. He sends Pete and Everett out to check the fences and the grounds and orders everyone else into the sitting room. Alibis are flung around – Antonio was playing tennis with Millicent, Rachel was in the dining room and Vanessa claims to have been outside, although JB is quick to call her on this point and Vanessa changes her story to say that she was in the library when the shot was fired. UGH THIS IS THE WORST GAME OF CLUEDO EVER I BLAME GRADY.

Meanwhile, it appears Chester has legged it. Bert pronounces him guilty but is interrupted by the unexpected arrival of the police. Unexpected, as no one called them. Detective Lieutenant Greco is on the case, and a sly nod to Everett solves the case of the Mysterious Call to the Police. ERMAGHERD THE BUTLER DID IT.  Grady attempts his own detective work and fails miserably, although Antonio accosts him in the hallway and asks Grady to show the company books to himself and to Rachel. He also shows his aunt a bowl of candy on the floor in the library as clue but JB gently tells him that she saw Vanessa knock it over while she was rummaging through the books in the library.

Truer words were never spoken.

Truer words were never spoken.

Chester reappears and begs for Jess’s help. Jess checks out the room he was sleeping in and thinks there was no way he could have known Bundy was on the stairs. Then Grady discovers another door, with the perfect view. I know, I refused to believe that Grady found something out either, but there you go.

I particularly like the part where you can't see stupid Grady's stupid face.

I particularly like the part where you can’t see stupid Grady’s stupid face.

Despite JB’s protestations that the butler had less of an alibi than Chester, Greco books him and takes him down to the precinct. Later, Grady and JB are talking over the case in the garden when they spot said butler photographing documents in the study. THE BUTLER STILL DID IT!

Nope. Because apparently the butler isn’t a butler, he is in fact an undercover agent of the IRS, investigating Christopher Bundy for shenanigans. Crossing one suspect off the list, JB sends Grady to check on Chester while she tests the strength of a few other alibis. Vanessa still swears she was outside right up until the moment her uncle was shot, and Antonio and Millie maintain they were playing tennis. (99% sure tennis is code for something else).

Rachel asks Bert to show JB into the library and orders Our Heroine off the property. Grady returns with Chester who despite being let off the hook wants to make a deal with Rachel to return to his magazine. As Our Heroine and Grady prepare to leave Jess realises she still has a Bundy book in her bag. When she returns it, she has a sparkling idea.

The killer stuffed up (no, it’s not Grady unfortunately. Remember that whole thing with the sun in the library?

Pity. She seemed to be the only relative who wasn't a complete arse.

Pity. She seemed to be the only relative who wasn’t a complete arse.

Through the cunning use of such modern technologies as a VCR, Vanessa managed to fool them all into thinking she was in the library when actually she was Wreaking Vengence for her father’s suicide caused by her bastard uncle. You know, the usual.

Another job well done for Team Fletcher. As Jensen and his team of crack IRS accountants move in to thwart Rachel Bundy’s plans to hide the money, Chester roars off into the sunset with Millie (???) and JB berates Grady for having a train wreck for a love life and a terrible choice in career moves.

All is well with the world.

Later gang!

Later gang!

Advertisements