Fletcherfans. I have bad news.

Look who’s back.

ARGH WHYYYY

ARGH WHYYYY

Urgh. Grady is trying to get a job at Lila Lee Cosmetics, owned by his friend Todd’s father and aunt. For the record, Lila Lee is one sassy cape-wearer.

Man do I have cape envy right now...

Man do I have cape envy right now…

Lila is sassing up the place in preparation for the Lila Lee Sales convention, while her brother Norman tries to do damage control. Meanwhile, Norman and Todd aren’t getting on because Norman is marrying someone half his age and Norman’s secretary is hating on everyone except Norman. My what a tangled web, etc etc.

By the way, Norman Amberson? Been in every TV show ever conceived by man.

Hey! It's that guy!

Hey! It’s that guy!

Anyway. in a fortuitous set of circumstances, JB happens to run into Norman’s bit of fluff (who seems to have also caught the attention of some guy) and it turns out Elizabeth was a former student of Our Heroine. Huh.  JB gives Elizabeth the third degree – “Are you married? Do you have a career? Are you still writing?” to which Elizabeth says “No, no, no.”  Of all these things, JB finds the fact that Elizabeth stopped writing the most horrifying of all… Life Lesson #42! 

Norman appears and invites Jess to dine with them that evening – Jess has already checked out of her hotel, but decides it would be a good idea to spend a bit of time with Grady. God only knows why. Norman and Jess are interrupted by his secretary Glenda, with things to sign.

Later that night, Norman and Jess wait for Elizabeth at dinner, but she doesn’t show. A quick trip to her apartment reveals that it is completely trashed and Elizabeth is going to be more than a little bit late. By which I mean she’s dead.  New York’s finest, led by Lieutenant Varick are almost positive it’s a burglary but Our Heroine suspects otherwise. Mainly because someone tagged the painting with some lipstick and for some reason that’s important.

The fact tbat this episode wasn't called Ding Dong Murder Calling will always be a travesty

The fact tbat this episode wasn’t called Ding Dong Murder Calling will always be a travesty

Meanwhile, Grady is at home pretending to be rich while on the phone to Todd. Yeah, I don’t know either. He offers JB a choice of a lumpy bed or a soft couch, and AMAZINGLY JB chooses the couch. He also makes her a cup of tea, which is of course a success.

LOL J/K he's crap at that too,

LOL J/K he’s crap at that too,

The next day JB gets her sleuth on and finds out that Elizabeth had been living in her swanky Park Avenue apartment since before she got together with Norman, although Todd seems to think that his Dad was still footing the bill while his wife was still alive.  She gets Grady to track down another old student that Elizabeth mentioned she kept in touch with to find out more information about Elizabeth’s secretive life. I swear to God she’d better turn out to be a spy or a demon hunter or something…

Meanwhile, Grady shows off how clever he is. He can use a pen and a telephone at the same time!

Kudos for the G-Dawg

Kudos for the G-Dawg

Our Heroine has no time for congratulations though. Lila Lee has been made aware of JB’s presence and would like to make her the official Lila Lee representative for all of Cabbage Cove. After all, JB is some sort of writer and must have debts she can’t pay or a little something extra she can’t afford, like extra pencils.

Yeah.

I guess you could say Cabot Cove is Li-lacking. *puts on sunglasses*

I guess you could say she is Li-lacking. But you wouldn’t because that would be terrible.

JB finds Elizabeth’s former employer, Fiona Keeler of Fiona Keeler Secretarial Placements (formerly Lady B in this episode), to get the skinny on Elizabeth’s life. Turns out ‘Secretarial Placements’ is code for placements of another sort – Elizabeth was a high class call girl.

Damn. I really thought demon hunter. (This is what happens when you watch Supernatural for three days straight) Anyway, Fiona reveals that Elizabeth had another love before Norman – an actor or a cab driver or something. JB wonders if Norman knew about Elizabeth’s choice of career. She goes to ask him that very question and he tells her he’d known since practically the beginning. Glenda the secretary turns up and orders him off to the hotel spa, which gives Jess the chance to ask her about one of the bills she’d gotten Norman to sign the day before – it was a receipt for an exclusive menswear shop, and while Norman had dismissed it as a birthday present, Glenda is convinced it’s proof Elizabeth had a little something something on the side, since Norman’s birthday isn’t for months.

Seriously, this would have been so much better if she’d been a demon hunter.

Determined to find out the identity of the mystery man, JB enlists the help of Grady to go and find out who was the recipient of the gift. Amazingly he manages to not screw up (but only just) and gets a name. Roger Adiano, who happens to be an actor darlink, as well as the guy who Elizabeth spotted in the hotel foyer back when I still cared. (Imagine if Angela Lansbury was a demon hunter. With Jerry Orbach as her sidekick. Holy crap that would be fierce). Anyway, Roger tells JB that while he has Latin blood from three different countries in his veins (?), he didn’t kill Elizabeth.

Back at Casa de Grady a messenger has just dropped off the Lila Lee Lady Kit for Jessica – turns out “I’ll cabbage you’ wasn’t a definitive no in Lila’s book. Grady notices one of the lipsticks and thinks it might be the one used to tag the painting – because apparently we still care about that – but JB points out its too pink. A study of the inventory reveals a number missing from the list. Apparently, this wants checking out. (Meanwhile, I’m mentally recasting Supernatural with Angela Lansbury and Jerry Orbach, because that would be WAAAY more entertaining than this episode. I blame Grady).

So. JB dresses up as a Lila Lee lady and gatecrashes the lab, and finds out that that particular shade of lipstick was removed from sale and destroyed, except one tube which was taken by a photographer to use on a shoot, which was then confiscated by Lila Lee in a hissy fit and so was given to the killer.

 

And by killer I mean

Believe it or not...

Believe it or not…

Somebody didn’t like that his prostitute girlfriend was doing a little something something with a wannabe actor. Sheesh. But lets not dwell on that. Let’s just celebrate getting to the end of a Grady episode without throwing anything out the window.

Huzzah!

Later, Fletcherfans!

Later, Fletcherfans!

 

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